


Under the Wings of the Hawke

by Strawberry_Requiem



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BDSM, Consensual, Consensual Kink, Custom Hawke, F/M, Femdom, Gen, Happy Anders (Dragon Age), Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, anders is going to masturbate quite a bit in this fic this is your warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2018-09-20 13:02:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 101,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9491948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strawberry_Requiem/pseuds/Strawberry_Requiem
Summary: Anders is an ER nurse, still grieving the loss of his partner and dealing with mental illness. One day he meets a young woman named Hawke, who works as a professional dominatrix in order to pay for college. What started off as a mutually beneficial arrangement blossoms into friendship, and perhaps something else (Contains graphic depictions of sex and BDSM; warnings at the beginning of each chapter).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Suicide mention// Suicidal thoughts// Depression// Light Gore (blood mentions/lacerations/someone receiving medical stitches; none are very descriptive)// Light Swearing

It got better.

That was what his therapist told him when he was grieving, when he was in his depressive state. When he was considering suicide and his cat was the only thing preventing him from going through with it. _It would get better_ she told him, like a sick mantra he was supposed to repeat, or hear, or try to make his life every day until he was fooling himself into believing it. Anders didn’t see how it _would_ get better. Not after finding Karl's lifeless body, wrists slit and bleeding out into the bathtub. A victim of suicide. The note he left said it all. He was depressed. He was tired of fighting. Only death brought him some form of comfort. Not their relationship, which was an on-again, off-again sort of affair, but they were together when Karl had taken his life.

They were together.

Or, so Anders believed.

Karl wasn’t cheating. He wasn’t emotionally displacing himself, except for the depression. But, Anders _was_ busy with his job, with trying to secure a loan so he could go to medical school and become a practicing doctor for real. He liked his job as a nurse, but it was never his intention to stop there. All of this kept him busy enough to not see how Karl deteriorated, how the light faded from him until he was little more than a shell of the man Anders had fallen for.

Finding Karl like that and dealing with the subsequent police investigation brought out something in Anders that he had previously believed he had under control. He slept more than he was awake, scarcely ate. Was plagued by thoughts of suicide. If not for Pounce, he probably would have gone through with it. Everything that he once loved and took pleasure in was difficult to handle, even on the best of days.

It felt like years. In reality, it was no more than a month and a half. But even so, by three weeks in, one of Anders' coworkers put him in contact with the therapist who drilled the mantras into his head. He saw her bi-weekly. She was nice. An older lady who showed him techniques to deal with the mania and depression, even if he believed she was full of shit, initially. When he expressed a desire for medication, she sent him to a psychiatrist willing to write the prescription.

Even that, he thought was not working.

But, it _did_ get better.

After the first week, the sun shone a little brighter each morning. The birds sang a little sweeter. Pounce's fur was s little softer. Anders was able to draw enjoyment from activities he previously partook in. Even work was bearable.

By two and a half weeks on medication, he felt _good_. Almost like he used to before the episode. He still grieved for Karl. He still woke up in the middle of the night, grappling for his partner after the nightmares became too real to handle. Anders still wept. A tightness still formed in his chest when he saw saw happy couples and thought _that could have been us_.

It still hurt. And, he would have been a fool to say it didn't.

But, it got better.

Work helped him keep his mind off the pain in his heart.

Being an ER nurse kept him busy most days, and even when it wasn’t, he could distract himself with _something_. His duties mainly included checking and maintaining vitals and providing aid to the doctors when they needed it. Occasionally, he provided emotional support to the patients after the loss of a loved one; it was something he was intimately familiar with, so it came naturally. Likewise, he had enough experience under his belt—and the proper certifications—to allow him to perform more intermediate tasks reserved for the doctors. Things like suturing wounds, setting broken bones. He didn’t get to do such things every day. Only when they were short staffed or the doctors were busy.

One day, he would go back to school, get his medical degree and be able to do such things routinely. It had always been his intention to go back to school. He liked being a nurse, and he managed to save up some money to put towards getting his degree. But, Karl didn’t have any family to speak of to cover funerary costs; Anders had to spend all of what he had just to give his partner a proper burial.

That afternoon had been a busy one.

Around noon, the ER admitted several people. Victims caught in the crossfire of a gang turf war. They had already been short-staffed that afternoon, so all of the doctors available were working to keep the patients alive. It was a bit cynical of him, but Anders hoped that he would be allowed to help with the patients.

He wasn’t.

The doctors had everything under control, which meant it was his job to keep the patients comfortable, to replace IV drips and fetch more pillows. He didn’t mind, but he would have preferred being in the thick of it. He would have preferred making a _real_ difference, saving lives. No one’s life was saved because their nurse brought them a pillow or changed the channel on the TV for them.

He was on one such run. The wife of one of the admitted patients wanted a glass of water. Usually, they weren’t responsible for such things, but Anders was disheartened, though not more than she; her husband was unconscious. The doctors did what they could for him, and were giving him twenty-four hours’ observation time. He felt bad for the poor woman; the least he could was provide her with something to drink.

One of the nurses came up to him on his way back. A middle-aged lady named Lirene. Sweet. She liked to show off pictures of her daughter during their breaks. She took a glance at the cup of water in his hands and her face went pale.

“Oh, you’re busy.” Anders could easily hear the upset in her voice.

“Not at all. Is there something you need?”

“Yes, actually.” It was then that he noticed the chart she was fidgeting with. “A young lady was just admitted about ten minutes ago. I performed the prelims on her, and she’ll probably need stitches. One of the police officers questioning the victims of the shooting came in to sit with her. She—the police officer, I mean—is a bit intimidating and asked me to find someone to treat the patient. I was wondering, if you aren’t busy—“

“—If I could treat the patient.”

“Yes.” She let out a burdened sigh. “All of the doctors are busy, otherwise I would have consulted one of them first.”

“It’s no issue.” He gestured at the chart she had with his free hand. “Is that her chart? I’ll go see her now, if you could just run this water to the patient’s wife in room 1023.”

“Not a problem, Dear.”

They traded objects. Anders took a glance at the chart before collecting what he would need to administer the stitches and heading to the examination room. The patient’s name was Claudia Hawke, twenty-four years old. Her vitals were all good. Other than the recorded laceration on her left arm, her chart made her appear healthy.

Before heading to the room to check in on her, Anders made a stop at the medical supply closet to get what he would need suture the wound shut.

The first thing Anders noticed in the examination room was the woman-shaped brick wall. She wore a standard-issue police uniform, with her ginger hair pulled into a low ponytail. She wore a look of disdain for the woman on the examination table: his patient.

She was pretty. Her hair was an impossible shade of red that seemed almost too dark to be natural. It was only after he noticed her hair did he see the blood-stained towel she had wrapped around her left forearm.

“Good afternoon, Miss Hawke.” He said, a bit formal. Anders rounded the examination table and put his tools down on the counter. “My name is Anders, and I will be suturing your arm today.” He glanced at the towel wrapped around her arm. “Is your wound still bleeding?”

“No.” She said flatly. “It stopped bleeding a few mintues ago.” She shrugged a little and snorted. “I'm just paranoid that the second I pull the towel away, it'll start _spurting_ everywhere like a horror movie.”

“Okay. Good. That makes my job easier. Well—not about the horror movie thing.” He grabbed the things necessary to clean the wound and walked over to her. “I will need to clean your injury before I can suture it up.”

“Yeah, no problem.” She removed the towel with a hiss through her teeth.

With the towel gone, Anders could properly see the injury. It was smaller than he thought it would be; no more than six or seven sutures would close it. However, it _was_ deep. And swollen. Her skin around it was stained with blood.

He grabbed an alcohol pad from his supplies, but not before he washed his hands and put on a pair of rubber gloves, and walked over. Anders hesitated before pressing it to her tender wound. “This may sting.”

The woman—Claudia—winced as he placed the pad upon her skin, but she did not make a noise like she did before. He patiently cleaned as much of the blood from her as he could; by the time he was done, his alcohol pad had turned pink. Anders tossed the used pad into the biohazard bin and grabbed another alcohol pad in order to clean his tools.

While he did so, the police woman scoffed at the one on the table. “Has this taught you anything about your _profession_?”

“That I need to be more careful about the sort of implements I choose and switch to nonviolent sorts? Sure did.” The sarcasm was practically dripping off her words.

“That wasn’t what I meant, Hawke, and you know it.” The police woman sounded unamused.

“You sound like my mother, Aveline.”

“Does your mother even know what you do for a living?”

“Nope. She thinks I’m an actress. And we’re going to keep it that way.”

“And she really believes that people become actresses to pay for college?”

“She believes _I_ would become an actress to pay for college, which is all I need.”

Anders had to refrain from snorting in humor at the conversation the women were having. He couldn't say he had ever head of someone using an acting career to pay for college, except those child actors who got in young and changed their minds about what they wanted to do with their lives somewhere down the line. He hid the amused smirk he wore decent enough, mainly by reminding himself that this was a patient.

But, his implements were sterile, as was her wound, so he needed to get to work.

“I'm just going to rub a bit of numbing gel on the wound before I get started.”

He pulled up the stool and a small rolling table for his tools and got to work.

It was quick work. Quicker still given Miss Hawke's steady arm. The numbing gel he applied helped with the pain, but Anders knew from personal experience that, even with the gel, getting sutured up was never a pleasant thing. Still, she distracted herself from the pain as well as he would have expected, either by conversing with the police woman or by cursing the Maker's name. She even kicked the examination table once or twice. Why, he couldn't figure.

Anders managed to suture it up well. The stitches were straight, clean, and even. He cleaned the wound once again for good measure, but not before explaining to her what he was doing. She was only paying attention partially. Judging by her vigilant defense of her career. Whatever that was.

“Okay, you're all patched up. Don't put too much strain on it, and keep it clean and dry. The sutures should dissolve by themselves within two weeks; you should make an appointment with your primary then to have it looked at. If it becomes infected or you break a stitch, you should come back to the ER immediately.”

She rubbed at the skin outlying the sutures, which caused Anders' heart to leap into his stomach and his eyes to go wide. He could just imagine her breaking a stitch right then, and him having to fix it. She, however, surprised him, by using only the pads of her fingers and by avoiding the sutures completely.

“I can go to work tonight, then?” Miss Hawke asked.

“Depends.” He said simply, tidying up the mess that suturing up an arm created. “If your job is something that could compromise your sutures, you should probably call in today.”

“It won't compromise it if I modify some things a bit.”

He didn't understand what that meant—modify some things. But, he wasn't about to ask, either.

“Then you should be fine to go into work.”

The red-haired police officer cast Miss Hawke a concerned, if frustrated, look. Miss Hawke shrugged and wore an amused grin.

“Okay, cool.” She turned to the police woman. “Is it okay if I hitch a ride back to Hightown with you in your cruiser?” A pause. “Isabela dropped me off, since my car is still in the shop.”

“I have to question some of the victims of the shooting, but I'll drop you off when I'm done.”

Anders offered a goodbye to the women once he finished cleaning up, as well as offering to show them out of the ward. They refused. With that matter settled, however, he was left with nothing else to do for the next hour. Several of the patients caught in the shooting crossfire were released, and things started to slow.

It was one of those times, when he was occupying his time with menial tasks that were normally left for the orderlies did Lirene come up to him. She was holding a phone. It had a simple black case, but with the words 'fuck the chantry' on the back. He snorted, humored. Anders couldn't imagine it being hers.

“I don't mean to bother you again while you're busy, Dear, but one of the orderlies found this in the examination room where you sutured up that young lady's arm and I was wondering if it was yours.”

“No.” Contested Anders with a singular shake of his head. “My phone is in my locker. It must be Miss Hawke's.”

“She must be missing it terribly. I'll go see with one of the ladies in billing if they can pull up her record and find an alternate phone number so we can notify her.”

“That won't be necessary.” Anders held out his hand, informing her that he would like to get a better look at the phone. She did so, skeptically, but without too much hesitation.

Anders clicked the side power button and instantly, the screen came to life. The lock screen was of a pair of teenagers, brother and sister, if he wasn't mistaken about the resemblance. Bother were in graduation caps and gowns, proudly displaying their high school diplomas for whomever was taking the picture. A gargantuan mabari could be seen only a small distance behind them, carrying a slobbery stick in its mouth.

He curiously swiped his thumb over the screen, and it unlocked! Anders had expected to have to input a passcode, or use the finger scanner function many phones had these days. But, he didn't.

“You're some sort of tech wizard!” Gasped Lirene.

“Not really.” He argued humbly. “I can't do much more than what I already did. Let's check who Miss Hawke called last and see if they can come pick up her phone.”

Anders tapped on the call logs app with the side of his thumb.

Several names popped up. Many of which read 'mom'. Some were mens' names. The most recent call was made to someone named 'Isabela'. Anders had heard her mention that name when she was still at the hospital, so he figured them to be close. Several more entries were dedicated to this 'Isabela' person.

He tapped the 'call back' button.

Anders swiftly pressed the speaker button and waited. It rang three times before he heard the rustling on the other line.”

“ _How did it go, Claudia? Got your arm all fixed up?”_

“Hello?” He asked.

“ _Shit. You're not Claudia! How did you get her phone? How did you get into her phone?”_

“My name is Anders and I'm an ER nurse at Andraste's Mercy hospital. Your friend forgot her phone here. I was just calling to see if there was a way to get in touch with someone who could come pick it up for her.”

“ _You sound_ cute.” Anders froze when he heard those words; he wasn't accustomed to hearing such things about himself. “I _told her to put a passcode on her phone and enable the fingerprint scanner.”_ There was a noise that sounded like typing from the other side, and some words muttered from this Isabela person that he was sure were not directed towards him. _“I'm a little occupied at this moment, but maybe later we can meet up.”_

“Well, it will have to be after my shift is over.” He wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea of having to meet a stranger. But, he also knew that returning the phone was the right thing to do.

“ _I'm meeting up with Claudia later. I'll text the address and time to her phone. You can make it to Hightown, right?”_

“I should be able to.” He could take the bus; he did it before.

“ _Okay. After I hang up, I'll text you the information.”_

The call ended.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Femdom (Man in collar on leash, hair pulling, taking orders; not Anders)//Mention of Sexual Arousal//Light Swearing//Self-Depreciating Thoughts//Mention of Sexual Acts

Hightown looked different by night. Not that Anders frequented Hightown. He rarely had business there. And, on the rare occasions that he did, it was by daylight. Still, he felt fortunate that the buses ran that late. That the place this _Isabela_ person had texted him the address to was only a ten-minute walk from the bus stop.

He walked past a few clubs that he thought would have been his destination. The music was loud. Lines of people queued up at the door; beautiful women and handsome men. All dressed in their finest. Most trying to attract a partner for the night.

Anders used to frequent places like that, but he always felt like he was being scrutinized for his every flaw. He was guilty of doing the same, when he was younger, when he lacked respect in himself. He was older, less judgmental, but he still lacked respect in himself.

He kept walking, one hand shoved in his pocket while the other cradled his phone. Beyond the crowds with a line forming down the street. He checked his phone with each club he past, sure that he hadn't made a wrong turn somewhere.

 _Arriving at destination on right_.

Anders peered down at his phone, seeing the little arrow that represented him blinking wildly. He looked up at the building once he confirmed with his GPS app.

It was certainly a _unique_ looking building.

The club, if it could be called that, looked abandoned. The windows were blacked out. No sign. No marquee. No dance music. No one stood in line to get in, except a woman, beautiful, well-dressed, if revealing, and scrolling through something on her phone in disinterest as she occasionally glanced up from the device as if she awaited something. In her other hand, she held a pair of black heels with red soles.

It was the woman that caught his attention more than the lack of atmosphere, music, or anything else that would have told him to turn around and arrange a meeting in the morning at a coffee shop or something. But, she looked so _familiar_.

And, she was looking right at him.

She approached, graceful yet predatory. Her golden eyes were narrowed as if she had found her prize.

Anders gulped.

“You’re the one with Claudia’s phone, right?” She asked. No greeting. Not even so much as an introduction. Though, he was beginning to suspect that she was the Isabela he had spoken with earlier.

“Uh, yeah.” Anders reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone in question. It had been blinking and buzzing all day, to the point of making him consider opening it in order to check who was trying to contact her. He didn’t, despite heavy consideration.

He handed it over to Isabela, who managed to somehow juggle it along with her own phone and the shoes she carried.

“If that’s settled, then I—“

“—What’s the rush?” Asked Isabela. “You should come in for a while. Claudia will be _thrilled_ that you’ve returned her phone. You should give it to her in person.”

“She’s probably seen enough of me to last a lifetime.” Anders suggested. He wasn’t entirely certain if he was joking about stitching up her arm, or if it was just the self-depreciation. “Besides, I didn’t bring any money for a cover charge or drinks if there’s a minimum.” Though, there was something odd about the club; Anders wouldn't have hated getting to see if the interior matched the exterior.

Isabela slipped both phones into the purse he didn’t realize she had slung across her forearm. “I didn’t ask whether you had the money to cover it.” There was a certain charm in her tone, a look in her eyes. She wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he knew her.

“I really should get going.” Whether he was paying a lip service or actually spoke those words with true conviction, Anders did not know. He had to admit that he was curious about the sort of club that didn’t have lines queuing up and loud music pulsing through the wall.

Unless, it was a _gentleman’s_ club.

That was a possibility. It would also explain why Miss Hawke—why Claudia—asked him about whether she could work with her sutures. She was a pretty girl, sure enough, but he didn't know how comfortable he was with the notion of seeing one of his patients grinding on a pole when he only came to return her property.

Before he had a chance to voice his concern, however, Isabela had him by the arm and was pulling him towards the door.

The interior was not what Anders expected.

It was softly lit, but not in a way reminiscent of a strip club; he could still see quite well. They were only in a vestibule, with a small box-office where a bored-looking man in a black t-shirt watching YouTube videos on his phone sat, but everything looked so luxurious and expensive from what he could see. The place looked like something out of a gothic romance; wrought iron and red velvet and ornate sconces.

The man in the box office turned an eye to them. His face flushed red when he caught Isabela’s gaze.

“Oh! Uh…Isabela...uh…Claudia’s waiting for you...uh…upstairs.” He rubbed the accumulating perspiration from his face; Anders had to figure the man had a crush on her. “Something about…uh…shoes and her phone?”

Isabela only made his stammering worse by flashing a charming grin. “She doesn’t have a client up there?”

“They’re…uh…they’re bringing the scene down to the…uh…lounge tonight.” His blushing had grown to a furious red that refused to be ignored. Isabela’s slight undulating and pouty lips weren’t helping the poor man’s cause. Anders had to wonder if she was doing so intentionally to make him more flustered.

“Who is he?” The young man in the box office gestured towards Anders.

“My date.” Isabela grinned cheekily, her arm cinching tighter around his. Anders made to argue her point, but she cast him a glance, demanding that he didn’t.

“Oh.” The man in the box-office looked disheartened. “Go on in, then.”

Isabela guided Anders through a velvet curtain and into the lounge area. Soft, sensual music played, though Anders was unsure of the genre exactly. A fully-stocked bar manned by a well-dressed bartender occupied most of one wall; several people sat at it, sipping on cocktails and beer. The only other thing on that wall was a wrought-iron staircase leading up to the second floor. There were some couches, velvet, by the look. One had a man and woman, who were oblivious to the goings on around them in favor of flirting with one another. A few gleaming tables occupied the space; most were already claimed by a small collection of men and women, watching as a man in a suit dictated a woman in lingerie and thigh-high stockings to lick the shoes of those who sat at the tables.

Anders’ mouth went dry. He recognized what the woman and the man were doing, though he didn't know that there was a market for it outside the privacy of ones own bedroom. Anders had engaged in BDSM with various partners before. His heart gave an angry pound as he continued to watch, mesmerized, unbeknownst to Isabela walking away without him.

But, Isabela yanked him towards the stairs.

The upstairs was decidedly less decadent. It was mainly a long hallway, with four doors. Each door had a small chalkboard with something written on each. To him, they looked like ridiculous stage names, except the one. It simply said _Mistress Hawke_ ; he recognized Hawke as being the surname of his patient from earlier.

This was the door Isabela stopped at. And, the door she pounded on with the side of her closed fist.

“Claudia, it’s me! Open up.”

There was a shuffling on the other side of the door before it opened. The woman standing on the other side, he recognized instantly as his patient. Except, she was wearing makeup and clothes that accentuated her body; though she had chosen a blouse with long enough sleeves to hide her sutures. Anders had found her pretty back at the clinic, with her bare face and jeans. But then, at that very moment, she was glamorous.

“Andraste’s tits, Bela, I didn’t think you’d come in time!” Balked Claudia. The relief in her voice was evident.

Isabela forfeited the shoes before reaching into her back to fish out the phone.

“The Louboutins _and_ my phone?” Asked Claudia, inspecting the shoes like a giddy child opening a gift. “You are the _best_!”

“Direct from Orlais.” Sang Isabela proudly. “You can show me your gratitude by buying me dinner after your scene.” She handed the phone over.

“Sure thing. Where did I leave it? My phone.”

“The ER.” Anders explained.

She turned her attention to him. “That’s right. You’re the doctor—“

“—Nurse.” He corrected.

“ _Nurse_ who stitched up my arm.” She flashed a toothy grin. “I liked your scrubs. You know, with the kittens all over them. They were cute.”

Anders hadn’t a response prepared for that. While he was certain she was being sarcastic, the words were said with such sincerity that he wanted to believe she was being honest. Regardless of how much he wanted to put faith in the kindness of this woman, the voice in his head told him that she laughed about the scrubs with the police woman after they left. He tried to remind himself of what his therapist taught him and to tell the negative voice to shut up. It helped. A little.

“Anyway, we start our scene in a couple of minutes. Why don’t you both hang around and I’ll treat us to a late dinner and figure out how to repay you for returning my phone?”

“I’m not giving him an option.” Her arm around his cinched even tighter. “We’ll see you downstairs.”

Isabela dragged Anders off again. He was grown frustrated, being treated like her rag doll.

“You know, I am capable of making decisions for myself.” He said bitterly.

“Of course you are, Darling.” Her tone was passive; she wasn’t taking him seriously. “Come on, I’ll buy you a drink.”

Anders followed, but not without silent seething. Isabela bought him a beer, but not without a healthy bit of flirting with the pretty bartender behind the counter. When they settled down on one of the couches, Anders noticed that the man and woman from earlier were gone. The small crowd around them chatted among themselves.

Until the rhythmic clicking of heels against iron interrupted all discussions.

Her craned his neck in order to get a better view of the staircase. A man walked down them. Handsome, with a look of subservience on his face, and wearing a dog collar. A chain leash was clipped to it, the end of it wound tightly around Claudia’s hand. Her face was set in stone, looking sinister and cold when it had been grateful only minutes prior. She was wearing the heels Isabela had given her.

They reached the bottom of the stairs, where Claudia forced the man on all fours by pressing down on the back of his head with a firm hand and a demanding tone. Anders didn’t quite catch what she said, but it got the attention of the rest of the room well enough.

“You be a good boy.” She instructed. The chain leash went taut. “Or else I’ll have to punish you.”

Claudia guided him through the room, occasionally stopping to have him greet the other attendees or perform a trick such as rolling over or giving paw. If he misbehaved, she would yank the chain back and scold him with harsh insults. Anders could tell, based on the looseness of the collar and the form of which she was doing so that she was careful not to cause any real damage.

When they reached Anders, she stopped. Claudia forced the man on the leash to look at her by grabbing a tuft of his hair and yanking in her direction. “Say hello to the lady and man.”

The man on the leash did not comply.

Claudia responded by removing one of her gloves and smacking him across the cheeks and jowls with it. She complimented it with a flurry of insults.

It was then that Anders’ eyes met hers, and something changed.

Before, he had been silently observing, curious about how one became a mistress as a profession. But then, when he saw the harshness in her face and the cruelty in the tone of her voice, his stomach leaped into his throat as the realization hit. He wouldn’t have minded being in her position, holding the leash as he dominated a beautiful person. But more than that, he wanted to be dominated by a beautiful person. At that moment, a woman.

Oh Maker, how he was jealous of the man at the end of the leash.

The desire to be dominated was not a foreign one; it only felt that way because it had been something he only ever shared with his sexual partners, and not even all of them. Yet at that moment, the arousal he felt as he imagined himself at the end of the leash was very real and very potent. He counted himself lucky that his pants were baggy enough to hide it. Even so, he crossed his legs in an effort to conceal it just a bit better.

Their scene continued until the hour was up. Anders was enthralled. He could have watched much more of it, all night, even. More than that, he would have liked to be part of it. He wanted to feel the pinpricks of well-manicured nails as a woman pulled back his hair. To be told he was worthless. To feel a firm palm spank him with little remorse.

Once the scene was finished, Claudia removed the collar from the man and allowed him to retreat back to the room upstairs. She looked to have wanted to do the same, except Isabela grabbed her before she had a chance.

“Where are you wanting to meet for dinner?”

Claudia glanced at the clock on the wall impatiently before returning back to Isabela. “Can it wait fifteen minutes-to half an hour? I need to go give him some aftercare before I can even worry about that sort of thing.”

“Go.” Remarked Isabela flippantly. She waved her wrist dramatically at the stairs. “Go jerk off your client or whatever it is _after care_ really is.”

“You and I both know that I do not _jerk off_ my clients!”

“Whatever.” Isabela turned her head, smirking. “See you in a little bit.”

It was nearly half an hour before Claudia returned, dressed now in a pullover hoodie and jeans; the heels she borrowed from Isabela were in her hands. The man from earlier was following close behind. They exchanged some words Anders could not hear and ended their conversation with a friendly hug before he left the building.

“If I’m paying, you have to pick.” Said Claudia upon her approach. She returned the shoes to Isabela.

Anders glanced towards the door. This was where he saw his time to leave. His arousal was becoming uncomfortable; he needed to see himself out and do something about it before that discomfort grew to pain. “I should go, then. Thank you for the drink—“

“—My invitation is extended to you as well. I mean, if that's alright.” Hummed Claudia. Anders couldn’t meet her eyes. “I still owe you for the phone.”

He wanted to refuse. He even visualized walking out the door and hoping that the buses were still running; if not, it was a long walk home. And, he was about to, except his stomach gave a ferocious growl, cluing the women in on the fact that he had skipped dinner. Embarrassment washed over Anders.

“So, that’s a yes, then.” Claudia took two steps towards the door before she turned around to face the pair once more. “You’ll have to drive, Isabela. Aveline drove me here in her cruiser this afternoon.”

* * *

 

Anders did not see his day coming to a close with him sitting in a greasy spoon diner on the Lowtown-Darktown border with two women he only just met. It hadn’t been the place he would have expected Isabela to choose, at least. She looked like a woman who appreciated the finer things. The sort of person who didn’t hang around 24 hour diners with men they've only just met.

Who was he kidding?

He hadn’t anticipated a great bulk of his day. Whether this change of pace was for the best was still a matter up for debate.

The women chatted about both everything and nothing as he sat mostly silent, only occasionally contributing to conversation. Anders felt like an outsider. But more than that, he felt uneasy with the fact that he hardly knew either of them.

“So,” Purred Isabela while she traced her finger along the rim of her glass, “how old is that brother of yours now, Claudia?”

Claudia’s face twisted into one of pure disgust, though she appeared to lack surprise in that line of questioning. She tapped her fork into the plate, agitated. There was no attempt to hide it. “Nineteen.” It was bitten off harshly. Anders could only assume that this was a common discussion. “I’m _not_ going to convince him to have sex with you.”

Isabela opened her mouth in order to form a rebuttal, but Claudia stopped her before she had a chance.

“I’m not going to convince my sister to have sex with you, either.”

“You’re no fun.” The disappointment in Isabela’s voice was prevalent. She leaned back into the booth, a look of disappointment settled onto her face.

“Your brother and sister are the people on your lock screen, right?” Anders’ contribution came as a surprise to even him. He wasn’t going to say anything, preferring to allow them to argue among each other while he finished his food and left. Lucky for him, the diner Isabela had chosen was mere blocks away from his apartment. But, there he was, not only contributing, but observing the somewhat shocked look on Claudia’s face as she tried to figure out _how_ Anders knew about her lock screen.

“I’m sorry.” Anders said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably and cast his eyes down at his plate. “I may have opened your phone, but only to get in contact with someone who knew you so you could get it back.”

She was going to be mad. He had invaded her privacy. Anders could already imagine the accusatory things she would say to him. It was his fault. He shouldn't have gone through her things. Anders deserved any anger she was about to spit at him.

“No worries. I just appreciate that you got my phone back for me.” A smile.

The relief Anders felt was strange. She wasn’t mad. Not even slightly. Instead, she _smiled_ and ate the slice of apple pie in front of her and resumed conversation with Isabela. He eased out of his tension, still not convinced that she wasn't about to yell at him.

It was in that confusion that his curiosity got the better of him. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get into…er…what you _do_ for a living?”

This time, Claudia looked uncomfortable. She pursed her lips and twirled the fork in her hand before setting it down. “That’s a rather personal story that I would like to keep that way for now.”

“Fair enough.” She didn’t owe him anything more than that, Anders acknowledged.

“Why?” Despite what he could only assume was discomfort for how the conversation had turned on her face, she continued. “Do _you_ want to get into the profession?”

“No.” He hastened. His impulsiveness made him think he came across as thinking he thought himself better than a professional mistress, which was far from his intention. Anders needed to elaborate. “I mean, I do enjoy that sort of thing quite a bit, but I like my current job.”

Claudia reached into the purse at her hip and pulled out a pen and what looked to be a business card, though not without some digging around first. She wrote something on the back of the card and handed it over to him. “If you’re ever interested in doing a scene, give me a call. I normally charge for my services, but I’ll give you the first scene for free since you found my phone.”

Anders gave her a troubled smirk. “You’d just trust me to come into your home? What if I’m an ax-murderer?”

“Are you an ax-murderer?”

“You decide.”

“Regardless of who you are, I don’t perform my scenes at my house. The owner of the club gave us professional doms who operate out of his club keys, and I’m allowed to use the space and the props as long as I clean up after myself and lock up when I’m done. I also have some first-aid training and self-defense training. So, if it turns out you _are_ an ax-murderer, I can defend myself.”

“And she texts her mother and the chief of police the name and picture of all of her clients just in case she goes missing.”

“You do?” Anders raised an eyebrow. He understood her concern; she was a woman spending time alone with men she didn’t know. Everything about it sounded like the makings of a missing persons case. “Wouldn’t the police chief be upset that you were sending them pictures, though? I’m sure they’re a busy person.”

“I know the chief personally; she was the woman who was with me when you stitched up my arm. It was her who insisted that I text her the pictures. If it turns out I’m alright, she only has to delete the text. If not…well, she has a suspect.” Claudia laughed dryly. “But, I sort of figured that telling anyone potentially interested in harming me that I’m on texting terms with the chief of police would deter their attempts.” More dry laughter followed. Anders couldn’t help but feel she looked more uncomfortable than humored.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Anders slipped the card into his pants pocket. “I should get going, though. Thank you for the meal.”

“Thank _you_ for not stealing my phone.” She smiled toothily. “We didn't take you too far out of your way, did we? I can give you money for an Uber as thanks, or—“

“—I live only a couple of blocks away. The walk is short and I know this neighborhood.” Really, he was just trying to get rid of them so he could take care of his _growing_ problem.

“Oh, well, okay. I'm serious, though. If you want to do a scene, just give me a call. I don't bite. Unless you're into that.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Masturbation//BDSM Fantasies

Anders couldn't get home quick enough.

The walk was short. Only several minutes from the diner. But, with the needy erection and aching testicles, it felt like it took an eternity. He struggled to sink the keys into the lock, his mind focused on one thing and one thing alone. Anders could hear Pounce on the other side of the door, whining loudly because he could hear the jingling of the keys and knew that his master was home.

When Anders finally managed his task, he practically fell into his apartment and snapped the door shut behind him, sure to lock it just as hastily.

Pounce nattered and undulated between his legs momentarily before scampering off to the kitchen for some food.

Anders peeled his jacket off and tossed it on the couch, whose color had faded to a milky jade and was being supported on one corner by three of his old nursing school books. His keys found their place on his secondhand coffee table, next to a couple discarded bits of mail and one of Pounce's toys.

He made a bee-line for his bedroom and shut the door behind himself. Pounce would be upset, but in that moment, he really didn't care.

His cock throbbed from inside his jeans. Anders tentatively ran a hand along it from over the fabric. It had been some time since he had gotten this worked up. Longer still since it had happened in public. He snaked a hand up into his shirt and trailed his fingers over his chest and abdomen. The skin was dewy to the touch with perspiration. Still, his fingers felt electric, like magic as he tweaked one of his nipples and imagined his own hand belonged to a woman as she reminded him that he was worthless and she had a punishment in store for him for his naughty behavior.

Anders shed his shirt and tossed it aside without caring whether or not it made it to the hamper. He resumed his previous task, which was stimulating his now-bare chest as he envisioned himself at the beck and call of a powerful, merciless woman. His tongue swiped across his bottom lip Anders thought of earlier, of watching as Claudia tugged at her sub's hair and how he wished to the Maker that it had been him on his knees for her at that moment.

Maybe not her, specifically. But a powerful woman who knew what she wanted.

It had been far too long since he played the submissive for a woman. And at that moment, it was all he could think of.

He reached down and popped the button on his pants. Anders eased them down around his mid-thighs. Enough for his erection to spring forth and make a tent within his boxers. Those were tugged down as well. When the cool night air made contact with his sensitive skin, Anders shivered, but it was welcome. Being trapped inside his pants all day was miserable.

With his right hand, Anders grabbed his cock around the base and gave it a tug. His hands were rough from a day's work, not at all like the softness he longed for. Even so, it was better than nothing. He gave it a second tug, and a third. But it wasn't enough.

Anders stripped completely, ignoring as his wallet and the business card from earlier spilled out onto the floor. Neglecting his wanting cock for a moment, Anders climbed into his bed. He arranged his pillows to prop himself up better and grabbed for the half-empty bottle of lotion off his bedside table. The bottle was dropped beside him, resting against his thigh. He pumped several spurts of lotion into his hand and distributed enough to lubricate his hand.

Again with his right hand, Anders took his cock and stroked it. With it freshly lubricated and him in a more comfortable position, it felt much better, more pleasurable. _You've been a very naughty boy_. The voice he imagined was vague and female—an amalgamation of every sexy female voice he heard in movies and on TV. What she looked like didn't matter; except perhaps a pair of nice heels and sheer thigh-high stockings. 

He continued to pump his cock in his hand. Occasionally, he would break to rub the sensitive pink head or fondle his balls. His left hand was vigilant on his thigh, gently caressing it, with specific attention paid towards his inner thigh.

_Bad boys get spanked_ .

Sweet blood of Andraste, how he wished to be spanked at that moment. Anders' grip on his cock tightened slightly. His stroking became quicker, less rhythmic. He imagined being draped across someone's lap as they spanked him several times with a firm palm.

His mouth lulled open while his eyes snapped shut.

He was getting close.

Anders' stroking grew erratic and fast. He pulled his hand from his thigh and used it to exclusively cradle his balls as his other hand focused on the head of his cock. His breathing, which before had been more even, grew shallow and hasty.

From within him, Anders could feel the buildup. The white-hot pleasure grew through his balls, rocketing through the shaft of his cock.

When he came, it was in two bursts, straight onto his chest. Anders groaned loudly with it. Loud enough to attract Pounce's attention and cause him to meow and paw at the door.

Anders ignored it for a time, allowing himself to bask in the afterglow for a while. His breathing leveled and his cock eventually went limp, which was when he grabbed the discarded towel from that morning's shower and wiped his chest clean.

He rose out of bed and opened the door a crack, enough for Pounce to slither in and out. Then, he climbed back in and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Mention of Suicide//Suicidal thoughts//Therapy//Mention of various sex acts

“How have you been, Anders?”

Anders sat on a brown leather loveseat in a smartly decorated office. A desk was off to one of the far walls. Manila envelopes and several notepads were neatly arranged on it. The Psychology degree behind it was in a beautifully-carved frame that gleamed from the reddish varnish that it was stained with. Some filing cabinets shared a wall with the door. Their stark appearance offered a harsh contrast to the warmth everything else had. But, there were some lively green succulents in hand-painted terracotta pots on them, which helped offset the coldness.

A woman sat across from him in a chair upholstered with the same brown leather. Anders would have put her—Wynne— at about sixty, but her eyes exuded a passion for her work of a woman much younger. Her grayed hair was pulled back in a bun, as it was whenever he saw her; Anders couldn’t think of a single time he had ever seen her with her hair down; or in a different style, truth be told.

“I’m…I’m okay, I guess.” It was a strange question, one that he met with a strange answer. He did feel _okay_ , better than a few weeks ago. But still hurt. Still trying to figure out how to put the pieces back together.

“The medication is helping, then?”

“Maker, yes.” The words came without hesitation, perhaps more eager than he wanted to seem. Almost like a sigh of relief. “Thank you for sending me to that psychiatrist.”

“You’re welcome.” Wynne adjusted the way she had her legs crossed. “How are you handling Karl?”

Anders shoved his hands between his knees. The mention of Karl caused his breath to hitch and his stomach to sink. It wasn’t meant to be a loaded question—Wynne was only doing her job—but it certainly felt that way. He smoothed one of his hands along the top of his head anxiously, unable to meet Wynne’s gaze, before placing it back with his other hand.

“I’m carrying on. I’m not over it, but I’m still here.”

“You’re allowed to take as long as you need to recover from this; the loss of a loved one is a difficult burden to bear.” She scrawled something down quickly on the notepad balancing on her knee. “Are you still having suicidal thoughts?”

“They come and go.” It was an honest answer. Though, Anders considered lying about it and saying ‘no’. Yet, he knew he wouldn’t get the help he needed if he lied. He needed this, Anders had to remind himself. He folded his hands into one another, attempting to find the right words to voice what he meant. “They’re not as frequent. I think the medication is helping.”

She wrote something down. “Have you ever considered acting on them?”

“Andraste's tits, no!” He exclaimed, forgoing careful thought in his responses. “I have thought about it, but never acted on it. I suppose I’m too proud to let suicide take me down. Plus, I have Pounce to worry about.”

“Pounce is your…cat?”

“Yes. Ser Pounce A Lot. Pounce for short.”

“Well, not committing suicide in order to provide for your cat is as noble as any reason. Keep using that.” Wynne jotted down a couple of notes before transitioning into a new topic. She had done that in every session he had with her; Wynne asked some general mental health questions and then opened the floor for him to discuss any personalized issues he was having. And one was coming to mind as she turned to a fresh page on her notepad.

Claudia’s invitation.

A large part of him wanted to take her up on it. He hadn’t even been aware that there were people who did that professionally until he saw her, leash in hand, barking commands at a subservient man. He wanted that, to be on his knees, at her beck and call. Or, any woman’s. It wasn’t specific to Claudia, though he did like the way she looked when she was all made up that night.

“Is there anything new in your life that you wish to discuss with me?”

“I met a woman the other day.” It came suddenly, without thought. Anders paled at the realization that he would most likely have to explain the BDSM club. And possibly his desires to be on the receiving end of a mistress’ ire.

“You’re dating again, then?”

“No. Not exactly.” He wasn’t ready for that. Anders didn’t need Wynne’s guidance to tell him that. “We just _met_. She…uh…she invited me to do a...ah...a _scene_ with her.”

Momentarily, Wynne paused. Anders wasn't lying, not exactly. He was just omitting the part about the invitation being for BDSM. That felt wrong, though. Especially when Wynne was only there to help him. “She's a...I guess you would say a professional mistress. Men pay her to dominate them. She left her phone at the hospital the other day, and I returned it to her, which was when she invited me to do a scene. I think I'll just forget about it.”

“Is this something that you have an interest in, Anders?”

Anders shifted awkwardly on the sofa. “I suppose it is something that interests me. I went to a live…a live show, I guess, and she performed with a client then. It was nonsexual in nature. She had him on a leash and demanded him to do dog tricks; it was mainly some humiliation, name calling, and femdom.”

“You sound like you have experience in this sort of thing.”

Anders _knew_ Wynne had to be judging him. It didn’t matter if she told him every session that her purpose was not to judge. Her purpose was to listen and to teach him new ways to deal with his illness.

His eyes narrowed.

“Does it matter what I say?” He asked bitterly. “If I say ‘no’, I’m a liar. If I say ‘yes’ I’m a sexual deviant and a freak.”

“As long as it is legal, what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes is not mine to judge. I was only inquiring because, if it is something you enjoy doing, I was going to suggest that you call this woman. Some interaction with another person might be good for the healing process.”

Anders’ back rocked into the back of the sofa. “Oh.” He sighed flatly. “I hadn’t considered that.”

“It’s fine, Anders. We all sometimes need someone else to show us possibilities we haven’t considered.”

As much as Anders doubted that, he didn’t feel like arguing. His shoulders eased up a little. “She probably only offered to be polite anyway.”

“That is not the way I see things.” Wynne’s tone was not chiding, but Anders couldn’t help but feel like a naughty child about to be scolded. “If this woman offered you a service she normally charges for in order to show her gratitude for returning her phone, she is probably serious.” Wynne took a glance at the watch on her wrist, then back up at him. “Your hour is just about up. Homework for next time.”

“I’m a grown man, Wynne. Must I receive homework assignments like a schoolchild?” He contested in frustration.

“These were things you agreed upon doing on your first session, Anders. And while I cannot be there with you at all hours to monitor whether or not you completed the homework, I can suggest you do them because it is for your own benefit.“

“Will they be like last session?” It was less of a question, and more of him confirming what she meant.

“Yes, like last session. I would like for you to write a list of affirmations.”

“Affirmations?”

“Rational thoughts or statements that you can justify are not brought on by your illness.”

“Okay.” He hummed. “I think I understand; you didn't call them that last time.”

“If you understand the homework, it would be time enough to wrap up this session. I will reschedule you for two weeks from today. Same time.”

\--

The bus stop was empty when Anders arrived. It would be another ten minutes before it reached him, so he sat down on the bench, emblazoned with the face of Bartrand Tethras. The ads were all over Kirkwall, not that he needed the advertising. Everyone knew of the Tethras law offices, be it through word of mouth, or because they knew of his relation to the famous author.

He pulled out his phone and flipped through his apps in boredom. Anders casually opened one of his games; one whose objective was befriending cats. He smiled when it booted up and a particularly rare one was using one of the objects he had placed. For a couple of minutes, he focused on the game; filling up the food dishes, placing new furniture. It was something to fill the time.

But, there was only so long he could watch digital cats sleep in cat beds and eat from food bowls. Anders pocketed his phone and fished out his wallet in the process; he needed to make sure he had enough to cover bus fare. When he opened it, a bit of white fluttered out and onto his lap. Anders set his wallet on his left thigh before picking up the object; which he could see was a business card.

The front was stark. _Mistress Hawke_ was scrawled across in black ink. There was a cell phone number and an email address under the contact info. He flipped it over, recalling that she had written something on the back of it the night they met. _Thanks again for finding my phone_! The other day, he had slipped it into his wallet. Anders didn't know why. Perhaps out of habit; he often had a surplus of business cards shoved into it that he had no intention of using.

He turned it over once, to the front again. And the back. And the front once more. Anders wanted to call her and schedule a scene. He wanted to hear the clicking of heels and smell a woman’s skin and have her call him dirty names and tell him what to do. Maybe it was loneliness driving him to this. Or maybe because it had been a long time since he was under a woman’s control.

But, she only offered to be nice; she otherwise wanted nothing to do with him.

 _No_.

That was the illness talking, not reality. Wynne had reminded him of that. And he needed to remind himself of that if he was going to be able to live with those thoughts. He swallowed hard, knowing that it was only going to get easier with practice, even if he wasn’t fully committed to the sentiment.

Anders pulled his phone back out from his pocket and hastily dialed the number printed on the card.

It rang once. Twice. By the third ring, he considered just hanging up and forgetting about it. In the middle of the fourth ring, it stopped abruptly, and the sound of fabric rustling against the microphone graced his ears.

“Hello? Mistress Hawke speaking.”

It was her, the girl from the other night. Anders froze instinctively, mouth fumbling over his words. This was real. He really called her to inquire about her service.

“Hello…?”

The second annunciation of the word snapped Anders back to reality.

“Yes! Uh…sorry. This is Anders. We met the other night and you gave me your business card.”

“Right. The doctor.”

“Nurse.”

“ _Nurse_.” She repeated. “What can I do for you, Anders-the-nurse?”

He rubbed his neck anxiously. Maker, this was hard. “I was…uh, wondering if your offer from the other night still stood. About doing a scene?” That was what she called it, right? Anders hoped he didn’t sound like an idiot.

“Yeah, of course. I’m still really grateful for you finding my phone.” A pause. “Listen, I’m leaving class right now and I really can’t talk too much at the moment. Do you want to…like…meet somewhere so we can go over this?”

“Sure.” He was unsure about meeting her to discuss things; Anders was hoping to do it all over the phone. But, he wasn’t really given much of an option otherwise. “Where did you have in mind?”

“Are you near Lowtown?”

“Darktown, but near enough to Lowtown to where it shouldn’t be an issue.” Well, he _would_ be. Once his bus arrived to take him back to his apartment.

“Okay…There’s this pub on 156th and Threnhold. We can meet there, maybe.” There was some noise on the other line, like she was switching which hand she was holding her phone with. “It isn’t too far out of your way, is it?.”

“That’s only a few blocks from my apartment; it shouldn’t be too much of a trouble.”

“Good. Uh… I need to go give one of my professors a piece of my mind about him low scoring one of my essay questions because he doesn’t agree with me, but I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

The phone call ended at that, just as the bus was pulling up. Anders pocketed his phone once more and pulled his bus fare out of his wallet.

\--

Anders had heard of the pub Claudia had suggested; The Hanged Man. Varric Tethras liked to hang out there, to work on his latest novel or just to drink and tell stories to anyone who would listen. Anders only knew of it second-hand. Through his patients who would gush about the time they were sitting at the table beside Tethras’ reserved table and got to hear an amazing tale he wove on the spot.

He wasn’t there that day. Or, Anders didn’t know enough of what he looked like to be able to tell him apart from the crowd. It didn’t matter; he wasn’t there to drink or to listen to stories.

Minutes after he arrived, Claudia walked in. She had a large book bag slung over her shoulder. For a moment, she looked around the crowded pub for him. But, Anders figured he must have been easy to spot; he didn’t even need to wave a hand or call her over before she dropped her bag to the floor under the table and took the seat across from him.

“Thank you for waiting.” She said, though wasn’t focusing on him explicitly; she was occupied with pulling out a notebook and a pen from her bag.

“It was only a few minutes.”

“Still, thank you.” Claudia flipped open her notebook and found an empty page. “I’m not sure if you’ve ever done this sort of thing before, but I’d like to do a consultation with you before I schedule a date. I’m all about making this an enjoyable, safe experience for you.” She waved over one of the waiters in order to order some drinks.

“I’ve done BDSM with partners before, but it was more informal than this.”

Claudia nodded. “So you're familiar with getting spanked, then” Claudia joked dryly, “that makes my job easier.” She started to write something in her notebook, or at least attempt to. “How do you spell your name? A n d e r s?”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

She wrote it down. “Before I begin assessing what you want to get out of this, a few ground rules: I do not have sex with my clients; that includes oral, anal, vaginal, or any other sex act you can imagine. I will not touch your genitals, anus, or anywhere else you are uncomfortable being touched.”

“Everywhere else is fine.”

Claudia wrote that down in a loopy cursive. “You are not allowed to touch my breasts, genitals, buttocks—that's a funny word, _buttocks—_ anus, stomach, or upper thighs. I will not do golden, brown, or roman showers. Don’t ask. I will not do anything that will cause serious pain or injury to you. I will not do anything we haven’t agreed upon. I will always dedicate time to aftercare to ensure that it was a good experience for you. I also ask that you wear something comfortable to our scene, and that whatever costumes you may want covers your genitals. There was this one time, with a client and…let's just say that I had an experience I would not like to repeat.”

The waiter finally came over and took their order. Claudia ordered a bottle of water; an odd drink for a bar. Anders declined a drink.

“Those are all reasonable.” And they were. He appreciated the level of care she seemed to put forth to guarantee both hers and her client’s safety.

“With that covered, what are you into? What are you hoping to get out of this? What turns you on?” She snorted. “Sorry, that last part was stupid.”

“Femdom, definitely. General domination.”

She scribbled that down.

“Bondage, spankings—giving and receiving—name calling. I’m kind of into humiliation.”

“What sort of names? Is anything off limits? Also, are we talking public humiliation, or—“

“The usual names are fine: bitch, slut, anything that implies I’m worthless. I _am_ into public humiliation, but I would rather keep this a one-on-one thing.”

“Okay, good. Anything else?”

“Women’s lingerie—er—me wearing it. Though I wouldn’t mind you wearing it, either.” When he realized what he said could be construed as flirting, Anders cast his eyes down at the table as a violent pink blush spread across his face. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean—“

“—It’s alright, Anders. I’ve heard far worse things from people who would look far less cute in cat scrubs. Please, continue.”

“Oh, okay.” He couldn't believe she remembered his cat scrubs. “Uh, light pain. Pegging—“

“—I consider pegging a form of anal sex and will not do that.”

“Okay. That’s fine. I don’t know if I’m comfortable having you do that to me when we hardly know one another, anyway.”

“This is a pretty fleshed-out list. Anything else?”

Before he had a chance to continue, the waiter returned with Claudia's water. She paid with a silver and told him to keep the change.

“Yeah.” He shuffled in his chair, sure that he was being judged for having such a large list of kinks for her to choose from. Anders looked up at her; Claudia was busy writing something down in her notebook. “Roleplaying. And I like to be dominant sometimes.”

She paused. “Professionally, I only dominate. There are mental and physical health risks involved if I allow myself to be dominated by someone who is inexperienced with such things.”

“Understandable.” Anders had no desire to force it; still, his curiosity got the better of him. “If you don’t mind me asking, is it something that you enjoy in your personal life?” He hadn't realized how intrusive that sounded; the guilt that spread through him was instantaneous. “You…don’t need to answer that.”

“No, it’s fine.” Claudia put her pen down and looked him directly in the face. It made Anders uncomfortable, given how much he had personally spilled out to her. “I think people would benefit from being more open about this sort of thing, you know? As for your question, I have never brought BDSM into the bedroom, nor have I ever subbed. I'm not neessarily opposed to it, depending on whether or not I trusted my partner” She rolled her shoulders, working out a kink that probably formed in her neck. “While we’re on the subject, I would just like to reiterate that I will never do anything that hasn’t been agreed upon to you. And, while I am familiar with all of the techniques I use, if draw blood or injure you in any way, I will stop the scene immediately so that you can receive treatment. I haven’t had it come to that yet, knock on wood—“ She knocked on the table three times, “but I also have several checks in place during a scene so that you can notify me when something is beyond what you are comfortable with. We will discuss that further on the day of the scene, just so it’s fresh in your mind.”

“I think I understand.”

“Okay, wonderful. Now, of the list of kinks you gave me, which were you hoping to explore? Also, was there any requests you have for me? What sort of clothing I should wear? How I should style my hair and makeup? Would your prefer this to be spontaneous, or have a script? The only thing that remains off the table is asking me to be nude, including partial nudity. And mascot suits, but that's for an entirely different reason.”

“Spanking, for sure, name-calling, some humiliation. Maybe light bondage, like…uh…handcuffs or something. Not that full-body stuff just yet. No script.”

“A fairly basic dom/sub punishment scene, then?”

“Yeah. I really don’t have a preference on how you wear your hair or makeup; whatever is easiest for you—“

“—A messy bun, sweats, house slippers and unwashed face is easiest for me, but I _think_ that would ruin the scene.”

Anders snorted, humored. “I see what you mean. I guess…however you want to do your hair and makeup is fine. But, I want you to wear high heels. The ones with the skinny, pointy heel.”

“Stilettos?”

“Those. With thigh-high stockings and those…those things to keep them up.”

“Those things?”

“They’re…straps, with little fasteners at the end that you clip onto your stockings to keep them from falling down.”

“Oh!” She exclaimed. “A garter belt. Okay. Yeah. No problem.” Claudia wrote than down. “I’m assuming you would prefer me in a skirt or dress, then. So you can see the stockings and garter belt. Unless you want me to wear pants; I don't know what you're into—well, that's a lie, sort of. You just spent several minutes telling me what you're into.” She took a sip of her water.

“Yes, a skirt or dress.” He nodded once. “Beyond that, I don’t really care.”

Claudia put down he pen in favor of picking up her phone. She scrolled through it for several wordless seconds before addressing him once more. “I have an opening in two days. Six pm. Will that work for you?”

Following her lead, Anders flipped through his own phone in order to check his schedule. “I work until two-thirty that day. It should work.”

“Sounds good.” She typed something into her phone. “I'll give you a run down on my safety procedures then, as well as having you sign a waiver.”

“A waiver?” He didn't quite understand.

“Yeah, standard stuff. ' _I will not sue Claudia if she spanks me a little too rough because she really can't afford the legal fees and having her mother find out she's a dominatrix through a lawsuit is super embarrassing'._ That sort of thing.” She took another gulp of her water. “One last thing: are you seeing someone? I only ask because, while you and I know that we are not going to be sexual with one another, I _have_ had jealous significant others hounding my professional line because they thought I was sleeping with their partner. I just want to clear the air and not have your jealous girlfriend riding my ass and sending me death threats because she thinks I gave you a blowjob, or something.”

Anders pursed his lips. He thought of Karl instantly, of telling her that he had a partner, but it should be a non-issue if he explained things with him beforehand. Anders even opened his mouth to say that, before remembering what had happened. “ _He_ ...he passed away a couple of months ago.”

“Shit!” Claudia cursed. “Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up something sensitive. And if you'd be more interested in a male dom, I know a couple guys who take men for clients. I'll see if they'd do a scene with you as a favor to me.”

“I would rather do the scene with you than a male dom, if that is alright.” He said, almost defensively.

“That's fine. I just wanted to be sure you were truly getting what you wanted out of this and not settling” She downed the last of her water in one swig. He could tell by the sound of the crunching of the plastic bottle against the wood table. “I think I have a good understanding of what you're looking for, then.”

“So, we're done?”

“Until our scheduled scene, yes.”

Anders and Claudia exchanged goodbyes, and went on their separate ways.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> Femdom//Spanking//Blindfolds//Hancuffs//Shoe Licking//Mention of Sexual Arousal//Mention of Sexual Assault

Traffic in Hightown was brutal on the way to the club that evening. His bus had been late to begin with. Only by five minutes, but it was enough to make him scared that he wouldn't make his appointment with Claudia in time. No less than five times, he considered calling her and telling her that he was going to be late. Especially when the roads became congested and they were stopped by every red light. At one point, he even had her contact information pulled up on his phone, thumb hovering over the call button in anticipation.

But, he didn't. And by some stroke of luck, Anders made it to his scheduled stop with enough time to make it the rest of the way on foot and in time.

Claudia was waiting outside for him when he finally got there. Anders instantly noticed the heels and stockings, which he looked over a second time strictly for admiration's sake. As far as legs went, they were nice. Though he imagined her calves got quite the workout if her other clients requested heels, as well. The tote bag draped over her shoulder was the second thing he saw.

Her approach snapped Anders from his reverie. He worried she had taken notice of his lingering gaze and turned his eyes to the pavement below his feet. When she didn't say anything about it, he returned his gaze to her.

“I'm sorry I'm late.” He lamented, even if he hadn't really been late at all. It was a force of habit, an apology to quell the upset she must have carried for him.

“It's fine. I thought I was going to be late, myself. I had to pick up my car from the shop, and one of the mechanics was hollering at me like a horny fucking animal. Because that's _exactly_ what every woman wants—but you don't care about that.”

Anders held his tongue.

She looked good, dressed like that. Anders rationalized that it was something he wouldn't tell her, however. Out of fear of upsetting her and being disrespectful. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if the catcalling was a common occurrence, especially when she stepped out in her costumes before a scene. He would have to ask her. Later, of course.

“Why don't we head inside?”

Claudia fished her keys and phone out of the tote bag. “We'll need to use the the side entrance. But, first thing's first.” She held up her phone up, and clicked a button. Like she was taking a picture. She then focused on the phone and began typing something for about a minute.

“What was that about?”

“I'm texting my mother and Aveline a picture of you with your name. In case...well, in case.”

“I'm not going to hurt you.” Anders argued, dejected. He was offended that she felt the need to protect herself from him.

“And I believe you. But the point is, I'm a woman, and you're a man I hardly know. We're about to be alone with one another for a while. I can never be too careful.”

Anders hadn't thought of it that way. What a woman must have been feeling and thinking when allowing herself to be in a vulnerable situation with a man must have been terrifying. He was scared, but not for the same reasons. He was scared she was judging him. That she thought of him as a freak. A deviant. That she was going to text her friends later for a laugh. She was scared that she was going to get raped and murdered, and it really had little to do with him as a person, rather, the likelihood of a woman being assaulted by a man..

He would have to write that down on his affirmation list and tell Wynne about it later. She'd be proud to know he put what she taught him to good use.

“I understand. You have to look out for yourself.”

“Exactly. Now, you ready?”

He nodded hastily.

Claudia led him into a side alley. There was a dumpster, which the sun's lingering rays illuminated. Some stray trash littered the ground, though was mostly shoved against the buildings. Claudia unlocked and opened the door wordlessly. Anders was quick to intercept it and hold it open for her so that she could get in first.

Anders couldn't see anything in front of him once the door shut. Claudia was using her phone as a flashlight. He could only assume she was searching for a light switch as he saw the bluish light trail off several feet from his position. She must have done this frequestly, because shortly after, the lights flickered on.

Claudia was standing there, back pressed against the wall with a cocksure grin on her face. She spun her keys on her index finger once and then dropped them in her bag. “And Claudia said,” She paused for dramatic effect, “let there be light.”

Anders glanced around the room they were in. It was a store room of sorts, with boxes filed up almost to the ceiling. A couple of chairs were stacked up against one wall, and a table, not unlike the ones he remembered from his first visit to the club, was abandoned on its side.

“This way.” She instructed, gesturing towards a door with a jerk of her head. Anders followed.

The door led into the main lounge area, which had also been lit up when she flicked the switch in the storeroom. Claudia walked over to the bar and set her bag down. Anders joined her only moments later.

“Last time we met,” She began, pulling a packet of papers that were stapled together and a pen from her bag, “I recall mentioning this waiver to you. Feel free to read it over and sign the last page. It's pretty standard stuff.”

He took the packet from her and gave it a glossing over. She hadn't been lying. It really was as simple as him promising not to sue her. He heard stories, of business people using these waivers to coerce unsuspecting parties into doing things they didn't want. But this seemed pretty standard.

“I'm not going to film our scenes and use it as blackmail or something. I'm not into that sort of thing.”

Her admission caught him by surprise, but was helpful, nonetheless. Anders _did_ worry about that sort of thing. And he was prepared to seethe in these thoughts and ruin the whole experience for himself until he reminded himself that it was his illness speaking and that he needed to fight it. 

“So, I just sign the last page?”

“Yeah.”

She handed over the pen, which he quickly used to sign the document. Claudia took them from him and put them back into her tote bag. Then, she removed a pair of handcuffs with leather wrapped around the parts meant to clamp the wrists, a wooden paddle, no longer than the length of his forearm, a blindfold, and her notebook from the previous day.

“Here's a quick rundown of what I have planned, just so I don't catch you off-guard—feel free to say no to anything you're not okay with. This is for you, after all.” Claudia flipped her notebook open to the page with his name written in the margins. “We'll start with the blindfold, a little name-calling, some light domination. Maybe having you lick the toe of my shoe or kiss my feet if you're willing. Then I'll handcuff your hands behind your back, some spanking with my hand or with the paddle—“

“—No paddle.” He interrupted. “Not for a first time, at least.”

“Okay, that's fine. Just spanking with the hand. Then, I'll take off the blindfold if you want, continue with the humiliation and spankings. And if there's still a bit of time before we need to go into aftercare, we'll just wing it. Sound good?”

“That sounds fine.” He agreed. “I appreciate you agreeing to this.”

“I _did_ offer.” Claudia responded dismissively. “Some other things to keep in mind that I didn't talk about the other day: Some of my clients become sexually aroused from the experience, and that's fine; you can't help what turns you on. You can masturbate if you have to, just keep it in your pants and don't cum on me. I sometimes use my clients' arousal as part of the scene. No humping me, either. Please. And as I said the other day, I will not touch your genitals, so please don't ask.”

“I remember.” Anders said with a nod. “And I won't.”

“Is that what you are wearing,” Claudia gestured towards his clothes with a flick of her finger, “or do you need to change?”

“I was going to strip down to my boxers if that's fine.”

“No, yeah. It's fine. Do you want some privacy or—“

“—You're going to see me in them, regardless.” Anders was already halfway out his shirt by the time he spoke. He wasn't ashamed of his body, nor did he see any reason to be. Anders carried a great many insecurities, but none of these involved his own nudity.

Once undressed and in nothing but his boxers, Anders piled his clothes neatly onto the counter. His socks were shoved into his shoes, which were arranged in an orderly manner next to the counter. Claudia was already comfortable on one of the sofas. The blindfold and handcuffs were resting in her lap. He joined her.

“I use sort of a stop light system when it comes to scenes. Red means you want to stop the scene and go straight into aftercare. Yellow means that you wish to continue the scene, but whatever we were doing at that moment was too much and you wish for me to stop that one action. Green means that I can continue. Either of us can say 'scene', which will allow us to break scene for a short period.”

“Sounds fine by me” Agreed Anders.

“Great. Then we can begin. I'm going to start by asking you to get on your knees on the floor and I'll blindfold you. I'm going to leave you like that for a few minutes, sort of to build suspense. Once I start issuing commands after that, the scene has begun.”

Anders eased off the couch and onto his knees as she had asked. The floor was cold on his bare skin, but it quickly became tolerable. Claudia reached into her bag and pulled out what looked very similar to a sleeping mask. He wouldn't have doubted it if she had told him that it was one. She came up behind him and gently eased it over his head. The cloth was soft on his skin. Claudia adjusted it a little, to make sure it didn't slip off his face.

Everything was pitch-black once Anders had the mask on. She secured it enough to where not even a sliver of light shone out from the bottom or the top. He rotated his head, checking to see if maybe there was a small speck of something.

There wasn't.

The blindfold left him deprived. But also anxious. He couldn't see her. What she was doing nor what she was planning. Anders could hear her shoes rapping against the wood floors, though. He could sense how she maneuvered about, circling him like a predator hunting prey. It made him feel vulnerable and exposed. Well, a different sort of exposed than just being stripped to his underwear made him feel.

Claudia kept circling around him, changing directions, or just standing perfectly still for a time and then continuing. He tried to follow her movements, but they had grown erratic and unpredictable.

“Stay still, flea.” She demanded. Her cool, easygoing attitude was gone. In its stead, she was forceful and demanding.

Her steps drew nearer, close enough to were he could almost feel her body heat. Claudia ran her nails down his back. Not rough enough to break skin, but she certainly got his attention. Anders' back went rigid as she went for a second time. By the third, the fine hairs all over his body were standing on end.

“On your feet.” She demanded with a nudge to his thigh with the side of her foot.

Anders lumbered to his feet obediently, though apparently not quick enough. Claudia was demanding that he quicken the pace. To which he responded with hastened movements.

He could hear as she circled him and he felt the slight breeze she created as she did so brush against his bare skin. Claudia said nothing. But, if Anders' sense of direction was up to snuff, she was heading over to the couch for something.

When she returned, he could hear metal rustling against metal. The handcuffs, Anders figured. When she barked 'hands behind your back', he knew his assumption was correct, and was swift it obeying; they were still so early in; he wasn't quite ready for the spanking just yet.

Claudia cuffed him. The leather was soft and had some give, which was nice. The last time he was cuffed, they were metal and cut into his wrists. She inched behind him, close enough to wear the length of her body was pressing into his back. Claudia danced her fingers on his abdomen. First, tenderly, reminiscent of a lover. Then, when he was comfortable with the teasing, she used her fingernails to nip into his flesh. The pain was slight, slight enough that he no longer felt it mere seconds after she moved on. Still, he was sure his skin was dappled with red track marks from her nails.

The thought alone made his stomach flutter.

She grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked him down, closer to her level. Even with heels, he was still considerably taller than her. The hair pulling hurt more than her nails. He was tempted to call yellow, but he gritted his teeth and did his best not to cry out. Her lips grazed his earlobe. Their softness was in stark contrast to her tugging on his hair. Anders tried not to whimper as the coupled sensations sent a jolt of pleasure into the pit of his stomach.

“You disgust me.” Claudia hissed savagely before forcefully releasing her grip on his hair. Anders stumbled several steps forward as a result.

She walked off just beyond him and took a seat on one of the couches, if the sound of her heels tapping and the squealing of the springs were an indicator. Anders had an idea of what she was planning, based on her outline from earlier. Still, his heart sped up and his palms sweat in anticipation.

“Come here and lick my shoe clean, you filthy slut.”

Her annunciation of the slur sent a delightful shiver down Anders' spine. He complied without hesitation, though doing so with the blindfold and while his hands were bound behind his back was interesting. Still, he managed to find her, though she had to fling the occasional insult in order to give him an idea on where she sat.

When he found the couch, Anders dropped to his knees once more. Claudia shoved her foot in his face; he could smell the patent leather and elfroot foot cream she wore. There was a delay in his response. Mostly to incite punishment. Anders was a glutton for it, and hoped more than anything that he would be receiving a hand against his ass in response.

“I said _lick_.” Claudia's demand was a little more sinister. She shoved more of her foot in his face. He could feel the toe prodding his cheek.

This time, Anders complied. He swiped his tongue over the top, taking the toe in his mouth and sucking, overall slobbering all over her foot and shoe. Claudia murred pleasantly as he did so, even going so far as to lace her fingers in his hair and reward him with a brief scalp massage.

“You're a good little whore, you know that?”

“Yes.” He said before lapping at her shoe once again.

“Yes, Mistress.” She corrected. “If you're going to slobber all over me like a horny dog, the least you can do is address me properly.”

“Yes, Mistress.” Anders amended his previous statement between swipes of his tongue.

He continued, a strange sort of delight filling his chest as he did so. Anders imagined that she shoe must have gleamed with his saliva, a thought that would have disgusted him normally. At the moment, however, it drove him mad. His attention drifted upwards, towards her ankle. Claudia arched her foot for him, giving him further access.

Emboldened, Anders moved further upwards, dappling kisses along the highest point of her ankle, and then her calf. This elicited a response from Claudia.

She grabbed a tuft of hair and pulled him off of her. Anders was unsure if it was part of the scene, or if he had done something wrong. No matter her intentions, he was filled with the most bizarre combination of building arousal and fear that he had ever experienced. With her other hand, she yanked the blindfold from him. The sudden onslaught of light in his eyes left Anders squinting for a brief period before he could focus on her. Her face was so stony and rigid; he couldn't read it.

“You just couldn't be obedient, could you?” She scolded.

More bizarre than his growing arousal was the fact that he enjoyed feeling like a naughty child in that moment.

“Stand up and turn around.”

Anders complied, willing and eager for his punishment.

Claudia did not rise. Instead, she remained seated as she began assaulting his ass with several ope-palmed spanks. His boxers inhibited some of the pain and the noise, but the thrill was still very much there. Enough to where he shuddered with anticipatory delight every time she reared back for another strike. The sensation was enough alone to cause his cock to begin to rise out of slumber. Under normal circumstances, he would have been embarrassed. Mortified. But, he rationalized that he asked for this, and knew that a raging boner was a likely response.

Her attack stopped. Anders wondered why, until he noticed that she was removing his bonds. Claudia was silent while doing so, which only heightened Anders' expectation of what was to come next. She dropped the cuffs next to her on the couch once she freed him from them and demanded with a one word command that he turn.

“Over my lap. Now.”

Anders didn't need any more of an explanation. She wanted him to drape himself, face down, over her lap for more spankings. Doing so proved difficult with his erection, now at full arousal; he was trying to be conscientious of what she had said earlier and not brush it up against her. But, despite his efforts, he still wound up making contact.

Claudia began anew, silent save the occasional colorful insult. The shiver that descended down his spine grew to a constant sensation. His cock throbbed angrily from its place sandwiched between her thighs and his stomach. He had no perception of time as she spanked him. Still, he was tempted to reach down and touch himself. Tempted, but ultimately unwilling.

She eventually stopped, which caught Anders off-guard.

“Have you learned your lesson?” Claudia's voice was almost sweet. Lilting. Not at all like the tone she used before.

“Ye...yes.” He stuttered awkwardly.

“And...scene.”

Anders craned his neck up at her. Was there something important she needed to say? Or, was he out of time? “Is that it?” Still, he climbed off her lap and did what he could to conceal his erection from her view.

“That's it. If you need to make a stop in the restroom before we—“

“—No. No, it’s fine.” Anders headed over to the bar and began putting his clothes back on. She joined him at the bar briefly. Claudia pulled two bottles of water from her tote bag. One she took for herself. The other was designated for him, he figured, though she kept a grip on it. She also grabbed for a bar of chocolate. Lastly, she produced a couple of light blankets, which she slung over her shoulder before heading back to the couch.

“It can wait. I can wait.” It wouldn’t have been the first time he had to endure the discomfort before he could take care of it. Anders knew it likely was not the last.

Claudia returned to the couch relaxed a little. After Anders was dressed, he joined her on it, though kept to the far side side, away from her, and his hands cupped in his lap so that she couldn’t see his erection. She wrapped one of the blankets around him, while the other lay abandoned between them.

“This is the part where I check in on you after the scene, to make sure I wasn’t too rough with you, that it was a fulfilling experience, and that you are in a sound mental and physical state. Would you like a drink of water?”

He nodded in agreement.

Claudia opened one of the bottles of water and offered it to him. Anders took it gratefully and drank about a quarter of it in one gulp. He hadn't realized how parched he was until that moment. While he did that, Claudia opened the bar of chocolate and broke off several squares, which she offered up to him once he was done drinking his water.

“Feel free to decline the chocolate if you don't want it. However, I would suggest it for the release of Oxytocin it will give you and the raise in blood sugar.”

He took them and ate them without a complaint.

When he finished, Claudia took his hand gently. She stroked his knuckles with her thumb tenderly, almost to where he couldn't feel it. “I hope this is okay.” She said. “If you are uncomfortable with me touching you, I will stop.”

“It's nice.” He said simply. “It's been a long time since someone has just held my hand or sat with me.” Anders liked the contact. It was simple, reassuring, and friendly after all of that. It was one of the things he missed most about having a romantic partner. Just the simple things like holding hands are basking in each others company.

“Sorry.” Anders lamented. “You probably don't want to hear about it.”

“It's perfectly alright, Anders. If you wish to talk about that, you can. I'm here for you right now, to make sure you're in a positive frame of mind. If you getting to that point requires unloading me with something that has been troubling you, I'm all ears.”

“You sound like my therapist.”

“Well, doms are basically just therapists who spank you along with listening to your problems. And some therapists would probably do much more good if they picked up the whip and put on a vinyl cat suit.”

Anders snorted. “I'm not sure all therapists would agree, but I see your point.”

“Are you feeling any better now?” Claudia asked. Her thumb coursing along his knuckles had grown familiar, but no less pleasant. 

He took another drink of the water. 

“I feel fine.” Anders wasn't lying. Except for his erection, which had since began to grow mildly uncomfortable, he felt fine. Better than when he first arrived at the club, even. “How is your arm, by the way?” He asked, unintentionally changing the subject.

“What? Oh! My arm. I forgot it was you who stitched it up for a moment, there.” Claudia pushed up the arm of her shirt in order to give him a look at it. He couldn’t resist but taking a glance. The swelling and redness was gone, and it seemed to be healing quite well. From the look of things, she was keeping it clean and dry as much as possible.

“It looks good. You seem to have been doing a good job taking care of it.” He said, tracing a finger parallel to it in order to see how her skin reacted.

“I'm supposed to be the one giving after care right now.” She laughed a little, but allowed him to complete his inspection before retracting her arm and pulling down the sleeve once more.

“Oh, sorry.” He lamented.

“No harm done, Anders. Is there anything you wish to say before we go our separate ways?”

“I think that's it. Thank you. I mean it. I needed this.”

“It was the least I could do for you returning my phone. If you ever want to schedule another scene, I will gladly take on another client. I may even offer a discount just because I'm so grateful that you returned my phone.”

After he finished his water, Anders helped Claudia clean up the mess they made and pack her things away before they went their separate ways.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Alcohol//Alcoholism Mention//Death Mention

The coffee had been cold for over an hour, though not untouched. Occasionally, between cycling through her sources, her essay, which looked far too sparse to actually be considered that, and social media, Claudia would take a swig of it, and grimace as it hit her tongue. With each sip, her disgust grew more prominent. Not only did it taste too much like coffee for her liking, but cold coffee—without ice cubes—was perhaps one of the single most disgusting things in all of Thedas. Besides cabbage.

Merrill sat across from her, engaged in a large history book just for fun. The green floral print sun dress she wore accented her eyes nicely. Behind the chair she sat in, a line was forming of people buying coffee. Claudia thought it strange, given it was close to noon. But, she was also nursing her disgustingly cold coffee, so she acknowledged that she hadn’t a leg to stand on.

“What time is Isabela supposed to meet us?” Merrill asked, not taking her eyes from her book. Claudia stole a glance at the title; from the sounds of it, she was reading a text book. For fun. She shook her head, and cast her eyes back at her laptop monitor.

“Soon.” It was all she said as she wrote, deleted, and rewrote the same passage. Claudia couldn’t provide a more concrete answer; Isabela knew when they wanted to meet, and where. It was just a matter of when she decided to show up.

They continued on their activities silently after that. Claudia’s essay saw sparing progress, but not enough to reach her desired word count. She drank the coffee again, her face twisting in horror at the flavor. Perhaps one of the baristas would put some ice and a couple of pumps of flavored syrup into it for her, free of charge.

“Can I sit there?”

Claudia didn’t bother to look up as a man asked to take whatever spot he desired. The essay was due in the morning, and she still needed to bullshit her way through eight-hundred more words and two added sources.

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

She powered through a paragraph at record speed as soon as the man sat down. The inspiration hit hard and fast and was gone as soon as she felt it. Still, it added one hundred and fifty words to her total, which made her decide it was time to reward herself with a break. And asking a barista to jazz up her pathetic, cold coffee.

After hitting the save button, just for the added peace of mind, Claudia grabbed for her coffee. As she stood, Claudia arched her back in a stretch. As she did, she rolled her neck; sitting in that position for as long as she had left Claudia with a nasty crick. She recognized the man she had been sitting beside currently engaged in a game about cats on his phone as he balanced a muffin on his thigh and juggling a medium coffee in his opposite hand.

“Anders?”

He peeled his eyes from his phone slowly, perhaps in disbelief; Claudia was no mind reader. When he looked up at her and saw just who was speaking, he quickly pocketed his phone and scooped up his muffin.

“Claudia, I…was just leaving.”

This was about the scene she did with him. Claudia could tell. His wide eyes fixated on her briefly, before darting over to Merrill, who was looking on him with the same wide-eyed expression he wore. Though on her, it was a bit more expected. Maker, this was awkward. It didn’t have to be, though.

“No, it’s cool. It’s fine. You’re lucky that today’s not my weekly asshole day, so I’m not obligated to hog the whole couch in order to partake in the festivities.” Claudia laughed weakly at the joke.

Merrill slipped the scrap of paper she was using as a bookmark between the pages. Their conversation had suddenly become more interesting to her. “Is this a friend of yours, Hawke? You have so many friends.” Her focus turned to Anders. “I’m Merrill—or, it’s rude for me to introduce myself, isn’t it?”

Claudia afforded Merrill’s bubbly nature a chuckle. “Not really. I heard that is a lot of cultures, it’s rude to ask someone their name without telling them yours first. But anyway, Merrill, this is Anders. Anders, Merrill. Anders is a…ah…acquaintance of mine.”

“Okay, good. I would hate to be rude. It is a pleasure to meet you, Anders. Any friend of Claudia’s is a friend of mi—Ah! Here’s Isabela.” Merrill pointed to the window, where Isabela could be seen shuffling her way towards the entrance of the coffee shop. She wore large sun glasses, despite it being overcast outside.

She made a bee-line for Merrill when she found her way in. Isabela draped herself on the arm rest of the chair she sat in, one of her arms lounging lazily around Merrill before she pecked her forehead affectionately.

“I have such a hangover.”

“Why didn’t you take something as a preventative measure last night while you were drinking?” Asked Claudia. “Or, you know, use water as a mixer instead of juice. Like I suggested.”

“Because I was little preoccupied with that fine-looking Tevinter who has been bugging Aveline at the precinct all week.” Isabela lifted her glasses towards her forehead as she peered around their small group. “Speaking of Aveline, where is she? Isn’t the book release party he invited us to for a book about her?”

“He hasn’t confirmed or denied it.” Claudia occupied herself with powering down her laptop and putting it away. “But he let me read the editor’s copy. If he ever claims that it isn’t about her, I’m calling bullshit. Even the speech pattern is so _Aveline_ it hurts. And, she couldn’t make it. Big case, everyone at the department is working extra hours to get to the bottom of it.”

“And you,” Isabela pointed an accusatory finger at Claudia. “Since when do you hang out at trendy coffee shops like one of those hipsters on TV?”

“Since Gamlen was just a peach earlier this week and changed the wi-fi password for the apartment. He refuses to give mother or myself the new one. I wouldn’t have requested that we meet here unless I wasn’t leaching their free wi-fi so I could finish my paper.”

“Well, that explains why you’re here, but what are we going to do with Aveline’s invitation?”

Claudia shrugged. She was winding her power cable up in a meticulous fashion, only to toss it into her bag, where it unraveled instantly. “Toss it? Give it away? Don’t know, don’t care.”

“Oh, I know!” Chimed Merrill excitedly. She clapped her hands together before settling her gaze on Anders. “We should invite your acquaintance to come with us, Claudia. Unless you have something else you need to do; I wouldn’t want to keep you from any business you may—“

“—You’re rambling, Kitten.” Hummed Isabela.

“I’m not sure.” Anders cast his eyes to the side and sipped at his coffee uncomfortably.

Claudia knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that his embarrassment was about her and the other day.

It was one thing to meet at a pre-designated time with someone whom you have shared an intimate experience with. It was entirely another to run into one another and have your friends there to make it worse. They didn’t know what transpired between them. But, by how Isabela kept shifting her eyes between the pair of them and wearing a grin as though she was about to devour Claudia whole whenever their eyes met, she had speculated as much.

“You can say no. Merrill’s got the best sad puppy face this side of the Waking Sea, but she won’t force you into anything.”

“But you _should_ come with us!” Merrill’s enthusiasm was boundless and innocent in stark contrast to Isabela’s. “I wouldn’t mind meeting more of Claudia’s friends. And there will be free food and all the guests get a free copy of Varric’s book.”

“Yes, you should _definitely_ come.” Isabela’s reiteration of Merrill’s request dripped with the fact that she suspected Anders took Claudia up on her offer.

“Well, I _was_ heading to the book signing; I was going to get a copy of the book signed for a friend of mine back in Ferelden; she’s a big fan of Varric Tethras.”

“Then it’s settled!” Merrill sang with a clap of her hands. “You can use Aveline’s invitation and come to the party Varric’s editor is throwing to celebrate his book.”

“What time is it at, even?” Asked Isabela; she reached for Claudia's abandoned coffee and took a swig. Her face paled, and a familiar grimace settled in.

“Not for a couple of hours.” Claudia propped her feet on the coffee table and relaxed a little. “Let's just hang around a bit before we have to go.”

–

Claudia felt underdressed at the editor’s party for Varric’s book. It certainly didn’t help that it was being held in one of the fanciest restaurants in Hightown; very much a suit-and-tie sort of establishment where the rich would come to lunch with their lawyers, their stock brokers, or one another. And, there she was, in unintentionally distressed jeans and a t-shirt. It gave her solace that Anders and Isabela were a poor fit for such a place as well. Only Merrill, in her green floral print sun dress, looked like she could fit in, though the weighty textbook she had tucked under her arm despite Isabela’s urging to leave it in the car said otherwise.

The maitre’d took one look at the four of them, his nose held high in the air because surely they were the sort of rabble that couldn’t afford to eat there. He turned his attention to the customers behind them, the ones who hadn’t been waiting nearly as long, but looked the part, as well as stowing away what looked to be a screenplay or manuscript into one of the shelves out of sight.

This upset Claudia. She balled her hands into fists. Not with the intention of hitting someone, just out of reflex. Though, if this wasn’t such a nice place, she may have. “Because it isn’t _completely_ rude to ignore the customers who were here first.” She groaned.

With a roll of his eyes, the maître’d returned his attention to her. “Can I help you?” He asked, bored. To exemplify his point that they likely didn’t have a reservation, he flipped the pages of his reservation book.

Isabela snorted, humored by his contempt.

“We are invited guests to the Tethras party in back.” In order to make her point to him, Claudia pulled the four invitations from her back pocket and slapped them down on his reservation book. “Of course, if you don’t believe me, you could always call Varric Tethras himself up here to confirm that we are invitees, though I’m sure he would be so upset about you barring entrance to his dear friends that he would never agree to look at the manuscript you have hidden in your little podium-thing, let alone put you in contact with his publisher.”

He didn’t bother to look over the invitations after that. Delicately, he scooped them in a nice, organized pile before sniffling his nose at her, like she smelled foul. It was something Claudia was used to since coming to Kirkwall; everyone treated her poorly because of her Ferelden roots.

“Right this way, ladies. Gentleman.”

Isabela confidently took the lead from that point, but not before she linked arms with Merrill. Claudia drifted behind them, though her chest swelled proudly like a preening bird’s. Anders towered next to her, still visibly in shock about what he just witnessed.

“Is that…something you do often?” He asked in a tone just above a whisper.

She shrugged. “I guess. My mother calls me tenacious; ‘just like your father’ she says. Uncle just calls me a bitch.” Claudia giggled once. “Bitch. I wonder if that’s meant as an insult about my temperament, or the fact that I’m Ferelden.”

“Both.” Chimed Isabela, crossing into the threshold leading into the back room where the party was being held.

There weren’t many people present, no more than ten, Claudia wagered without taking a count. He was standing near a door that led out onto a fenced-in veranda, talking to a woman probably about five or ten years his senior. Occasionally, he sipped on a bottle of beer he was clutching, an agonized expression crossing his face each time. Whether it was in response of the beer or the conversation, Claudia couldn’t tell.

When he saw her, however, Varric cut the conversation off abruptly and made his way over to her.

“Andraste’s tits, Hawke! What took you so long?” He was loud, boisterous, but nonetheless thrilled to see her. “Who’s Blondie, over here?” He jerked a thumb in Anders’ direction.

“We would have been here sooner, except Isabela had a late with that hot elf who’s been investigating the trafficking ring.”

“I know who you mean. The…uh…the broody one who had all of the ladies—and a few of the guys—down at the precinct swooning every time he spoke. Aren’t you with Daisy, though?”

Isabela grinned triumphantly at Claudia's mention of her night's exploits, but quickly regained her previous composure when Varric brought up Merrill. “I’m not _with_ anyone, not in a committed sense, at least.”

“Anders, this is Varric Tethras. Varric, Anders. He’s…an…an acquaintance who just so happened to be heading to the book signing, but we had an extra invitation to this thing because Aveline had to bail, so we invited him along.”

Merrill nodded cheerily.

“So, you’re going to want a copy of the book, then.” Groused Varric. He took another swig of his beer.

“Just for a friend.” Anders rubbed the back of his neck. “If it’s too much trouble, I don’t need it.”

“I’m just shitting you, Blondie. There’s a huge box of them somewhere…around…ah, there they are!”

It took Varric only a few seconds to find the books, which were concealed horribly beneath a table. He handed his beer off to Isabela while he went to get one of the books. When he returned, he was already pulling a pen from the breast pocket of his shirt and flipping the book open to the cover.

“Okay, who am I making it out to?”

“Lyna. That’s spelled L Y N A. She’s a big fan of yours.”

“Why don’t you tell her to come by the Hanged Man sometime and buy me a beer?” Varric scribbled a brief greeting and his signature into the cover of the book as he spoke.

“I'm sure she would love to, but she's in Ferelden right now. I'll tell her next time she comes to the Free Marches that she should come to Kirkwall to buy you a drink, though.”

Isabela took a sip of Varric's beer in her growing frustration that she didn't have one of her own. It was a bit earlier to start drinking, Claudia wagered, but she also knew that Isabela wasn't the type to wait. Claudia just hoped that she wasn't dragged into it.

“Whose leg do I have to hump to get one of these?” She asked, tapping the bottle with her manicured fingernail.

Varric passed the book off to Anders, who tucked it under his arm much like Merrill had hers. “There's a waiter around here somewhere taking drink orders. Food is whatever they have lain out on the buffet tables, though.”

“And who is paying for this, again?” Isabela's line of questioning was expected. If Varric was paying, she wouldn't drink heavily. If someone else was, well, they'd be dragging her out of there.

“My publisher. Knock yourselves out.”

“Coming, Claudia? You know I need a drinking buddy to get absolutely shitfaced with.”

“I think I'll pass.” Claudia firmly crossed her arms, trying to solidify her point.

Isabela responded with pursed lips and a narrowed gaze. “Come on, Claudia.” She whined. Merrill's a lightweight and will be drunk after half a beer. Drink with me.”

Claudia frowned and shook her head. Resisting was growing harder. She knew she would cave if Isabela kept prodding her. She didn't need a relapse. Not when she was finally starting to get her life back together. “It's a no from me, Isabela. I'll just stick with water or whatever non-alcoholic drinks they serve.”

“You're no fun!” Isabela's voice went up in pitch. “Just one drink? One _tiny_ little drink?”

The room started to spin. Claudia could see herself with Isabela, drinking until she blacked out and winding up in a stranger's bed. Or worse. The fear of winding up in that situation made her tremble and feel sick to her stomach.

“I...I need to go outside and get some fresh air.”

She pushed her way through the room, back to the veranda doors, and let herself out. Claudia slumped against the fence and took several brisk drinks of air in. Whether or not she could go back in there with Isabela demanding that she drink, Claudia didn't know. Perhaps hopping the fence and leaving the party early was her best bet.

The door opened once more. Claudia figured it was Isabela in another attempt to push the issue. When Anders took her side, balancing the book on the metal fence, she was a bit surprised. Claudia welcomed the change.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “You looked a bit pale, and you ran out of there pretty quickly.”

“I don't know if this is something I should share with you.” She shoved her hands in her pockets and focused her gaze straight in front of you.

“You don't have to say anything if you don't want, but I won't tell anyone if you want to talk about i—“

“—I'm a recovering alcoholic.” The words flew out of Claudia's mouth faster than she anticipated. In her shock, she cupped a hand over her mouth, surpised she was even able to find the words. Let alone to share them with someone she hardly knew. Though, she rationalized that she also saw him in a very vulnerable position, so perhaps it was due.

“I'm just over one year sober. When my father died, I didn't know how to process it, so I turned to liquor. I would drink until I couldn't remember who I was, and then some more after that, I'd wager. I—I'm lucky to be alive, I guess. Someone could have easily taken advantage of me in that state.”

Anders glanced sideways at her from his peripheral. Her grip on the railing tightened.

“Why did you have us meet at a bar, then, if you knew you might relapse?”

“Because I live in the apartment right over the bar with my mother and uncle, so it was convenient.” Why she told him that, Claudia didn't know. Either way, it felt good to talk about it, especially since she stopped going to the meetings longer ago than she cared to admit. “I'm okay around alcohol, around people drinking it. I know how to refuse. But, when the pressure is put on me like that, I just _know_ I will give in. I don't want to be that way again.”

“You probably think I'm a mess.” She gave him a half smile. “You're grieving the loss of your partner, and here I am complaining about my insignificant problems.”

“I don't think you're a mess. I think _I'm_ a mess. You handled that situation better than I would have.”

Claudia snorted. “Well, thanks, I guess. For the vote of confidence.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Swearing//Mentions of Bondage

Biscuit pulled ahead, sniffing at anything within his line of sight. That nub of a tail he had wagged furiously as he approached a tree, a stop sign, random pedestrians. Anything he could press his nose against and get a good whiff of. It had been too long since Claudia had been able to take him for a walk like he deserved. She had tried to get Gamlen to do it when she was busy with school or work, but he made it no secret to hide the fact that he didn’t like the dog. Leandra did what she could for him, but it wasn’t the same as when the person he imprinted on took him out.

Which was why Claudia didn’t reign him in when he tugged at the leash, forgetting his training in favor of excited exploration.

It was a good day for a walk, too. The weather was warm and the blue sky was blotted with only a sparing collection of puffy white clouds. She expected to see more dog owners out, taking advantage of the temperate day in order to spoil their pets. But then again, she was so used to Ferelden, where every household had at least one dog, and probably a cat. In Kirkwall, people had dogs, but they were small-breeds, usually kept as an accessory rather than a companion.

Definitely not dogs she trusted Biscuit to play with due to their fragile bodies and his playful nature.

Still, they were headed to the dog park to let him run around and burn off some energy. If anything, she could toss around a stick for him to fetch while she thumbed through social media and listened to music for a little while. Not that she wasn’t listening to music at that moment; she had one ear bud in and her phone on shuffle so that she didn’t need to constantly decide what she wanted to listen to.

But, the music soon faded out and the jingle that played when someone called her assaulted her ear.

“Shit. Biscuit, heel.”

The mabari obediently listened, though his tail hadn’t slowed any.

Claudia clicked the button on her ear buds that enabled her to answer the phone.

“Hello?”

The was silence on the other line before, _“I…I think I have the wrong number.”_

She hesitated, but only a moment. The voice on the other line, she recognized it. “Wait! Don’t hang up just give me a sec—“

In order to get her phone from her pocket, Claudia had to adjust how she held Biscuit’s leash and the plastic shopping bags she had brought to clean up his messes. He looked at her curiously, paw raised as if he was about to break, but he placed it gently back down and barked happily at her before sniffing the breeze that brushed past him.

Claudia, upon managing to get her phone from her pocket, glanced at the screen. As she expected, it was Anders calling; his name spread across the screen in white text confirmed this.

“Anders? It’s Claudia. Were you trying to call me?”

“ _Yes. But…is this your personal phone? I was trying to call your professional line.”_

Then it clicked for her. Claudia had left the app that allowed her to take calls on her professional line open before leaving the house. She mentally smacked her forehead and returned to the conversation at hand.

“Shit! Yeah. Kind of. It’s this…this app that gives me a second phone number and a voicemail box. I can take calls on the secondary phone number from my cell phone while I have the app running; I must have forgot to close it when I left. Well, since you were trying to call me anyway, what do you need?”

“ _I would like to schedule another scene, if possible.”_

“Well, given that’s how I make money, I would encourage it. Since we had an initial face-to-face consultation, we can do this over the phone.”

“ _I would rather meet up, actually. But if you can’t, we can do it over the phone.”_

“No, that’s cool. I’m on my way to the dog park with Biscuit. Do you know where that is? You can meet me there and we can talk then.” Biscuit perked up at the mention of his name.

“ _That’s the big, fenced-in lot with some trees and benches, right?”_

“That’s the one.” Biscuit was growing antsy. He had since broken his heel and was wandering as far as the leash Claudia maintained a tight grip on would allow him. Mainly, he sniffed at the air and barked at cars as they passed. They were some of his favorite pastimes.

“ _Okay, I can meet you there.”_

* * *

 

She had been sitting on one of the benches for about ten minutes when Anders arrived. As he let himself in, he made sure to double check whether or not he locked the gate; the mabari would surely notice and take full advantage. They were smart like that. Biscuit was too busy tearing between the trees and barking at the birds that nested within them to notice the new arrival who had taken a spot on the bench next to his owner.

“Is there something wrong?” Claudia asked as Anders took a seat. He _looked_ okay, at least. But, she didn’t know him well enough to be able to tell if he was hiding something from her.

“Nothing is wrong.” He admitted, slipping his hands into his jacket pocket as he watched the dog amuse himself. “I just wanted to discuss things face-to-face. It’s…weird to me, I guess, to schedule an appointment with a professional dominatrix over the phone.”

She smiled, amused by his logic. Another client of hers, a regular, insisted on making appointments face-to-face as well. But, he’d also do a video chat consultation if she couldn’t see him in person.

“I take it you want something a little different this time, then?” It was a guess. A hunch. Anders had a rather extensive list of things he was interested in, if she recalled correctly, and was probably interested in exploring some of those things as well.

“Yeah. I enjoyed last time, but I’d like it if you used a paddle this time. Not too rough, though. And maybe a collar with a bell on it—for me, not you.” He quickly revised his last bit with a wave of his open palms at her.

“Like a cat collar?”

“Yes. A cat collar. Do you have something like that?”

She laughed. Not at him. Never at him. More at the notion that she might not have the collar he desired. “I have a sickening amount of collars and probably have a couple pairs of cat ears too if you’re interested. I never use any of my collars on my dog, if that was your next question.”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t. I’d be interested in the cat ears, though.”

Claudia nodded in understanding. “So, you want to dress up like a cat? Would you also like me to treat you like a cat? A saucer of milk for you to lap at, toys to swat at, squirting you with a water bottle when you misbehave, stroking your hair and ears—along with the paddle?”

“I hadn’t thought of that, but yes, I would like that.”

“And would you like me to refer to you as a cat?”

“I guess. Yeah. I’ll be dressed as one.”

Biscuit came bounding up happily, a jagged, slobbery stick hanging out of his mouth. Initially, he ran up to Claudia with the stick and prepared to drop it into her lap. Most likely to get her to throw it. When he noticed Anders, however, his destination changed and the stick was given to him.

“It’s…slobbery.” Groaned Anders, precariously holding up the stick by one end as streams of drool trickled down the object.

“Biscuit likes you, apparently. He only shares his drool with people he _really_ likes.” Humored Claudia.

The dog pranced happily around Anders and barked a couple of times.

“He wants you to throw it.” She instructed.

Anders stood up, brow quirked suspiciously. But, he still reared back his arm and threw the stick a considerable distance for the dog. Biscuit went chasing after it, but became distracted halfway to his destination by a mother and her two children passing the fence.

“Do you have any pets?” Claudia asked, watching as the younger of the two children begged their mother to let them pet the doggie.

Anders fished his phone out of his pocket as he sat back down. “A cat. His name is Ser Pounce-A-Lot—Pounce for short.”

“That’s clever! I like that!” Boomed Claudia. “Biscuit’s full name is actually Ser Biscuit, but I only call him that when he’s being naughty.”

Anders afforded her a weak grin. “I guess we had similar ideas when naming our pets.”

“I guess so.” She leaned back on the bench. Biscuit had given up on the stick and instead chose to run circles and figure eights around the trees while barking occasionally. “Do you have any pictures of Pounce? I want to adopt a cat so bad, but Gamlen barely puts up with the fact that I brought a dog into his shithole apartment. I get my fix by looking at pictures of cats.”

Another grin. This time a more sideways one, like he found what she said funny. He looked kind of cute when he smiled like that, she observed silently as he flicked through his photo gallery to find pictures of his cat.

“Here’s a good one.” Anders said, turning the screen in her direction to show her a picture of Pounce curled up in a nook of blankets.

“He’s so cute!” Squealed Claudia, delighted. “I just want to squish his furry little face and kiss his pink nose!” The reaction was momentary, though embarrassing enough for Claudia to straighten her back and sit towards the edge of the bench. She was supposed to be doing a consultation, not shrieking like a young child over pictures of cats. “I’m a professional, I swear.”

“I wasn’t judging.”

“Okay.” Claudia wasn’t convinced, but she laughed it off like a joke anyway. She cleared her throat and adjusted how she had her legs crossed.

“Anything else?” Claudia asked, returning back to the subject at hand. “What clothes do you want me to wear? Makeup? Hair?”

“The same kind of thing as last time.” Responded Anders without missing a beat. “Skirt, stockings, heels, the clips—er…garter belt. Maybe with your hair in a ponytail, this time.” He slipped his phone in his pocket once more. “Out of curiosity, what is the most frequently requested outfit?”

“Black vinyl catsuit, heels, straightened hair, winged eyeliner, red lip. You know, typical dominatrix look. I honestly hate the catsuit and straight hair bit—it takes _ages_ to get ready­­—but I need to be nice because I like getting paid.” Claudia hesitated on that last word just a moment. “Speaking of payment, I usually charge 2 sovereigns and 50 silver per hour. That hour is just the scene. Aftercare comes free of cost.” That amount almost seemed obscene as it slithered out of her mouth. It really wasn’t that much, especially compared to what some of the other people in her field charged. Her prices weren’t bargain prices, granted. Still, it felt wrong to charge him full-price, not after he stitched her arm up and returned her phone.

“But, given we’ve sort of hung out, I feel bad charging the full price. I’m willing to go down to one seventy-five an hour.”

“Are you sure?” He seemed almost offended. “I’m willing to pay full price.”

“One seventy-five and not a copper more.” Claudia insisted, nose held high as if she was disgusted by the thought of him paying any more than that. “Payment is accepted the day of, either in cash or a check. I still don’t have one of those cube things so you can make payments with debit cards..”

“What day would work best for you, since you mentioned it?”

“That’s not how this works.” Claudia corrected. “I provide the service, so I work around your schedule, for the most part. Given I also attend classes, we may have to find a compromise, but it usually works out fine. So, which day works best for _you_?”

“How is Tuesday afternoon?”

Claudia hissed through her teeth while wearing a grimace. Both were purely ornamental. “I have a blood sacrifice to attend that day—“ She paused just long enough to read his unamused and slightly disturbed expression “–I’m joking. Tuesday is fine. Same place. I have class until noon on Tuesdays, but I should be able to get back to the apartment, change, grab my things, and meet you back by the club by two.”

“Two o’clock works fine for me.” Anders hummed in agreement. “I have the day off, so I’m free whenever it’s convenient.”

“Well, that was pleasantly easy.” Claudia admitted, resting her back against the park bench. “I’ve had clients in the past whose schedule I couldn’t work around without calling in sick to class. _Yeah? Hi, this is Claudia in your 9 am lecture. I can’t come in tomorrow because I’m getting paid to spank a man. I’m sure you understand. Can you send me the lecture notes?_ Shit, that would be the worst call ever to make.”

Anders paid her a sideways smirk. “Maybe you could just spank your professor and get high marks for that course?”

“Andraste’s filthy knickers, I’d wear the vinyl catsuit, red lip, heels, straight hair—the whole nine yards— _and_ spank them just to get high marks on one test!”

She laughed weakly. “But, I've taken enough of your time. I have to get home and start studying.”

Claudia grabbed the leash sitting next to her on the bench, which caught the dog's attention. He bolted over happily, tongue sliding out of his mouth lazily. Biscuit afforded Anders a friendly bark as he stood mostly still so that Claudia could clip his leash back onto him.

“I'll see you on Tuesday, then.” She said, winding the leash around her hand once.

“Not if you get caught up in that ritualistic sacrifice, or whatever you called it.”

She snorted. “Class. Ritualistic sacrifice. Same thing.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Femdom//Humiliation//Grief//Swearing

He was on all fours, mewling like a wanting kitten for its mother. The saucer in front of him was empty, and had been since she set it down. Anders crawled over to it, on all fours. The bell around his neck jingled softly with each movement. Claudia watched him from the couch, an amused smirk on her face while be pawed and whined and embodied a hungry cat. She dangled a bottle of milk in her hand, just out of his reach, but close enough for him to see it and convince himself that he could have it if he just reached a little further. Some cat toys littered the floor, mainly a couple of crinkly balls that Anders had spent some time batting around for his “owner's” amusement and a mouse on a string that she had engaged him with earlier.

“Are you hungry, little kitten?” She asked, dropping the bottle lower, putting it at an adequate distance enough for his fingertips to graze the bottom. “All of that play must have starved you.”

“Meow.” A solitary cry. Anders had said nothing else through the duration of the scene except that and the occasional purring noise. The purring, however, was far less frequent.

“Is that a yes?” The bottle dipped lower. Claudia said nothing about the coldness of the bottle becoming uncomfortable; it would disrupt the scene. “Beg like a good kitten.”

Anders rose up onto his knees, arms curled at chest height like a cat's paws. He struck at the bottle, dappling his strikes with more meowing.

Claudia's grin widened. “Such a pretty kitty you are.”

She unscrewed the bottle and tossed the cap onto the couch cushion next to her. Anders' gaze was transfixed on the bottle. He followed it everywhere she moved it, to the point where she started waving it around to taunt him a little. Claudia would never behave that way with a pet, but when she was getting paid to be this for a willing person, it was different. Claudia poured the milk into the saucer. Slowly. Some splashed out onto the floor around it.

The saucer was filled, nearly to overflowing. There as still a bit of milk left in the bottle, which she took advantage of by drinking it for herself, provoking Anders, who continued to beg and whine upon the floor.

“You can drink your milk now, kitten—but don't spill a single drop. If you do, you'll be punished.”

Anders looked up at her, eyes doleful and sad like the kittens she saw in the pictures. The cat ear headband was a nice touch, Claudia admired as she pushed the saucer closer to him with a nudge from the toe of her shoe. Some sloshed out and onto it, staining the patent leather white with it.

He mewled once. Heartbroken. Pathetically. But, it didn't stop him from dropping down, his lower half rising as he brought his tongue to its surface.

“FIRST—“ Interrupted Claudia, cutting him off before he made contact, “—lick the milk off of my shoe.”

She extended her foot to him, tapping it underneath his chin, which caused his head to jostle up an inch or so upon contact. Anders raised a hand tentatively, to cradle her ankle as he did so. Claudia was swift to pull her foot away, though and chide him with a wagging finger and several clicks of her tongue.

“Kittens don't have hands.”

His right eyebrow extended, confused by the notion initially. Yet, he still took it in stride, closing the gap between the toe of her shoe with his tongue. She watched as he lapped the last remains of the milk from the leather; she couldn't tell whether this was something he enjoyed. But, he hadn't used any of his safety words, so she took it as a good sign.

“I want to hear my pretty little kitten purr.” Claudia demanded sweetly. She sank her fingers into his hair and allowed her nails to gently massage his scalp.

Anders paused momentarily. But only just. Once her words registered, he began making a purring sort of noise in-between courses of his tongue.

“Good kitten.” Claudia sang, removing her foot from his reach. “You may have your milk, now.”

Eagerly, Anders hunched over and begun the strenuous process of trying to drink the milk like an animal. More dribbled down his chin and onto his bare chest than actually made it into his mouth. He tried various ways to go about the process until he moved his hand in such a way that caused some of the milk to spill onto the floor.

Remembering that she promised punishment if he spilled any of the milk, Claudia was quick to act. She rose off the couch and grabbed him roughly by the arm with one hand and took his chin in her hand with the other. The shock on his face was fleeting, though not unexpected.

“You're being a bad kitten.” She said sternly while her hand gripping his arm tightened. “Wasting all that milk? After I worked hard to pay for it?”

Something shifted in his expression. Before, Anders wore a look of curiosity and slight fear. But now, his face twisted, pained from the inside out as fat tears spilled over his waterline and he began sobbing uncontrollably. Claudia panicked. She hadn't a client cry before during a scene, not like this where she could _feel_ the anguish filling the room in tandem with the sound of his sobbing. Quickly, she released him with a curse under her breath.

“Maker...shit...uh...Red. RED. We're done. Time for after care.” 

Claudia rushed over to the bar, where she had left her tote bag with the water, blankets, and chocolate. She didn't bother filtering through it for those things. Instead, she chose to sling it over her shoulder and hurry over to the couch with everything. 

The bag was abandoned there while she spedover to Anders' side. Claudia slung an arm around his shoulders and gingerly helped him to his feet. Anders quivered like a leaf in the breeze as she did so. His tears continued, sobbing with only the slightest of sounds as she guided him into a seated position on the couch. Once he was there, Claudia was hasty in pulling the blanket from the bag and wrapping it over his shoulders; he didn't need to be cold as well. 

Next, Claudia took the bottles of water from the bag. She offered him his, which he took and drank greedily from between his sobbing. 

“Would you like to talk about this, Anders?” She asked kindly, feathering soft touches along his knuckles and forearm. 

“Something you said—“ He stuttered, “it reminded me of something Karl...Karl said the day he died.”

“Dammit.” She cursed. “Karl—he was your partner that passed away, right?”

Anders nodded. “He...he used to give Pounce milk sometimes—as a treat—Pounce put his paws in the dish that morning and tracked milk all over the apartment and Karl scolded him because 'milk costs money and people have to work for money'.”

“Anders, I'm sorry.”

“You couldn't have known.” Anders had stopped crying, but he looked so weak and defeated. He looked like he needed more contact with another person other than fingers across his knuckles. And, it was her job to provide him that if he needed it.

“Would you like a hug, Anders? Or...shit...I don't know. Something? This has never happened to me before.”

“Yes.” Anders said abruptly. “But...doesn't it go against your rules?”

“Kind of. Yes...no.” She sighed heavily. “I'm allowed to break the rules on where you're allowed to touch me if I see fit. It's my body, after all. And you seem to need it right now.” 

Anders said nothing as he fell into her outstretched arms. His chin rested on her shoulder as his body conformed to her shape. Claudia eased back onto the couch, allowing him to relax a little more, instead of being forced into a rigid upright position. Her hand raked through his hair softly, pulling it off his face. He was tense initially, almost scared of how she would touch him. Yet, when her touches proved to be soft and gentle, he melted into her.

“Karl—whatever happened—it wasn't your fault.”

Anders' response was limited to something she couldn't make out, muttered into her shoulder. 

“I didn't quite get that. Could you repeat that?”

Peeling himself from her shoulder, he repeated, “Can I stay like this a while? Just a few minutes, or—“ The question was left unfinished. It was almost like he couldn't bring himself to finish the request. 

“However long you need.” 

Once more, Anders relaxed into her. Not a word was exchanged between them, though Claudia ran her fingers gently along his spine in order to bring him some comfort. She wasn't prepared for this in the slightest. The hours spent on message boards, asking other people in the field, or scouring the internet in general for information on how to handle a client breakdown did not make it any more reassuring that she was doing the  _right_ thing in helping him. Nor did it make it any easier for her to process and handle. 

But, in that moment, he needed her. He needed someone to hold him and tell him that it was going to be alright. That, no matter what happened in the past, he would get through this and be stronger for it. It was funny to her, in a way. She was paying her way through school to be a therapist by being a dominatrix, but it felt like she was doing less domination and more therapy at that moment. 

Claudia was unsure of how long she held Anders like that, stroking his hair and whispering positive affirmations to him, but when he finally rose off her shoulder, his face still slightly pink from the crying, she knew that he still needed comfort. Not matter how much it was her obligation to him to provide him that, she knew their time at the club was coming to a close. Another one of the dominants had the club booked for four-thirty, so she needed to clean up.

“I don't think you're ready to be alone,” Started Claudia, her hands sinking to his shoulders in the process, “but I need to clean up and we need to leave before the next person who booked the club shows up. Would it be okay for us to relocate somewhere else so I can make sure you're okay?”

“I don't think I'm ready to be alone, either.” Agreed Anders. He tugged the blanket tighter around him. “We can go somewhere else.”

“Why don't you go get dressed while I clean up this milk and then meet me out here when you're done? We can go pick up an early dinner or something.”

Anders nodded once before rising off the couch. He shed the blanket and grabbed his folded clothes from off the bar counter before retreating into the nearest restroom. Claudia, meanwhile, wasted no time in cleaning up the spilled milk and dumping what was left on the saucer down the drain behind the bar. She rinsed off the saucer and tucked it in her tote bag, along with all of her other things. 

By the time she was done, Anders was ready to leave.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Mention of alcoholism

It had taken a slight drizzle since they arrived at the diner. Umbrellas were cropping up all over the street, many in dim hues of gray or navy. Probably on their evening commute home, Claudia wagered, based on the time. She didn't work normal hours, so it wasn't something she typically had to endure. Still, she did not envy those poor souls, embarking out during the rain. And, it was supposed to get worse, if the weather app on her phone had any reliability.

The menu was laying face-open on the table in front of her. Claudia knew what she was going to get, but Anders seemed lost. Maybe not lost. He just didn't seem ready to have the wait staff at the table and asking him questions. From a technical standpoint, he was responsive enough to be sent on his way without further after care. He just seemed like he needed the company at that point. Claudia wondered how long it had been since he had real contact with another person after his partner passed away. She wasn't about to ask. But, from how deep he still seemed in the grieving process, she was willing to bet money that it had only been a couple months before.

Anders was flipping through the pages of the menu, his face devoid of emotion. It seemed like a practiced response to Claudia, something he did to fake normal long enough to be left alone. She knew because she did the same thing to fake sober long enough to be able to return to her drinking. Yet, it wasn't her place to say anything about it, either. It was never her place to question someone's coping mechanisms if they weren't harmful.

A couple more awkward minutes of silence passed. Claudia saw in her peripheral vision as the waitress impatiently tapped her feet from behind the counter, waiting for Anders to close the menu and make a decision. They were seated at one of four occupied tables, so the wait staff was eager to serve them and get on with their night.

“So,” Anders began awkwardly in an attempt to make small talk over the menu, “you come here often, then?”

Claudia paused. She did. More than she wanted to admit. But, she didn’t know how he knew that. She flipped her menu over and pretended to be interested in what sort of sides and drinks they served in an effort to give herself time to think of how she should respond to the question.

“I guess. Sort of. They have the best milkshakes and apple pie in Kirkwall—better than that creamery in Hightown, at least. But, how did you know that?”

Anders’ expression did not deviate from the deadpan he wore. He did close the menu and set it down, though. “You and your friend Isabela took me here the night I returned your phone.”

The color drained out of Claudia’s face in embarrassment. She hadn’t even remembered that. Then again, some days she was lucky to remember what she had for breakfast. Any thoughts that may have caused her to question his intent were brushed aside, as well as the menu she was done pretending to be interested in.

“I forgot all about that.” Claudia admitted.

Anders pushed the menu towards the edge of the table. “Even if this wasn't where we went that night, both waitresses greeted you by name.”

Shortly after, the waitress came up to their table and took their orders. Claudia got her usual, which the waitress was intimately familiar with—potato chowder and a milkshake (“we’re fresh out of apple pie, sweetie, so you should probably order your milkshake”). Anders got some sort of hot sandwich with a side of vegetables instead of some form of potatoes that it usually came with. She left to put their orders in, which put them in the awkward position of having to small talk until their food was done.

Claudia could see it on his face, the hurt he still wore. Anders was keeping his gaze on the rain, and by association, off of her. Maybe it was meant to be the other way around. She shuffled her feet anxiously, unsure if she should attempt to strike up conversation with him in order to convince him to talk through some of it, or if she was better leaving well enough alone.

“If you want to talk some more about…about what happened, we can.” She suggested uncomfortably.

Anders only paid her a side glance.

“You’ve done more than enough—that wasn’t sarcasm, by the way— but you have. I have bothered you more than enough over the past few weeks.”

“You’re not bothering me, Anders, I—“ Claudia cut herself off while pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger momentarily. To stem herself. “—If you don’t want to talk, I won’t make you. I just observed that you seem to be in a fair deal of emotional distress and thought that you might like having someone who was willing to listen to you.”

“You sound like my therapist.” Said Anders with a snort.

“Considering I’m going to school for that, I’ll take that as a compliment. But seriously, if there’s something you want to talk about, but you’d rather not involve your therapist for whatever reason, I’m happy to lend an ear your way. I know that there are some things you may not want to share with a therapist.”

Anders traced his fingers along his lips as he mulled over what she had said. Fine lines formed along his forehead, so he at least _appeared_ to be thinking over her words. His hand dropped back down to the table with a soft _thud_. “How am I supposed to get a hold of you if I need to talk when you aren’t around? Are you going to propose I keep calling your professional line, like some therapist hotline I got off a TV commercial, or something?”

Claudia had the answer to that question.

She reached into her tote back, which was nestled firmly between her hip and the window. One of her business cards and a pen was what she pulled out. Quickly, she scribbled down her cell phone number on the backside; despite the speed, it was still clear enough to be read. Claudia then slid the card across the table towards him.

“That’s my cell number.” Explained Claudia as she dropped the pen back into her bag. “Now you can call me if you need to talk to someone and it can’t wait until your next therapy session.”

Anders took the card and observed it silently. He turned it over in his hand, checking her handwritten part, and the slipped it into his pocket for safe keeping. “Do you give out your number to all of your clients?” He asked. If not for the sullen look he wore, Claudia would have thought he was amused based purely on his tone of voice.

“Anders, you met my dog, you showed me pictures of your cat, and I saw you in your underwear. I think we can start saying we’re friends and have it not be weird or sudden.” This time, it was her face that set in stone. “But seriously, if you need to talk, or want to hang out, or exchange pictures of our pets in the ugly clothes we make them wear for our sick amusement, just call me or shoot me a text or something. I only bite when we've both agreed upon it and you've paid me.”

Anders smiled weakly, most likely for show, but it was something. Shortly after, the waitress returned with their meals.

They were about halfway done with eating when Anders looked up at her, silently observing as she attempted to suck the milkshake up through the straw. It was a losing battle, one that made it more awkward to have an audience for.

“Why milkshakes?” He asked between bites of his food.

Claudia smacked her lips in frustration around the straw several times before giving up and grabbing the dessert spoon and eating it that way. She took several spoonfuls before even acknowledging his question.

“I replaced a bad habit with a slightly less bad habit.” She explained, scraping the side of her glass with the spoon as she spoke. “I drank when I was dealing with a lot emotionally. I guess...I guess I sort of replaced bottles of liquor with sitting in this diner while I cry—or anger—into my milkshakes. It helped, I would say. I've been sober so some time, now.”

“That makes sense.” Anders took a couple more bites of his sandwich, leaving him with only about one bite left. “One of the doctors at the hospital quit smoking a few months ago, and now he always has snacks as a way to keep the cigarettes away.”

They finished their respective meals in peace. Occasionally, they would break to make small talk, but nothing major. Claudia paid the bill when they were done, which spurred a disagreement on who should pay. Anders insisted that he should have, given he was the “burden” in the first place. Claudia disagreed, and paid the bill before he had time enough to fish his wallet out of his pants pocket. Claudia also offered him a ride home, which Anders refused several times over. According to him, he'd prefer to take the bus or walk. Claudia figured it was because he felt he was inconveniencing her, but hadn't the energy to argue over it.

  
  


 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Alcohol consumption
> 
> **Author's Note**  
> Just as a clarification, Fenris is introduced in this chapter and he and Anders don't get along. I'm planning on steering them into a friendship direction, but until I get to that point, chapters from Anders' perspective will be Fenris-critical. I personally like Fenris very much, and the way I am writing his and Anders' relationship until they become friends is not my own personal reflection on him as a character. 
> 
> Thank you.

There Anders was once again for his bi-weekly appointment. Wynne, as always, sat opposite of him in her armchair, hair pulled up and a pad of paper resting on her knee. And, as always, he felt like a child about to be scolded for being naughty, even if Wynne had never scolded him, and promised never to. Even so, he sat on the couch with a rigid back and hands folded between his knees, expecting it.

The session had been fairly routine as always. She asked him about how the medication was helping, if he was having intrusive thoughts, ways to deal with those thoughts and impulses outside of medication. The usual. He had considered lying to her about the recent bout of intrusive thoughts. About how he was deep in blaming himself for Karl once again and lacked the energy to do much of anything except browse the internet for hours, either hunting down bizarre conspiracy theories or watching cat videos. Work had been difficult, but he and Pounce needed to eat. Even if his idea of ‘eating’ over the last week had been a handful of cereal here and there, or partially heated leftover take out.

He and Wynne agreed that perhaps he needed his dosage reassessed. She signed Anders another referral for the psychiatrist in the hopes that either an increased dosage or different medication would help. The slip of paper was already crammed in his back pocket.

“Is there anything else you would like to discuss, Anders?” Asked Wynne, the warmth in her voice was unmistakable. And, despite what he was going through, Anders knew that she was a trustworthy sort.

“I...uh…I made a new friend, I guess.” Anders said, forcing a weak smile for her benefit. “She’s that woman I told you about a couple of sessions ago. The dominatrix—Claudia. We text, and sometimes talk on the phone, and we’ve hung out a couple of times. She invited me to hang out with her and some of her other friends tonight.” He paused, tracing his jaw with his fingertips. The idea filled his stomach with butterflies, but not the good kind. He had considered at least half a dozen excuses he could use to get out of going. Yet, at the same time, he couldn’t help but shake the feeling that Claudia would be disappointed in him and not want to talk to him anymore. “I’m considering not going, though she will probably be mad at me for ditching.”

Wynne scribbled something down on her note pad. “If you don’t feel like you can attend, there is nothing wrong with telling this woman that you won’t be able to make it. If you’re worried about her asking why, you can just tell her that you are not well enough to make it; you don’t need to elaborate on any of your mental health issues.”

Anders snorted, but did not smile. “I think she already figures that there’s something going on with me.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I broke down in front of her a week and a half ago.” Ander shifted how he had his legs crossed. “She stayed with me for a few hours and bought me something to eat.”

“She sounds like the sort of person who would understand if you told her that you couldn’t go.”

“I don’t know.” Hummed Anders. He couldn’t shake the feeling that not going would upset Claudia, even though Wynne’s assessment of her made sense. “I’m thinking of going, but if it becomes too much, I might leave early.”

“I can’t tell you what is best for you, Anders,” Wynne was writing something as she spoke, “however, if you feel like you will be able to make an appearance, I do think it will be beneficial in helping you through the grieving process to have some interaction with other people.”

Anders nodded in understanding.

“So, homework for next session.”

xXx

Anders paced the hallway in his apartment anxiously. He clutched his phone with an iron grip, considering just canceling and being over with it. Then, he could sink back into bed and watch cat videos, or a movie, or even masturbate if it suited him. Reading a book or playing a video game was too much effort on his brain, but at least with the other three, he could relax in bed, and even fall asleep if the strain of being awake was too much for him.

It had been ten minutes since he received her ‘on my way :)’ text. Which meant he had only a couple minutes more to respond and tell her that he wasn’t going. Pounce came trotting out of the bathroom with a cheerful meow as Anders walked passed the door. He was probably sleeping in the bath tub again.

He clicked the on button on his phone once more, checking to see how much time had gone by since she texted him. But more importantly, how much time he had left to back out. Part of him didn’t want to. Claudia had been excited to invite him to Varric’s game night, and was hoping that he would fit in well with her other friends so that they could all hang out. They had discussed the details over the phone. And, while he couldn’t see her as they spoke, he could only imagine the puppy-dog expression she must have been wearing when she made the request. It only proved to Anders that he was a weak man, having fallen for such a tactic without even being there in person to see it, nor with the will enough to refuse it, even as only lip service.

His phone buzzed unexpectedly, giving Anders a reason to jolt back half a step. He looked down at the screen. It was illuminated, and with his texting app showing him what he had just received: _Here_.

Anders didn’t need to check who it was from to know that the sender was Claudia. Any opportunity he had to see his way out of the scenario was forfeited. To compensate, he took a sharp breath in, then proceeded to the door. He locked up on his way out.

xXx

Claudia was waiting just outside his building in her car. From the looks of the vehicle, which was a deep blue, though with some fading in places, Anders had to wager she was the second owner. Maybe even third. But, the engine ran smooth from what he could tell and she didn’t complain about it. Anders would certainly not complain if he had a running car; relying on public transit was a hassle.

He pushed these thoughts from his mind and climbed into the passenger seat.

“Hey.” Greeted Claudia. She waited a couple seconds—long enough for him to buckle his seatbelt—before pulling out of the parking spot.

“Hey.” Echoed Anders. He occupied himself with adjusting the seat to allow himself enough leg room; whomever last sat in her passenger seat had to have been considerably shorter than him.

The ride was mostly silent, except the music she had playing softly over the radio. Occasionally, she would sing along when it was something she seemed to enjoy a bit more than the other songs. He didn't know Claudia that well, but he had to assume that something had her in good spirits.

It was a short drive, though Anders was quite alarmed when she threw the car in park in the parking lot for The Hanged Man. He was sure they were going to wherever Varric lived for a couple rounds of cards and maybe a few beers. Instinctively, he thought it was a mistake, but Claudia was unbuckling her seatbelt and reaching for the purse in the backseat. Had she forgotten?

“I thought we were going to Varric's house for cards.” Anders protested, though not before offering a hand to her in order to reach the purse; his arms were longer and made it easier to reach.

“We are. Varric lives in the apartment above The Hanged Man.” She explained. The keys were already out of the ignition and being dropped into her purse.

That didn't add up. Anders recalled Claudia saying that she lived in the apartment above The Hanged Man with her mother and uncle. He highly doubted if Varric lived there as well. “Don't you live in that apartment?”

“Kind of. Not really. We live above the shop right next to The Hanged Man. It's just easier to say _I live above The Hanged Man_ , since everyone knows where that is.”

Anders didn't offer anymore arguments on the matter. It was kind of like how people would say things like 'I live in Denerim', despite living in a village outside the city. It wasn't exactly honest, but it made it easier to explain things to people not from the area. He thought nothing more on the matter and got out of the car.

Claudia led the way into the apartment. Apparently, she had a key to the place, Anders noticed. It struck him as a bit odd, but not nearly as odd as the fact that a famous author lived in a shithole apartment in Lowtown. He could probably afford Hightown's rent and live in a penthouse apartment with a view all the way to the Waking Sea. 

“Do you know why Varric doesn't live in Hightown?” He asked curiously. It helped keep his mind off of the looming dread of having to socialize. 

“He doesn't want to. He dislikes the nobles and would rather slum it in Lowtown than have to deal with them on the daily.”

xXx 

Claudia didn't bother knocking when they got upstairs and to the front door. It was open, so there was no need for the key she had in her possession. When they got in, Anders was surprised at how sharply decorated the apartment was, despite it being in Lowtown. His furniture looked sturdy and Dwarven-made. Some of the pieces even looked antique. There were plenty of bookshelves, none wanting for books, either. There was no way that all of them were by Varric, but Anders couldn't help but glance over at the shelves in search of one of his as Claudia led him into the dining room. 

Every one of Hawke's friends that Anders had met prior were crowded around a long, rectangular table, including the chief of police—Aveline Vallen. The only person he didn't recognize was an elven man, handsome, with white hair and markings on his skin. He was sitting beside Isabela, with Merrill on the other side. Isabela flirted with the both of them while she shuffled and dealt cards. 

“Hawke!” Boomed Varric towards Claudia. “You finally made it! And you brought Blondie with, too. There's beer and soda in the fridge. Help yourselves.”

“I'm going to get something to drink. Want anything?” It hadn't registered that Claudia was talking to him until several seconds later.

Anders was embarrassed, but tried to play it off like he was busy watching Isabela deal the cards; He didn't want everyone laughing at him so soon in. “A beer is fine. Thank you.”

“No problem. Deal me in, Isabela.”

Isabela made an affirmative remark as Claudia disappeared into the kitchen.

The time in which she was away seemed to drag on. She was the only person he knew beyond a face and a name; one of them, he didn't even have a name. Anders could feel his pulse rising and his breathing becoming shallow. He tried to remain calm and take even, deep, breaths. Social situations made him uncomfortable. Social situations when he was feeling the way he did was torture. 

Luckily, Claudia was only gone for a couple of minutes. She returned with an open bottle of beer in one hand and a can of soda in the other. The beer was handed off to him, and she took a seat near Aveline. The only other empty chair was beside Claudia, and across from the elven man, so Anders had little option but to take it.

Isabela begun divvying up the cards. She paused at Anders, probably because he hadn't confirmed whether or not he was playing. He didn't even know  _what_ they were playing. 

“Do you want in, Darling?” She asked.

“What are we playing?”

“Diamondback.” Assured Varric. If you don't know how to play, you can pair up with someone to learn the rules and jump in when you feel confident.”

“I know how to play Diamondback.” Confirmed Anders. And, he did. Whether or not he was good at it was a different story. “Deal me in.”

While Isabela dealt the cards, Claudia cursed herself under her breath. “I forgot to introduce you to Fenris. Anders, the person you're sitting across from is Fenris. Fenris, this is Anders.”

The elf—Fenris—muttered a quick greeting. Anders responded with the same. 

Xxx

After Several hands, Anders was really beginning to realize how terrible he was at Diamondback. Though, he was pretty sure that Isabela was cheating. Varric, he couldn't tell. It was a good thing they weren't paying for money, especially as his rent was due in three days. Conversation was pleasant enough, between Varric telling impossible stories about either someone at the table, or someone famous he knew and the litany of jokes almost everyone was sharing. Claudia seemed to be enjoying herself, at least. Anders, not so much. He would have much rather been in bed. Yet, he acknowledged, under different circumstances and if his illness wasn't an issue, this would have been fun. No matter how much he told himself that, the thoughts of Karl kept coming, and all Anders could do to keep them at bay was take another sip of the beer. 

“You never did tell me how you and Blondie met, Hawke.” Varric's words caught Anders off-guard. He had been trying so hard to focus only on the cards in his hand, after all. 

“He stitched my arm back up a while back.” She explained, throwing a card into the discard pile. “I left my phone at the hospital by accident after that, and he was kind enough to return it to me.”

“Why did your arm need stitching in the first place?” Asked Fenris.

“Do I really need to answer that?” Groaned Claudia. 

“Yes.” Varric said.

Several others agreed with him, which seemed to upset Claudia. Anders felt bad for her, given his similar situation. 

“It was a work-related injury.” Claudia spat coldly, downing probably half of her soda in one gulp. The indigestion that must have given her caused Anders to cringe.

“You spank people for a living.” Isabela sang her words sweetly, but there was a wolfish quality about the grin she wore and the sparkle in her eyes. 

“And you hack into other peoples' computers for one.”

The argument, though mostly good-natured, was making Anders uncomfortable. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be back in bed. He lacked the energy to continue much more. And, the thoughts of Karl were hammering into his skull without reprieve. Anders needed to leave, but that would mean having to convince Claudia to leave early in order to drop him off. 

“May I have a word with you in the kitchen, Claudia?” He requested, putting on the best attempt at 'normal' he could muster in that moment. 

“Yeah. I'll be right back, everyone.”

Anders didn't bother to take in the kitchen's appearance when he found himself there. He chose instead to press himself into one of the counters, trying his best to hide his growing anxiety. 

“Is something wrong, Anders?” She asked kindly. 

“Yes...no...I need to go home. My...illness has been acting up recently, and I would much rather be at home and in bed than here. No offense.”

“I can ask everyone to tone it down a bit if that would help.”

“I don't think it will, but I appreciate the sentiment. I would really just like to be back home. If you would rather stay, I can walk or—“

“—It's too far for you to walk.” Claudia protested. “I'll just leave a little early and drop you off. Varric has these little get togethers regularly, so maybe if your illness isn't acting up when he hosts the next one, you can come.”

“Thank you.”

They headed back into the dining room. Isabela was collecting the cards from their last hand played, which she most likely won. 

“Anders and I are going to head out now. He isn't feeling too well, so I'm going to drop him off and head home after that.”

“Lame.” Complained Isabela between shuffling the cards.

“I hope you feel better, Anders.” Merrill's remark was punctuated with a sweet smile. 

“All of us are dealing with our own issues, but keep playing. Why can't he as well?”

Fenris' words put a sizable frown on Anders' face. He didn't know the other man, and yet here he was, trying to make a judgment call on Anders' behalf. Whether or not he meant to be offensive didn't matter at that moment; all that mattered was that he dismissed Anders' very real need to go back home.

“That's kind of a shitty thing to say, Fenris.” Anders was grateful for Claudia's interjection, but he didn't need her to fight his battles. 

“Yes, because clearly you understand exactly what I'm going through right now.” He spat back, making no effort to hide his upset.

Before Fenris was given a chance to respond, Claudia was already tugging him out of the room. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Suicidal thoughts//Mental illness mention

Anders was the only person in the pharmacy besides the people who worked there. It was a welcome change of events, nonetheless, which he was grateful for. Which meant that he got the whole bench to himself, that he didn’t have to endure screaming infants and their frazzled mothers trying to coo them into complacency. Anders liked children, when he wasn’t putting on the façade of a functioning adult. There was a time when he and Karl humored the idea of marriage and children of their own—either adopted or through a surrogate.

But now, he had himself and only that.

A wave of suicidal thoughts washed over him, making him wish that it had been him who ended it, and not Karl. Thedas lost a bit of its luster without Karl. If it had been him…well, it probably would have been a better place.

He shifted on the bench, realizing these thoughts were a product of his self-esteem and his disorder. Yet, he did nothing to combat it. That was what the new medication the psychiatrist prescribed was for. Well, for the suicidal thoughts and the drastic shifts in his mood. The self-hate was just a permanent fixture of his personality.

His phone buzzed.

It was Claudia. Anders knew this without even looking. She had been texting him frequently, inquiring after him, asking if there was something she could do to help him. That sort of thing. Anders ignored most of them, only responding with a handful of words when he felt he could. Why she cared about how he was doing, he didn’t understand. It was best that she just let him be.

Still, he glanced at his phone, seeing her text. She was asking if she could stop by his apartment later to drop off a few things. Anders didn’t know what she would want to give him, but his stomach gave a lurch at the thought. Perhaps she was going to cut him off because of his depressive mood. He wouldn’t doubt it; she deserved a better friend than him.

The pharmacist came out shortly after he pocketed his phone. He was an elderly man, with coke-bottle glasses and a smattering of messy white hair. Anders had met him on a couple of occasions, and he was pleasant enough. But, Anders wasn’t looking to make small talk. He was looking to get his medication and get out.

He made his way to the counter, already fishing his wallet out of his pocket in order to provide his ID and to get his money out.

“How much?” Anders asked simply, noticing the bottle with his name printed on it in the pharmacist’s hands.

“Seven-fifty.” The bottle was placed on the counter. “I need to see your ID. Protocol, you understand.”

“Yeah. No problem.” Anders pulled his ID out of his wallet and passed it to the pharmacist. He punched in some numbers on his cash register. Anders could only figure it was his prescription as well as his name date. The ID was given back to him, and found its place back in his wallet.

“You said…seven silver and fifty—“

“—I’m sorry, young man, but it’s actually seven _sovereigns_ and fifty silver.”

Anders’ mouth fell open in shock. A thirty day supply of pills was more than his rent? He glanced at the bottle, and then, trying to regain his composure, returned to the pharmacist.

“Is there a generic or something I can ask for? I know I’ll need to get a new referral, but I can’t afford that.”

“It is rather expensive, and I wish I could help you, but I don’t set the prices. And as far as I know, there is no generic; The Templar Group has a patent on the formula, so no other pharmaceutical company can produce generics.”

“Of course they do.” Grumbled Anders bitterly, knowing exactly how The Templar Group liked to gouge prices and nickel and dime the people who needed their medications. He’d see it occasionally on the news, small protests of people demanding fair prices on medication. Or, the sad stories he saw on social media of people who would have lived if they could just afford their medicine. And as always, the figureheads of The Templar Group always gave the same spiel about how they were making Thedas a better, healthier place; it wasn’t their fault if some people couldn’t afford to pay what was ‘fair’. He expected as much from an organization funded by the Chantry.

“I can’t afford to pay that today.” Anders said, eyeing the bottle once more. He could already feel his stomach sink at what this implied for his mental health.

“I understand. I’ll hold onto this for you for a few days in case something changes.” The pharmacist offered. “I’m sorry, young man, I wish there was more I could do for you.”

“It’s fine. Thank you anyway.”

xXx

He felt bad that he didn’t have anything more to offer Claudia than a glass of tap water to drink. But, he was lucky if he was able to make it to the store and buy something that could pass as groceries. She hadn’t said anything about it, though. So, she didn’t mind. Or, she was being too polite to complain. Anders couldn’t even fathom why he told her it was okay for her to come over. But, he did. Which was why they were sitting on opposite ends of his couch.

“You said you had something for me in the text.” It wasn’t a question, more of a way to hurry along her visit so he could go back to his solitude. The reusable shopping bag sidled up to her hip suggested that she bought him something.

“You have been avoiding me.” Claudia said suddenly, ignoring what he previously suggested.

Anders bristled at the turn the conversation took; he really didn’t want to discuss it with her. Or anyone, really. It made him feel shitty that he did it, but at the same time, he doubted if she was really concerned. Most likely, she just didn’t like being ignored.

“Do we have to talk about it?” He asked, finding his footing in order to put distance between them.

“Well, no.” Her gaze shifted away from him. Had he hurt her feelings? Part of him didn’t care., which disturbed him a little. “I kind of figured it has to do with your illness. I stopped at the store and bought you some things to help you through it.”

“You bought me—“ He couldn’t even finish the question. Anders didn’t think he deserved that sort of kindness from someone. Especially someone whose feelings he just disregarded only a few moments before. “Why?”

“I may not be able to relate to what you’re going through on a personal level, but I saw how…how _illness_ impacted someone I cared a great deal for. They had a support system of loved ones to help them. You have no one to help you through this, as far as I can tell.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m going to support you through this. Now please, sit back down so I can show you what I bought you.”

Cautiously, Anders took a seat beside Claudia. There was still a bit of a gap between them, but he was closer than he was before. She swung the bag around so that it sat between the pair of them. Then, she started unloading its contents onto his coffee table.

When she was done, Anders saw she had bought him a loaf of bread, a half-pound each of some sort of deli meat and cheese, four frozen meals, a half-gallon of milk, a bag of three apples, a box of Cheerios, four cans of tuna packed in water, and a coffee mug with a picture of a cat and the saying ‘pawsetively meowgical’, which she explained as reminding her of him, so she _had_ to get it. She wound up knocking over the picture frame he had on the table when she put it down.

Claudia was quick to intercept the frame. Anders was too focused on the food she bought him to bother with it. She didn’t just put it back in its rightful spot, which confused him. That was, until he looked over and saw her inspecting the picture within the frame.

“Is this Karl?” She asked, pointing to one of the subjects in the pictures.

She wasn’t wrong in her guess. The picture was of Karl and himself, the day they adopted Pounce. Or rather, the day Anders adopted Pounce and Karl went along for the adventure. The lady at the adoption event took the picture of them; Pounce was squirming within Anders’ grip. Karl had his arm draped casually around his shoulder. He could recite every detail by memory.

“Yes.” Anders’ response was sullen, but not hostile. He thought about taking the picture from her, but before he could, Claudia had already replaced it.

“He was handsome. I’m…sorry. For your loss and for bringing attention to it again.”

“It isn’t your fault. Don’t apologize.” He responded, almost mechanically. None of it was her fault. Not Karl's passing nor his current depressive state. Still, he felt like he needed to confirm that to her.

Claudia put everything back in the bag. Afterwards, she craned her neck behind her, like she was looking for something. What she found was the small kitchenette that occupied the same space as the living and dining rooms. Based on her expression, she found what she was looking for.

“I'm going to go put everything away and make some sandwiches.”

“Why,” Anders inquired, “planning on staying for lunch?”

She was already in the kitchen, inspecting the contents of each cabinet so that she knew that she was putting away everything in the correct place. Claudia had also pulled out the mostly unused box of resealable sandwich bags Anders had stashed in one of the drawers.

“I can't. I have a client in a couple hours and I look like a disaster. I was just going to make a few sandwiches for you and leave them in the fridge in case you were unable to prepare something for yourself. You know, so you have something to eat with more substance than a piece of bread or some dry cereal.”

By the time he looked back up at her, Claudia had put away everything she bought, except the sandwich ingredients. She had also pulled out what condiments he kept in the fridge, a butter knife, and a plate to prepare everything on. He had to wonder if the person she mentioned earlier had the same illness, and that was why she was prepared as much as she was.

Throughout the process, Claudia would ask him how he liked his sandwiches, to a very specific degree. Anders, naturally, answered. Though, at thirty, it felt weird being asked if he wanted the crusts cut off or if he wanted the sandwiches cut into triangles or rectangles. Maybe her mother still cut the crusts off and cut them into triangles. Maybe she didn't. He wasn't about to waste what little energy he had mulling over it.

Once the deli meat sandwiches were made, Claudia packed them away in the bags and placed them in the fridge for easy access. Then, she got to work on the tuna.

The sound of the can opening and the fishy aroma must have roused Pounce from his slumber. Anders heard a soft _thud_ from the bedroom, most likely the cat jumping off the bed. He trotted through the door, singing his desire for some of the fish with every step. When he caught a glimpse of Claudia, Anders saw the cat recoil in shock, He didn't know this human, and yet there she was. In _his_ territory, no less. Pounce's interest in the tuna was no less prominent, however. He threw his nose up with each sniff he took at it, not even trying to be inconspicuous. 

“Hello, you precious baby!” Cooed Claudia sweetly at Pounce. 

He braved a cautious step towards her.

“Am I allowed to give him some of the tuna, Anders?”

“He can have a little bit.” Anders affirmed.

Claudia offering Pounce some of the tuna resulted in an entire change in the cat's attitude towards her. He scarfed down the chunks of tuna meat like he was starving, even though Anders knew he had filled the food bowl that morning. After, he buddied up to her. Either by undulating between her legs or prancing around the kitchen as he sang to her. 

After she finished making the sandwiches, Claudia returned to the living area, and to her place on the opposite end of the couch as him. For a time, she was silent, except the tapping of her toes. When she finally did address him, it was after considering her speech rather extensively, if he was any good at reading body language. 

“I'm not trying to pry, but are you taking medication for this? I'm only asking because I was going to suggest that I text you every morning to remind you to take your medicine. I'm not saying you're one of them, but there are some people who benefit from that extra reminder.”

“I'm supposed to be.” The comment was not without bite; Anders was still not over the price The Templar Group wanted him to pay for some pills. “My psychiatrist gave me a referral for a different medication because he didn't believe my old one was working out. But, the new one is made exclusively by The Templar Group, and they want me to pay close to eight sovereigns for a one-month supply.”

“That is disgusting.” She sounded just as bitter as he felt. “How can you be such a shitty person that you're looking to make money before helping people? It's like...do you _want_ to be a complete fuck, or is that just a side-effect from being on the Chantry's leash?”

“I don't know, but the pharmacist who works at the shop of 57th says that there are no generics, so I'm completely off medication until I figure something out.” He didn't bother explaining how The Templar group unethically tested their medications on institutionalized individuals who did not give their consent, how there were reports of further abuses against the patients by The Templar Group, but due to their affiliation with the Chantry, were given some bullshit fine and had to issue a public apology—all for show. 

It all got Anders thinking about his condition, and how he was worried about just having the energy to climb out of bed in order to feed Pounce. Pounce, who Claudia was trying to convince to sit with her through patting her knees and sing-song. 

That was when the idea hit him like a ton of bricks to the face.

“If I give you my spare key, do you think you'll be able to make it in once a day to check Pounce's food and water...and maybe keep him company for a little bit. It's fine if you can't, I just—“

“—It's fine, Anders. I can do it. Just give me the key, and I stop by for a little bit each day to check up on the both of you.”

“Thank you.” 

Claudia didn't hang around much after receiving the key. Which, he was nice. It gave him the opportunity to climb back in bed and let sleep put a temporary stop on the intrusive thoughts. 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Suicidal Thoughts//Depression mention//Swearing

There was no concept of time in that bed. For all Anders knew, it had been weeks that he spent most of his hours in bed, either sleeping or watching the same video on repeat for hours. Anders had tried to slog through work during this. And some days, he was able to. Just barely. He found himself making rookie mistakes. Nothing life threatening for the patients, but silly things. Stupid things that he knew he could do under normal circumstances, yet couldn’t preform due to his illness claiming all of his physical and brain power. Fortunately, the other nurses picked up the slack, allowed him to take on tasks such as fluffing pillows, fetching water, and bringing in medicine. He could do those things.

But that day, he couldn’t do anything except stay in bed. The hospital had been understanding when he called in, especially as by some miracle, he was able to find someone to cover his shift. It gave him a break from the intrusive thoughts that work gave him. And opened up a whole set of new ones he really didn’t need. Mainly about him considering how fast he could chug the bottle of bleach under the kitchen sink.

Pounce was there with him through most of it. Usually in the form of being perched on the spare pillow and occasionally extending his head out for pats when he felt Anders needed the companionship.

It struck him as odd that he never saw Claudia since giving her the spare key. She was a ghost. He never caught a glimpse of her, but he could sense her presence in the apartment, nonetheless. Pounce’s food and water were always maintained, despite Anders not doing it himself. When he ran out of sandwiches, but lacked the energy and will to make more, he found that the remainder of the bread, cheese, meat, and fish were used up, and a set of fresh sandwiches were in the fridge from him after work. On one such occasion, he found that the cups he had hoarded in his room were cleared out, but replaced with a large water bottle for him to use instead.

If she was a ghost, he conceded that she was a helpful one. One that was wasting too much effort in keeping him alive.

Which was why he found it odd that day when he heard the front door open, accompanied by soft foot falls heading into the kitchen. Pounce’s interest was piqued. His ears went rigid as he bolted to his feet and out of the room. Anders only groaned over having lost his only companion through this, but turned over and tried to fall asleep anyway.

He couldn’t sleep, but he did stay that way for a time, on his side, staring at the bright-red numbers on his digital alarm clock for longer than he cared to admit. That was, until he heard the door creak open. Anders thought that it was Pounce coming back in to resume ‘caring’ for Anders.

“Maker’s balls!” Claudia exclaimed, though Anders didn’t turn an eye to her. “It smells in here.”

“Sorry.” His speech was muffled by his pillow.

“No. It’s cool. Really. But maybe you should go take a shower while I straighten up in here?”

“Sarcasm doesn’t help.” Grumbled Anders. “Besides, I’m all out of shampoo and body soap and can’t make it to the store right now.”

“That wasn’t sarcasm, that was—Andraste’s tits, I can’t see the floor—that was me covering my nose and mouth with my sleeve.” He could hear her approach the dresser. “And, lucky for you, I snooped in your bathroom yesterday to see what kind of soaps you use, and bought you some new ones today.”

One of the drawers slid open. Anders didn’t bother to tell her to stop.

“Can you manage a shower? I will take your dirty clothes and linens to the laundry room and get them washed, and when I get back, I’ll help you shave your face.”

“I can manage a shower.” It didn’t take much effort to take a shower, and Anders had been putting off a shower for two days, by that point. If he did one thing besides lying in bed that day, it should probably be a shower.

It took more effort than Anders would have admitted, but he pulled himself into an upright position. Claudia had, while he was lying down, lain him out a clean pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that she found in his drawers. He didn’t wear them often, but then again, everything he preferred to wear was dirty. Claudia, he noticed, was gathering up his dirty clothes and dumping them into his hamper.

“Do you have a clean set of linens?” She asked.

“In the hallway linen closet. Top shelf.”

“Good. I almost bought you a new set of sheets and pillowcases, but decided against it. One more question: does your building have a laundry room and where can I find it?”

“That’s two questions.” He observed stoically.

“Bite my ass.” There was no hostility in what she said, though Anders couldn’t help be feel offended.

“First floor. Second door on the right from the staircase. You’ll need some coppers to run it.”

“Way ahead of you. Now go take a shower if you’re going to so that I can pull the sheets off your bed.”

Anders grabbed the clothes off the bed and lumbered into the bathroom.

From the looks of it, Claudia bought more than just some shampoo and some soap. They were both sitting next to one another on the sink counter top. They were different scents than what he normally bought, but there was no use complaining when she had been nice enough to even buy them for him. There was a fresh box of toothpaste sitting next to his pathetic tube that was so mangled and twisted from his persistence with trying to squeeze out the last drop. Also, an unopened pack of dental floss and disposable razors were on the counter, near a can of shaving cream that hadn’t been there that morning.

He shut the door behind him and locked it for good measure. Anders didn’t want Claudia coming in to collect a dirty towel or the clothes he was wearing. It took some time for him to get out of the clothes he was wearing, but when he did, he dropped them to the floor and got into the shower with the new soaps.

The shower was another place where Anders lost all perception of time. As much as he wished to be asleep, the warm water felt nice. The soaps smelled nice. He didn’t feel better mentally, but physically, he did. Putting on fresh, clean clothes was also a good feeling. This was something he probably would have not done for himself if not for Claudia coming over with toiletries for him. He even took the time to brush his teeth, despite that not being something they had agreed upon.

Before long, there was a knock at the door. Anders knew it to be Claudia. He unlocked the door for her and resumed rinsing off his toothbrush.

She allowed herself in, a look of surprise on her face when she saw him putting his toothbrush away. “I figured getting you to shower was victory enough; seeing that you brushed your teeth on your own free will is a pleasant surprise.”

“I would kill you with my breath if you’re serious about helping me shave.”

“You’re making jokes, now? Just like that?”

“I still feel like utter shit, make no mistake. I just figured you would appreciate a bit of humor.”

“I do.” She said earnestly, opening the box of razors. “Now, sit.”

Anders put down the lid of the toilet seat and sat down as instructed. Claudia, meanwhile, had put the stopper in the sink and filled it about halfway with some water. She picked up the can of shaving cream and squirted some into the palm of her hand. It worked into a nice lather on his face, and the scent wasn’t too overpowering or offensive.

In silence, she begun shaving his face. Her touch was surprisingly delicate and careful, especially around the contours of his jaw and cheeks. The sensation was a strange one; he had been shaving his own face since he first started growing facial hair. No one else had ever done it. But, based on how gentle she was being—not just with the razor, but with the whole situation—he figured it wasn’t her first time. Anders remembered that she mentioned someone special to her going through a similar experience.

“You’ve done this sort of thing before.” He observed.

“Shaving?” She asked, surprised. Claudia rinsed the razor in the water she had filled the sink with and begun anew. “Anders, society thinks I should be hairless everywhere but my head. Of course I’ve shaved before.”

“Not shaving.” He explained. “Caring for someone dealing with mental illness.”

“Yeah…well, when you grow up with a father dealing with mental illness, and your mother was the only thing that kept him going during his depressive episodes, or prevented him from spending our grocery money on that toy I _had_ to have during his manic episodes, you pick up a few things. _Claudia doesn’t need a new toy, Malcolm, but she does need to eat._ Or, _remember to take your medicine, Malcolm._ That sort of thing. You know?”

Anders didn't know. Not in the same way she did. His understanding of it was better, more comprehensive. An understanding from someone with the condition, who had loved someone with a similar condition. But, he didn't know what it was like to have his family support him like that. His parents shipped him off to an institution the second he was showing signs. He spent his entire teenage years there, and part of his adult life. If he had a family like hers, willing to learn, understand, and make accommodations, perhaps that wouldn't have happened.

But, there was nothing that mulling over the past would do for him.

Claudia finished shaving his face silently. When she was done, she set the razor down on the counter and handed him the towel from his shower to wipe off the lingering shaving cream and stray hairs.

“Look at you!” She beamed proudly. Probably admiring her handiwork and the fact that she hadn't missed any hairs. “You've got such a baby face underneath all of that facial hair.”

“I...thank you.” Anders responded uncomfortably. He meant it, even if he couldn't convey it in the way he wanted. “Can I get back in bed, now?”

“Yes.” Claudia busied herself with straightening up the sink area as she spoke. “I have to run to the store and pick something up, but I bought you some more groceries and I'll be back to cook you a couple of meals and have them packed in the fridge for later.”

xXx

Anders had no idea what time it was when he woke up, but he could smell something pleasant filling the small apartment. He couldn't tell what it was exactly, except savory, and with a hint of garlic. His hunger gave him the will to get out of bed and follow the scent into the kitchen.

Claudia was hovering over the stove. She had a pot on one burner, and a sauce pan that she was diligently stirring on the other. From the look of things, she had taken out all of his tupperware and already begun filling it with whatever she had cooked. By the way her current set up appeared, she was making some sort of pasta in a tomato sauce.

“I hope you like pasta.” She said, stirring the sauce some more. “I thought that it was something everyone likes, and it's cheap to make.”

“Pasta is fine.” Really, Anders wasn't picky. He'd eat almost anything set in front of him.

“Look in the bag on the table.”

Taking her suggestion, Anders walked over to the small kitchen table. There was a white paper bag near the edge, which he plucked from its spot. It gave a rattle as he did so, making him suspicious of its contents, though not quite sure what he expected to find inside. He reached in, grasping something plastic and cylindrical. She didn't—

—Except, she _did._

Anders held in his hand a bottle of medicine. Not just any bottle, but the medicine he couldn't afford the other day. The medicine he was sure would help his condition become manageable. Claudia was looking over at him from the kitchen, a slight smile on her face as he turned it around in his hands several times in disbelief. He couldn't afford it, and he doubted if she could, either. But more importantly, how did she get it?

“I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but how did you get this? It's very expensive and you need my ID to claim it.”

Her smile widened. “Don't worry about how I got the money. As far as how I picked it up, I may have...er... _borrowed_ your ID after you fell asleep, went through the drive-thru, and said you were in the passenger's seat when I picked it up. It's kind of illegal, but I thought the legality of it could go fuck itself just long enough for me to pick up your prescription.” There was a brief pause as she tasted the sauce. “Don't worry. Your ID is back in your wallet.”

“I can't accept this, Claudia.” Protested Anders, holding up the bottle for emphasis. He minded far more about her spending such an exorbitant amount to get him his medication than borrowing his ID. And, despite his claims, there was a large part of him that wanted to tear into the bottle right then and there. The fact that she remembered him mentioning not being able to afford it and actually got it confused him; Anders didn't understand why anyone would go to such lengths just for him.

“And I can't return it. Just...just take them. You know you need them. It would set my mind at ease to know you have them.”

Claudia made him feel guilty for ever refusing the medicine in the first place. Whether or not that was her intention, he didn't know. But, he found himself in the kitchen only moments later, getting himself a glass of water so he could take one of the pills. He even stuck his tongue out, like she was going to demand to check underneath it.

She didn't.

The meal she had cooked was promptly packed up into the bowls and placed in the fridge. While she did so, Anders noticed the pizza box on the counter near where she had set up her supplies. How he missed that before, he didn't know. But, he was going to blame it on his illness for it, anyway. Anders gestured towards it with an outstretched finger. He figured it to be her lunch.

“You ordered pizza?”

“Yeah.” Claudia was already deep in washing dishes to properly turn and address him. “Help yourself. I just ordered a cheese because I don't know what you like.”

Anders did help himself. He didn't bother with a plate—or even a napkin—instead, he ate a couple slices straight from the box. Claudia joined him when she was through with the dishes. Between the two of them, they hadn't even finished half, but he hardly had a normal appetite to begin with.

But, eating made him sleepy. Or, more precisely, longing for his bed once again. Anders didn't even bother to tell her he was going back to bed. But, she didn't seem to mind when he suddenly disappeared, either.

Not fifteen minutes passed of him lying in his dark bedroom did the door creak open once more that day. Anders knew it to be Claudia. The footsteps were too heavy to be Pounce. He didn't bother turning on his bedside lamp, or even casting an eye towards her. She was probably just leaving and wanted to make sure that he k new that.

Claudia stood silently near the foot of the bed for longer than he would have liked. Anders craned his head to look at her through his peripheral. “You leaving now?” He asked groggily, voicing his previous thought.

“If you want me to go, I will.”

“I don't know what I want.” He groaned into his pillow. Anders didn't need that kind of pressure on him at that moment. What he needed was for her to make a decision on his behalf. “Just, if you leave, lock up behind you. My belongings may be trash, but they're all I have.”

It was silent for a time. How long, Anders wasn't sure. Long enough that he had assumed she left. Just when he got accustomed to the solitude, he felt the other side of the bed press down with the weight of another person. Claudia. She settled in next to him, leaving a large enough gap between them still that he didn't feel smothered.

If anything, it was the exact opposite.

Something about her there—be it knowing that she was within reach if he needed her, or the residual heat that her body was giving off—brought him comfort. Anders felt the same, which was to say, like utter shit. Even worse, considering how much time, effort, and money Claudia had already spent like him. But, she was there, no matter how terrible he felt. That thought helped ease him into sleep.

She was gone when Anders woke in the morning. He couldn't tell when she left, but she remembered to lock the door and feed Pounce before she did. A note was left on the kitchen table, next to the bottle of pills he had abandoned there the night before. _Don't forget your medicine!_

He didn't.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Mentions of mental illness

The new mood stabilizers Claudia bought him were working at a quicker rate than the older ones, and without as many of the side effects. Anders knew it would take time to really see how well he adapted to them, but by a couple days in, he felt more like himself. More able to cope with the world around him and more in control of his emotions. He hated that it was the Templar Group making the medicine. He hated that Claudia was lining their pockets with money on his behalf. He hated that they had little disregard for the people who needed these medications, especially the mentally ill, since those medications costed a premium that most couldn’t afford to pay. Still, he needed it and he was grateful for everything she had done on his behalf.

Claudia made her presence known to him throughout the rest of his recovery from his depressive mood. Even if she just sat on the couch for a couple hours after class or before a client, giving Pounce someone to interact with besides the lump of a person Anders had been for about three weeks. She’d cook for him, help straighten up where she could. And if he felt he could handle the company, she was content sitting in his bed with him silently. Or listening to him talk about weird conspiracy theories he enjoyed looking up. Or watching movies on his laptop, which became something of a game for him to find something she hadn’t seen. When he felt up to it, they ventured into the living room and boot up one of his video game consoles. They were last generation, but still fun.

He learned a lot about her and her family during that week. Like, her brother and sister were twins, and their names were Bethany and Carver. They were both away at school. Bethany got in on almost a full scholarship; Claudia was helping to pay the difference. Carver got a few scholarships, but he rejected Claudia’s aid in favor of paying his own was through school. Neither had chosen a major, yet. But, from the sound of it, they were young and had plenty of time to choose. The family was originally from Ferelden, save Gamlen, but came to Kirkwall as refugees a couple years back, which was when they met Aveline.

It was strange.

Anders felt like he could listen to her all day. Or watch videos of her feeding her dog (dairy-free) ice cream. Looking at pictures she took at the twins’ last name day. Whatever. It didn’t matter. And as the medication worked its magic and her appearances became more frequent and for longer intervals, he felt himself relying on Karl’s memory to get himself through it much less, and more on Claudia.

Claudia, who smelled nice and whose smile made Anders smile right back, no matter how silly it felt. Claudia, who was competitive at the video games they had played together, who sang to herself when she thought he wasn’t paying attention. Who could quote the same parts of the same movies he could. Whose laugh was like a balm he didn’t know he needed until he had it.

Maker, was he…?

Anders assured himself that it was nothing more than a passing fancy when he would find himself wishing for her company, or to hear her voice. It had been such a long time since someone paid him so much attention; he wagered he was just starved for it. Especially so from a pretty person helping him through a rough patch.

By the end of a week on medication, Anders felt like he was ‘back’. He could work without relying on his coworkers to get through the day, do his own grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking. Through the entire journey, he realized that, while Karl would always be special and would always be loved, that he no longer needed him for the comfort.

Anders was ready to put the memories to bed.

He had called Claudia over that day to help him pack away some of Karl’s things and other items that held memories of him. If he was going to move on—heal—Anders needed to allow Karl to rest. The day before, he picked up a couple of medium-sized moving boxes to store the things in that he intended on keeping, probably in a closet, or the storage locker he had access to in the basement. Anders didn’t want to get rid of everything, necessarily, he just knew that surrounding himself in it was a bad idea.

Half an hour after he managed to get the boxes constructed, Claudia showed up. Pounce ran to the door excitedly, having already grown fond of her. Anders couldn’t blame him; for the past week, she had been steadily charming the cat with tasty treats and ear scratches. When Anders came into the living room from his bedroom, he could already see they were deep in their greeting ritual; Pounce was balanced on one of her shoulders like a trapeze artist, nuzzling one of her cheeks affectionately as she stroked his fur and promised him a snack a little bit later.

“You spoil him.” Teased Anders, watching the display of affection briefly before he rounded around into the kitchen to get a marker and some tape from his junk drawer.

“He deserves to be spoiled,” Said Claudia, “don’t you, Pounce?”

Pounce mewed complacently in response, as if he understood her.

“But, I have to go help you father with some things, so spoiling you will have to wait.” She plucked the cat from her shoulder and set him down on the ground. Pounce’s response was scampering off in the direction of his food bowl.

Anders led her into the bedroom, which was where he wanted to start. A lot of Karl’s things were still there, such as his clothes in the dresser and closet, his watch still sat on the nightstand on his side of the bed. His cologne, his deodorant, his damn slippers; it was all still there. At one point, being surrounded by them made him feel less alone. But now, they were just things that reminded him of the loneliness.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Anders?” Claudia asked, surveying the piles he had made on the bed prior to her arrival. “I don’t want to rush you into something you’re not ready for.”

He sucked a deep breath in, considering her words carefully. It had been something Anders had been asking himself since he decided to do this. Hearing it from someone else, though, it just affirmed in his mind that it was time. “Yes.” He agreed resolutely and with a nod. “I have to stop clinging to the past and move on.”

Claudia nodded in understanding. “Just making sure. So,” She paused, “what are we doing with everything? Boxing it up and putting it in storage? Donating it to charity? Tossing it? It’s up to you.”

“I was thinking that the bulk of his clothes and shoes can go to charity. He’d be happy to know that his things were helping someone in need. He doesn’t—didn’t have any family, so I won’t be saving anything for them to claim. I might keep a couple of things. To remember him, but I’ve already made my peace.”

“So what you’re saying is, you won’t act like a child throwing a fit when their mother tries to get rid of the toys they’ve outgrown?”

He snorted at her analogy. It was appropriate. “I’ll try to behave.”

Claudia pushed up her sleeves just past her elbows. It gave Anders a view of her forearm, and the scar the stitches he gave her left. He didn’t think it was disfiguring, or that it took away from her natural attractiveness.

But, he didn’t invite her there to gawk at her arm or become lost in thoughts about whether or not he thought she was pretty with scars.

The clothing was quick work, something he hadn’t expected it to be. Anders, despite his joking to the contrary, anticipated that he would have a hard time letting anything go. Especially Karl’s favorite things, or Anders’ favorite things the Karl wore. Or that shirt that brought out the color in his eyes. He kept those things and tucked them away to decide what to do with them later.

Even so, Claudia had been a great help, be it through helping him sort through the things, or keeping his mind occupied with conversation. It almost felt normal—right—to have her present through this. Anders certainly didn't have much of anyone else in Kirkwall.

That said, he wasn't sure if he would have accepted the help of anyone else besides her in the event that he had other friends.

After the clothes and shoes, they moved onto his other possessions. All of his toiletries were tossed, though Anders considered keeping the cologne for those times when he was lonely and needed that. The watch, he did keep. It had been a gift, and not a cheap one at that. The only thing that was left were the couple of pictures he had of them scattered throughout the apartment, which he retrieved without an explanation to Claudia.

When he returned, already occupied with trying to pry the back off of one frame in order to remove the picture, Claudia interrupted him by snatching the remaining frames from his grip and slipping them into the 'keep' box.

“Those are Karl's frames, Anders. He should keep them.”

“What do you mean?” He asked. It was enough to cause him to stop attempting to remove the frame backing.

“I don't know, I guess I'm superstitious and think that it's dishonoring the dead to remove their pictures from the frames. We kept every picture of my father in their frames when we put some of them in storage.”

Anders wasn't normally the superstitious type; he could hardly put any faith in the Maker, let alone believe that bad luck would fall upon him if he broke a mirror or some other stupid shit. But, the sentiment behind it was sweet, nonetheless. Those frames were Karl's, and it dishonored him to remove him from them. He could always get new frames for any new pictures he took. It wasn't like they were expensive.

He made sure the backing was on the frame nicely, and deposited it—and the remainder of the frames—into the box of things to keep.

Claudia helped him seal up the box for charity. The one he was keeping simply got folded closed and put in the closet for him to decide what to do with it later.

“Do you know which charity you want to donate to?” She asked, taking a seat on the bed. Anders noticed her mismatched socks when she fell into a cross-legged position.

“I was thinking of dropping it off at Ferelden Imports. They do work with the refugees—Karl wouldn't want his things going to the Chantry, if at all possible.”

“I can take the box to Ferelden Imports for you.” Claudia agreed. Anders sighed in relief; that was the next thing he was going to address, but didn't know how to ask.

“That would be great.”

“But,” She started; the tone in her voice sent a shiver down his spine, “you have to agree to do something for me in return.”

Anders didn't know how he felt about that proposition. On one hand, it worried him. What could she need from him. However, he also knew that she went to great lengths to help him over the last few weeks. She didn't owe him that. Nor did she owe him her assistance in packing away Karl's things. But, he _did_ owe her. The least he could do was hear her out.

“What do you need?”

“I have a client tomorrow night who's into exhibitionism and public humiliation. He wants to perform our scene in front of a crowd. The club owner agreed to let me use the space during operation hours. But, it's kind of a niche environment. You know? Not a lot of people want to hang out at a dungeon. The cover charge will be waived if you say you're with me, and all you have to do is sit around for an hour, maybe have a drink or two, and watch as I humiliate my client.”

Anders gave her a trying look. Her request wasn't that odd, nor did he see any reason to refuse it. Still, he was going to give her a little bit of a hard time before committing. “Maybe I'm not into that sort of thing.” He said, masking his humored tone with an argumentative one.

“I know for a fact that you're into voyeurism, Anders.” She matched him, though the smirk on her face was purely her own.

“Is that so?”

“Yes, that is so.”

He took a step closer, hands finding his hips as he pretended to challenge her. She was doing the same thing, down to steeling her eyes and puffing out her chest in a mock attempt to appear intimidating. Anders couldn't help but thinking that she looked cute like that, brows furrowed and an intense look on her face that was threatening to falter at any second.

It was him who broke first, though.

Anders couldn't fight the smile that crept across his face as he tried to keep up the game, especially when his adversary was Claudia. He snorted and raked a hand through his hair as he turned away briefly. Just long enough for him to return to the request she had laid out previously. Her giggle followed shortly after, denoting that she too had given up.

“Of course I'll help you, Claudia. What time do you need me there?”

“I can pick you up, if you'd like.” She suggested, removing the need to calculate his route on public transportation. “I'll be here around 6:45 tomorrow evening. I'll text you if something changes.”

“6:45 works for me.” He agreed.

Claudia hopped off the bed. “Thanks for doing this. I feel weird asking, but this client was kind of short notice, so I didn't have time to schedule things properly.”

“You've been a good friend, Claudia. It's the least I could do.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Pet play (nonsexual; not Anders)//Femdom

The club wasn't as occupied as the last time Anders had visited. Two of the tables seated a couple of groups of men, some of which watched uncomfortably as a pretty blonde bent a man he assumed to be their friend over a couch and paddled him firmly with an initiation paddle. She occasionally said demeaning things to him, tugged his hair, cursed at him, and spat in his face. It was all part of the scene. One of the men was egging it on, repeating her insults, or goading her to take it further. She was skilled at ignoring these taunts and continued on in character and without the influence.

Anders was seated on one of the couches, but he wasn't alone. Claudia had invited her friends Isabela, Varric, and that elf Fenris as well. He tried to ignore Fenris' presence the best he could between sips of the cheap beer he ordered, or pretending to be interested in what he was seeing, but it was hard. Anders was still mad about the card game; he wasn't going to let it die so easily, either.

But, Fenris was too busy having Isabela whisper in his ear, stroke his thigh, or just generally pore her focus onto him entirely. Which was weird. Anders thought she and that girl Merrill were a couple.

He tried his best to ignore it; it really wasn't his business to call someone out like that. But, the comments that were made before still played in his head, which only brought him to an anger he couldn't hope to control.

“Are you really cheating on Merrill with _him_?” Questioned Anders, making no effort to hide the disgust in his voice. His brows knit together, the anger was spelled all over his face.

“What do you mean, _him_?” Fenris matched his tone, eyes narrowed and dark. His grip on the glass of wine he was drinking tightened. Varric observed silently, though was probably eating it up as inspiration for a later book. 

“Will you both calm down?” She suggested, butting into their conversation as a means to put to bed the forming argument. “Just...watch that woman spank the man and pretend that it's you giving or receiving that spanking; whichever is most appealing to you.”

Anders frowned, but his face was wrought with contempt. He didn't like that someone else got the last word. But, at least it wasn't Fenris who got it; he was happy for that.

“And, I'm not cheating on Merrill, Darling.” Continued Isabela, turning her glass in her hand so that the ice clinked against the sides. “We have an...arrangement.”

“Arrangement?” He couldn't help but feel that she was trying to explain cheating to him. It was something he couldn't excuse.

“Yes. We have an open relationship.”

The unmistakable feeling of having shoved his foot in his mouth washed over him. Anders felt embarrassed by his initial question to her. No about singling Fenris out, but for using Isabela to do so. He had nothing against other peoples' relationships, as long as all involved parties were consenting adults. It wasn't right for him to judge someone's lifestyle just because it wasn't like his own. Nor was it right to use Isabela as he had.

“I...hadn't thought about that.”

“Why? Are you interested in coming between us?”

Anders didn't answer that question. Not because he had humored the idea, but because he could hear someone coming down the stairs and was busy trying to crane his neck to see who.

To no surprise, it was Claudia. Her hair was pulled up, which was the first thing he noticed. Surprisingly, the man in the leather dog mask and collar came to his attention second. He couldn't tell if this was the same man from the first time he saw her perform. But, it was a similar situation. Claudia had a leash wound around her hand, the man descended in front of her, bare-chested and exerting a diminutive behavior.

However, unlike last time, the man fell much more quickly into character. He was on all fours before Claudia had a chance to reach the bottom of the stairs. His barking was muffled from the leather, but still managed to chorus over the music playing over the speakers that were wired around the club area.

Anders couldn't care less about the man or what he was doing, though. His gaze remained fixed on Claudia the entire time. The coldness in her expression, and the bitterness in her voice, it was strange and intoxicating. In that moment, Anders felt envy course through him. He wanted to be receiving her cold looks and punishment. But more strange than that, he didn't want anyone else to receive her punishments.

Anders knew it was her job, and that she needed to get paid. Yet, the jealousy still bubbled forth when she stroked her submissive's back and told him he was a good dog. It was a stupid feeling. A feeling he hated having. He did his best to hide it by turning away and sipping at his beer.

Claudia was making it hard to ignore her and ignore the feelings welling up in the pit of his stomach, though. She led her  _dog_ up to him for some light humiliation and to showcase the tricks he knew. He gave paw, rolled over, begged. Typical tricks. But, there was a moment when Anders dared to look up from his drink. His eyes locked onto hers, only to see a cruel promise of  _you're next_ spelled out in her expression. Maybe he ad imagined it, but just thinking that she had flipped a switch in him. It was enough to send a shiver down his spine and cause a stirring in his pants that he would have rather done without at that moment. 

The rest of the scene played out almost exactly like the first one he witnessed from her. Including the discomfort in his pants and trying desperately to hide it from the others. Varric was pleasant conversation between casting shameful looks at the dominatrix on the floor and hiding his interest with drinks. He was charming, and had most of the room curious about the tales he wove, or laughing as he narrated what happened before them. Isabela, too, was nice to have around. She was pretty—and was keeping their drinks refreshed with her credit card—plus, she had a lot to add to whatever they spoke of. Anders had to fight the shudder whenever Fenris spoke. He bit his tongue and forced himself to remain silent, lest he start an argument over something that was, no doubt, petty and childish to everyone else.

Luckily, Fenris seemed to be doing the same.

When the scene came to an end, the club started to clear out. The party of men at the table vacated, leaving Anders with Varric, Isabela, and Fenris. Other than them, the three bartenders on shift were present, and the dominatrix from earlier. She left shortly after the group of men, while the bartenders cleaned up the abandoned drinks and started shutting down the bar for the night.

Varric rocked back on the couch with a satisfied sigh. Anders couldn't figure what had him so pleased. Perhaps he liked coming to places like this for inspiration.

“If Hawke is going to be bringing you around more now that the two of you are friends, I think we should exchange contact information, Blondie.” Varric already had his phone in-hand, and was scrolling through it in order to find something.

“Planning on asking him out on a date, Varric?” Purred Isabela. Fenris grumbled from hid place next to her.

“That's your job, Rivaini.” He said with a snort. “No, I was just thinking it would be easier to invite him to our gatherings directly instead of having to always ask Hawke. _Can your other friend come out to play, Hawke? Pretty please?_ ”

“Claudia isn't my mother.” Anders was pulling his phone out of his pocket. “You don't need to ask her if I'm available to hang out.”

“Which is why I'm taking down your number.”

When Anders was done exchanging numbers with Varric—and Isabela after him—Varric, Isabela, and Fenris left. Claudia was down only shortly after with her client, now properly clothed. Anders did not recognize him as the man from the last scene. He wondered if she was a popular dominatrix for pet play. Or, if it was just some big coincidence that three of her clients, himself included, had requested that sort of thing.

It really didn't matter.

The man left, giving Claudia an opportunity to join him, finally.

“Ready to go?” She asked, jingling her keys at him.

“Yeah.” He adjusted his pant leg to hide the arousal better.

xXx

The car ride was uncomfortably silent. Claudia didn't even have music playing on the radio, which was something he regarded as strange. But, she looked tired. He imagined she had been; performing a scene was physically and emotionally draining, especially so if you were the one making sure everything was safe for the submissive.

Her focus remained on the road, which was mostly empty except for a lingering few cars and pedestrians. Anders glanced over at her. The high he felt from watching her work still hadn't faded. Neither had the jealousy, which he was beginning to feel more and more guilty of feeling by the minute. But, more than either of those, he wanted to be subject to her domination again.

“Claudia?” He asked, ending the silence between them.

“Yeah?” She didn't even take a glance in his direction.

“Would it be weird to ask if we could perform another scene together?”

“You mean, because we've become friends, I take it.”

“That's why.” He hadn't thought of it necessarily like that. Perhaps more to do with her buying him groceries for three weeks and paying for his medication.

“Can we talk about it when we get to your apartment? I need to focus on driving.”

“Yeah, sure.”

The drive wasn't a long one. Yet, Anders was filled with an impending sense of anxiety about why she wanted to wait to discuss things. It couldn't be good. Or, maybe that was the anxiety speaking. Either way, his palms began to sweat and knots formed in his stomach at the prospect. He wanted out, but there was no way he could see escaping this.

Claudia parked in the vacant parking lot directly to the west of his building. Before she began speaking, she sucked in a deep breath and stared out the windshield for a time. Longer than she realized, he figured. Why, he didn't know.

“You want to keep doing scenes with me, then?” Anders couldn't tell if she was shocked, or just rehashing what they already discussed.

“Is that weird?”

“Yes...no...Maker's balls, I haven't the foggiest of ideas. I don't feel comfortable asking you for money, that's for damn sure.”

“Are you sure?” The question flew out of his mouth before he had even registered it. By that point, he had to commit to it. “I don't have a problem paying.”

“It...doesn't feel right. To ask for money from a friend.”

“So, you're refusing. You could have just said 'no', you know.” Anders couldn't help but sound a bit angry. After all, she drove all this way to reject the notion, when she could have just refused at the beginning. He folded his arms over his chest, prepared for the rejection.

“I wasn't refusing, Anders.” She, too, sounded angry. “We just can't do it at the club anymore if I'm not accepting payment from you. I have to give the owner a cut of my profits, and I can't do that if I'm not making money.”

“I...I see.” Suddenly, Anders felt like an asshole. He hadn't thought that there was more to consider than just a 'yes' or 'no'.

“We can't do it at my place either. My mother would have a heart attack and Gamlen would never allow it.”

“We could do it at my apartment, if that's okay.” Anders vaguely remembered her having a rule about no private residences. But, given she had already been there several times as a friend, he didn't see how occasionally as a dominatrix was different. He only hoped she didn't feel threatened by the suggestion.

Her lips pursed, and she gripped the steering wheel like she was about to swerve out of the way of an incoming semi. Anders wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Yeah, okay. Just...just call or text me with a ballpark estimate of when you'd like to do a scene and what sort of stuff you want to include and I'll get back to you with a time that works for me. We can discuss safety and all of that shit at the time of the scene. Does that work?”

Anders' posture eased up. She wasn't mad, nor was she refusing him. It still felt weird, not paying her. Later, Anders would have to think of a way to pay her back for everything she had done—and continued to do—on his behalf. But in that moment, he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“That works. So, I just call you whenever I'm ready for a scene?”

“Basically. Or text. Carrier pigeons might work too, but I can't guarantee that Biscuit won't try to chase them off.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> General Femdom//hand cuffs//spankings (hands and paddles)//sexual arousal

Inviting Claudia over to perform a scene was more uncomfortable than Anders had previously thought it would be. Well, not the ‘inviting her over’ part. Rather, the act of having her sit of his couch, hair and makeup done, dressed in a professional manner, though it was oddly erotic, given why she wore it, and stealing love from his cat. Anders had wondered if it was even appropriate to ask her to come like that. She would have been more comfortable in a baggy t-shirt and jeans, he imagined. Plus, he wasn’t paying her any more.

Still, she hadn’t voiced a complaint about it when he had requested it. He couldn’t even begin the imagine the sorts of things she was used to getting requested to wear.

She had the coffee table covered with the props and toys she brought with her. A long feather—Anders didn’t know from what sort of bird, but he wagered a big one—a paddle, and the leather manticles from the first time.

Anders swiped his tongue along his bottom lip, anticipating the sorts of things she was going to do to him with them.

Yet, there was still much to discuss.

“I…guess I’m comfortable with you touching up to my mid-thighs, now.” She said hesitantly. Pounce’s purring in her lap played out as ambient noise. “Everything else still stands, though. I still won’t do anything remotely sexual, either.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to, anyway.” Anders shifted on the couch. Andraste's mercy, this was an uncomfortable conversation. He wondered if she felt the same. “Do you often re-evaluate your rules?”

“No. But you’re sort of an unusual circumstance in my field of work to begin with.”

“Unusual circumstance.” Snorted Anders. He didn’t know how she meant the phrase, but he took it as an insult.

“What?” Claudia spat defensively. “You are! I don’t normally get this familiar with my clients. It just sort of happened.”

Anders folded his hands into each other, feeling bad for his accusatory thoughts earlier. She had been nothing but kind to him in the couple of months they knew each other, he reminded himself. So, when the intrusive thoughts about her laughing at him privately when she was with her other friends washed over him and made him wish to see her out over it, he tried one of Wynne’s coping techniques. They were just that— _thoughts—_ he reminded himself. Thoughts weren’t always the reality of the situation, regardless of how real they felt to him in that moment.

“I’m…sorry…if I overreacted to that.” Anders croaked uncomfortably. He wondered if he apologized only because more thoughts nagged him about the possibility of Claudia hating him for his response.

“No harm done.” Said Claudia with a wave of her wrist, dismissing his apology. He did it so much that the response—wrist waving and all—must have become second nature.

“We should probably go over what you want for the scene, just so I don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.” She suggested.

Anders’ initial response was a nod, followed by him turning an eye to the _toys_ on the table. Pounce was eyeing the feather suspiciously, though Claudia kept him busy enough with ear scratches that he didn’t attack it.

“I don’t know.” Said Anders with a shrug. “Maybe…maybe start with the cuffs, then move up to spankings. First with your hands and then with the paddle. Finish it off with tickling from the feather.”

“Fine by me.” She grabbed the cuffs from the table and set them down in her lap.

“I...uh...I brought a couple blankets from my bedroom into here for aftercare. And I have chocolate and water in the kitchen.” Anders felt, if he was no longer paying, it had become partially his job to help with the aftercare, even if it meant making sure blankets were readily available for Claudia to swaddle him in.

“Thanks.” Claudia responded promptly. “You ready?”

He was. Mostly. Anders tugged his shirt over his head and pulled down his pants, leaving him with nothing more than his underwear once more. At least this time, he was in the privacy of his own home, which helped with the nerves. Having Claudia there still sent his stomach in knots, but he realized it was something that could not be avoided. While he did that, she locked Pounce in the bedroom and then returned to her spot on the couch.

“Okay. Ready.”

“Then, on your knees.”

It was like a switch was flipped on in his mind. The moment Claudia's tone turned cold, he felt a shiver descend his spine and the inexplicable need to obey. Anders slid off the couch gracelessly while she watched. Anders thought of her to look very much like a wolf with that grin on her face, which was fitting, because he felt like the sheep about to be devoured.

Anders' hands fell in his lap as he watched her. Studied her. Claudia hardly moved, except the rhythmic bouncing of her leg crossed over the other. Then, she shifted. Suddenly, she was on her feet and circling him like a hungry predator. His previous analogy of a wolf felt so much more fitting.

She did three laps around him, each time growing closer. On the second, she reached out and stroked the skin on his face and neck with her fingertips. It was like white-hot electricity wherever she touched. His skin tingled in the wake of her fingertips.

Claudia stopped directly behind him upon the completion of the third lap. She didn't act at all. Just watched him. Anders gulped, unsure of how he felt about that. Then, he felt it. Claudia reached out and grabbed a fistful of his hair. With a fluid motion, she yanked his head back. It was just a touch below painful. Nothing he couldn't handle. Still, he caught that look on her face, the calculated malice in her expression. He knew that he would come to no harm with her as his mistress. Still, she was good at making him momentarily forget that.

“On your feet, slut.” Claudia barked in a callus manner. She released his head, and begun undoing the manticles.

Anders rose to his feet. His knees quivered a little as he did so. From nerves about the paddle, probably. He had never been spanked with one, he realized as he sized it up while she drew his arms behind him and cuffed them together.

While she was cuffing him, Claudia must have noticed his gaze on the paddle. She grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look at her. “Are you excited to get to feel that paddle against your ass, slut?”

“No, mistress.” Anders murmured obediently.

“What was that?” She asked viciously, her grip tightening. “ _No,_ mistress? You're a little fucking liar!”

“No, mistress.” He repeated with a stronger conviction.

Claudia laughed in disbelief. Her free hand drifted onto one of the bonds keeping his hands behind his back. “Oh, yes you are. You're desperate to feel it, I can just tell. But, you lied, so you need to be punished.”

“Punished?”

“Yeah. Punished.”

Claudia's grip turned into a vice around one of the manticles. Roughly, she tugged him around the couch. Anders was not prepared to be walking backwards and nearly fell. But, it was soon over, and he was roughly thrown over the back of the couch, stomach jutting into the highest part.

She wasted no time in spanking him, nor did she even bother to announce it to him. Her firm palm against his ass came as a surprise at first. The sting still felt somewhat foreign, though the force she put forth did not. Soon, it became something familiar, though nonetheless arousing. There was just something about a pretty girl telling him he was naughty and punishing him accordingly that got him every time. Even if he knew he wouldn't be having sex with her, it still excited him all the same. He could already feel his cock beginning to stir. It was something he was hoping to have done without that time, but was not so lucky.

Several more minutes of spankings followed. Claudia alternated which hand she used when her other one became sore. Likewise, Anders was sore. His skin was most likely dappled red and with hand prints. He couldn't exactly see. Still, the thought of it only further his arousal.

Before long, she was leaning over him, the length of her body pressed into his back. Anders tried to ignore the feeling of her soft breasts in contrast to the stinging in his ass. He tried, but the thought wouldn't leave him alone. One of her hands ran up and down his arm while she pressed her lips onto his ear.

“It's time for the paddle, slut. Don't move.”

Anders watched as Claudia rounded the couch once more in order to grab the paddle. She teased him with it, stroking it tenderly, running her tongue along one of the sides.  _Maker._ The sight of her licking that paddle drove him to a full erection, which was pressed uncomfortably against the couch and his stomach. 

She returned to her spot behind him shortly after. Anders knew her style of domination well enough to know that she wouldn't give him warning about when it was coming. She was creating suspense. Something that made him both uncomfortable and intrigued in equal measures.

Then, it came.

It was the sound of the  _crack_ against his ass that assaulted his senses before the pain did. But, then the pain did, it far surpassed anything she could accomplish with her hand. Anders could tell she was rearing back for another, but he didn't know if he could handle another with that kind of force behind it. The first had left him in a near stupor, after all.

“Y...yellow.”

There was some hesitation on her end, but she followed through and administered another lashing with the paddle. It was considerably more bearable than the first. Almost pleasurable. She followed it by a second, third, and a fourth. By the fifth, he had gone almost numb to it, except for the rush he felt from it. There was a sense of euphoria in it that Anders couldn't explain. He just knew that the cracking sound and the feel of the paddle against his ass excited him.

Then, just as quickly as she had taken up the paddle against him, Claudia was rounding the couch once more. She put the paddle back on the table, and picked up the feather; putting Pounce in his bedroom suddenly seemed like a great idea. Claudia returned, even taking her place behind him. She grabbed a tuft of hair once more and tugged him back. Anders didn't fight it, but his back arched with the motion anyway.

“I bet you like being tickled with feathers, don't you, slut?”

“Yes, Mistress.” He murmured, barely above a whisper.

“Then lie on your back on the couch. Now.”

Anders obeyed, but not without hesitation. He was concerned about Claudia seeing his erection. At least when he was pinned to the couch, he wouldn't have to worry about her knowing he got off on the punishment. But presently, he was hard and being instructed to lie on his back. Just the thought alone was humiliating.

But, maybe that was the point.

“I said _now._ ” Claudia struck his ass once more with an open palm for emphasis. It made more sound than it did cause pain, but the shock of it was enough to inspire him to listen.

When he was finally on the couch, Claudia walked over to his side. She hadn't even paid the tent formed in his underwear any heed and she ran the feather down his chest. He flinched as she danced it along his skin, up his arms, along his jawline. He feared an outburst in laughter, or an involuntary response in which he kicked or punched. But, she was obviously practiced in using the feather. Her hand was light enough to where he felt it, and it bordered on the verge of uncomfortable, but he did not react.

The scene came to a close when Claudia drew the feather away and placed it back on the table with the paddle.

“If it is okay, Anders, I will ask you to sit up. I would like to take the manticles off.”

The shift she made between the Mistress and the caregiver never got old. Just a moment ago, she scared him with her ferocity and control. Yet there she was, delicately helping him into a seated position and removing the bonds that kept his hands bound. He rubbed his wrists to help promote circulation once she had them completely off.

Claudia got to work with preparing everything else for aftercare. She wrapped him in a blanket and retrieved two glasses of water—as well as the chocolate—from the kitchen. She also cam back with something he hadn't expected. An ice pack.

The water and chocolate were set on the table to be drank and nibbled at his discretion, she reminded in a soft, caring tone. Anders was only half focused on what she said, but it helped to bring him a sense of calm.

“Would you like to use this ice pack, Anders?” She asked. Her movement to hold it out to him was slow, nonthreatening. It was a practiced maneuver, he was sure.

Anders took it and slid it underneath himself. The cold caught him off-guard, but it did help to ease the throbbing.

By the time he was done situating the ice pack, Claudia had taken a seat on the couch next to him. The shoes she was wearing were kicked off underneath the coffee table, though he hardly cared. She reached out with one of her hands and stroked his knuckles softly. Anders tensed at her touch, which led her her pulling away.

“I'm sorry, Anders. Would it be alright if I touched you?”

He nodded.

Her light touch resumed, lulling Anders into a sense of calm. She hummed to him through the entire process, a sweet little tune he recognized, but couldn't quite place. It made him feel safe. Eventually, his head fell into her shoulder and settled in there. Claudia hesitated, but took that as opportunity enough to draw her arm closest to him around him.

While he was lying there, the back of his head rested against her shoulder and her arms gently wrapped around him while she hummed sweetly in his ear, something shifted. The smell of her perfume washed over him. It wasn’t offensive, but almost comforting. Her chest rose and fell against his back. The repetitious movement was soothing and familiar. Anders felt safe in her arms. And strangely, the act of lying there with her was almost more seductive than the scene itself. He wanted to stay like that with her, as odd as it felt to think that about someone he considered his friend. 

“How are you feeling?” Claudia asked, her voice low and gentle. She brushed some of the stray hairs from his face.

Anders shifted on the ice pack he was sitting on, making it easier to look at her. “Good. It doesn’t sting so much anymore.”

“That’s good. Do you still need the comfort?”

“No,” Said Anders, “but I wouldn’t mind a few more minutes of this.”

Maker’s breath, he wouldn’t mind kissing her at that moment.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Sexual Fantasies//Masturbation

Claudia left shortly after they finished with aftercare. She had a client in a couple hours and needed to prepare, she explained as she rushed out the door, nearly forgetting her bag of toys on the table. Anders was jealous, though he didn't quite understand why. He would have liked for her to stay a little longer. Hang out and watch TV or something. Though lately, much of his free time had been posting to message boards about how corrupt the Templar Group was, or absorbing as many news articles as he could about them to find what he could do to stop them from gouging prices on medication.

Still, he would have liked the company. Company from another person, as opposed to just his cat.

Her company.

It was then that Anders remembered Pounce was still locked in his bedroom.

Before heading over, he scooped up the blankets from the couch.

Pounce rushed the door as soon as Anders opened it, to no surprise. He darted straight for the couch and jumped on it, only to begin meticulously grooming his face and paws. Anders only paid the cat a passing glance before heading into his room.

He made to put his blankets at the edge of his bed, but as he did, they brushed against his wanting cock, still hard from the scene. It happened enough that Anders usually ignored it most days if he could. But, he didn't have work later. And, by the sound coming from the living room, Pounce was going to town on one of his toys—probably would be for quite a while to work off some of that pent up energy.

Anders looked down at it, realizing he had time enough to do something about it, and a cat that would probably ignore him for at least half an hour.

In a swift motion, Anders dropped his underwear to the floor and climbed into bed.

First, he made himself comfortable by positioning his pillows and blankets. He was going to be there a while, after all. He should at least be comfortable. His cock gave a violent throb with his heartbeat, tired of being ignored. Soon, he would remedy that. Anders took a couple pumps of the lotion he kept on his bedside table into his palm and spread it around to make it slick. He tested it by flexing his hand and fingers, feeling the thick coating of lotion on his hand.

Anders wasted no time after that with grabbing hold of his cock at the base and softly stroking it.

His breathing was shallow and irregular with his strokes at first. But, he found a rhythm soon enough. Anders drifted between thoughts of beautiful people and replaying the scene from earlier in his head for inspiration, not that he really needed it. He was already hard. But, it helped. The sensation was always pleasurable.

Anders shut his eyes, enjoying the sensation of his hand on his cock. His breathing leveled as his free hand found his stomach and chest. He worked courses around the bare expanse of skin, igniting the places he loved being touched the most. Imagining it was someone else doing the touching. Most days, it was a nameless person, a face he saw in a magazine or a whatever actor he found particularly attractive at that moment.

But, not then.

He couldn't quite put a face to it, hindering his pleasure. It always helped to have someone in mind, he found. Someone he wouldn't mind touching him. Anders considered pulling up some porn on his phone for that purpose. Except, he left his phone in the living room and didn't feel like getting it. So, he continued working his cock, hoping to be done with it sooner rather than later.

Yet, that didn't seem the case. Sure, he was hard and opportunity had presented itself, but he just couldn't get into the right mental state. Anders tried closing his eyes tighter, imagining the sensation of getting spanked again. And, he thought it would work. But, it didn't. His head lulled to the side, into the pile of blankets he had brought in from the living room.

When he inhaled, he caught a faint whiff of Claudia's perfume. Not as strong as when he smelled it on her earlier, but still enough to where he recognized it. That was _her_ scent. The one he knew her for having, even if he couldn't place what it was. Anders thought of her, her face, the way she sounded when she called him a filthy slut and a liar earlier. How her legs looked in heels and stockings. 

Desire and pleasure started to build up once more. He felt strange, given it was from thinking of his friend. Still, he stole another sniff of her lingering scent and gave his cock another tug. 

The more he thought of how she was during the scene, the easier it was for Anders to find the right mood. His body relaxed as he let himself enjoy it more. Each stroke felt better than the last. Especially when paired with thoughts of how his mistress would tell him he was a naughty boy for touching himself like that to thoughts of her. 

It felt weird, Anders continuously reminded himself, but he couldn't have been her first client to think of her like that. She had even given him permission to masturbate during a scene if he needed to. But, there was something almost thrilling about waiting. Having her know that he had become aroused and was likely to take care of it earlier added to the shame, but also the excitement. 

He was getting close, closer than he thought he would so early. Anders tried to stem himself, but it was no use. His orgasm bubbled up from within him. It came out in several short bursts, erupting down his teeming cock and clenched hand like a volcano. Anders moaned softly as the feeling of release washed over him, eyes lulling open, witnessing the mess he made of himself. Later, the shame of it all would settle in. At that moment, however, he didn't care.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Alcohol use//Fighting

The music in the club was loud, even in the vestibule by the coat check. So loud that she could feel the bass thrum right through to her bones. Claudia felt it in her very pulse as it became one with the dubstep they were playing overlaid by the vocals of some top 40 pop song. It wasn’t particularly good, but the crowd she could hear in the main space didn’t seem to care. She felt a bit underdressed s a group of women dressed in their finest walked past. She refused to wear heels that night. But, she had two clients back-to-back and class before that. She wasn’t going to stay in torture devices, no matter how pretty they made her feet look.

She looked to her left, at Anders. He looked a bit uncomfortable. It made Claudia feel guilty for inviting him in the first place. But, Isabela had been firm about inviting one of their more masculine friends in the hopes of keeping horny men who were looking for a bed to fall in at bay. Fenris was working on a hot lead to do with the trafficking ring he’d been tailing for months and didn’t want the trail to go cold. And, Varric laughed at her and said something about needing to pull a couple chapters out of his ass by midnight or his editor would birth a litter of nugs in the morning.

That left Anders. Not that she twisted his arm to get him to come. Claudia would have sooner told Isabela that they would have to go without if he had refused. But, he hadn’t. Though, based on the slouched shoulders and faint grimace on his face, she would have bet otherwise if not for the fact that she had the texts on her phone to prove it.

“Would you rather go home? I’ll drop you off and tell Isabela that you couldn’t make it.” Claudia was sincere. If he wanted to leave, she would drop him off right then and there. She could come back later. It wasn’t a big deal.

Anders’ expression faltered. He rubbed the back of his head, mussing up the half ponytail a bit in the process. “No, it’s fine. The music is just—“

“—Bad?” She practically had to shout it out to him.

“Yeah!” He half laughed with his response.

“The DJ isn’t very good, are they?” It was more rhetorical in nature, and acted as a perfect queue to get them into the main area of the club.

The interior space of the club was dimly lit in terms of traditional lighting, but there were all sorts of strobe lights and other special effects lighting that gave the dance floor and bar areas a blue ambient glow. The tables, which were mostly occupied by beautiful women in tight dresses and handsome men done up to the nines, had what looked to be LED candles on them to give a little extra lighting, though it didn’t seem to really add much.

Claudia wasn’t sure exactly where Isabela was waiting, though she was positive it would be somewhere near the bar. So, when she found her and Merrill propped up next to it, it was hardly a surprise. Isabela was occupied with trying to order a round of shots, if Claudia was hearing her correctly while Merrill undulated her shoulders in tune with the beat of the music. She looked out of place in a club, but she also looked like she was enjoying herself, which ultimately was the important part.

“Oh!” She mouthed, or rather, _said_. She clapped her hands together excitedly, face illuminated. Claudia just couldn’t hear her over the music. Merrill tapped Isabela on the shoulder. Once she had her attention, she gestured towards Claudia and Anders. Isabela turned in tandem with the tapping and saw the pair. She waved them over.

“I’m ordering shots!” Isabela bellowed over the roar of the crowd on the dance floor. “Want one?”

“Pass, I’m driving.” Claudia declined with a wave of her wrist. She didn’t feel like going into any more detail than she needed.

“What are you having?” Inquired Anders. Claudia couldn’t tell if he was actually considering drinking with her, or if it was curiosity. It didn’t matter either way. She was the de facto designated driver regardless of whether he chose to drink.

“Rum.”

“You do shots of rum?” The confusion on his face was almost humorous. “Wouldn’t it be better mixed in with something like juice, or soda?”

“Mixers are for children. Are you having one or not?”

“I’ll order myself a beer instead. Thanks, though.”

Isabela shrugged off the refusal and ordered a shot for her and Merrill. There weren’t many people at the bar, so the bartenders were quick in getting it for them. Isabela paid, then raised one of the sot glasses for Merrill to take, and the other for herself. They knocked them back at relatively the same time, though with different responses to it. Isabela slammed her glass on the counter upside down with a triumphant grin on her face. Merrill sputtered while wearing the same face one might wear after tasting something sour.

“That is awful strong!” She chirped. Not really a complaint, more an observation. Her glass was placed delicately next to Isabela’s.

“It’s not strong, it’s cheap.” Explained Isabela. “The top shelf stuff goes down smoother. But, the cheap stuff will get you just as drunk for a fraction of the price.”

“I see.” Hummed Merrill in understanding. “Do you think we could dance now? I would really like to dance, even if I am not so good and will probably step on your feet at some poi—and I’m babbling. Sorry.”

“It’s alright, Kitten.” Said Isabela with a giggle. “We can go dance if you want. Coming, Claudia? Anders?”

Anders shook his head. “It’s a little crowded on the dance floor for my taste.”

“Fine. Claudia?”

Claudia looked over at Anders, who was pretending to be very interested in the vodka on the shelf behind the bar. It didn’t feel right to abandon him after she had been the one to invite him in the first place. “I think I’ll sit this one out. My feet are still sore from work.”

“Suit yourselves. Have fun sitting by the bar.”

Isabela left, guiding Merrill to the dance floor by the hand. They looked like they were having a lot of fun, Claudia observed. The pair moved and swayed to the music, no matter how terrible it was. Merrill would pause occasionally to wave at Claudia, and she waved back each time.

“You can go dance with them, if you want.” Claudia looked to her side. Anders was now holding a beer in his hand; she hadn’t even heard him order it. Most likely, she had tuned him out. “I don’t want to stop you from having fun with your friends.”

“You’re not stopping me from having fun.” Claudia flashed him a toothy smile. “Besides, I don’t want to dance unless you’re dancing with me—I mean—“ Claudia fumbled over her words, not realizing what she was implying until it had already come out. Maybe she did want to dance with him. It was a possibility. But, it was far too late to try to play her slip-up off as something else.

It seemed to have caught Anders off-guard too. He had his beer bottle held to his lips, but wasn’t drinking. She thought she saw a smile tug at the corners of his mouth, but if she had, he was quickly hiding it by pressing the bottle into his lips an taking a swig. Even so, his face had begun to flush. Or, it looked that way, at least.

“But wouldn’t you rather dance with someone else?” He asked. There was something in his voice she hadn’t heard before. Claudia couldn’t quite place the emotion. “A beautiful girl like you wouldn’t want to dance with me.” There was a pause when he smile widened, before a sort of realization hit him and he cast his eyes down at his feet. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just...just thought it was something you were used to hearing.”

Anders looked sort of cute like that. Face flushed red from his embarrassment, still wearing his smile from earlier. It was different than the way she thought animals were cute, different than telling someone their child was cute. This was…different. This was a man that she thought was cute, in the way a person found grown men cute. Claudia didn’t have the words to articulate it, but her breath hitched when he looked back up at her and caught her gaze with his own. Did his eyes always have that ring of gold around the pupils?

It felt like she had been staring at him forever, which was why she snapped her head away. To give her a chance to think of a way to respond to him in any way other than giggling from the compliment and running off to hide after being so awkward. She tried faking composure by wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans and puffing her chest.

“It…caught me off-guard.” She said, her voice cracking in a vain attempt to sound smooth. Her body leaned in towards him. “You can keep calling me beautiful, though.”

Anders took half a step toward her. He was smiling, still, but it was so much more than a smile. It was subtle, but even his body language changed at her words. Something about him seemed more inviting, as crazy as it felt to think that.

“I’m sure I can come up with better lines.” He purred sweetly.

Isabela charging up the stairs from the dance floor broke Claudia’s focus on Anders. She slid away from him uncomfortably and tried to play it cool. Like she wasn’t just staring into his eyes like a schoolgirl at her crush. He did the same, even going to far as to indulge himself in another sip of his beer in order to look natural.

“Did something happen?” Claudia smoothed a hand over the top of her head, observing Isabela’s surly nature. Merrill was close behind, looking distraught.

“Some asshole on the dance floor thought it would be cute to get handsy with me and trying to get us to have a threesome with him while we were dancing.” She tried to flag the bartender down.

“Did you punch him in the dick?” Though her inflection made it sound like she was joking, Claudia was serious in asking. If someone wasn’t understanding the concept of personal space, there was no reason why Isabela shouldn’t have punched him.

Isabela snorted. She was still waiting on the bartender.

Then, Claudia saw it. The grimace on Merrill's face accompanied by Isabela turning her head to see what she was frowning about. She paled when she looked over at the dance floor, and quickly turned back to the bartender while trying to conceal her face. Claudia craned her neck to see what they were looking at.

What she saw was a man, late twenties and dressed like a fuckboy trying to look classy. She could almost smell the stench of his overpowering cologne from where she stood.

“Maybe it would be best if we just leaved.” Anders' suggestion came just after he saw the man. He most likely correctly assumed that he was the man making Isabela uncomfortable earlier.

“Why did you run off so fast, sweetheart?” The man wasted no time as sidling up to Isabela, who was doing her best to ignore him and attempt to enjoy herself. Claudia didn't like seeing her like that. Diminished and almost scared about what a man was going to do to her without asking for her consent. She couldn't let it continue, not to her friend.

“My! You are persistent, aren't you?” Claudia boomed, faking a dulcet tone to get her sarcasm across. “You're rather like a gnat.”

The man turned his head to her lazily. He didn't seem impressed by her, but that wasn't her point. Her point was to make him feel unwanted so that he'd leave. But, he didn't appear to be smart enough to realize that.

“A what?”

“A _gnat_. You must have the intelligence of one, too.”

He advanced on her quickly. Claudia took a cautionary step back as he got in her face. The man, he was a bit taller than she. His cologne was strong enough to make her choke on it. He was trying to intimidate her, probably because he thought she would cower in fear and awe of his manly excellence. She didn't, naturally. “This isn't about you, Ferelden bitch.” 

Now he was just pissing her off. 

She shoved him off her with a bellow of power. He stumbled back several feet, towards Anders. The man caught himself on the counter and regrouped. He advanced on Claudia quickly. Faster than she expected. Without warning, he reared back and smacked her hard across across the cheek. Her head spun with it, the pain searing through it seconds after she felt his palm strike her. Instinctively, she cradled her injured cheek in her hand. The pain was all she felt besides a growing blind fury. She couldn't hear anything but the pounding of her heart. 

Claudia was going to make him regret ever putting his hands on her in the first place. No one touched her without her permission.

Seconds before she was about to deliver a swift kick to his stomach, Isabela flew at him like a blur. She tackled him to the ground, assaulting him with a series of punches to his face and upper chest. Claudia, running on adrenaline, joined in, kicking him wherever she could reach.

He fought back as much as he was able. His fingers sunk into the left side of Isabela's face, leaving long gashes were his fingernails had broken the skin. The man's hand even cinched around Claudia's ankle, causing her to lose her footing. He dragged Claudia down to the ground. It felt like she was falling in slow motion. The whole club watched her go down, including Anders. She could still hear nothing but the pounding in her ears, but she was sure it was her name he was calling out. She hit her lip on the counter as she fell, but the pain didn't register. Not yet. Yet, she did feel the gush of blood rise up from her lip and spill down her chin and neck. Claudia knew she probably looked like a mad woman. It didn't matter.

She didn't know how long it had gone on, but it probably wouldn't have stopped if not for a police officer dragging her off the man and throwing her in the back of a police cruiser with Isabela.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Swearing//Descriptions of injuries

It felt strange, being on the other side of the bars at the precinct. Claudia had been there enough, usually pestering Aveline between her clients at work, dropping in with tasty treats for all the officers, or bringing Biscuit by to play with the off-duty officers and K-9 units. Which was probably why so many of them reacted with shock when she was carted in, bloodied, with a slowly blackening eye and fat lip, and locked in handcuffs. She didn’t go to one of the holding cells. Isabela did, but not Claudia.

Claudia, instead, was brought to the interrogation room. The officer guiding her through the precinct was instructed to do so by one of the other officers. Special request from the chief. She bristled, knowing exactly what that meant.

She was about to get lectured by Aveline and her mother was going to get called.

The lecture she could handle. Having to explain to her mother why she beat the shit out of some guy in a club, well, that made her queasy.

Roughly, she was deposited in the cold metal chair in the interrogation room to await Aveline. Claudia couldn’t get comfortable, not with the handcuffs on and certainly not when she was starting to feel the pain in her face. She shifted restlessly, trying to find a position that wasn’t agonizing.

Moments in, the door opened, but it wasn’t Aveline who walked in. She recognized the officer. His name was Donnic; she saw him around occasionally. Aveline talked about him sometimes, about what an exemplary officer he was. He was carrying a styrofoam cup and something rectangular-shaped wrapped in a paper napkin. Claudia tried her best to give him an impish grin, but she could see her reflection in the two-way glass. So, she could see it was more of a grimace.

“I brought you some water and an icepack for your face.” Said Donnic, putting them both on the table in front of her.

“I’m about to get it from Aveline, aren’t I?” She asked. Claudia instinctively reached for the water, forgetting that she was in cuffs. It would take some finesse to drink it without spilling.

Donnic tugged at the collar of his uniform. He looked tired. And this probably wasn’t helping him any. “She wishes to speak with you on the matter.”

“So, yes.” Claudia switched the cup for the ice pack.

“Please don’t make things too difficult for her. I know you’re her friend and you give her a hard time, but just…try to cooperate. She really didn’t need this tonight.”

“Will do.”

Donnic left, leaving Claudia alone to do nothing much but examine her reflection in the glass. Her makeup was smeared and hair matted. There was dried blood on her chin and neck. A little on the collar of her blouse, too. It was going to be a bitch to wash out later. But, she had to admit, she kind of looked like a bad ass. If they hadn’t taken her phone from her, she would have snapped a selfie and made it her icon on all of her social media accounts.

Aveline walked in shortly after Donnic left, looking more frustrated than angry. Claudia was trying to get a read on her. It was clear she was tired. And, sending off very strong _why did you do this shit tonight_ vibes. She sank in her chair as the chief took the seat on the opposite side of the table and rubbed her temples aggressively.

“Hawke.” She breathed out with such ferocity that Claudia thought her own name as a deadly weapon at that moment. “Why in the name of the Maker did you decide to beat the shit out of someone at a club?”

“I don’t know,” Claudia responded flippantly, a defense mechanism, “it just seemed like a good idea. Haven’t gotten carted to the precinct in the back of a cruiser while cuffed in a while. You know?”

“Hawke.” Aveline spat it out forcefully. She was demanding that she stop the jokes.

“Listen, Aveline, that guy was a prick. He was harassing Isabela and Merrill on the dance floor, and wouldn’t take the hint that they weren’t interested—“

“—Someone can’t really harass Isabela. She welcomes it.”

Claudia’s eyes narrowed at Aveline’s remark. Her fist was clenched. But, she knew better than to strike the chief of police. No less Aveline. It was a fight she would lose, even if jail time didn’t come packaged in with it. Still, she wasn’t going to ignore it. “That’s a really shitty thing to say, Aveline. No one has any rights to Isabela's body, not even if she slept with everyone in Kirkwall in the past.”

Aveline pursed her lips. She looked almost ashamed of herself. “I…sorry, Hawke. You’re right. She doesn’t deserve that and it was unfair of me to say otherwise.”

“Thank you.” She paused to take a drink of her water and swapped the ice pack back into her hand. “Anyway, he followed them, and when I made it clear that they didn’t want to sleep with him, he hit me. I’m not sorry for kicking his face in, and I’m not going to apologize.”

Aveline crossed her legs. Claudia still thought she looked frustrated, but it could have easily been exhaustion. They had been working tirelessly on several large cases, she knew, and Aveline was personally overseeing most of them. This only made matters worse. She sighed heavily, and looked at the foam cup in front of Claudia.

“You’re lucky you didn’t cause that man any serious injuries; if you had, I wouldn’t be able to pull any strings.”

You’re pulling strings for me?” Claudia was animated in questioning Aveline. Her ice pack dropped to the table.

“I have several officers questioning any witnesses and going over security footage to get an idea of what happened. I could maybe see about having yours and Isabela’s actions written up as self-defense if it turns out he struck you before you jumped him.”

Claudia’s face illuminated. She still felt like she was hit by a car, but at least there was a chance that her mother didn’t have to hear about it. That alone was enough for her to let out a breath of relief and relax a little on the chair.

“And you’re sure you can do that? Just like that? I have school and clients to worry about and would rather not have to call everyone to tell them I’ve been arrested.”

“You couldn’t call everyone anyway, Hawke,” Aveline started, “you get one call.”

“Shit. And that would be my mother.” Claudia didn’t want to imagine how that phone call would go.

Aveline eased back in her chair a little. Claudia couldn’t tell what was going on in her head, which made her uncomfortable. Being in the precinct under these circumstances made her uncomfortable.

They were silent for several moments before another officer walked in. Claudia recognized her face, but couldn't remember her name. She had a small stack of papers with her, which she gave to Aveline to look over. While she did, Aveline glanced up at Claudia several times, making her nervous for her fate. She was sure this was a written report on what the witnesses had to say and what the security footage had on the matter.

“You're a lucky woman, Hawke.” Aveline said, putting the paper down on the table. “The witnesses all corroborate your story, and the time stamps on the security footage show that you did shove him off you prior to him hitting you, but you did not become violent until after.”

“So, we're free to go?”

“More or less. We have some paperwork to fill out about your release, but that shouldn't take long.”

The other officer left a set of handcuff keys with Aveline before resuming her normal duties elsewhere. She used them to unlock Claudia, who couldn't resist rubbing her wrists anxiously. They didn't hurt, but it had become almost compulsory. Many of her clients did it after she freed them, to the point where she associated it with that.

“Investigating this sort of thing normally takes a day or two, Hawke. You should count yourself lucky.”

“I do. Thanks, Aveline.

The rest of her time at the precinct was filling out the necessary paperwork and having her things returned to her. Isabela joined her for this, which made the whole process more bearable. She was in a far better condition than Claudia, though she did have several scratch marks running the length of her face and some bruises that were setting in. Still, Claudia couldn't help but feel they looked ferocious. Like, all it took was one glance at them to know that they were not to be messed with.

When the paperwork was complete and everything else squared away, they were released into the lobby, where Claudia then realized Anders and Merrill were waiting. Merrill had dozed off in one of the chairs, curled up underneath the jacket Anders had been wearing earlier like it was a blanket. Anders looked tired, but he had a foam cup of coffee balanced on his knee as he bounced his other foot. Upon noticing Claudia and Isabela approaching, he gently shook Merrill awake, placed his cup on a nearby table with some magazines, and walked over.

“Shit.” He hissed, looking at Claudia's injuries with only the attention someone in the medical field could pay. “You look like you took on an archdemon by yourself.”

Claudia grinned cheesily. “Feel free to tell anyone you know that I did. Having people think I fight legends in my spare time will do wonders for my reputation.”

Merrill groggily joined them, now wearing Anders' jacket like a cape. She was swimming in it. “We were trying to see if we could make bail for the both of you, but the officers said it wouldn't be necessary.”

“No worries, Kitten. It was filed away as self-defense and we won't be facing charges.”

Merrill clapped her hands excitedly.

Anders rubbed the back of his neck, still focused on Claudia's injuries. She wondered if they looked worse than when she last saw them. “You both should let me clean and dress your wounds. They might get infected otherwise.”

Isabela discarded his offer with a wave of her wrist. “Nothing a couple of shots and some sleep won't fix.”

“Suit yourself.” Anders said, disappointed. “What about you, Claudia?”

She thought about it briefly, knowing completely that she couldn't walk through the door at home, caked in blood. Gamlen probably wouldn't give a shit either way, but her mother would freak out.

“I probably should. Can't show up at home looking like a horror movie monster.”

  
  


XxX

For the second time that night, she felt like she was on the other side of her reality. Pounce sat in her lap, purring away happily. Her face was swollen. She could feel it in her lip especially. Anders was in the kitchen, preparing her an ice pack and other things he deemed necessary to treat her wounds. He had already given her a wet face towel to clean away the dried blood. It was already stained from it. She hadn’t realized she had bled so much.

Anders took a spot on the couch next to her. He carried with him the ice pack, wrapped in a kitchen towel, and a first aid kit. She felt like a child when he took her chin in his hand and turned her face toward him to get a better look at the injuries. His touch was gentle, almost intimate, in the way he traced her jawline to check for any nicks or scrapes she might have gotten.

“I look like a disaster.” She groused, casting her eyes to the coffee table.

“Trust me, he looked much worse after the two of you got done with him.” Anders continued inspecting her face. Once or twice, she thought she saw his attention flicker over her eyes, but not to look over the bruising. When she noticed, he quickly cast his gaze back to her fat lip and other injuries. “You…have experience? With fighting, I mean.”

Claudia snorted. “You could put it like that.” She sucked in a deep breath, unsure of how much she wanted to share. She braced her hands against her knees, realizing that she had seen Anders at his worst. She had seen him when he couldn’t care for himself and needed someone there to do it for him. Claudia didn’t owe him anything for being the one to care for him, but she felt like she could trust him. That he wasn’t going to judge her.

“I…I got kicked out of ballet for fighting. I had been doing it for around ten years—the ballet, not the fighting—started around my tenth birthday and continued for several months after my father’s death. Just for fun, you know? You’d see the Royal Orlesian Ballet on the TV sometimes and they all looked so…I don’t know…beautiful and elegant and I wanted to be like them. My father was my biggest supporter. He came to all of the recitals, spent so much money on everything I needed for it. He was so proud to say _my eldest daughter is a ballerina_. I considered quitting right after he died.”

Anders opened up his first aid kit and pulled out a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a couple cotton balls to clean her wounds. He prepared one and begun dappling it over the scrapes and cuts on her face. She winced with each one. The sting was bearable, but still unpleasant.

“One of the other ballerinas was there for me during this. She was so supportive and kind and…I guess I sort of…developed feelings for her? When I confronted her about it, she let me down gently, and that was fine it was…it was fine. I was happy just being her friend; I was kind of seeing a guy in one of my classes at the university anyway, so I really didn’t need that added drama. But, her boyfriend was the only ballerino in our program, and I guess she told him about my feelings for her. He wouldn’t leave me alone after that. Wouldn’t let me be alone with his girlfriend because he was afraid I was going to turn her gay or something. I didn’t realize it was such a hard concept to understand that I respected her wishes and her relationship.”

“And you beat the shit out of him for that?” Anders had since discarded the cotton he was using to clean her wounds on the coffee table and had taken out an antibacterial cream and some bandages.

“No. I tried to ignore it. But, I lost someone who was helping me process losing my father and so I started drinking. I kept going to ballet. I don’t know why. But, on our last rehearsal before Wintersend, her boyfriend approached me and asked me to have a threesome with them. I…I don’t know if she knew about him asking, but I was pissed that he had. Like, my anger from losing my father, and all this shit with him came out at once and I just—“

“—Kicked his ass?” The way Anders phrased his question, Claudia could tell that he wasn’t really asking.

“Yeah.” At the time, Claudia had been ashamed of it, but retelling it then, to Anders, it was almost amusing. “Our instructor had to call in two of the ballerinos from the professional part of our studio to pull me off him. I probably wouldn’t have gotten thrown out just for that. Probably just a warning and probation. The drinking was a problem, though, so I was kicked out.”

By the time she finished telling the story, Anders had applied the cream to all of her injuries that he could and was placing bandages on all of them. Her lip and eye were left alone for the most part, but she knew there was nothing he could do for them except an ice pack and time.

“Well, that’s it. My tragic backstory. I’m a former alcoholic who beats up fuckboys, apparently.”

“Sounds like a superhero origin story to me.” Anders was smiling gently as he said that. Claudia felt her face flush from it and instinctively turned away to hide it from him. Still, he took the ice pack and held it to her lip to help diminish the swelling. “A female vigilante who defends innocents from assholes who don’t take no for an answer while dealing with her own trauma? I’d see the movie.”

Claudia snorted. She couldn’t tell if he was intentionally flattering her, or if it was just a product of the conversation and his gentle touch. Still, she was very much flattered and didn’t know how to proceed.

She figured humor was her best bet.

“See it? Anders’ you’re _in_ it! You’re my crime-fighting partner.”

Anders laughed dryly. ”Yeah, sure. What would my power be? Needing meds to feel like a person? Talking to cats?”

“You can heal people. Duh!” Claudia motioned towards the first aid kit to make a point. “You also fight corrupt insurances companies and big pharmas that make it hard for people to receive treatment for their illnesses.”

Anders laughed. “So we're superheroes now?”

“We're superheroes—but I want a cool cape and functional shoes. None of those thigh-high stiletto boots the comic book artists draw female superheroes in.”

“Deal.”

Claudia's phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out and checked to see what it was. When she opened her lock screen, she could see it was a text from Bethany, which put a smile on her face. She hadn't seen her nor Carver in so long and she missed them.

_Carver and I are going to be home tomorrow for about a week. We'd like to hang out with everyone. You can invite whoever you want :)_

“Anything important?” Anders asked while he packed up his first aid kit.

“A text from my sister.” She pocketed her phone once more, thinking over the text. She and Anders had been hanging out as friends for a couple of months, and he still hadn't met her brother or sister. It only seemed logical to invite him to meet them. “Her and my brother are going to be in town tomorrow and want to hang out with our friends. Do you want to come?”

“To meet your family?” Anders turned away. He sounded a bit embarrassed. Maybe flustered. She couldn't tell.

“It's not like I'm introducing you as my fiancee or something.” Claudia explained with a shrug. “They want to hang out and said I could invite some of my friends. You're my friend and you're the only one who hasn't met them yet. Besides, you'd love Beth. _Everyone_ loves Beth. She's the pretty one.”

“I'm sure you're—never mind—I'll come meet your brother and sister.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Mention of Alcoholism//Alcohol consumption

Claudia had been lazily lounging on the beat-up sofa in Gamlen’s living room for nearly half an hour. Occasionally, she whined loudly, receiving a grunt of disapproval from Carver in the bathroom. Bethany was sitting on the recliner perpendicular to the couch, spoiling Ser Biscuit with head pats and ear scratches. It was clear the dog missed her—both twins, really. His stump of a tail was going wild while drool dribbled onto the dirty carpet from his mouth.

“Let’s _go_ , Carver!” Claudia howled again, growing impatient. Whatever he was doing, it was taking longer than both her hair and the concealer she applied to the bruises on her face. “I swear, he’s higher maintenance than any woman I know.” She groused to her younger sister, though not loud enough for their brother to hear.

“He’s _shaving_.” Bethany said with a giggle.

“Shaving what? His legs? I have more facial hair than he does.”

Bethany cast a suspicious glance at the bathroom door before leaning forward in her chair. Closer to Claudia. “Don’t tell him I said anything,” She started with a whisper, “but I think he fancies Merrill and is trying to make sure he looks his best tonight so he can impress her.”

Claudia’s ears perked up at the salacious gossip Bethany was sharing. She tried to sit up from her position, but just ended up rocking towards the edge of the couch. “Merr—“

Before she knew it, Claudia hit the floor with a soft _thud_. Biscuit left Bethany to come inspect Claudia by nudging her with his nose and mopping her face with his slobbery tongue. She wasn’t in any real pain, but still, she scrunched up her face and mouthed ‘ouch’ in an attempt to win sympathy from her younger sister.

She lumbered to her feet. Biscuit let out an approving woof and took her place on the couch. Gamlen wasn’t home, so there was no threat of the dog getting run off. By the time she was situated, Carver had exited the bathroom, smelling faintly of cologne and his chin and cheek area still slightly shiny from the aftershave he likely used. Claudia considered teasing him about the Merrill situation, but she also didn’t want to start a fight. So, she just ushered the two out and to the Hanged Man.

xXx

When the three of them arrived, everyone was already present. They had pushed a few tables together, making one long one with Varric at the head. He was currently deep in telling a story about his cousin while he poured himself some beer from one of the three pitchers that sat on the tables. Despite the beer at her disposal, Merrill was drinking something brightly colored—Claudia could only imagine it had to be sweet, and likely stronger than all the beer on the tables.

It was Varric who noticed them first. He was just setting his glass down when he looked up, and they were already approaching the table. When he saw them, his face lit up while his arms extended out excitedly. “So lovely of the Hawke family to decide to join us!” He boomed.

“You know us,” Claudia started, taking a seat between him and Anders, “we either show up fashionably late, or not at all.”

“Well, you’re just in time. I was just telling Blondie about the time my cousin went missing for a week.”

“You’ve told that stories a dozen times. Don’t you have anything new to share?” Claudia was happy to see one of the waitresses coming over to take their drinks. And, she was fortunate that it was one she was familiar with. And more importantly, was familiar with her order. It made ordering a virgin cocktail that much easier, and less invasive. She didn’t need everyone inquiring about why she wasn’t drinking, nor attempting to force her to after she declined.

Varric leaned back in his chair, a crooked grin on his face. “You’ve heard all my stories, Hawke. Of course you’d be bored.” He paused to take a sip of his beer. “What was it you were saying earlier, Blondie? About having done a tour with the Wardens? I’m sure you have stories about that.”

On Varric’s que, Claudia turned her attention to Anders. He had shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Claudia wasn’t sure if it was him being the center of attention that caused it, or the mention of the Wardens. Even so, his face remained composed. Perhaps he was just surprised to have become their new topic.

“I did serve the Wardens for a couple years.” Anders admitted after a prolonged silence. “It was far less interesting than you’d think. Mostly training and walking and watching after the dwarf in our battalion when he passed out after a night of drinking.”

“Did you serve with the Hero of Ferelden?” Merrill asked excitedly. Claudia noticed then that Carver had chosen a seat next to her, and was stealing glances her way whenever possible. Bethany _had_ been right!

“Lyna Mahariel? Yeah. She was the commander I reported to. I still keep in contact with her.”

Merrill’s entire face glowed up when Anders mentioned the name. Claudia had never seen her this excited. She clasped her hands together with a happy sigh. “I know her! We grew up together and were practically family. When all the adults were busy, we would go exploring in the woods, or we would help the adults with chores, or whatever we—I'm rambling again, aren't I?”

“Not really.” Carver added abruptly. Claudia was suddenly listening very close to their conversation in order to snoop into their romantic lives. “It's sweet, how you remember your friend so fondly.”

While she refrained from saying anything, Claudia did manage to catch Carver's eye as he spoke to Merrill. She gave him a knowing look, a raised eyebrow and a smirk hidden behind the lip of her glass. Carver noticed this, as she had expected he would. He responded with a sour look and drinking from his own glass. If they had been a few years younger, she would have anticipated him to threaten to tell their mother on her.

“So, this is your friend Anders you told me about?” Like always, Bethany was there to mediate; she must have noticed the silent exchange and decided to move into a different subject. Which was well enough. Claudia doubted if she could catch Carver in a headlock like she used to when they were children.

“Shit, yeah. Sorry, I forgot introductions. Anders, these are my siblings, Bethany and Carver. Beth, Carver, this is Anders. The cat I've been sending you both pictures of is his.”

“You send your brother and sister pictures of Pounce?” Anders asked. He looked like he was fighting a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“I send _everyone_ pictures of Pounce. I'm surprised you haven't noticed.” She turned away for dramatic flair, though still keeping an eye on him through her peripheral. “I post them all over social media.”

“I've been busy trying to organize a protest at The Templar Group's headquarters here in Kirkwall.”

“Well, then I'll just have to send them to you directly so you can see how cute your child is when I steal his love.”

This time, Carver was giving Claudia a peculiar look, one not unlike the one she gave him. He took a gulp of his drink, a smirk that mirrored her own making her hands clam up. Whatever he thought he saw, it wasn't the same as his compliments aimed at Merrill. Still, she was sure to cast him a dark look to let him know she was displeased with him.

While the exchange between them occurred, Isabela poured two beers; one to fill up her glass, and another she slid across the table to Claudia. The new drink in front of her caught Claudia off guard, mainly because she  _had_ a drink and didn't need a second. 

“What is this for?” She asked, gesturing at the beer. She didn't bother to mention its presence made her uncomfortable.

“I agreed to driving anyone home who needs it, already, so you don't need to be drinking those virgin cocktails.”

Claudia pushed it away. Even with it situated closer to the center of the table, it still felt too close. She could feel the temptation of it building. Making her want to abandon her sobriety and have a taste. Anders said something to her in a whispered tone, though she didn't register his words.

“I would...I would rather not. Thanks, though.”

“You're no _fun_ anymore!” Bellowed Isabela, pushing the drink her way again. Some of it spilled over onto the table. 

Her whole body trembled with the desire to have the drink. Claudia was barely hanging on as she remained transfixed by the streams of overflowing beer still trickling down the side of the class. She looked up, catching a concerned look from Bethany.

“I...I need to go to the bathroom.”

Claudia didn't wait to hear what anyone had to say on the matter. She abandoned everything she had brought with at the table, heaving only herself through the bathroom door and into the handicapped stall at the far end. Claudia locked herself in and sank to the floor next to the toilet.

Her world was spinning.

She felt nauseous in a way that only alcohol had previously remedied.

A fine sheen of sweat coated her hands and forehead as she trembled. At any moment, she thought she might be sick. Her whole body shook as all she could think of was that frothy glass of beer Isabela had poured her. Luckily, no one else was in the bathroom to witness her like that.

Except, she heard the door open only about a minute after she had sat down, followed by some cautious footsteps.

“Claudia?”

It was Bethany. She'd recognize her voice anywhere. A few more steps brought her closer, though Claudia didn't bother to respond. Maybe she'd go away and leave Claudia alone. People seeing her like that was always something of a fear for her.

“You're in the last stall, aren't you?”

Still no response on Claudia's end.

“I'm coming in. Whether you like it or not.”

Bethany tried the door, but it wouldn't budge. Neither did Claudia to unlock it for her. She was in no condition to get up and open the door.

It didn't stop Bethany, though. She improvised by getting down on her hands and knees and crawling underneath the door. When she was in the bathroom stall, she sat beside her sister. “I sincerely hope they mopped this floor recently.” She grumbled, obviously disgusted.

They sat in silence, Bethany sidled up close to her for companionship and not much else. It had been like this before, when her only escape from the shit she dealt with every day was a bottle. Bethany and Carver were there to hold her hair back as she vomited, to convince her to kick the habit, to remind her that the withdrawals were worth it. Claudia knew it would be a lifelong struggle, but she was grateful to have her sister with her in that moment to help her through it.

“Andraste’s tits,” Cursed Claudia; she rocked her head against the tiled wall, “Beth, I…you don’t need to be here with me.” There was a pause, in which she realized she sounded ungrateful. She didn't mean for that to be the impression she left. “Thank you, though.”

Bethany took Claudia’s hand. She tensed at the gesture, but welcomed it all the same. She was just trying to offer consolation.

“You're my big sister. I know you would do the same if it were me.” She smiled weakly. “I asked Merrill to pick up a milkshake for you at the hamburger place across the street.”

No matter how shitty she felt, how much she felt like going back and chugging that beer that had been offered, Bethany was there, and providing her the support she needed. She knew what Claudia needed to kick the craving. Claudia rested her head against Bethany’s.

“You’re the best little sister I could ever hope for.”

“It was Carver’s idea too. Him and Merrill went together.”

“Best little siblings.”

The door to the bathroom opened again, this time without the caution as when Bethany had entered.

“You’re in the last stall Claudia. I can see your feet.”

Isabela.

Claudia didn’t exactly want to see her at that moment, but she hadn’t the energy to ask her to leave, either. She sucked a breath in, expecting to get another demand to join the others and drink the beer. Bethany squeezed tighter, a reassuring gesture.

“Shit. Claudia, I feel like a real asshole right now.” Isabela’s echoed through the small bathroom as she paced in front of the three stalls. “Why didn’t you ever tell me you had a drinking problem? I would have understood.”

“Because I thought you wouldn’t want to hang out with me if you knew I was _sober_.”

“I don’t hang out with you to have a drinking buddy, Claudia.” Isabela’s steps led her to the door of the stall. She didn’t hesitate as Bethany had when she crawled under to join them. “But now all our friends think I’m the biggest bitch because I didn’t know you had a drinking problem and they all did.”

“You're not a bitch, Isabela. At least, not for this.” Claudia looked over at her. If she had been in a better state, she would have laughed at the imagery. Isabela, always with her hair and makeup done, kneeling on the floor in the bathroom of a dive bar. The same could be said for all three of them, really. “I should have told you about it sooner.”

“You didn't tell me at all. Anders started lecturing me about trying to get a recovering alcoholic to drink the second you ran off for the bathroom.” She inched closer, within arms reach, not that Claudia was measuring. “I'm...sorry. Okay? I won't do it again.”

“It's okay, Isabela.”

“So...can we not hang out at places that serve alcohol anymore?”

“I can be around alcohol,” Claudia explained, “it's just when people start trying to get me to drink.”

The door opened a third time. That time, it was Merrill. Claudia could tell based on how the footfalls sounded. Hers were different than Bethany's or Isabela's. Softer. Like she always walked on her tip-toes. “Claudia? Are you in here? Carver said you would be in here.”

“We're all in the handicapped stall, Kitten.”

“What are you all doing in there? Surely you can't—“

Merrill tried the handle of the stall, but it wouldn't budge. There was some confused hesitation as she tried to figure out what to do from there. Logically, Claudia could have gotten up to unlock it, but she was already crawling under the gap the door left, somehow managing to keep the milkshake in the disposable paper cup from spilling everywhere.

“—It is roomier in this stall than I expected. Here.” Merrill handed over the milkshake and the straw, which Claudia wasted no time drinking. “Carver picked out the flavor.”

“Thank you.” The appreciation was kind of late, given she was already half done with the milkshake.

“I'm not going to ask.” Isabela said with a dismissive wave of her wrist. “I'll stay here as long as you need, though.”

“We all will.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

Anders felt strange after scolding Isabela. He wasn’t exactly in a position to be throwing stones at glass houses. Yet, at the same time, he knew what Claudia was going through was difficult for her. And the pressure to drink wasn’t making it any easier. For some reason, it hurt to imagine her holed up in that bathroom, coping with it by herself and without access to what would help lessen the strain of it. But, Isabela and Bethany joined her in there. And Carver and Merrill went to get her something to help with it.

That left him alone at the table with Fenris, Aveline, and Varric. Varric, he could handle, and he really didn’t know Aveline well enough to have any concrete opinions about her either way. But, Fenris. He was positive the elf was shooting daggers at him, though Anders didn’t bother looking over to confirm this. They all sipped at drinks awkwardly, even after Carver returned and sat back down. Merrill joined the other girls in the bathroom.

Fenris cleared his throat, causing Anders to look in his direction. He shifted in his chair, like he was attempting to speak, but didn’t know how to proceed. Anders didn’t know what to make of it, but he still found his hand resting on his knee ball up into a fist as a reflex.

“I wanted to say something to you, Anders.” It was awkward. Not harsh, though Anders took it as an attempt to lull him into a sense of complacency before he said something negative.

His nails jutted into his palm.

“Going to yell at me for telling Isabela to stop trying to get Claudia to drink?” There was a bite in his words, one that he didn’t even bother attempting to mask with humor or a drink from his glass of beer.

That was when the silence fell again, though with everyone watching him. Anders didn’t bother making excuses for what he said. He meant what he said to Isabela and he wasn’t about to apologize for it.

“No.” Fenris was curt. “I was going to say it was…standing up to Isabela couldn’t have been easy.”

Anders looked down at the table. He felt guilty, somewhat, for rushing to conclusions. Yet, he still expected Fenris to respond with bitterness. When he didn’t, Anders relaxed a bit in his chair. “Oh. I…sorry.”

Before things escalated to a point of complete awkwardness, the four girls exited the bathroom. Anders was focused on Claudia, how she cradled the milkshake in her hand and sucked it up through the straw. Everything appeared okay between her and Isabela, which was a weight off his chest. It had never been his intention to drive a rift between the women.

Claudia took the seat beside him once again. Anders couldn’t help but put his hand to her shoulder in order to check with her. She turned to him, and he was instantly struck with how _blue_ her eyes were. It was like someone captured a bolt of electricity in them. He hadn’t known how long he was looking at her, but it was long enough to where she looked away and begun responding to something Varric said before he had a chance to say what he had meant to.

To combat the discomfort, he cleared his throat and took a sip of his drink. As he did so, his phone gave a buzz, giving him something else to do while he recovered from what had just happened. He took his phone from his pocket and checked his messages to find that a date and time had been agreed upon for the protest he had been helping to plan. Tomorrow afternoon. Lucky for him, he worked the early shift at that hospital that day, so he would probably be off in enough time to change and attend.

Anders considered inviting Claudia. More than consider, he was planning on inviting her, maybe asking her to go get something to eat with him after. Kind of like a date. In therapy, he had been talking about her at increasing intervals, replacing the time he usually spent mourning Karl. Wynne thought that maybe it was time for him to get out there, start dating again if he felt ready for it.

And as he watched Claudia giggle without bothering to remove the straw from her mouth at the punchline of the dirty joke Varric was telling, Anders was certain he felt ready for it.

The rest of the night continued pleasantly. They chatted, played cards. Varric ordered more drinks; Isabela was sure to remind him to keep something non-alcoholic at the table for those who would rather abstain from it. Anders thought he saw a knowing smirk cast in Claudia's direction as she did, but he didn't press the subject. Bethany went back home first, muttering something about being tired. Aveline after, then Fenris. Carver offered to walk Merrill home, and they were joined by Isabela. Varric paid up the tab, and while he appeared to want to hang around longer, he left.

That was when Anders started to feel uncomfortable. He had Claudia's full attention. Not even the milkshake was there anymore to occupy her time while he mustered the courage to say what was on his mind. This was different than when they hung out at his apartment or did stuff around Kirkwall. There was a threat of rejection. A chance she didn't like him like that and only wished to remain friends.

“Claudia?” Maker, his palms were sweaty.

“Yeah?”

He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, hoping the action would inspire some bravery in him. “I...I told you about that protest I was helping to organize, didn't I?”

“Yeah,” She said suspiciously. “Did the plans fall through or something?”

“No. Nothing like that.” Anders' heart was going a mile a minute in his chest as he prepared to ask her. He wiped his palms on his jeans nervously. “If you're free tomorrow, I was wondering if you would like to come with me. It will start in the afternoon.”

“I have back to back clients tomorrow morning, but I could probably make it sometime tomorrow afternoon. Just text me the address of where you want to meet up.”

XxX

There was no reason to believe Claudia wasn't going to show up, but he did nonetheless. It was his intrusive thoughts getting the better of him, he knew this. That's what Wynne always told him, at least. He called her that morning, or rather, left a message on her machine, to tell her that he had asked someone out. Kind of. He didn't remember it being this hard in the past. But, he didn't have someone see him when he couldn't even muster a shower outside of Karl before.

He was getting antsy waiting for her. Anders checked the text again just to be sure it sent.

Then, he heard a barking behind him and a familiar voice trilling _Biscuit_.

Anders turned around, and when he was did, he was greeted by a dog comparable to his weight barreling into him. He was lucky to still be standing when they collided. A big, slobbery tongue swiped across his face.

The dog bounced off him and back into a four-legged position, confirming that it was Ser Biscuit who decided to greet him and not some stranger's dog. Claudia was running over from a couple yards away, shouting Biscuit's name repeatedly and threats of not getting to have his snack later. Anders could then see that Biscuit had been wearing a leash and collar, but he must have tugged just a bit too hard when he saw Anders and managed to pull it from Claudia's grip. Bethany was doing her best to keep up with her sister.

Bethany.

Anders' heart sank when he saw her. Not because he disliked her. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Bethany seemed like a nice girl. Claudia only ever had nice things to say about her. And after last night, after she ran off as quick as she had to console her sister, Anders held her in a high regard too. But, he had been hoping that Claudia had understood his intentions in asking her to the protest was for them to go out on a date. Or at least, to open up the possibility of a date in the future. It was his fault for not being clear, he told himself. Overall, he was happy just to spend the time with her.

“Shit!” Claudia was out of breath when she made it to him. Biscuit sat obediently before her, tail twitching happily. He was obviously pleased with himself. “Sorry. Biscuit is normally a good boy, but he got excited when he saw you and didn't want to wait for us to walk over.”

“It's okay.” Said Anders earnestly. He made a point to pat the dog on the head a couple times as a show of good will. 

“Should we put the signs on him now?” Anders hadn't noticed before, but Bethany had a couple pieces of poster board strung together with some braided yarn. She had it tucked under her arm, so Anders couldn't read what it said. He assumed she meant the dog, in any case. 

“They're gathering just around the corner, here. Outside the Templar headquarters. It would probably be okay to put it on him now.”

Bethany slipped the sign over the dog's back, making it possible for Anders to read it.  _Mabari for Affordable Medicine_ it said in colorful letters. The handwriting was neat. Not Claudia's. He had to figure Bethany had been the one to make the sign. Either way, it was a cute idea.

There was a crowd of about five-hundred protesters when they arrived. Many of which had signs. Some were colorful and imaginative. Others were just a hashtag written in marker on a bit of cardboard. Some people gave speeches. Others led chants. There were volunteers helping those who needed it. Even some reporters from local news stations stopped by to interview some of the protesters. Claudia and Ser Biscuit made it on camera because Biscuit couldn't resist getting his ears scratched by the corespondent. Anders wasn't sure if it was productive, but he felt like something was accomplished. Something  _good_ . Even as the crowds were dispersing and everyone was heading home for the night, he felt energized and wanted to do more. Maybe a couple years ago, he didn't believe there was anything he could do. But then, he felt the effort would be worth it if he could bring about a change.

There were plans for the three of them to pick up some dinner after the protest, but Biscuit was getting tired, as evidenced by how he would lie down on the sidewalk and refuse to budge. Bethany offered to take him back home if Claudia brought her home some takeout. 

Which was how Anders ended in a little Qunari restaurant with Claudia sitting opposite him at one of the tables. It smelled of complex spice blends. Not unpleasant, just unlike what he was used to from his mother's Ferelden cooking, or whatever he made for himself these days. She had suggested some dishes to him; Anders chose what sounded like it was the least spicy.

“Have you ever tried Qunari food before?” She asked of him while she rested her chin in her hands.

“No,” Anders said, “Is it any good?”

“I love it. You didn't get much Qunari food in Ferelden. Usually just the same overcooked, under seasoned stuff. You know?” She looked out the window at the cars driving past on the street. “My mother is from Kirkwall, but Kirkwall food is only slightly better than Ferelden food, if you ask me.”

“Maker, if that isn't the truth.” 

The waiter came by with their plates of food right after he finished speaking. His face was dour and he said nothing as he set them down in front of them.

Claudia wasted no time. She was already spearing several potato wedges on her fork and stuffing them into her mouth. While she ate, she hummed happily. He wondered if it had been a while since she last ate at the restaurant. Everything on Anders' plate looked strange, in the sense that he was unaccustomed to seeing food prepared like that. But, he trusted Claudia. After the first bite, he could tell that a lot of care and thought went into picking the right blend of spices. It was all so flavorful, but not overpowering. Typically, he preferred bland dishes, but this was good. 

When he looked up, Claudia had already eaten half her plate and showed no sign of slowing down any time soon. He couldn't help but smile, seeing how happy she was, even doing something so simple as eating. She looked up to him in that moment, resulting in him quickly looking out the window in order to play it cool.

“Do you want to try some of mine?” She asked, gesturing to her plate with her fork.

“Uh...sure.”

Claudia slipped a bit of potato and some of her entree onto his plate. Anders decided to try the potato first, given how much she seemed to love it. A complex flavor hit him instantly, shortly followed by a fire setting off in his mouth. Anders could feel it trickling down his throat, rising to his ears, making his eyes water. He grappled for the glass of water in front of him and drank deeply from it. 

“Too spicy for you?” She asked.

Anders could only muster a nod as his mouth continued to burn. 

“I'm sorry. You still look cute with watery eyes and your mouth burning, if I do say so myself.”

The fork in Anders' hand nearly fell out of his hand. He struggled to find the words to say in response, other than wearing a goofy grin and feeling the heat in his mouth turn into a heat on his face. 

Whatever moment they were having was interrupted by Claudia's phone buzzing. She glanced down at it, like she was planning on ignoring the call. But, she grabbed it and made to slip from her chair. “I have to get this. It'll be only a moment.”

She headed several feet away and spoke only loud enough for whomever was on the other end. It didn't bother Anders. 

After several minutes on the phone, Claudia returned. She looked visibly upset. “Hey, something came up. Is it okay if we cut this short?”

“Yeah. Whatever you need. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. I'll just pay and—“

“—It's on me. You pay for everything.”

xXx

Pounce nestled in bed next to him. The cat had taken no less than ten minutes of kneading before he decided he was comfortable enough to finally lie down. Anders stroked his fur, hearing the soft purr rise to the cat's chest as he did so. With his other hand, he held his phone, scrolling through social media. There was already a picture from earlier that someone took of Ser Biscuit up. It brought a smile to his face. Some people had posted links to resources people could use to contact their representatives. Anders bookmarked the pages for later use. 

He was about to turn his phone off for the night when it began vibrating in his palm. The web page he was on vanished, replaced by the screen that appeared when receiving a call. Claudia's name glowed on the screen. 

Anders wasted no time in answering it. 

“Hello?”

“ _Anders?_ ” Claudia did not sound right. Her voice quivered as she spoke. He could hear the radio playing on her end but couldn't make out the song.

“Claudia? What's wrong?”

“ _I...don't want to talk about it over the phone. Can...can you meet me somewhere?_ ”

“Right now?” As shocked as he sounded, Anders was ready to do whatever she asked of him. He was already climbing out of bed and looking for clean clothes to put on.

“ _Yeah. Sorry. Can you meet me at that diner we've gone to a few times? I'll text you the address._ ”

“I'll be right over.”

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Mention of Assault

She had been sitting in that car for what felt like an hour. Just _sitting_ there, the biggest milkshake she could get at her favorite diner cradled in her hand as she alternated between pressing her face into the steering wheel and rubbing her temples with her free hand. What happened, it wasn’t her fault. Not exactly. But, there were warning signs she should have been smart enough to heed. Warning signs she trained herself to recognize in order to protect herself.

But, that wasn’t what upset her about the whole thing.

Claudia turned up the volume dial on the radio, hoping to drown herself in sound before Anders got there. She hadn’t rationalized why he had been the one she called. Probably, she should have called her brother or sister. Or mother. Yet, it was a bit late to change her mind, given she saw his figure growing in the darkness as he approached her car.

He slid into the passenger seat, though not without pushing aside three freshly emptied cups and her abandoned heels. Anders wrinkled his nose at the mess, but luckily did not comment on it. Or the fact that she was powering through her fourth milkshake since she called him.

“What happened?” He asked, wasting no time with getting to the point.

Claudia didn’t answer him right away. She gripped her milkshake tighter. The sound of the foam cup giving was the only noise between them besides some band that had broken up several years ago playing over the radio.

“Claudia.” He knew she was avoiding the question. She could hear it in his voice. He wasn’t good at hiding emotion. “There’s blood on your hand. What happened?”

She looked down at her hands. And sure enough, there _was_ blood. Claudia hadn’t realized that before. It wasn’t hers. She wasn’t injured. At least, she didn’t think she was. Several sharp breaths in steeled her for his request.

“I’ve been taking extra clients. Not my regulars, just…guys who gave me a weird feeling and I’ve been refusing.”

“Why? Why are you putting yourself at risk like that? It’s incredibly stupid—“

“—Because how else am I going to pay for your medicine on top of my other bills?”

Both of them fell silent. Anders’ mouth gaped several times, trying to form a response he likely wouldn’t find. Claudia turned away from him, choosing instead to focus on the flickering streetlamp several yards beyond her window.

“I never asked you to pay for my medicine.” He said briskly.

“You never asked, but you damn well know that you can't afford it.”

“That should be my problem to sort out. Not yours.”

“You need them, okay?”

Neither said anything after that, but the air in the car was tense. Anders reached over and turned down the volume of the radio. While he did, Claudia sucked the remains of her milkshake through the straw, deliberately making more noise than necessary for no real reason.

“Who's blood is that, Claudia?”

Claudia shoved her spent cup into the only unoccupied cup holder remaining. Her hands quivered as she did so. She didn't want to talk about it. That was what she was telling herself, at least. She didn't want to talk about it so much that she had called Anders _to_ talk about it. Dammit. The only way out of this was to actually have a discussion with him. A real one. About why there was blood on her hands. She heaved out a burdened sigh in preparation.

“While we were eating, I got a call from another prospective client. He wanted to meet tonight. We...did. And I got a weird feeling, like I knew him or something. He...it was the asshole from the club the other night. He must have heard my name during the investigation and looked me up.”

“Did he hurt you? If he hurt you, I'll—“

“—Relax. The blood is his, I think. He...uh...he grabbed me in a way I wasn't okay with; like he was going to try to hurt me. So, I jammed the heel of my hand into his nose as hard as I can and made a run for my car.”

“Do you think he'll press charges?”

“I don't know. Maybe. But, I got his signature on my waiver and I already texted Aveline to let her know what happened if he tries. At least legally, he consented to knowing accidents could happen in my line of work.”

“So, you're covered?”

“Andraste's tits, I hope so.”

Claudia appreciated having Anders there. Not just for the moral support and the ear to listen as she vented about what happened. But, there was something about him, something that, over these last few months, gave her a growing sense of comfort and serenity in his presence. It felt good to be around him, to hear his voice and see his face. To think about him and feel the butterflies in her stomach. To think of him as her friend. And, maybe something more.

She grinned sheepishly and grappled for the empty cup in the cupholder. Anders cast her a strange look. A questioning sort of expression that made it obvious that he didn’t know what she was doing. Claudia held it just up under her chin, trying her best puppy dog expression on him.

“Can you go in and get me another, Anders?”

“Another?” Anders was obviously shocked by the request, given how he surveyed her car for the remains of her other milkshakes. “How many did you have? Six?”

“ _Four_ ,” She corrected pointedly, “But I could use a _fifth_.”

As hard as he was trying to look intimidating and unwavering, his resolve broke and a soft smile spread across his face. It was the sort of look that caused her heart to jump into her throat and her breath to hitch.

“Fine. I’ll go in and get you another. What flavor?”

“Well, I had two chocolates, a vanilla, and a banana already, so strawberry—wait a sec, I’ll give you money to pay for it.”

Claudia reached down to his side of the car to grab her purse. She fished around in it before pulling her wallet out and handing him a few bills. “Get yourself one too.”

Anders took the money from her and left. She turned up the music while he was gone. It distracted her from the inevitable fact that she would have to go home soon and have to endure a million questions from her mother about why she was gone so late and why there was blood on her hands. She didn’t want to go home. Not tonight.

When he got back into her car, Anders gave her the milkshake and the change, which she just tossed in a cupholder filled with spare change, hair ties, and gum wrappers.

“Are you going to tell your family what happened when you get home?” Anders asked. Probably as a way to fill silence.

“I haven’t decided yet. That would require telling my mother that I’ve been lying to her about my job. I might just…I don’t know…sleep in my car or ask Varric if I can sleep on his couch tonight so I can have some time to decide what I want to do.”

“You can stay the night at my place. It's the least I can do in return for everything you've done for me.”

Claudia snorted. She didn't really think she had done much of anything for him. But, he sounded earnest. What he said, she knew he meant it. “What _little_ I did, you mean.”

“Claudia, you shaved my face and cooked for me for three weeks straight. I think offering you a place to sleep is nothing in comparison.”

xXx

It was nearing midnight by the time they made it to Anders' apartment. Claudia had already finished the milkshake he had bought for her, and was busy working on his; he gave it to her after indulging in only a couple of sips from it. Pounce sat between them on the couch as the local late night news network played footage from the protest they attended that day in the background. Anders occasionally commented on it, how he wished he prepared a speech to give, and how he was working on starting a blog to keep others informed on the issue. 

Claudia could tell he was tired. He yawned frequently, rubbed his eyes would go silent for several moments like he had dozed off. It made her feel guilty to be keeping him up, but they hadn't discussed the sleeping arrangements. Anders' apartment was only a one bedroom, after all. 

“So,” She started, putting the foam cup down on the coffee table, “I'll sleep on the couch, then?”

Anders snapped his attention from a dead stare on the TV to Claudia. Once he registered what she had suggested, he shook his head. “I'll sleep on the couch. You take my bed.”

“Anders, no.” She argued with crossed arms. “I'm the guest. You should take the bed.”

“Exactly. You're the guest and you should take the bed.”

“Nope. Not going to kick you out of your bed.”

“Well, I'm not going to force you to sleep on the couch.”

They were staring at each other, nearing the brink of exhaustion and glaring in a way that threatened a giggle to rise from either of them. It didn't matter which. Anders turned away first. Just long enough for a strange expression to cross his face and to rub the back of his neck anxiously. Claudia was having a hard time reading him, which only increased her frustration on the matter.

“You know, there isn't a rule that says we _both_ can't sleep in the bed.” He shuffled his feet while stealing a glance at her from his peripheral. 

The idea had its charm, Claudia admitted to herself during an attempt to conceal her reddening cheeks. They would have a compromise, both would get somewhere comfortable to sleep. And, they would be closer to one another. 

Claudia shook the thought out of her head rapidly. She didn't need to be imagining cuddling Anders in her sleep, not when she could already feel the stupid grin growing and the prospect of it. After all, they were just going to be sleeping. 

“I mean, we _could_ share the bed. We're both mature adults.”

“Okay, then it's settled.”

With the sleeping arrangement settled, Anders found his feet and started heading towards the bedroom. He motioned for her to follow him with a wave of his wrist. “C'mon. I'll find you something to wear to bed.”

She followed, though not too close. When she made it to the bedroom, Anders had laid out an oversized t-shirt and a pair of running shorts. He was thinner than her, especially around the hips, but they looked like they should fit. 

“I'll...uh...I'll go in the bathroom and give you a little privacy, then.” 

Before he made it out the door, Claudia stopped him.

“Anders?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

 


	22. Chapter 22

Anders was already in sweats and a shirt for sleeping when he told Claudia he was going to change, but he did occupy himself with brushing his teeth again before heading back to his room. It was out of politeness more than anything. To give her time to change. But, he did drink some of that milkshake from earlier and wanted to brush them again just to be sure.

In that same vein of thought, he remembered that Claudia had brought it in with her. Anders didn’t need Pounce getting bored in the middle of the night and knocking it off the table. He definitely didn’t need to be cleaning off sticky milkshake from the carpet.

Pounce hadn’t gotten to the milkshake—yet—when he arrived in the living room, but it wasn’t what he noticed first. Claudia’s phone was sitting on the table. Or rather, vibrating madly across it. Anders knew better than to look at it. That’s what he told himself as he ventured closer to it and picked it up. The screen was illuminated, and the name across it read _mother_. Anders hesitated. He shouldn’t answer her phone. But on the other hand, her mother was probably worried about her. The compromise he reached was answering it, but bringing it to her to tell her mother that she was okay.

Before he even had it held up to his ear, Anders heard an older woman frantically repeat Claudia’s name several times over.

“Hello?”

The woman on the other line did not say anything for a drawn-out moment. “Who are you? Where is Claudia? What have you done to her?”

Anders’ mouth fumbled with words before he could verbalize anything. He hated being put on the spot like that. “Mrs…Mrs. Hawke, my name is Anders. I’m a friend of your daughter’s.”

“Anders,” She repeated, sounding like she was starting to calm, “She talks about you. A lot.”

He didn’t know what to make of that statement, or the tone of voice she used. Still, the heat rose to his face at the idea that she told her mother about him.

“Where is she? Is Claudia alright? Let me talk to her.” There was no pause between each question. They followed each other rapidly, giving her no time to breathe.

“Relax, Mrs. Hawke. She is in the other room and forgot her phone on the coffee table. She’s had a…a _night_ and decided to stay here to…uh…decompress from it with some bit of privacy. I can see if she wants to talk to you, if you would like.”

“I would appreciate that. Thank you.”

Anders grabbed the milkshake off the table on his way to the bedroom and disposed of it. Claudia was already asleep when he got there. She was curled up on her side, only her face and the mess of red hair poking out from the blanket she had chosen. Pounce was curled up next to her stomach. He smiled at the sight. Whatever tension he felt about the phone call with her mother eased away when he looked on her like that.

But, Mrs. Hawke would not be kept waiting, especially when she was concerned for her eldest.

“Mrs. Hawke, she...well...she fell asleep. I can wake her up if you would like.”

“Could you? Just put her on long enough to let me know she's okay.”

Anders placed the phone down beside Claudia. He felt guilty about waking her. Yet, he already had his hand planted into her shoulder and was gently rocking her and cooing her name sweetly. She responded with a groan and swatting in a random direction.

“Your mother is on the phone.” Anders picked up the phone from beside her. “She wants to speak to you for a moment.” He held the phone up to her for emphasis.

Claudia snatched it from his hand with a disgruntled gurgle. In her groggy state, she fumbled with the phone adorably as she struggled to get it up to her ear.

“Yeah?”

Anders couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, but he was sure it was Claudia's mother gushing about how happy she was that her daughter was safe. Her face was a complete deadpan, so he couldn't tell other than his own assumptions.

“Mother, I—why would I—I'm just sleeping—mother. I'm an adult and if I make a stupid decision it's my—will you let me get a word—mo—tell Carver to mind his damn—can we talk in the morning?”

Claudia just _hung up_ after that. She tossed her phone aside and buried her head back into the pillow. Anders was mystified by the whole thing, particularly the part where Claudia was out cold in one minute flat. But, she had a busy day and needed her sleep. He didn't doubt that when his head hit the pillow, he would experience something the same thing. 

Anders shut off the light and climbed into the bed beside her. The experience in and of itself was foreign one. For so long, it had only been him in that bed. Him and Pounce, who was currently climbing atop her hip to sleep there. Anders stole a glance at her from over his shoulder. All he could see was her hair. It was like fire, even in the dark. His breath hitched. It was hard, being this close to her, being able to smell the lingering bits of her perfume and feel her body heat rise between them. Anders wanted to reach out to her. To hold her against him and stroke her hair as she slept. He wanted to kiss her over and over and promise her that nothing bad would happen to her for as long as she stayed in his arms. It was with those thoughts that he finally drifted off.

Xxx

Anders woke with something pressed into his left side. At first, he figured it to be Pounce, stretched out as far as his body would allow and hogging most of the bed to himself. It was a regular enough experience that he expected it more than he didn’t. He turned over to move the cat and get out of bed; Anders had an appointment with Wynne later and needed a little time to wake up and prepare himself mentally for that.

What he found wasn’t Pounce.

In his sleep, Anders had forgotten entirely that Claudia had spent the night. And, because they were both too stubborn to take the bed while the other slept on the couch, they had agreed to share. She was beside him. Or, with her partially on top of him. She must have kicked the blanket off herself in her sleep, so now one of her legs was wrapped around him. Her face was buried in his shoulder, with her hand rested on his chest.

He didn’t know what to do.

While in his mind, he knew this was likely nothing more than Claudia being animated in her sleep, he wanted to believe that, at least some part of her, craved his companionship in the middle of the night and reached out to him. It was foolish, to think a clever, generous, beautiful person like her would ever want him. Still, thinking of it put a smile on his face.

Anders rolled her over gently. Claudia snorted, but didn't wake up. As much as he would have loved cuddling in bed with her some more, he had to use the bathroom and needed some coffee in his system before going to see Wynne later. First order of business was relieving himself. Then, it was to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee.

Pounce came trotting into the kitchen as Anders pulled two cups from the cabinet. The cat trilled happily and sat by his bowl, tail swinging slowly while waiting for his breakfast. Anders fed him quickly, but not without a playful look. “You're a little traitor, you know? You spent all night snuggling Claudia.”

The cat didn't respond, not that he really could other than in the form of a meow.

He looked over at the mugs on the table, only then noticing that one of them was the mug Claudia had bought him that she claimed reminded her of him. “It's okay; I like her a lot too.”

The coffee was done, so Anders poured himself a cup. He dressed it up with a bit of cream and a spoonful of sugar. Claudia came lumbering out of the bedroom as he did. She was disheveled. The shirt he gave her to wear was more like a dress than anything else. Bits of her hair was sticking up everywhere. But still, she was radiant. Even with that grumpy look on her face.

She didn't say anything while she shuffled into the kitchen and made herself comfortable at the table. Anders smiled weakly and motioned towards the pot of coffee with a jerk of his head. “Coffee?”

“Please. Black is fine.”

He poured her a cup and set it down in front of her. Anders wondered if she would recognize the mug he used. She took the first sip and grimaced. He watched, mildly amused, as she continued to choke it down, her face growing more visibly disgusted and distressed with each sip she took.

“Do you need me to make us some breakfast to help wash the taste out of your mouth?” He suggested, observing her displeasure with the coffee.

“Maker's balls, yes!”

Anders knew he hadn't been grocery shopping yet, but he still had some eggs and bread, so he decided to make them some eggs and toast for breakfast. Claudia wasn't much for conversation, though the cat didn't seem to mind at all; he was already stealing love from her.

“How do you like your eggs?”

“I don't care. However you eat them. I'm not alive yet.” She groaned.

Her plate was cooked first. While he cooked up his breakfast, she watched him while shoveling food in her mouth. Anders occasionally glanced over at her, curious if she was eating the food because she actually enjoyed it, or if she was just being polite. He figured it to be politeness, but didn't bother asking as he sat across from her with his food and coffee cup.

“I bet you make whoever you're dating feel like the luckiest person in Thedas.”

Her flirting came as a surprise. Just a moment ago, she looked like she was ready to arm wrestle a bear. She still did _look_ like that. Even so, he was flattered by her words, despite him feeling that they were a gross exaggeration. 

“I mean...shit...just that it was very nice of you to make me breakfast and let me spend the night and stuff and I'm an awful person for not thanking you sooner.” She glanced over at the clock on the wall. “I uh, I should probably go home and sort things out with my family. Mother probably thinks I'm dead in a ditch.”

“She probably told Aveline I was the one who killed you.”

Claudia laughed. “Yeah. She probably didn't sleep much last night, either.” 

After breakfast, Claudia got dressed in her clothes from the previous night while Anders washed the dishes. He walked her down to her car and hugged her goodbye.

 


	23. Chapter 23

The hour seemed to blow right by. He had already reached the end of his session, with only a handful of minutes left on the clock. Wynne asked her questions, posed better coping techniques, listened to him unload about things he didn’t feel comfortable sharing with his friends.

It was such a weird thing to think of them as. His friends. But, Anders supposed they were. He had contact with most of them outside of Claudia. In a way, it felt nice. To be able to say he had friends and not be referring to friends who lived in another country. It felt nice to have Claudia as a friend.

_Claudia._

Thinking of her made his heart skip a beat and gave him butterflies in his stomach. Maker, he was a grown man getting giddy like a school girl over her. He thought time would cure this infatuation, but as every day went on, he found his thoughts drifting to her more and more. Sometimes, he let his mind wander to thoughts of what a relationship with her would be like. He even had the occasional dream of her, though he would never admit it.

“There was one last thing, actually, if I still have time.”

“You have five minutes left in the session, so feel free to talk.”

He adjusted his sitting position to be more comfortable. “I…uh…there’s this girl—woman—I like a lot.”

“Romantically or platonic?”

Anders paused. Prior to that moment, he had never had to consider how he felt for Claudia. He knew it was more than friendship. It had been more than friendship for a while. Much longer than he realized prior to considering it. But, he couldn't get her smile and laugh out of his head. The smell of her perfume was like a drug that he craved when she wasn't near.

“Both. We're friends already, but I...I want to be more. Her name is Claudia.”

Wynne wrote something down. “I recall you mentioning a woman named Claudia before. You are ready to start dating again, then?”

Anders shoved his hands between his knees as he nodded. “Yeah, I guess. I've tried asking her out, but I guess I wasn't very clear that I intended on it being a date, so she thought it was just to hang out as friends. She brought her sister.” He smoothed a hand over his head, recalling the events of the day before. “I don't know. It's just...I get nervous when I'm with her and can't communicate.”

“You don't need to rush things with this woman if you don't feel comfortable with it.”

“No. No. I'm ready for a new relationship. I want something more than friendship with her.”

Wynne wrote something quickly in her notebook and closed it up. Anders' time must have been over for that session. The prospect of asking Claudia out on a proper date, per their conversation, made Anders' palms sweat uncomfortably, but he knew that nothing would come to pass if he didn't take the first step.

XxX

The news was playing softly in the background as Anders alternated between scrolling through social media on his phone and doing research on his computer. He wished to contact his representatives about the unfair pricing of medications, but wanted to sound educated and informed in whatever letters he wrote to them. A few rough drafts were scattered on the coffee table, torn out of a spiral notebook. Scribbled revisions were all over the drafts, and the occasional doodle of a cat. If something came on the news that caught his interest, he also quickly took note of it on one of his rough drafts.

He was busy stalking the social media of one politician and screencapping his unflattering posts when a notification appeared on his computer. Anders placed his phone down and moused over it. Someone was attempting to contact him on instant messenger. Hesitantly, he clicked it; Anders didn’t typically receive chat invites from others.

A video chat popped up, making Anders regret not having a sticker over his webcam. The pixel figure of someone smoothed over slowly, revealing a dark haired elven woman and a mabari easily bigger than she was sitting beside her.

“Lyna?”

“Anders! Creators, I’ve missed seeing your stupid face!”

The smile that spread across his face like wildfire was a welcome one. Even if he had problems with the Wardens towards the end of his service with them, he always held her in the highest regard and respected her as his commander and friend.

“Shit, how did are you doing, Lyna? Did you get the book I sent you?”

There was a bit of lag from the slow internet connection, but he could see that she was nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah. Thanks for getting it autographed. Tethras doesn’t do book tours in Ferelden.”

“No problem.” Anders hummed. “He said that if you’re ever in Kirkwall, you should stop by the Hanged Man and he’ll buy you a drink.”

Lyna waved her wrist dismissively. “He was just saying that. I bet he tells all his fans that.”

Anders’ smile widened. “I know him personally, Lyna. A group of us hang out with him, drink, play cards, bullshit. That sort of thing.”

“Dammit, Anders!” Lyna cursed, though without any real malice. “You need to text me these things! I’d be on a plane to Kirkwall in a heartbeat.” The dog plopped his head into her lap. Lyna scratched his ear gently. “But, you asked me how I was and I totally forgot because you’re an asshole and didn’t tell me sooner that you’re friends with Varric Tethras. I proposed to Leliana last month.”

“You did? Congratulations!” He was genuinely happy for her.

“Thanks. We haven’t picked a date yet, but when we do, I’ll make sure to send your invitation. Also, I’m paying for your ticket back to Ferelden. No excuses.”

There was a break in which Anders heard someone rustling at the front door. Pounce came running from the bedroom and sat patiently in front of the it, leading Anders to believe it was Claudia. The cat always knew when it was her at the door. She probably forgot something.

“What’s that noise?” Lyna asked.

“Claudia, probably.”

“Who’s Claudia? Is she pretty?”

“Yeah.” Anders paused a beat in conversation. “Definitely your type.”

Anders looked up from the computer screen and Claudia was already in the apartment, dodging the cat as he ran figure-8s around her and between her legs happily. Anders tried to hide the smile that spread across his face at the sight.

“What is my type?” She asked, carefully walking forward.

“Oh! I’m just…just video chatting with a friend.”

“I wanna say hi.” Claudia picked up Pounce and hurried over to the couch. She leaned over him, the length of her torso pressing into his body. She waved eagerly at the monitor, which Lyna emulated. Already, Anders could tell that they would get on well if given enough time to really get to know each other.

“I'm Lyna, and you're Claudia, right? Anders was just talking about you.”

“Good things only, I hope.” She cast him a playful look, which Anders returned with a joking shrug.

Claudia slid onto the couch beside him. Pounce leaped off her shoulder and onto the back of the couch, where he made himself comfortable. Lyna's mabari hound caught the movement and began excitedly sniffing at her computer.

“Your dog is so cute! He is a very good boy.”

“The best boy.”

Claudia laughed. “Mine is a _pretty_ good boy too.”

“Then they're both the best boys.”

Anders cleared his throat, ending the discussion about their dogs. “Please don't take this the wrong way, Claudia, but why are you back? You were here just this morning.”

“Does my presence bother you?” She sighed dramatically while pretending to be offended. “I forgot my wallet here this morning. If it's alright, I'm going to dig through your room to find it and then head out.”

“By my guest.”

Claudia left the room. Anders watched as she shut the door behind her. When he returned to the laptop, Lyna was wearing a wolfish smirk, the sort that made his stomach churn. He didn't like it when she looked at him like that.

“I'd say she's more your type than mine.” Lyna chuckled at her joke. Anders did not. “What's going on between the two of you?”

“Nothing.” He was dismissive. Anders really didn't want to talk about his love life with Lyna. Specifically, he didn't want Lyna to think she needed to play matchmaker between the two of them. And, she would, if he didn't do something to stop it before it started. 

“Nothing?” She scoffed. “Anders, she's pretty. It's obvious that you like her by the way you look at her. And, if I had to take a guess, I'd say she likes you too. If you're not ready to get back out there, that's fine, but I'm just saying that you two would make a cute couple.”

“Can we not do this right now?” It was more of a demand than anything. He rubbed his temples, knowing a headache would come on if she continued on this topic. “I'm sure you didn't want to talk today just to ask about my love life and tell me you got engaged.”

“Shit. Yeah. I was just going to tell you that in a few weeks, Nathaniel and I are heading to Kirkwall on official Warden business and we should all meet up when we have some downtime. You can introduce us to Varric Tethras.”

“We can meet up.”

“Okay, cool. I gotta go now. I promised Leliana we could go look at wedding dresses today.”

The signal cut out after a quick goodbye, leaving the chat window blank. Anders shut the laptop. He lost the will to sift through news articles and tweets. Probably, he'd nap on the couch, or maybe watch a movie. Perhaps both. 

Claudia came out of the bedroom shortly after, pocketing her wallet. She sat back down beside him, but in a way that made it seem she was getting ready to leave again. “I forgot to tell you, but I talked to Varric today.”

“About?” He didn't understand why it was important to know that she had talked to Varric.

“He offered to start paying for your medication. When he heard what happened, he said it was the least he could do and insisted on it.”

“Claudia, I—“

“—Don't refuse it, Anders. Please.” Her exasperated sigh said it all. She expected him to refuse the help. Anders had every intention of refusing. His mental illness was not her problem to deal with. It certainly wasn't Varric's. This was why he had organized a protest and was deep in researching appropriate ways to contact his representatives. Yet, he saw it in her eyes. Beyond the frustration, she was hurt that he would refuse her help and allow himself to suffer. The prospect of hurting her was like a vice grip on his heart.

“Fine. I'll accept Varric's money. But only because you said 'please'.”

Her face lit up like Feast Day lights as she collapsed in him. Claudia's arms wrapped around Anders just above the waist in a hug. She was so soft and warm; Anders melted into her touch. His own arms found their way around her. If he died right then, he would have died a happy man.

Anders didn't want the hug to end, but it came to an abrupt stop as Claudia pulled herself free from him. He thought he hid his disappointment well. She raked a hand through her hair and stood up. It was a short visit, he knew. Only long enough to pick up the things she left. But, he would have liked for her to stay longer.

“You can hang out if you want.” Anders suggested. He didn't want to come across as desperate for her companionship, even if he kind of was.

“I have to make dinner tonight. It's just going to be Mother, Bethany and—unless, do you want to come have dinner with us tonight? It'll beat eating by yourself.”

“I thought your uncle doesn't like you having visitors.” At least, he _thought_ she had said that.

“He's away on a gambling trip for the week. If you don't want to, I understand. But, I figured I'd offer.”

“No, I want to come over. Just let me put my things away and we can go.”

  
  


 


	24. Chapter 24

Bethany was sitting on the couch scrolling through something on her phone when Anders and Claudia walked in. Biscuit was lying at her feet, occasionally lapping at her ankles as he saw fit. This usually resulted in her pulling away or adjusting how she sat because she was ticklish. It was the dog who noticed them first. His ears perked up when he heard the door closed. Biscuit sprang to his feet and rushed the door. He paid Claudia only a passing sniff; it was something that offended her. Anders, however, was lavished with happy ‘boof’s and a pleasantly surprised mabari dancing around him while he nosed his hands and licked his fingers.

“Traitor.” Claudia scoffed jokingly, watching as Anders stroked the spot between the dog’s eyes.

Biscuit whined and took a step back from Anders.

“Aw, I didn’t mean it, you big baby.” Claudia explained. The dog always had a way of making her feel guilty. “I was just hoping for my hug.”

He barked again, and without warning, advanced on her. The dog raised up to his hind paws and placed his front ones on her shoulders. Biscuit lapped at her face happily, his stump of a tail wagging madly.

“Thank you.” Claudia sang sweetly in an attempt to dodge the slobbery dog-tongue determined to get into her mouth. Biscuit took that as a sign that he could go back to napping at Bethany’s feet.

It was then that Bethany looked up from her phone. “Oh good, you’re home. And you brought a guest for dinner.” There seemed like there was something off in her tone. Claudia couldn’t quite place what was wrong without a bit of prodding.

“Will that be a problem?” She glanced at the kitchen door pointedly, figuring Gamlen came home early. That would very much be a problem indeed.

“I don’t think mother will mind about that. But, Carver went out with Merrill and Isabela not long ago. And you know, she was really hoping to have dinner as a family tonight.”

“ _Can’t we have dinner like a goddamned family for once?”_ Joked Claudia in her best impression of her mother.

“She didn’t say that, but I think she meant it. Carver and I are only in town for a week before we go back to school for another month.”

Claudia glanced at Anders, who had been silently observing the exchange. She couldn’t tell if he was uncomfortable, or simply had nothing to contribute to the conversation. “Guess that means you’re the replacement son for the night.”

“Replacement son? What does the job entail?”

“Not much. Mostly scowling and complaining _why does Claudia get to do that thing and I can’t_?”

Anders responded with a hushed giggle. “I’ll try my best to be a good replacement son for your mother.”

Claudia gestured for Anders to follow her into the kitchen, which he did. Bethany resumed looking through social media on her phone.

Mother was pulling ingredients out of the fridge when they walked in. Claudia had to cook it, but from the looks of things, what she was cooking was picked out for her. There was an open cookbook crammed in the corner of the limited counter space, and some fresh vegetables and meat lined up to be prepared. A few bottles of spices and herbs claimed whatever small bits of space could be made between everything else.

“Claudia, good you’re—oh! You brought a friend.”

Anders brushed past Claudia and extended a polite hand for shaking. “It is nice to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Hawke. My name is Anders. We spoke on the phone yesterday.”

“I remember. You’re the young man who was looking after Claudia last night.”

Claudia could see it, the way Leandra was studying Anders. It was something she did with each of her children’s prospective love interests, even if she was the only one who saw it that way. She did this enough that the frustrated eye roll was not only expected, but ignored.

“Anders, why don’t you be a dear and go sit with Bethany in the living room while Claudia and I prepare the meal?”

“I can help.” He suggested.

“Nonsense.” Mother dismissed his offer while wiping her hands on a dish towel. “You're a guest. Claudia and I can handle this ourselves.”

Anders was shooed from the room, leaving Claudia alone with her mother. If Claudia's assumptions on the matter were correct, Leandra denied his help because she wanted to talk about him. She was always like that, which was why Claudia busied herself with familiarizing herself with the recipe and ingredients in an attempt to look busy.

Her mother did not take this as a sign that she didn't want to talk. She sidled up to her, knife in hand as she begun dicing up the vegetables. “So, Anders is handsome.”

“Yes.” Claudia agreed bluntly, hoping her lack of interest in conversation would end it.

And it did, for a time. They quietly prepared most of the meal, only breaking their silence to ask for an ingredient or to relay instructions from the recipe book. But, it was the sort of silence where Claudia was positive that she was just biding her time until she thought of exactly what she wanted to say.

That moment was when Claudia was elbow-deep in dishwater as her mother stirred around the meat and vegetables in a pan.

“So...you used _protection_ last night?”

Protection?  _Protection?_ Claudia stood at the sink, wondering how she ended up with her mother asking if she used a condom during the sex she didn't have. She wrung out the dish sponge, trying to take her frustration out on it rather than her mother. 

“Mother, we didn't have sex. And even if we did, I'm an adult capable of making my own decisions.” Claudia didn't wait for a response. She gathered up plates and silverware and headed into the living room.

All and all, it was a frustrating situation, one that left her flustered and unable to really articulate herself. Maybe it was because her mother was inquiring about her sex life. Maybe it was because the thought of being intimate with Anders wasn't one she rejected. Thoughts like the ones she had just that morning upon waking up in his bed and wishing he had been holding her when she woke.

Bethany and Anders helped her set the table. Shortly after, her mother came out and they started to eat. The conversation from the kitchen luckily stayed there. Instead, they chose to focus on how Leandra managed to secure a court date to dispute the inheritance she never received. Her mother was charmed by Anders, sometimes talking directly to him instead of her daughters. It was obvious that she enjoyed his company. To the point of frequently mentioning her tragically single daughter.

They finished eating, but hadn't yet cleared away the dirty dishes when the front door opened. Isabela came strolling in, giggling at something either Merrill or Carver had said, given they followed her into the room. Isabela sank into the couch, pulling Merrill into her lap in the process. Carver, however, stood. He studied the table, but not exclusively. He cast Anders a strange look, then the same one to Claudia. She sat tall in her chair, trying to make it obvious that she was not about to hear him give her the same speech he went on when she had talked to their mother the previous night. 

“You ate without me.” He said, inspecting the empty plates on the table.

“You went out with Merrill and Isabela. We thought you might have eaten then.” It wasn't a lie.

“There is still plenty of food left over in the kitchen if you're hungry, dear.” Leandra had already begun piling up the dirty dishes on the table to be washed. Bethany helped her with it.

“Please, I'll wash the dishes.” Anders scooped them up from the women, giving them no chance to argue it. The pile was too big for one person to handle by them self. That much was obvious. “You welcomed me into your home and invited me to a meal. I would like to thank you by washing the dishes. Claudia, could you help me bring these into the kitchen?”

Claudia nodded and grabbed part of the pile to help Anders.

Anders placed the plates down beside the sink when the door shut behind them. “Claudia?” He asked.

“Yeah?” She had the hot water tap going in the hopes that it would warm up soon. The hot water in the building was unpredictable at its very best.

“Thank you for dinner. It was delicious.”

“You're welcome, but you already thanked us.” It was strange to her that he wished to thank her a second time. Yet, she was still flattered by it.

He took a step closer, putting less than a foot between them. His fingers on the counter twitched, almost within reach of her own. Anders smiled. Her heart leaped up into her throat when he did. Andraste's tits, he was cute. “I wanted to thank you specifically. You're a very good cook.”

“I'm not sure how you can tell the parts I made from the parts my mother made,” She smoothed a lock of hair behind her ear while she leaned in towards him, “but I appreciate the sentiment.”

Anders' smile grew, revealing his teeth a bit. He was closer than before, close enough that they were almost touching. Claudia could feel the heat rising between them.

“Maybe I should have made a dessert. To impress you with sweets.”

Claudia's eyes locked onto his. Maker, if her mother had been right about only one thing in life, it was that he was handsome. She imagined herself kissing him right then. So much so that her entire body was subconsciously moving in to do just that. Anders must have noticed the change in body language in her. He also moved in, a trembling hand reaching out to cup her cheek.

“There's something sweet right in front of me.” Claudia purred, leaning in to his touch. She didn't realize how starved she was for affection until she felt his hand on her. That didn't forgive the lame joke, though. “Shit, that was stupid.”

“No. It was...I liked it.”

Claudia rose to her tip toes in an effort to bring her closer to Anders. He met this action by hunching down. They were so close, close enough to where she felt his breath on her lips. One of her hands braced itself on the back of his neck. The other was pressed firmly into his chest.

Then, the kitchen door came swinging open. Anders and Claudia separated quickly, both trying to play it cool. Claudia was more than a little disappointed. She really wanted that kiss. Isabela walked in smugly, observing them as they attempted to look busy. She went for the remains of the meal, but not before grabbing a fork from the drawer to pick at it.

“I feel like I know you from somewhere, Isabela.” Anders was attempting small talk, likely to deflect attention from

Anders got to work washing the dishes, leaving Claudia to seethe in frustration.

“You're Ferelden, right? Ever spend time in Denerim?”

Anders continued washing the dishes, but he was very obviously listening. “Yes.”

“Ever visit _The Pearl?_ ”

“That's it! It has been nagging me since I met you. You liked to hang out with that one dancer. What was her name, again?”

Claudia wasn't sure what exactly they were talking about, but she got the feeling that The Pearl was a strip club. She didn't know why, but she was becoming angry. Her fists were balled up, and it was taking everything in her to not say something she might regret.

“The _Lay Warden_?”

“Yes! You were there the night I—“

“—Now I remember.” Hummed Isabela. “You could do that thing with your tongue that was like electricity. That was _nice_.”

“I'll finish those dishes, Anders.” Snapped Claudia. “You can go sit in the living room.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Claudia was already pushing him out of the way.

Anders left without a word. Claudia was alone with Isabela, which she wasn't sure was any better. She didn't know why she was so angry, but she did know it was directed at Isabela. The dishes weren't washing themselves, though, so she tried to take it out on that.

Isabela continued eating the leftovers, but Claudia could feel her eyes on her.

“You're jealous!” Boomed Isabela. She sounded proud of that revelation.

“I am _not_ jealous.” 

“Yes you are!” Isabela hurried over to Claudia. They were face-to-face. Isabela looked like a predator with that toothy grin on her face. Claudia reeled back in response. “You like him, don't you? You like him and you're jealous that it was me and not you.”

Claudia wrung out the dish sponge angrily. Her teeth were gritted, her entire body was rigid. Maybe she was jealous that it had been Isabela and not her. But, it wasn't just sex. She could live without that. It was about the intimacy with Anders. The passion. The...the kiss she didn't get to have a few minutes ago. 

“So what if I like him?” Claudia asked with hostility. “You act like it's a big deal.”

“You say that like it isn't a big deal to you.”

She was right. To Claudia, it was a huge deal. She rarely developed romantic and sexual feelings for someone else. But, there she was, getting butterflies at the thought of Anders and jealous that someone who wasn't her had slept with him. 

“Okay, it is kind of a big deal to me. Anders is a really special person.”

“So ask him out already!”

“I've been trying but you guys keep interrupting me!”

Isabela laughed, and then grabbed the sponge from Claudia and helped her with the remainder of the dishes. They talked about potential dates she could ask Anders out on. 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Descriptions of injuries//Alcohol consumption

By some stroke of luck, it had been a slower day at the hospital. Luck, maybe, wasn’t the best way to describe it. Slow days meant the shift dragged on. It meant Anders was making beds in the same few rooms and sanitizing things when he would much rather be helping the patients they didn’t have. But, it did mean he would be able to go home at the end of his shift, instead of pulling a double. Sometimes he didn’t mind the extra hours. It meant more pay. That night, though, he lacked the proper mental state to make it through an entire 16 hours of work.

Anders was busy cleaning bed pans he had already washed earlier in the night when one of his fellow nurses approached. She was young, fresh out of school. He couldn’t remember her name and felt guilty about not bothering to check her name tag to learn it.

“You’re Anders, right?” She asked. Judging by the look on her face, something had made her distraught. He couldn’t imagine what.

“Yes.” It was more of a question than an affirmation.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s a woman at the receptionist desk who is asking for you. She’s…uh…she’s got some blood on her, but she refuses to be admitted so we can treat her. She’s hysterical. The receptionist didn’t want to page you in case she becomes violent. I can tell the receptionist to call the police if you think this woman is a danger.”

Anders’ stomach fell to the floor. He suspected instantly that it was Claudia, and she most likely had been calling him for the better part of an hour. But, he couldn’t answer because his phone was in his locker. Whatever it was, he was sure it was urgent if she came all the way to the hospital to see him. Yet, he couldn’t be too careful.

“What does this woman look like?”

“Red hair. About average height. Pretty. We were just concerned about you meeting with someone when the security cameras aren't working properly right now.”

 _Claudia_.

Anders didn’t bother explaining himself. He hurried towards the reception desk. His heart was pounding so fast. Fast enough that he could hear it.

Bursting into the waiting room, Anders saw her. Claudia looked rough. Her arms and part of her torso were covered in blood. Her makeup was smeared and her hair was a tangled mess. She almost looked like she had been crying. Anders rushed over to her, not caring in that moment that he was on the clock when he scooped her into his arms. “You had me so worried.” He stroked the hair from her face. Just having her there helped calm him, even if it gave him nothing as far as answers went.

“Are you okay?” His question was only a touch above a whisper, not that he cared if others heard.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re covered in blood.”

She looked towards the window. For being a frequent liar, she was terrible at hiding her emotions at that moment. She was upset. More than that, even. Anders didn’t think he knew a word powerful enough to convey what she must have felt.

“It’s not my blood.”

 _Shit_.

Anders couldn’t imagine what really must have happened. But, he was embarrassed with the fact that he fantasized about this being her asking him to run away with her.

“It’s Fenris.” She went on to explain with a trembling voice. “He’s been working with the police to take down a trafficking ring here in Kirkwall. They’ve found out about him and sent some guys to rough him up to dissuade him from continuing his investigation.”

“Where is he?” Anders didn’t like the sound of that. He may have had his problems with Fenris, but he certainly didn’t wish harm on him.

“My car. He didn’t know who to call to help get him treatment for his injuries, but he remembered that you’re a nurse and called me so I could get in contact with you.”

“Why didn’t you bring him in? We could have treated him here.”

Claudia shook her head, denoting it being more complicated that he thought. “Because that would leave a paper trail that the traffickers could use to hurt the people who help him.”

Anders ran a hand through his hair. This was a difficult situation to be in, but he couldn't send Fenris on his way. Not just because he was Claudia's friend and Anders cared very much for Claudia. But also because no one deserved what Fenris must have been enduring. He didn't have supplies to treat the sort of injuries he suspected Fenris must have endured at home, which only proved to make things more trying.

But, he knew how to get them. Even if it was at the risk of his job.

“Shit. Take him to my apartment, Claudia. If he's bleeding a lot, look up how to make a tourniquet online and do that. If not, clean his wounds with some of the rubbing alcohol in my bathroom and keep them covered until I get there. I get off work in forty-five minutes, so I should be home in an hour and I'll do what I can, then.”

“I'll take him there now.”

Anders hugged her again for good measure. This had to be a scary situation for her and she likely needed the comfort. He wanted to be that for her. He wanted to be so much more for her. But, at that moment, he needed to be the one to help her friend.

He went back to work after watching her walk out to her car to make sure she made it there safely. At that time of night, he couldn't be too careful. But, before he got back to cleaning and other menial tasks, Anders slipped into the supply closet. The coast was clear, given it was a slow night and more doctors and nurses weren't called onto shift. He felt bad. Guilty, for stealing supplies. Though, there was someone walking off with gauze and other disposable medical supplies who wasn't him. Anders could only hope that a couple disposable needles and the suturing thread would be considered to be part of that theft. Anders quickly shoved what he needed into the pockets of his scrubs and sneaked back out.

Anders felt like he aged five years in that last hour. Work had been fine. And as far as he knew, no one saw him pocketing supplies. He considered himself fortunate that the camera down that particular hall had been malfunctioning. He needed his job, even if he was willing to risk it to help someone.

Claudia was sitting on the couch with Fenris when he walked in. There were towels laid out under him, and one pressed into his bare abdomen. Anders hadn’t noticed the pale white tattoos or scars that he had before then, but he didn’t comment on them as he took off his jacket and unloaded what supplies he took from his pockets. There were also bruises and cuts, but those appeared fresh.

“How is the bleeding?”

“It stopped on the way here.” Claudia said. She still had her hand pressed into the bloody towel for good measure, though. She looked so tired, Anders observed. With her free hand, she continuously rubbed her eyes, and she was yawning. He worried for her ability to drive herself home later, but said nothing on it just yet.

“We didn’t have enough numbing gel for me to grab some from work, but I have some whiskey in the cabinet if you would like a shot of it. Permitting you didn’t take something like aspirin already.”

“I haven’t taken anything for the pain.” Fenris grumbled. He looked uncomfortable; the feeling was mutual.

Anders went into the kitchen and got the bottle of whiskey and a glass for Fenris. It probably wasn’t the best idea to have him drink while he was injured, but he didn’t have anything else for the pain.

When he returned, Claudia scooted to the far side of the couch to give him a place to sit while he examined Fenris and did what he could to treat him. He put the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table, along with the cup. If Fenris wanted it, he could help himself. In not, Anders didn’t want to force it on him. From the look of his first aid kit, Claudia had already cleaned the wound. There were some pink-tinged cotton balls littering the surface of the table. So, he took out the suture kit he stole from the hospital and got to work with sterilizing everything.

“I’m not going to force the whiskey on you.” Anders said, lining up his instruments on the table. “But if you want it, help yourself.”

Anders gingerly reached out for the towel. Fenris recoiled at the motion, which caused him to repeat the gesture. “I was just going to remove the towel to see if you need stitches.”

“Oh.” Fenris hesitantly pulled the towel away himself, revealing what looked to be a stab wound, deep enough to require stitches, but likely not life threatening if properly treated. Anders was confident in his abilities to treat it.

“If you don’t want the whiskey for the pain, I’m going to start suturing it up. I’ll treat the minor cuts and scrapes after.”

Fenris nodded in understanding, so Anders got to work. He was quick, and his stitches were neat, though he expected no less. Anders may have lacked self-confidence most of the time, but when it came to his abilities in treating wounds, he knew where his skills laid. Fenris would occasionally hiss or grit his teeth, but for someone who had taken nothing to numb the pain, he was sitting incredibly still. He finished in good time; when he did, he began cleaning up the other wounds with fresh cotton balls and rubbing alcohol. Fenris' response to the cotton balls was less drastic. He hardly even winced. But, after the sutures, Anders imagined the pain from the rubbing alcohol was like nothing.

“I'm going to bandage the wound.” Anders explained, grabbing a gauze pad from his first aid kit and applying it to the wound. “I'll send you home with some of these gauze pads. Clean it with a mild soap and water once a day and let it air dry. Also, letting it breathe for half an hour to an hour daily will help. Keep it covered otherwise, and change the bandages if they get wet. Get plenty of rest and drink a lot of water. If it starts bleeding again, have Claudia call me immediately.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I feel weird suggesting this, but you should probably stay here tonight for observation. Just in case you break a stitch.”

Fenris nodded in understanding. “Speaking of Claudia, she fell asleep.”

At Fenris' queue, Anders turned to Claudia. She was slumped against the couch, snoring softly. He smiled at the sight initially, before the realization hit that she still needed to drive herself home. Having her spend the night a second time that week probably was not the best idea, given Mrs. Hawke's response to it the first time around.

“I don't think it's a good idea to drive herself home when she's this tired.”

“I'll call Isabela to come get her and drop her off at home. She can stop by in the morning to pick up her car.”

Fenris called Isabela. While he did, Anders cleaned up the mess of cotton balls and other first aid supplies. Maker, he needed a beer. He finished putting everything away and grabbed a beer from the fridge. But, he hesitated. It would be rude to grab one for himself and not offer one to Fenris.

“Want a beer?”

“Uh...sure.”

Anders grabbed a second beer from the fridge and returned to the couch. Isabela arrived shortly after and picked up Claudia. She put up a bit of a fight upon being woken up, but Isabela managed to usher her out without too much difficulty.

That left Anders alone with Fenris. He was already pretty far in his beer. And, already feeling the effects of the alcohol. That was what he got for skipping his lunch break that night. Fenris couldn't be faring much better. Not with the blood loss.

“I'm gonna...I'm gonna get you a pillow and a blanket so you can sleep on the couch.” Said Anders, lumbering to his feet.

“Wait just a...a second.” Fenris put his empty beer can on the table. “Can I have another beer?” He held up his empty can for emphasis. 

“Yeah, sure.”

Anders didn't know how long they had been drinking together, but after a certain point, he knew he was drunk. Drunk enough where him and Fenris were talking about everything and anything like old friends. Fenris had even ordered them a pizza, which sat half-eaten on the coffee table. Anders' head was swimming, even after some food. 

They were about six beers in each when Fenris turned to him. His face was tinted pink from the alcohol, but he seemed in good spirits. 

“What's...what's going on with you and Claudia?” He asked with a hiccup.

Anders didn't respond immediately. “I don't understand.”

“You and Claudia!” Insisted Fenris boisterously. “Are you guys a _thing_?”

“Like...a couple?”

“Yeah. You like her, don't you?”

If Anders had been sober, he knew he wouldn't have responded to that. Or, he would have been vague. But, the alcohol left him feeling emotional, particularly about his feelings for Claudia. “She's a...a really special person and I really like her.” He took the last swig of his beer and tossed the empty can with the others. “But, she would never go for someone like me. She's so pretty and nice and—“

“—Hey, don't say that. I can say this because we're friends now,” Fenris hiccuped, “but you're a good guy. And Claudia sees that. You gotta...you gotta be confident in yourself and just ask her out.”

“Thanks, buddy.”

xXx

Anders woke to a pounding in his head. Not like a migraine, which he knew he could cure by throwing up and going back to sleep for a couple of hours. This one was from the six beers coupled with barely anything to eat last night. He couldn’t drink like he used to when he was in his twenties, Anders knew as the light streaming through the curtains caused the headache to increase in intensity. At thirty, he felt like an old man, already. He couldn’t begin to imagine how he would feel in ten—twenty years. 

Still, he pulled himself out of bed and into the bathroom to relieve himself and to down a couple pills.

He lumbered into the living room, groggy, wanting to lie down. Anders only had a fuzzy recollection of what happened the night before. Fenris had been there, he remembered, but that was about it. Which was why it came as a shock to find him deeply engaged in a video game. Pounce was sitting next to him, eyeing the open pizza box and cup of black coffee on the table suspiciously.

“You should watch your mug.” Anders warned, plopping down on the couch as well. “Pounce is a little shit sometimes and likes to knock cups over.”

“He’s been good so far.” Though Fenris was more focused on his game than conversation. “Claudia posts a lot of pictures of him online.”

It was then that Anders remembered their conversation from the previous night. Anders rubbed the stubble on his chin. Asking her out legitimately sent his stomach up in all sorts of knots, but he knew that he couldn’t keep going on this way. He wanted more with her. He had confessed this to several people, now. And all of them gave him the same advice on the matter.

“You don’t mind that I made coffee, right?”

“No.” Anders responded briskly. “Sorry, I’m just a bit hung over.”

“Get some coffee and eat some of the pizza. It will help.”

Anders got up off the couch and headed into the kitchen. Coffee would help. But, he also needed water. He got himself a glass.

Before he made it back to his spot on the couch, the front door opened and Claudia walked in. Anders hadn’t expected her to come in when she came to get her car, but there she was, heading straight for a slice of cold pizza and sidling up between he and Fenris on the couch. Anders received a knowing look from him. It was Fenris’ way of telling Anders that his chance to ask her out was presenting itself.

“How are you feeling?” She asked of Fenris.

“Like I’ve been run over by a bus. But, better than being stabbed.”

“Anders has a magic touch.” Despite her remark not being flirtatious in nature, Anders couldn’t help but blush and turn away until it passed.

When he returned to them he could see Fenris giving him a knowing look.

“Claudia? Can I talk to you in the other room?”

“Okay.”

Anders led her into the kitchen. His head was still pounding, and his palms were sweating like crazy. Anders' mouth was drier than the Anderfels. Claudia turned to face him. He gulped, tongue unable to form words at that moment.

“So, I know you had something you wanted to say, but can I go first?” She shuffled anxiously. It made Anders worry about whatever it was she had to say. Maker, his stomach was cramping.

He nodded, gulping back his fears on the matter. “Go ahead.”

“Okay. So...shit. Uh...will you go out on a date with me tonight?”

Anders wasn't sure he heard her correctly. Did she just ask him out? On a date? He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly, but the smile on his face spread across his face like wildfire. “A date? With you?”

“If you're not interested—“

“—No! I mean, no. I would love to go out on a date with you tonight.”

“Great! You have no idea how nervous I was about asking you out. I'll pick you up tonight around seven.”

  
  


 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Alcohol Consumption

Maker, why was this so stressful?

Claudia had just seen Anders that morning. Even asked him on a real, honest to goodness date with last night's makeup smeared across her face and her hair tangled and unbrushed. He had said yes, in spite of that all. But, for some reason, preparing for this date was the most nerve wracking thing she had ever done. The closer it got to when he had agreed to be picked up by her, the more the butterflies in her stomach fluttered around. The more she thought of everything that could possibly go wrong.

Though, she liked him. A lot. He was the first person she felt an attraction like this to in a long time. Probably since before moving to Kirkwall. Anders was sweet, and gentle. He knew how to make her smile and laugh. And she thought about what his kisses must have tasted and felt like more than she cared to admit.

She had put on one of her nice dresses and some heels. Maybe a bit overdone. But, Anders had seen her in her dominatrix clothes, which had about the same effect. When Mother had come in to ask her why she was getting dressed up, Claudia deflected the question. She didn't want to get her mother's hopes up that she had an actual boyfriend. Not while they were still trying to figure out what was going on between them. Even so, the bouquet of flowers made it kind of obvious that she was going out with _someone_ , even if she wasn't being honest about with whom. 

Isabela texted her to let her know she managed to get them a reservation at some new Orlesian restaurant in Kirkwall just as she finished applying her lipstick. Claudia took one last passing glance at herself. Normally, she wasn't so critical of her makeup and dress, often choosing to go without the makeup in favor of lazing around in sweatpants. It was a look that Anders was familiar with in regards to her. Yet, she had convinced herself that he would reject her if she wasn't done up to the nines.

Claudia grabbed the bouquet and headed out.

It felt wrong to just walk into Anders' apartment that night, even if he had given her every right to. And his spare key. Claudia knocked, hearing Pounce trot up to the door shortly after because he recognized Claudia's scent. The sound of the cat was followed by the sound of Anders' foot falls approaching the door.

Anders looked rather handsome, Claudia observed, once he opened the door. He always looked handsome, but it was obvious that he trimmed and cleaned up his stubble. He was wearing a nice button-up shirt with a blazer and smelled pleasantly of a musky cologne that she knew she wouldn't be able to forget for several days.

“Wow!” He exclaimed, taking in her sight. “You look beautiful.” He fumbled over his tongue, having felt he had offended her. Claudia wasn't offended. “I mean, you always look beautiful, but that dress looks amazing on you. And your makeup looks like it must have been difficult.”

“You look very handsome too.” She said with a smile. Claudia remembered the bouquet then, which she held up to him. “Here. I bought you some flowers. I asked the florist to pick ones out that are safe for cats to be around, so you won't have to put them up and out of Pounce's reach.”

“I...that was very thoughtful of you. I'll go put these in some water.”

Anders returned shortly after, and they left.

Claudia pulled up in front of the restaurant her GPS led them to. She had never personally eaten there, but from Isabela's description, it was high-end dining that Claudia wasn't accustomed to. Judging by the vallet running up to her car, requesting the keys, Isabela's previous description was correct. It made Claudia feel a bit self-conscious. Here she was, a refugee living in lowtown with a junk car, taking a guy who lived in a seedy apartment in darktown on a date. Surely they would be turning their noses up to her. But, she had dipped a bit into her savings to make sure Anders had a memorable first date with  her. And, Isabela promised her that she could get them reservations.

The vallet took her keys and drove off quickly to find a parking spot. She would tip him when they returned for the car and paid for the vallet services. Anders anxiously waited for her to situate her belongings in the purse hanging on her hip. When she had, he gladly took her arm.

The interior of the restaurant was extravagant, to the point of bordering on pretentious. The wait staff and maître’d wore crisp black suits. How they kept stains off them, Claudia didn't know. There was a string quartet playing chamber music softly in one of the dining rooms. Otherwise, hushed conversations and the sounds of silverware scraping against fine China was what she heard. Anders looked at her uneasily while they waited their turn to ask for a table.

"Is this place a bit...beyond our means?" He kept his voice low and soft so that only she could hear him.

"Relax," Claudia said passively, "I'll take care of it."

"Are you sure?" His second question came off more as an argument than a question. She couldn't help but feel it was because he didn't think he was worth this kind of money. Claudia would willingly spend more on him if she had the means to.

They stood in silence some more, slowly inching up to the maître’d with each minute. Claudia texted Isabela to get the name she made the reservation under. She could tell Anders was anxious about the dinner, still. It _was_ an expensive restaurant, but she was also trying her best to impress him. Whether or not he was, it remained to be seen. 

Their turn at the podium came in tandem with the return text from Isabela. Claudia stepped forward with Anders at her side. He gingerly pressed his hand to the small of her back when they were face-to-face with the maître’d. His touch would have made her flustered if not for her determination to get them a table.

“ Can I help you with something?” He had a slight Orlesian accent. And, the attitude to go with it. 

“I have a reservation for 7:30 for,” she glanced down at her phone, “for Anita Woodcock…Maker, Isabela.”

Her grumbling about Isabela’s joke resulted in a giggle from Anders. She was embarrassed, but at least he seemed to get a kick out of it.

The maître’d gave her a strange look, but he still humored her by looking through his list of reservations. It must have come as a surprise when he saw the name, for he grabbed a couple of menus from his podium and ushered for them to follow him to a vacant table. Claudia could certainly relate.

They were seated, and both went instantly for the menus. Anders had it opened first; he made no effort to hide his surprise about something within it.

“Is something the matter?” She asked, only paying enough attention to the water glasses being filled and some fresh-baked bread being laid out to say thank you.

“There are no prices on any of the menu items.”

“Anders.” Claudia sighed and put down her menu. “Just get whatever you want. I wouldn’t have taken you to an expensive restaurant if I didn’t think you were worth it.”

Anders' face lit up at her words. He looked so warm and happy to hear someone say that, even if he looked like he didn't quite believe it. It filled Claudia's heart with joy to know that she brought him such happiness, even if it was just in buying him expensive food and affirming that he was worth the money to her. He was worth the money to her when they were nothing but friends and she wanted to buy his medication for him. And, he was especially worth the money when she wanted to woo him.

The waiter came by a few minutes later and took their orders. Anders sounded so cute, fumbling over the names of the Orlesian dishes as he ordered his entree and a glass of wine for himself. Claudia ordered for herself and decided to stick with water.

Once they were alone once more, Anders looked over to her. He rubbed the back of his neck while he wore a goofy grin. “So, this is the weirdest first date I've ever been on.”

“Why?” She asked, buttering up a piece of bread. “Because I asked you out?”

“No.” He shook his head for emphasis. “It's just...we've been friends for a while, so it doesn't really feel like a first date to me. Does that make sense?”

As odd as it was, it made complete sense to Claudia. Probably because she felt the same way. Normally on first dates, she would be asking questions about what her date did for a living, if they had any pets. Typical, annoying ice breakers. But, with Anders, she knew all those things. She knew what color underwear he wore, even. “If anything, this feels like a...a first year anniversary. Yeah?”

Anders laughed. “It really does. I feel like I should be asking you what you like to do in your free time, but I already know that you go kickboxing with Aveline three days a week, but otherwise you like to hang out and watch trashy TV or play video games.”

“So what do we talk about?” Claudia asked. “Our freakiest kinks?”

Anders' laughter grew louder, drawing attention to their table. To deflect attention from them, Anders grabbed a piece of bread for himself. “You already know that about me.” He took a couple bites of the bread while he observed Claudia She could feel her face growing hot from the attention. “Okay, we need something to talk about. Why did you ask me out?”

Claudia faltered. It wasn't a question she had ever put an answer to other than sweaty palms and a fluttery stomach and knowing more than anything else that she wasn't satisfied with just being his friend. Claudia knew, if this didn't end up working out, she could and would go back to being just his friend. Because losing Anders from her life was not an option by that point. But, she had all her fingers and toes crossed that it didn't have to come to that.

“I don't know.” She said with an uncomfortable giggle while she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “I guess I think you're really cute, and nice, and funny...and the more time I spent with you, the more I wanted to be around you. And...I probably sound stupid right now. I'll shut up.”

“You don't sound stupid.” Anders reached across the table and took her hand. His skin was irresistibly soft. She laced her fingers in his. “If you hadn't asked me out earlier, I was going to ask you out. I...I guess I felt the exact same thing for you.”

Claudia's chance to respond to Anders was interrupted by their meals coming to the table. She was upset, but that quickly turned to confusion when she saw how small the portion sizes were. While the waiter was setting everything out, she said nothing on it, but Claudia did give Anders a questioning look. Which, he mimicked as he glanced down at his plate.

“Claudia, I feel bad.” Anders lamented, still looking down at his plate after the waiter left. “This is an expensive meal, but it's—“

“—A snack?” She asked, pushing around her food with her fork.

“Exactly!”

xXx

After dinner, Claudia and Anders drove around for a while before they parked somewhere and decided to go for a walk through a park in Hightown. The sun was setting, so the sky was brilliant with shades of orange and pink. They would comment on the shapes of the clouds, what they interpreted them as looking like. Anders talked about how he was really engaging in activist work in the city, and how he wanted to get involved in local charities. Seeing him like that, so passionate about what he believed in, it filled Claudia with a sense of pride. And, if he asked, she would gladly offer him her time and assistance.

“I'm having a really great time with you.” Anders was wearing a genuine grin as he spoke. “I mean, we're not really doing much different than what we normally do, but it just...it _feels_ different right now.” Anders was tense as he spoke. But, her grappling for his hand helped ease his posture considerably. 

“I'm having a great time, too.” Her head rested on his shoulder. “But, I'm still hungry.”

“Then let's get something to eat—but, uh, I'll pay this time.”

Anders took her to a little Qunari restaurant not far from where she had parked the car. Claudia wasn't certain if it was because it was convenient, or because he remembered she liked Qunari food. Either way, she was happy with how it turned out. Claudia noticed he chose a milder dish than the last time they got Qunari, so she had to think that maybe the choice was intentional. But, the restaurant they got the food from was smaller, and without seating, so they had to eat in the car. After, Claudia drove Anders back home.

The sun had set completely when they arrived. Claudia got out of the car in order to walk Anders up to his apartment.

Standing outside his apartment door was uncomfortable and awkward. Claudia didn’t know if she should go in for a hug—or more—or just leave with a few passing pleasantries. It was hard to determine, given their history. Anders seemed to be struggling with the same thoughts. He held his keys in his hands, but he shuffled them around and persisted to look on her with an expression of further longing, but also glance back at the door as though he was considering his escape.

“So,” Began Claudia in an effort to put something, anything, in motion, “I had a really nice night with you.”

“I did too.” Anders face was flushed as he stared down the hall towards the stairs. Something was on his mind. But, Claudia didn’t want to pressure him into saying something he didn’t want to.

“Well, I guess I should get go—“ She turned to leave, but was interrupted both by his words and his hand darting out for hers.

“—Claudia, wait.” He sucked in a ragged breath before his gaze met hers. His amber eyes were filled with so much emotion. More than happiness, but desire. Passion. Anders wasn’t certainly not trying to hide his lurid gaze on her. Nor the wolfish smirk that flickered across his face as their bodies instinctively drew in to one another. “Can I kiss you?”

There was a desperate need Anders hardly had contained that Claudia picked up on. His fingers were trembling when he reached out to cup her face, his body desperate to make contact with hers as it eased forward and fell back with her movements. She was tired of bottling this all up; Claudia had fantasized about his kiss more with each day, but never had she been so close to tasting it. His hand drifted to the back of her head, while the other found its way to her waist. There was no one to interrupt them this time.

“I think I would like that.”

Whatever restraints Anders was practicing at that moment were abandoned as soon as the last syllable left her mouth. He drove her back into the wall, lips desperately trying to find hers. When they finally did make contact, Anders let out a guttural groan of pure satisfaction into her mouth. Claudia whimpered in response, her confession that she needed this more than air. Anders did not let up, nor did Claudia want him to. His body gyrated against hers, trying to find a rhythm with his mouth and his hands running courses up and down her side. Anders was more potent than any drug. An addiction so unlike the one she had to alcohol. She was able to quit the alcohol. Anders, however, wouldn’t be so easy. It was only a kiss, but it felt like so much more than that.

Anders was panting lightly when he finally, albeit reluctantly, pulled away. He pressed his forehead into hers while they both basked in the afterglow of the kiss. Claudia was still taken aback by the whole thing. Her lips still tingled with the sensation, and his taste lingered. She wanted more, and yet, she knew where _more_ might lead her. As much as she considered the possibility of that sort of intimacy, Claudia wasn't sure if she was willing to go that far just yet.

“Do you want to come inside?” Anders' voice was low and rough. 

“You mean...you mean for sex?”

“I...yeah. I guess.”

Claudia broke away from his touch. She was so used to being taken out, only for her date to suggest sex the night of. Anders may have been a different case entirely. Different in the fact that she already had started to develop romantic and even some sexual feelings for him. But, she was far from ready to act on it. 

Anders looked confused when she turned back to him. “I...no. I want to come in. To...to spend more time with you. But I don't want to have sex with you right now. Please don't take this the wrong way. I really like you a lot, and I want to see where this is going between us, but—“

“—I understand. We can just...I don't know, cuddle or something.” There was a pause, then Anders begun waving his hands defensively on her direction. “I'm not just trying to get you to come in so I can convince you to sleep with me.” 

Part of Claudia hadn't expected him to be so respectful of her wishes. There were plenty of men who hadn't been. Who expected her on her back for them after a mediocre meal and a movie that she could have paid for herself. Plenty who called her a tease, or other names, when she refused to kiss them at the end of the night, when she wouldn't invite them up. 

And then there was Anders. 

She really did like him a lot. Even more than before the date, she wagered. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“You're—are you sure? You would want to be with someone like me? Someone with my _problems_?”

“Yes!” Her exclamation was punctuated with a giggle. “We all have problems, Anders.”

He closed the gap between the two of them and planted a sweet kiss on her lips. She couldn't help the smile that resulted.

“I would love to be your boyfriend. Now let's go inside. I'll make some popcorn and we can watch a movie before you go home for the night.”

 


	27. Chapter 27

Anders had nearly forgotten what those first couple weeks with a new romantic partner was like until he did it all again with Claudia. It had been so long since he had a new partner that every stage felt like that settled down, comfortable part where you were content with just being in each others company. Where there was no more trying to impress the other person. And in a way, it was similar with Claudia. She had seen him at his worst. She had been there with him. So, it was less frightening when he couldn’t give her his best.

But, more than that, he had forgotten that infatuated feeling that accompanied a new relationship. Anders wanted nothing more than to be with her at all times. And if he couldn’t have that, he wanted to be talking to her on the phone. Or, about her to anyone who would listen. The old ladies they would get in to the ER especially loved hearing about her. They ate up the stories of how they met, how she took care of him when he was unwell, and their first date. If he hadn’t kept his phone in his locker while on shift, he would have gladly shown them every picture of her he had saved on his phone. He settled for showcasing a sparing few during his breaks. Wynne especially liked hearing about her during his latest session. She had already heard enough about her over the past few months. Yet Anders couldn’t help but gush about her some more.

But, it went beyond dotage. With Claudia, Anders wanted every free moment she wanted to give him. He wanted more than anything to have her kisses. Her conversations. To cuddle her. To kiss her. Maker, they did a lot of kissing. And when they weren’t kissing, he wanted to be kissing her. Anders wanted more, but if he had to wait for _more_ , or if it never came, he was content with the kissing.

It was thoughts of kissing Claudia, her infectious laugh and her smile that could melt Ferelden during the dead of winter that got him through the bus ride home.

xXx

Anders certainly did not expect the elaborate blanket fort taking over much of his living room and dining area when he walked into his apartment. He was a bit impressed by it all, if not concerned about the practicality of getting to the bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom. Only one other person had his key, so it hardly alarmed him when he heard shuffling from within and Claudia’s shock of red hair came spilling forth from a hole in the ‘roof’ he would have classified as a skylight.

She wore a triumphant grin when she saw him, chest puffed proudly while she waited for him to take in the full splendor of her handiwork. Anders couldn’t resist comparing her expression and stance to a proud ruler surveying her queendom.

“Do you like it?” She asked with a chipper tone.

“You made a blanket fort.” He wasn’t judging. He just hadn’t expected it. Even so, it brought out the child in him who never got to experience that sort of thing. He inched closer, trying to keep a face of boredom, despite the growing excitement. “Are you going to invite me in?”

“Password, first.” Claudia said.

Password? Maker, she was having fun with this.

“Mabari.”

“No.”

“Uh…dragons.”

“Not even close.” Anders was starting to feel defeated, but he was determined to get in.

“Milkshake.”

“Bzzt! Wrong.”

“I don’t know. Potato.” Now he was just guessing nonsense.

“Do you need a hint?”

“Shit. Yeah.”

Claudia leaned forward, her expression going dreamy. She tapped the corner of her mouth three times. It was a gesture that, after a long day, Anders felt like he should know, but couldn't quite place.

“L—Lips?”

She shook her head, this time her eyes sliding shut and her lips puckering for emphasis as she tapped the corners again. Then, like a light-bulb going on in his mind, it hit Anders.

It was a kiss she was after! And, not the word, judging by how her body was leaning in ever closer to his own. A smile crossed him as he scooped her in by the small of her back and planted a sweet kiss on her lips. Anders hadn't realized how much he missed her kisses while at work until he was pulling away from her. He could spend all day kissing her and never feel like he missed anything.

Claudia ducked back down into the fort before showing Anders how to get in. He was about to raise an objection, but then he saw her nimble fingers working at knots that kept his throw blanket and spare sheet closed. When she finished, the blanket drooped down, revealing an entrance big enough for him to crawl into.

“Welcome to my Queendom.”Announced Claudia from next to the coffee table. She was sitting cross-legged, with Pounce already making his way toward her. Anders could see that she brought Ser Biscuit. It concerned Anders at first, to see a mammoth dog that could crush his cat in its mouth, no problem. But, Biscuit nuzzled Pounce gently, to which Pounce responded with some light grooming.

“How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to build the fort.” Said Claudia, glancing down at her phone. “I had class earlier, and I stopped at home to drop off a couple things, but Gamlen started ragging about _don't leave the damn dog here with me all day_. So, I packed Biscuit up into the car and we came over.” She tussled the dog's ears for emphasis. “Oh! And Pounce and Biscuit are best brothers too.”

“Best...brothers?”

Before the cat had a chance to make it to her lap, Claudia was crawling over to Anders. She stopped just before him, a smirk on her face that never failed to make his heart flutter. “Yes, because we're a couple now. So Pounce is now my step son and Biscuit is yours.”She looked back at the animals. “That makes them step brothers.”

“Step brothers, huh?” Anders asked.

“Yes.” Claudia affirmed right before her stomach let out an angry gurgle. “But can we make dinner, now? I'm _hungry_.”

Anders hesitated. As hungry as he was after a long day at the ER, he hadn't been to the store yet. He had some things, food staples, mostly. Enough to whip up something for them, even if it wasn't particularly delicious or nourishing. It was kind of funny, how he lived like a broke college student when he was thirty and had a decent job. “I don't know what we're going to make, but we'll figure something out.”

“Well, lucky for _you_ ,” Claudia said, tapping his nose on the 'you', “I bought some stuff for dinner tonight.”

Anders had never cooked _with_ Claudia, so the whole thing was a new experience for him. She was already lining up the ingredients for the dish she wanted to make when he finally made his way out of the fort, closely followed by the dog and cat. They both headed into the bedroom, and by the sound of things, made themselves comfortable on his bed. Anders would have possibly voiced a complaint, mainly about Biscuit potentially getting paw prints on his comforter, but decided against it as he rounded into the kitchen to help Claudia.

When he joined her, she already had a small selection of knives laid out on top of his cutting board. She was washing some vegetables in the sink. He didn’t know what he could do to help, given he had no idea what they were making. But, he trusted that it would be something tasty.

“What can I do?”

“Uh. Not sure. Check the recipe on my phone and maybe prepare the meat according to what it says on there.”

Her phone was near the cutting board.

Anders grabbed it and turned it on, only to find the picture of her brother and sister he remembered from last time replaced with a picture of him and Pounce cuddling on the couch. He didn’t remember when she took it, but he still felt bashful and a little giddy that he was her lock screen. “This is a picture of me.” Said Anders, maybe a bit too excited for the situation.

“You two looked so cute like that. I couldn’t resist.” She smiled at him from over her shoulder.

While she finished washing the vegetables, Anders got to work preparing the rest of the dish. He continuously stole glances at her, whether it was knowingly or accidental. Seeing her, spending time with her, it made Anders feel lucky to have something like this with another person again. After Karl, he thought that he would never experience these feelings for another. But there he was grinning like an idiot every time she looked up and caught him staring.

When she finished with the vegetables, Claudia walked behind him, craning her neck and obvious standing on the tips of her toes to watch over his shoulder. Anders slouched his shoulders to give her a better view at what he was doing; dating someone so much shorter than him was something he wasn’t prepared for. She wrapped her arms around him tenderly and placed a kiss at the crook of his neck. The rest of the meal came together with Claudia manning the stove and Anders chopping vegetables. Which was probably for the best because Anders never knew how to season things properly. By the time she was done, the whole apartment was fragrant with their meal. To the point that Pounce and Biscuit had both come back into the kitchen and watched them plate it up with eyes the size of platters and licking their chops.

They sat down at the dining table, which, luckily, was unaffected by Claudia's fort building earlier. He hadn't noticed before, but she had bought a fresh bouquet of Harlot's Blush to adorn it. They were pretty, even in his plastic green cup with the faded cat paw prints wrapping around it.

“How was your day?” Claudia asked between bites of food. The way she said it, it was like a routine. Like they had been together for years. But, she didn't sound disinterested, either.

“Slow. My coworkers think you're very pretty, though.”

“ _You_ think I'm pretty and probably told them to say that.”

“I do think you're pretty, but I didn't tell anyone to say that.”

Claudia shrugged. “Well, I tell  _everyone_ that you're handsome and demand that they agree.”

Anders and Claudia ate some more, albeit silently that time around. Something had been nagging him. Not about her. She was great. But, it was a new relationship, and it would potentially become a sexual one somewhere down the line. He didn't want to expose Claudia to something he may have contracted before he met her. 

He put his fork down, trying to muster up the courage to get his tongue to work. “I...uh...I think I should maybe get tested for STDs. Just so when—if we decide to have sex, we can be safe.”

Claudia's face was difficult to get a read on. She put her fork on her plate carefully. Anders' heart was pounding wildly in his chest. He wanted to be a safe, responsible partner for her, regardless of whether or not it turned out he was positive for something. There was a lot of fear based in this decision. Mainly around her leaving him if his results came back positive. Anders had seen it happen before. Not to him. But, friends. Acquaintances. As much as the thought of losing Claudia was like a knife to the heart, exposing her to something because he was irresponsible was worse.

“I'll get tested too.” She was resolute. That much was obvious.

“You don't have to. They mainly suggest men who have been sexual with other men get tested because—“

“—If you're going to get tested, I should too. With my profession, there's a chance of a client getting injured and some of the blood got into a cut or something. I don't know. But...shit...this is something we should do together. Just to keep each other healthy and safe.”

“I agree. I don't know what I would do if I had something and passed it on to you.”

“Do you...uh...do we need to make appointments at the clinic, or can we just walk in?”

“One of the receptionists at the hospital also works at the clinic as her second job. I'll ask her tomorrow if we can just walk in or if we need to schedule an appointment.” Anders looked up at her. Some of the weight had been lifted from his chest, but he still had one other thing he needed to discuss with her. “Hey, Claudia?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you leave me? If I tested positive?”

“No. I wouldn't leave you.”

“I wouldn't leave you, either.” 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Gender Play (man in lingerie and makeup//Mutual Oral Sex//Vaginal Sex

Going to get tested was the easy part.

Anders was able to go to the clinic the next day with Claudia. He had been tested before, so he knew what to expect. Claudia hadn’t, he suspected, given her list of questions for the nurse running the reception desk and her nervous, jittery nature. Anders didn’t know if the tests were the same for women, but for him, it was simple: he had to pee in a cup and get some blood drawn. And, while this was nothing new to him, Anders was still nervous that his results would come back positive. It didn’t matter that him and Karl regularly got tested, or that if he ever got a patient’s blood on him at the hospital, the procedure was for both him and the patient to get tested. He was still paranoid. That he had something. That Claudia would find him undesirable after and leave him.

The rest of his appointment went normally, other than the looming fear of losing someone he was really coming to care about. He was asked some questions by the nurse when it was his turn. About his sexual orientation, previous and current sexual partners, any history he may have had with injectable drugs or needles.

Claudia was uncomfortable after her time inside, leading Anders to believe that it was a bit more invasive than what he had to do. Still, she was happy that it was over and they went out to get something to eat.

The week following was terrible.

Their results were going to be texted to them when they came in. Which was fine. The waiting wasn’t, however. Anders was plagued with intrusive thoughts that told him he had something incurable and Claudia would deem him dirty. It didn’t matter that he regularly got screened when he was sexually active, or that he used protection. He was _sure_ he had something. Anders had to call Wynne halfway through the week, just so he could hear her reaffirm him in a similar way to how Claudia had been that whole time.

By the time Anders finally got his results, Claudia had already had hers for two days. He had told himself that the extra time it took to get his was because he was infected. Even so, he invited her over so that they could open the messages together.

They were sitting side-by-side, phones out. Anders was trembling slightly. He was beyond nervous. Claudia looked concerned to, but nowhere near what he was feeling.

“You go first.” He said, gesturing toward her.

Claudia nodded and opened the text message. She studied it for a moment, before her look of concern turned to one of confusion. “I don’t understand this. Do you?”

Anders accepted her phone when she handed it to him. He looked it over quickly, realizing pretty quickly that her results came back negative for anything. “You don’t have anything.”

“All right! Clean bill of health! Let’s keep that good news rolling, baby.”

Anders hesitated. He had his phone in his hand, thumb hovering over the text to open in. In just a moment, he would know for certain. Yet, he needed to hear it again. Her affirmation that she would still be there if he wasn’t as fortunate.

“I know you said you wouldn’t leave me if I have something, but I need to ask again. You’re going to stay with me if my tests came back positive, right?”

“Of course, Anders!” Claudia grabbed his free hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I didn’t ask you out under the condition that you didn’t have a STD. And if you do…shit…we just won’t have sex. Or—or we can take precautions so you don’t pass it on to me.”

“Thank you.”

Anders took a hard breath in and clicked the text with the side of his thumb. He didn’t read it all, so much as quickly scan it to see if he was positive. When he thought he read that his results were negative, Anders went back through it and read things a bit more carefully. The results came back negative. He couldn’t muster up the proper words to communicate this to Claudia, but he could fall into her arms with a grateful ‘ _thank the Maker’_.

“See? You had yourself all worried over nothing.”

“I know. Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Claudia asked.

Anders didn't know what answer to give her.

“I...don't know. Sorry.”

“You did it again.” She said with a giggle. “But, uh, I've been thinking about something this last week. I was doing a consultation for a new client and when I was getting ready to take notes on what he was interested in, I accidentally flipped it open to your page.”

“My page?”

“Yeah. And it got me thinking that maybe we could incorporate some of the things you had told me you were interested in, but I won't perform with other clients into scenes we do from here on.”

Anders didn't quite know what she was getting at. He remembered his consultation with her clearly. Well, maybe not _clearly_ , but he remembered sitting at a table in The Hanged Man with her, watching her sip on water as she scribbled down notes on his kinks while he wondered how a person got into that profession. 

“What did you have in mind?”

“Starting off small at first.” She explained. “I would like to take you shopping for some lingerie to wear during scenes if you're okay with that.”

He didn't respond right away. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the offer. It was quite the opposite, actually. It was very nice of her, to offer to buy him something he wouldn't ever buy for himself, something she knew he was interested in, but generally too afraid to say he was to others. Likewise, he was too embarrassed to buy his own. What would people think about a man buying lacy undergarments for himself?

“If you don't want to, I won't bring it up again,” Started Claudia defensively, “but we can say I'm buying them for myself and you're just there to give the stamp of approval.”

Anders considered her offer for a time. He really did appreciate it. And, the thought of having his own special costume to wear during scenes was enticing. She always looked so beautiful with her hair done, and the heels, and the clothes, while he felt plain, stripped to his underwear and awaiting a spanking.

“I...I would like that.”

“Would you like to go now?”

“Yes.”

xXx

Anders had never been in one of those lingerie boutiques, not even when he had female partners, so it felt kind of odd being guided in with Claudia on his arm. It was like another world to him, seeing mannequins displaying bras and panties and other garments, pictures of beautiful women hanging on the walls, modeling the clothing in a sexy, but not provocative fashion. The clerks who oversaw the shop were mostly young women, likely around Claudia's age with a bit of wiggle room, all dressed smartly in all black as they folded undergarments, or asked the customers if they needed any help finding anything.

Overall, he felt out of place, predatory in a world he was told was only for women. It must have shown, given the strange look another shopper gave him as he and Claudia walked past.

Claudia's arm cinched a little tighter, pulling them in closer. She could sense he was nervous, not that he was really trying to hide it. This brought her in closer, close enough to where she could whisper to him and only he could hear.

“You can guide me to what you want to look at and I'll pick out some sizes I think might fit.”

Anders nodded and led her over to a display table.

Everything on it was lace. Pure lace. He saw those other bras, padding and wires meant to push up breasts or to support them. Anders didn't have breasts, so that function was useless to him. But, these lace...bras, were they? They were pretty, meant for flat-chested girls, he figured (he couldn't imagine them being of much use to a woman with a fuller bust). They came in all sorts of colors, and had matching briefs and thongs to accompany them, if the customer wanted. He liked these. They were feminine, and would likely make him feel the part of her sub even more if he wore them. 

Claudia looked to him, and a look was exchanged between them. It was his way of telling her that these were what he wanted. Claudia nodded and released his arm. She begun picking out different styles, differed colors, different sizes. Anders only watched, somewhat amused as she loaded up her arms with the bits of colored lace.

“We should probably go try these on, just to make sure the fit is right.”

Claudia's suggestion was reasonable, but it still made Anders' stomach go up in butterflies at the thought. Still, he nodded, albeit sheepishly, and followed her to the dressing rooms.

There was a bored-looking attendant there. She was likely in her late teens or early twenties, pretty, but making herself look busy by shuffling around the clothes that the other customers had put on the go back rack. The girl must have heard their approach and turned around. Claudia caught her attention first, given her armful of garments.

“How many?” She said, referring to how many pieces of clothing she was carrying, likely.

“Ten.”

“Right this way.”

She led them down a narrow hall, flanked with doors lining it on each side. The door she stopped at was the last one to the left, near a small alcove with a round ottoman and a full length mirror. That was likely were the boyfriends waited for their girlfriends to finish trying on things. There was a white board on the door, with another girl's name written on it. She erased it with the side of her sleeve and pulled the cap off the marker.

“Name?”

“Claudia.”

It was quickly scribbled down in loopy handwriting.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay, thanks.”

The girl headed back down the hall and to her go back rack, putting her out of sight. Claudia did a double take, making sure she couldn't see them, and quickly opened the door and shoved Anders in.

Anders stumbled in, followed closely by Claudia. She closed and locked the door quickly behind them while Anders took in the size of the changing room. It was small, no bigger than his bedroom closet at home, but still big enough for a small bench and some shelves off to one side. A mirror hung on the door.

Claudia laid the clothes out on the bench for Anders. “If you're not comfortable with me watching you change, I'll turn around.” She said with a hushed voice.

He nodded in agreement, and she complied.

Anders hurried out of his clothes, feeling suddenly exposed in front of Claudia. She had her back to him and her face to the corner as she scrolled through social media, so he tried to put that thought from his mind as he picked up the first set. The first bra was a little large in the chest for him, with the panties being a little tight in the leg holes, so Anders chose the next pair accordingly. The one he chose was a coral-pink color, with a solid panel of satin fabric covering the crotch, but the back was left exposed. The lace was soft on his skin, and looked like flowers, he thought. It hugged his body nicely, and as he inspected himself in the mirror, he felt  _pretty_ . 

“You can turn around.” He mustered sheepishly, giving her permission to look at him.

Claudia turned around slowly. The smile that spread across her face was so infectious, causing him to grin madly and flush from embarrassment. She wasn't mocking or judging him, this much he recognized. “How do you feel?”

“A little strange.” He admitted honestly. “But it's comfortable. And I do feel a bit pretty.”

“You look _beautiful._ ” He hadn't expected her to hug him from behind like she did, but she was warm and soft; he quickly melted into her touch. “Do you want them?”

“Yes.”

“Pick out another set and we can pay.”

Anders changed back into his regular clothes and picked out another set among the ones Claudia had initially chosen. Powder blue, with the bottoms being entirely lace. He handed them over to Claudia, who left the dressing room first and signaled him when the coast was clear.

Xxx

They went back to his apartment with the purchases. She spent a pretty sum on the lingerie for him; Anders didn't protest in the store due to embarrassment. But, in the car, he did. He didn't want her spending so much on him. Like Claudia always did, she insisted that he was worth that to him. More, even. That she wanted to spend money on him and treat him to nice gifts and dinner. Claudia carried them in, along with another bag she had sitting in her back seat. He didn't know what was in it, but he didn't think to ask when she said she needed to use the bathroom and disappeared into it with the bag. Anders took the bag of lingerie into his bedroom and quickly changed back into the coral set. He really did feel pretty in it. And, in the privacy of his home, he felt comfortable enough to wear it one last time before he shoved it in a drawer to forget about until their next scene.

Claudia came into the room as he was admiring his reflection. She was no longer dressed in her jeans and t shirt from earlier, but now, a black bra, lace and sheer. Enough for him to make out the shape of her nipples through it. Her panties matched, but with what looked like a zipper running down her crotch. The garter belt and stockings, he imagined, were the same ones she had worn during the scenes they performed together.

Anders tried not to stare. She looked...he couldn't put words to it to describe precisely how it made him feel. There was arousal—there was always arousal—but also a strong admiration there. She was so beautiful, like a painting he wanted to gaze upon all day. He could recognize the juxtaposition between her scandalous dress and the meek look she wore as her hands twitched over bits of exposed skin, as if to conceal it from view. Claudia was a seductress, but in the same breath, he could say she stared on him with a look of inexperience and a lack of self-confidence.

“I got this too. Not today. A couple days ago.” She said, almost sounding ashamed. “If you like it, I could wear it during scenes.”

“You look amazing.” Anders knew it wasn't strong enough to convey everything the way she was dressed made him feel. But, it was a start.

“Would you like some lipstick to put on?” She asked. “I have some colors that will probably look nice on you.”

Anders could only nod in response.

Claudia left for her purse, and returned moments later with a small black tube. She took the lid off and screwed the bottom, causing the red tip of the lipstick to extend out. When she came over, she moved her mouth in such a way to show him how to hold his. Anders mimicked the expression. He felt the lipstick swipe across his lips. It was creamy, not unlike the lip balm he used when he lips were chapped, but definitely heavier. She, once again, maneuvered her lips, this time, smacking them together. He followed suit.

When she finished, Claudia walked over to the mirror in his room and did the same. Anders thought the faces she made while she did so looked a bit silly. She put the tube on the dresser when she was done, and looked on him. “Now we're beautiful.” She said proudly.

“ _You're_ beautiful. I probably look like a clown like this.”

“No.” Claudia insisted. She came closer and wrapped her arms around him. Her breasts were so soft against his abdomen; Anders tried to push thoughts of them from his mind. “I think you look beautiful.”

“Claudia.” He held her closer. Her scent wrapped around his mind like a thick, though pleasing miasma. He knew she meant it. 

“Anders,” Claudia paused a beat, “I...I would like to make love with you.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, not wanting her to feel obligated in any way to do anything with him. As much as he fantasized about it, Anders was content with a sexless relationship if that was what she wanted. After all, it was her he wanted, not her body.

“Yes.” She said, confident. “I, uh, I bought condoms. They're in the bathroom.”

“Then I would love to make love with you.” He said. “I'll go get them.”

When Anders came back with the box of condoms, Claudia was sitting on the bed. He tossed the box onto his bedside table and joined her in sitting. Her anxiousness was apparent, which was why he took one of her hands tenderly in both of his.

“If you're not ready—“

“—I'm ready, Anders. I just...it's been a while since my last partner. A couple years. But I definitely want this with you.”

“We can go slow.”

She nodded in agreement. “I'd prefer just vanilla.” Claudia said. “No bondage or anything.”

Anders understood. He was her first partner in a long time, and she just wanted to enjoy the experience of getting to know a new lover. It was the same for him. His hands reached out for her. Anders cupped the back of her head as he drew her in for a kiss. Her tongue found its way into his mouth shortly into the kiss, which he accepted and responded to by sliding his free hand between her legs and coursing it along her inner thigh.

They kissed for a time, all the while running fingers along bits of skin left exposed from the lingerie. But, it wasn't enough, Anders knew. Claudia seemed to have felt the same, given she fell into the bed and pulled him on top of her. His kisses drifted downward, across her collarbone, between her breasts, down her stomach. A trail of red followed after each kiss, all the way to the waistband of her panties. That was where he hesitated.

“Is this okay?” He asked, fingers hovering over the zipper to undo the crotch and give him access to his goal. She nodded.

Anders unzipped the panties slowly. He looked up at her face before beginning and smirked. Maker, did he love going down on his partners. Claudia wouldn't be any different, he could already tell. Her breath hitched when he went in with his tongue, feeling the wetness of her pussy in the process. He placed both of her thighs on his shoulders, giving him better access to her as he continued lapping, and nibbling and suckling on whatever he could find with his mouth. As random as it seemed, Anders was testing everything to see what she liked and what she didn't.

And, judging by the response, clitoral stimulation was what really did it for Claudia.

Every time he brought his tongue to it, or gnashed his teeth on it, her body jerked, or her fingers dug into his scalp and bedspread. What was once labored breathing became cries of pleasure that she was unashamed of.

“Oh...ah...Andrast....Maker's....tits!” She cried out, making Anders smile to himself as he continued. He was met with similar pleas from her throughout, some involving his name, or begging him not to stop. All with profanity. Anders loved it, knowing that she was getting so much pleasure out of what he was doing. He could spend all day with his head buried between her legs and never once think of himself or stopping.

But, he did stop.

When he did, it was from the growing pressure of his cock being restrained by the panties. He rose to his knees and yanked the garment down just enough to free it and alleviate some of the discomfort. Claudia caught an eyeful of it before he dove back in to continue pleasuring her. She raised up, resting her weight on her forearm as she studied him. Her tongue swiped across her bottom lip, spreading some more of her red lipstick in the process. She didn't have to say anything; he knew what she was thinking. Claudia wanted to pleasure him the same way he had her.

She rose to her knees like he had before her and guided him down into the mattress. Claudia looked predatory and a little wild with the lipstick smeared across her face and down her body coupled with her slightly tangled hair. It added to his excitement. She started on his nipples, licking and sucking them over the lace fabric. Anders' breathing had gone ragged the second he could feel her tongue, no matter the barrier preventing further contact. She moved downward, his body squirming involuntarily the whole time. Her tongue lapped at his navel, downward, then on his inner thigh while he whimpered luridly at the thought of her hot mouth making contact with his cock.

Claudia was teasing him, Anders knew. He could see it in the electricity in her eyes, the way she would run her fingers around the base, up to the head, getting a feel for the sticky precum that was already leaking out. This only lasted briefly. Claudia quickly took the tip of his cock into her mouth.

Anders' whole body bucked forward at the feeling of it. He let out an audible ' _ah_ ' when she dipped lower and took more of him into her mouth. Her eyes remained trained on him as she continued to bob on it. Likely, she was gauging his response. His response was pure satisfaction. One of his arms draped over his face, while the other grappled for her hand.

She continued for several minutes, sucking on his teeming cock, licking it, causing his moans of pleasure to grow in volume and intensity. For a while, he completely neglected his neighbors. But, Anders knew that she wanted more. It was why she bought the condoms. _He_ wanted more. He grabbed them off the nightstand, resulting in Claudia pulling herself off his cock and straddling it as he ripped the packaging open and rolled the condom down his cock. Once it was on, Anders held his cock at the base as Claudia lowered herself on it. A third slid in easily due to her natural lubrication. They both let out pleased groans in tandem.

Claudia rode him. Slowly. Softly, at first. Her breathing was level and her eyes filled with passion. He couldn't bring himself to look elsewhere. Not at her breasts, which he was sure were bouncing pleasantly, even with the bra on. Not at her pussy. Definitely not at her powerful thighs cinching down around his hips every time she lowered herself. No. It was her face he wanted to see. He wanted to see the enjoyment she was taking from this. From him. He wanted to see her face etched with desire with each time she pushed down and he thrust upwards. He wanted to see those lips mouth out the filthy words she said under her breath when something felt particularly good. Likewise, she kept her gaze trained on his. Studying every freckle. Every wrinkle as they appeared when he shut his eyes in ecstasy.

Her hands soon became entangled in his, pinning them above his head. Claudia was hovering over him, close enough that they were both stifling their moans in each others lips. She did feel _amazing,_ he had to admit. So much so that he knew his neighbors would lodge a noise complaint if he hadn't. But more than keeping the noise down, Anders wanted her to know how his heart was bursting at the seams for her. It was more than a desire of the flesh for him, though he recognized the urgency of that as well. It was so much more. The culmination of their shared feelings for one another. The months of longing coming to fruition right then and there.

Her orgasm came suddenly. Claudia was huffing out air with every groan of pleasure. Her fingers curled and flexed around his with increased intensity. She was hardly containing it. When she finally released, her back arched, and she tried to contain the magnitude of her sound with her lips. Anders, too, was close, but not quite there as she slumped over on top of him, sighing contentedly.

“Did you cum?” She asked sweetly, desperate for air.

“Not yet, but I'm close.”

“Shit! Hold on.”

Claudia rolled off him in a swift motion. Anders pried off the condom, which was slimy and a bit gross. He flicked it into his bedside trashcan when he felt her molten-hot tongue wrap around his cock once more. It took her less than a minute to get him there. She had only enough warning to remove herself from him before he came on his chest.

He laid, panting, breathless, but happier than he had been in a long time. Claudia was beside him, her face a mess with faded red lipstick and sweat, but she was the most beautiful sight in all of Thedas to him at that moment. Anders imagined he looked equally as disastrous, but he didn't care. Once his breathing leveled, they kissed again. Sweet. Chaste for the activity they were recovering from. Claudia climbed off the bed after.

“Do you want a crash course in getting makeup off you skin and out of your clothes so it doesn't stain?” She asked with an impish grin.

Anders smiled and followed her into the bathroom.

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Talk of sex toys

Her mother was home when she walked into the apartment, book bag slung over one shoulder, heavy with text books she hardly used. It wasn’t that Claudia didn’t study, she just had professors who put books on the syllabus, but had no intention of actually lecturing from them. She was watching some daytime TV program, probably a talk show or a tawdry soap opera, Claudia wagered as she tossed her back absently to the floor and rounded into their shared bedroom to find her laptop and a change of clothes. She had every intention of spending the night by Anders’ that night, like she had been doing on and off since they started dating. Leandra knew about them, even chided Claudia occasionally about the dangers of unprotected sex, even if Claudia hadn’t chosen to share that she and Anders had been _acquainted_ in such a fashion. But, she was young once, Claudia wagered, which was how she figured as much.

The following day, she and Anders had planned on attending another protest, this time directly in front of The Templar Group’s headquarters. They called it The Gallows in Kirkwall, a big, ugly building near the docks. Claudia didn’t like the look of it. But then again, she considered the whole of Kirkwall an ugly city. Perhaps that was her Ferelden upbringing speaking.

Leandra paid her no heed until she returned to her abandoned bag and begun pulling out the textbooks for the classes she had no assignments for that night and replaced them with her laptop and spare clothes. She looked up from her program before reaching for the remote and turning down the volume, likely to speak with her daughter.

“Going by Anders’?” She asked curiously. Claudia was already braced for another lecture, even before speaking.

“Yes,” She started simply, “He asked me to join him at a protest tomorrow, and I agreed. It would just be easier to spend the night there and go in the morning.”

Leandra pressed her palms into her knees. Claudia could see it coming, another warning about unwanted pregnancies and the like. She steeled herself for it.

“Maybe I’ll see you on the news.” Leandra said, hopeful.

“Maybe. Will you take Biscuit out for his evening walk, and then his morning one tomorrow? I’ll be back in time for his evening walk tomorrow.”

“Of course, Darling.”

Claudia was suspicious of her mother’s placid nature. It wasn’t that Leandra was a mean or cruel mother. She was always nice, if a bit stern with Claudia in particular. But, over the past few weeks, Claudia had come to expect talk of Anders, of whether or not they were protecting themselves in bed. Of whether or not they were financially stable enough to support a child. Claudia knew they weren’t. Anders did, too. It was something that had talked about at length in the past, not that they were making any plans to start a family of their own just yet.

“Is something the matter? Did I forget to wash up last night’s dishes again?”

“No, there is nothing wrong.” Leandra said. She looked at Claudia, her eyes wide, but not from fear. Claudia couldn’t quite place the emotion that was. “I had my court day about the inheritance today.”

“Tell me what happened.” Claudia quickly joined her mother on the couch. She had entirely forgotten about the court date, instead focusing on school, her clients, and her new romance.

“Well,” Leandra paused, creating unnecessary suspense, “you won't be needing to work so hard to put your sister and yourself through school anymore.”

Claudia was stunned. She never believed she would be getting out of Gamlen's filthy apartment, except through working herself to the bone until she could afford to move her and her mother out. With the inheritance, even just the money, they could afford a house, one big enough for all four of them to have their own bedrooms. One with a yard big enough for Biscuit to run in. They could have holidays there, and invite friends over, and maybe have some shred of what they had when Father was still alive.

She reached out for her mother and pulled her into a hug. Tears stung her eyes, but she managed to blink them back before any spilled. Claudia didn't want to cry over this; it made her feel silly. Leandra had more to say, though, evidenced by the way she accepted the hug, but only briefly before pulling back.

“That isn't the only thing.” She said, a smile as wide as the Waking Sea on her face. “We'll be getting my childhood home back as well. There will be plenty of room there for us, and your brother and sister, and even the dog.”

“I don't know what to say.” Claudia said.

“You can think of something to say later. You probably shouldn't keep Anders waiting.”

xXx

Anders was in the shower when Claudia made it to his apartment. She could hear the streaming of the water, along with his slightly off-key singing when she placed her book bag down on his couch. It brought a smile to her face, to hear him in such a sunny mood. She took her laptop from her bag, along with one of her more weighty textbooks, and settled down on the couch to get some studying done.

But, Claudia found it hard to focus. The words on the page kept running together, and the word document she had open on her computer was blank except the date. She let out a burdened sigh, and told herself that she had a long day in class, so she was allowed to unwind for a few minutes by browsing the internet.

Naturally, she wound up on social media, scrolling through the endless sea of baby pictures that all of her childhood friends posted. Most of whom were married now. Or engaged. Claudia had Anders, and she was happy for that, but she didn't think she was ready to ask him to marry her. Not this early on.

The ads that popped up during her scrolling, for anyone else, would be something of strange and likely uncomfortable. But, Claudia was a professional dominatrix, and often bought her toys and props online to avoid going into shops. She was still living something of a lie, telling her mother she was an actress. So, when a big ad for sex toys appeared in the margins of the website, it was not alarming. If anything, Claudia regarded it with a smirk, and _clicked_. 

Anders came out of the bathroom while she was browsing the website's stock of toys. He was only wearing sweatpants, from the look of it, and was toweling off his hair as he strode into the living room, unaware of her sitting on the couch. Claudia looked to him before he noticed her and let out a drawn out wolf whistle. This caught Anders off-guard. He stopped walking, a surprised expression cutting his face, and tried to seek her out. His apartment was small enough that he saw her only a second later, as evidenced by the smile he wore and him finding a spot on the couch beside her.

“I didn't think you would be here until a bit later.” He said. He didn't sound disappointed.

“I didn't, either. One of my classes got canceled.” She glanced up at him. “I like the way you look with your hair down. It's sexy.”

“Then maybe I'll have to wear my hair down more often.” Anders set his used towel down on his knee. “What are you doing?”

“Homework.” She lied.

The way she said it, flat, but with a bite on the last syllable, it was her way of declaring that it was a lie. Which was why it came as no surprise when Anders pressed into her shoulder to look at her monitor. His wet hair brushed against her cheek while some water dripped onto her shirt. Claudia liked the way he felt against her.

“Homework, you said? I wasn't aware that sex toys counted as homework these days.”

“Oh yes,” Claudia mimicked his tone, “our assignment for the night is buying a new toy to use with our partner and trying it out to see how they like it.”

She knew Anders wasn't stupid, and that he would figure out what she was saying. And, from the way his face soured, he had figured it out. But, Claudia liked doing nice things for Anders. She liked spoiling him as much as she could. Sometimes that meant stopping by with a shopping bag full of his favorite snacks and a bouquet of flowers. Other times, it was sex toys. And today felt like a 'sex toy' kind of day.”

Anders glanced down at her monitor, then back up at her. “Please don't take this the wrong way. I appreciate everything you do for me and everything you give me, but you don't need to buy my affection. I would like you if you were penniless.”

Claudia shook her head. She wasn't trying to buy his love. The reason why she was looking at toys was because she didn't have all the sorts that suited his unique appetites in the bedroom, but she was still interested in exploring them with him. Claudia didn't know what she liked, personally. Other than the lingerie the last time, all of her sexual encounters in the past had been plain. Vanilla. With Anders, she felt safe to explore these things, to indulge what he liked as well as discovering what she wanted.

“Anders, this isn't about buying love, or anything like that. You're interested in sexual BDSM. I...don't have toys for that. But I want to try it with you. Plus, there are some things I know for certain you like in bed that I can't give you without a little assistance.”

“But toys aren't cheap.” Anders argued again.

“I'm not saying I should buy a whole _dungeon_. Just a toy here and there until we have enough to cover our bases.” Claudia set her laptop down on the floor. She was on her knees beside Anders, pushing back bits of his damp hair along the crown of his head. He looked up at her, something that wasn't familiar for either of them. Anders was so tall, with long limbs that seemed to go on forever. Claudia wasn't. She felt child-sized next to him, even if she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was average for a woman her age. Still, those long limbs of his were good for cuddles when he held her.

“Besides, my mother had her court day today.”

“She did?” There was a hint of interest in his tone.

“Yes, and we'll be receiving her full inheritance. I don't know how her lawyer did it, or how we're going to get the money paid to us, but I _do_ know that her parents were quite wealthy.”

“Doesn't your mother have a brother? The inheritance isn't split between the two of them?”

Claudia shook her head. “Apparently Grandpa Amell had a favorite child, and that child was my mother. He left everything to her in the will, with only a stipend for Gamlen, which mother is to control.”

“Wow.” Anders forced his hands between his knees as he thought over what was said. “I would hate to be your uncle right about now.”

“Mother will make sure he gets a fair amount. As much as they bicker right now, she loves him and wants the best for him.” Claudia eased back down into a sitting position, this time closer to Anders. Close enough to where their thighs were touching. She picked her laptop up off the floor and settled it in her lap. “Now, back to toys?”

Anders conceded with a nod.

They browsed the site for a while, looking at all manners of things. Anders casually draped an arm around Claudia while she controlled the mouse pad, clicking on things, reading the reviews and the descriptions. Even if her mother was due to come into some money, she didn't have it at the moment, so Claudia needed to be careful with her spending. Otherwise, she would buy Anders everything that struck his fancy. They looked at plugs, at dildos and vibrators, and strap-ons; an agreement was struck that eventually they would invest in one—or several—but they needed to do more research, they both agreed, and find out what worked best for them.

Which somehow led them to the chastity cages.

They were a little more expensive than some of the other toys they had looked at, but there was a look in Anders' eyes when he asked her to scroll through the reviews so he could read them. Claudia had never worked with a chastity cage. She hadn't worked with any toys that were strictly for sexual purposes. Before using anything on him, she wanted to do her research, to make sure that whatever they did was safe. It helped that he was a nurse and knew things about the body that she did not. Still, it would kill her if she ended up hurting him.

“Is this what you want?” Claudia asked, scrolling through the selection once more.

“I...is that okay? I've never used one before, but I like the idea of them.”

Claudia was hoping he had some experience, but that was fine. There was a nice selection of silicone ones for beginners that would help lessen the chances of injury. In fact, Anders had asked her to go back to a silicone one three times since they came across that section of the website. He liked the pink one, she thought. It was a cute color, a shade or two darker than what would be considered powder pink, and the silicone gave it a nice, matte finish.

Anders had asked to look at it again. Claudia couldn't say she was surprised. But, he was when she clicked the 'add to cart' button.

“Are you sure?” He asked, likely realizing that she had figured it was the one he wanted, but was too embarrassed to ask for.

“If you like it, let's get it. The website said the silicone ones were for beginners, so we can start there and work up to plastic or metal if you want.”

“Okay.” Anders agreed after some hesitation.

Claudia checked out quickly, but opted to have it shipped to Anders instead of to Gamlen's place. The website promised discreet shipping, but they both agreed that it would be better to have it shipped to him. After everything was paid for, Anders took the laptop from her and continued browsing the website, this time looking at lingerie. He had become more comfortable with those things since getting his own. Claudia was happy to see him so comfortable in his sexuality and in his skin.

“I like this.” Said Anders, clicking on the item to bring up the product details.

It was a sort of body harness, Claudia observed. It was mostly belting, connected by buckles and metal o-rings. The breasts were left completely exposed, as was the crotch, by the look of things. As the model wore a bra and panties, it was a bit hard to tell. He cycled through all the pictures of it, more out of curiosity than for the desire to purchase it, Claudia figured.

“We can get you something like that next time we want to buy a toy. We may have to take your measurements, but—“

“—Actually, I would like to see _you_ in it.” He cast his eyes downward as soon as he said that, a nervous smile on his face. “I mean, only if you would be comfortable wearing it. You would look great in it. Heels, one of those whip...things a—a riding crop in your hands. But only if you want.”

“I would wear that for you in private.” Admitted Claudia. “And I have a riding crop.”

Anders' smile grew. 

“But, not today. Next time we're looking to add to our collection of props and accessories, we'll look into it. Why don't you read me that speech you were working on for tomorrow's protest and then we can get dinner and rent a movie?”

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Blood

 

They sat in the car for longer than either of them were comfortable admitting. Anders was in the passenger seat, giving the speech he prepared one last read over just for practice. He was nervous, Claudia knew. Since the protest was planned, and he had been asked to give a speech, he had lost sleep, making sure his wording was perfect, his manner of speech was perfect. It had to be, he told her each time she asked him to sit down and eat, or was trying to get him to relax, or goad him to bed for either sleep or intimacy. But, she knew it was important to him. And, by association, it was important to her too.

“You’ll do great.” She reassured, placing a soft hand on his forearm. Anders looked up from the paper.

“I’m…not so certain.”

“You worked hard on it, which I think is the important thing here. You’re not getting a grade on this.”

He smiled weakly. “But what if I’m filmed? What if I’m on the news? I want to make sure my message gets across without sounding like an idiot.”

“I think the first thought everyone had will be ‘Andraste’s tits, that is one good-looking man’.” Her tone was humorous, with a touch of flirtation in an attempt to lighten the mood.

His smile grew. “Should I quickly make a sign that says I’m taken?”

Claudia knew better than to be jealous of anyone who may have tried to steal him away. It was hard to miss it, the looks he got when they were out together. After all, he stood out because of his height, and how pale he was, and the blonde hair. In contrast, she felt like a red potato. Not that Anders would hear it. He was always so concerned that she wanted a different partner. Someone _not him_ , not that it made any particular sense to Claudia. She just had to assume it was a self-esteem thing, and do more to show him that she didn’t want anyone but him.

She did that just then, with a peck to his cheek. Anders leaned into it, a soft smile gracing him as he kissed her in return.

“It will all be fine.” She promised. Her hand drifted down, taking his own and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I believe in you.”

It seemed like that was what Anders needed to hear. His smile widened, illuminating his whole face in such a way that Claudia’s heart skipped a beat. Maker, he was so cute when he smiled like that. He undid his seat-belt and took his note cards containing the bullet points for his speech out of the paperclip and tucked them into his pants pocket; it seemed he would be leaving the copy on printed paper in the car.

Claudia undid her own seat-belt and headed out of the car.

There was already a congregation of people convening in front of the Templar building. It was an odd building, parts seemed to be remnants from the days when Tevinter occupied Kirkwall. But, it was made modern with big glass windows, and the Templars seen running through the lobby.

That was what they called them. _Templars_. They were an old order, much like those parts of the Gallows, but with sleek new packaging to suit the times. The Chantry funded their pay, funded their research. And, it allowed them to conduct whatever “experiments” on people that they deemed acceptable.

Or, that was how it seemed, given the Grand Cleric’s refusal to deny funding or have the head of Kirkwall’s branch removed after news reports began circulating that their patients and subjects were being treated inhumanely, along with the rumors of abuse. Sometimes worse.

Just seeing that building, wrought in stone and glass, caused a shiver to descend her spine.

She grappled for Anders’ hand. She could tell he was in edge. His body had gone stiff, and his palms were sweating, she realized. The sight of the building—or perhaps it was the thought of giving his speech—had done it to him. Claudia cast him a reassuring glance. Anders pulled in a deep breath and led them through the crowds.

It was larger than the last protest, Claudia observed, which made it fortunate that she decided not to make them signs of their own. It would be easy to lose Anders in the crowd, if not for her arm cinched around his. He had to meet with the other organizers of the protest, a small group of people he had been chatting with on message boards about what they could do to oppose The Templar Group. He met with some over coffee a couple times. Claudia had joined him once. It wasn’t her battle to fight, but she could be there to support those whose battle it was.

There was a podium on a platform several feet from the entrance leading into the building. A thin, middle-aged woman was already on it, giving a speech when they managed to get up there. Her words were compelling, and much of the crowd clapped and cheered over certain parts, or chanted her words back at her in unison. Several other people in matching shirts were behind the podium, where the crowd was sparse and they could easily do their work. A young man was sitting in a camping chair, typing away on his laptop, which had wires running from it that led to the microphone on the podium. Then, more wires ran to several medium-sized amps he had plugged in to some generators that were placed about. If Claudia had organized a protest, she would have likely neglected the importance of such things.

Anders was approached by a different middle-aged woman. She had a clip board in her hand, which she was already going over carefully before he had even started to speak.

“My name is Anders.” He started with a slightly raised tone so that she could hear him over the wave of applause. “I'm supposed to be giving a speech today.”

The woman glanced down at her clipboard, her finger guiding her down the list of names—or whatever she had written on her paper—until she came across what she was looking for and gave a soft nod of approval. “Just in time, you're up next.” She gestured towards the small area they had sectioned off for their use. “You can come wait over here to go on.”

Claudia followed Anders to the closed off area. There was a girl, maybe a teenager or a young adult, who bore some resemblance to the woman they had just spoke with, digging through a cardboard box. She pulled out a couple of shirts that matched her own from the box and held them out to Anders. “I'm not sure what your size is.”

Anders grabbed one quickly. It looked a bit big for him, but he wore a lot of his clothes kind of baggy. He slipped it on over the shirt he was already wearing just as the woman finished giving her speech. The crowd around them erupted in cheers and chanting. She climbed down from the platform, and the one with the clipboard ushered Anders to go up and take his turn giving his speech.

Claudia could feel his nerves as she took his spot in front of the podium. He had fished his note cards from his pocket, and was going over them silently while he worked up his courage. Anders was usually comfortable with others, but this was different. This had more to do with him worrying that he would mess up. That someone would record him messing up and that his message wouldn't be taken seriously as a result. Claudia had so much faith in him to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wouldn't come to that. Anders had worked so hard on his speech. He practiced it so many times, to the point of annoying her on occasion because he wanted her to listen to it again. To tell him if she liked it when he placed emphasis on this word or that. If he paused here. If he changed the wording of this phrase slightly.

The mic gave some interference as Anders grasped for it with his left hand. Claudia covered her ears until it died down. Anders cleared his throat as a way of making light of that mistake, and started.

Claudia was so close to the sound equipment that she could scarcely make out his words, but just as he had every bit memorized—as evidenced by him putting his note cards back in his pocket thirty seconds in—she did too. She recited it quietly to herself along with him, watching as his eyes burned with passion. Sometimes, he was such a meek man. But not then. He was filled with an unbridled ferocity that turned her on a little to see in motion, not that she would admit to it except to him. Still, she could feel the rage he felt for the mistreatment of the people who suffered under The Templar Group's unfair prices on medication, or their inhumane treatment of those in their care. But, his speech was so much more than that. It was about holding the Chantry accountable for their actions too, because they funded that research and had a hand in the political regulations of their dealings as well.

His speech came to a close sooner than Claudia would have liked, but the crowd seemed to love every word. As they tried to join it anew, Anders was stopped by several people who wished to shake his hand, to congratulate him on his strong words. Whether or not there were film crews, Claudia did not know. But, from the way Anders was beaming after getting such positive feedback, it didn't seem to matter much. He had accomplished what he wanted, and she couldn't be more proud of him.

They stayed for several hours, joining in chants, listening to other speakers, conversing with others in the crowd. Anders was in his element the whole time, obviously feeding off the energy the crowd was exuding and loving every moment of it. He especially seemed to love it when some other members of the crowd reported seeing Meredith Stannard looking down on them with a contemptuous look on her face. Claudia made a point to wave up at her once; she wasn't certain she was the first to do it, but she definitely claimed to be when a fair portion of the crowd joined in on it, some making obscene gestures at her, or shouting insults, even.

It was all fine for a while. Happy, even. Peaceful except a couple verbal altercations that seemed to end as soon as they began.

Until they heard the sirens.

Claudia didn't register it as police officers at first. Someone with a noise machine, maybe. Or an obnoxious ringtone. But, she could see the blue and red glare of cruiser lights in the windows of nearby buildings. She could see as people shoved out of the crowd, trying to get to their cars in a peaceful manner before things became violent against them. It had been _peaceful_. Contained to a street not heavily traveled. They were in their rights to protest as long as they obeyed Kirkwall law. 

Then, she saw her, pale-haired and with a permanent scowl etched on her face. Meredith Stannard was back, this time clutching her phone in one hand, and what looked like a cup in the other. She watched as the police officers closed in, decked in SWAT gear and armed with tear gas and rubber bullets. She even looked amused, if you could call that painful look she wore anything more than a sneer.

She didn't want to spend another night down at the precinct, being questioned by Aveline. Claudia knew there were only so many times it could happen before the chief of police decided to tell her mother. It made her worry that other things would come forth. Like, her profession.

Claudia grabbed Anders firmly by the arm during the commotion. Off to the far side of the street, it looked like some of the police officers were getting ready to unleash the tear gas, and she wanted to be off before then. Anders seemingly had the same idea; he started navigating them through the crowd.

They reached several officers, each having those SWAT shields, which they were using to detain protesters trying to get out of the crowd and to their cars before they got a blast of the tear gas. They were shoving roughly against the protesters, several people were even knocked over. Claudia swore that one woman was struggling to get up, but was being trampled in the process. It was disgusting. Her hands balled into fists as the anger rose from within her. She heard about protests being like this, especially when the organization they were protesting had the Chantry and the city guard in its back pocket.

No matter how angry it made her, she was still less enraged than Anders. His brows knit together while his expression went from concern to rage. Everything about him went rigid, like he was trying to make himself look bigger and more intimidating as he stalked up to one of the armored officers, who had an assault gun held up to a woman and her two children.

“What has this woman done to you?” Anders demanded coldly from the police officer. Claudia didn't recognize the man, nor did she want to.

“Disrupting the peace.” It was a flippant response, one that made Claudia's stomach churn.

Anders looked shocked. But more than that, angry. “Disrupting the—so you'll shoot a mother and her children with rubber bullets because they're  _disrupting the peace_ ?” He took a step closer, but he kept a non-hostile posture. His hands were at his side, not balled into fists like Claudia's. “Is this what Kirkwall's police force has become? Dogs for the Chantry?”

“I don't like your tone, _sir_.” The honorary sarcastic in nature. His fellow officers moved moved to a more densely packed area, where they crowd had swelled in an attempt to leave. He was the only one left to deal with them.

“And I don't like coming to a protest, which I'm well within my legal rights to do, only to see children threatened with violence because Meredith Stannard can't hear the misery of the people they're _treating_ over our chants.”

It all happened so suddenly. One moment, Anders was beside Claudia, staring down the police officer with the most venom he could muster. The next, the police officer breached the barricade the officers had made and roughly shoved Anders against it. He was making to cuff him and throw him in the back of his cruiser. Anders struggled the best he could, but despite standing a good head taller than the officer, he was thinner and lacked the muscle definition.

Something shifted in Claudia. She had been mad to begin with. She wanted nothing more than to get them both to her car and get out of there. Yet, she found herself bridging the gap between her and the officer, who had his back to her. Her stance was wide and hostile, kind of like the stance she saw Aveline use when provoked. Any thought of consequences left her head; she was ready to fight for Anders, and would deal with it later.

“Hey asshole!”

She tapped on the shoulder of the officer, nails of her right hand jutting into her palm enough to sting. When he whipped around, he hadn't expected the fist right to his nose. There was a moment, brief as it was, where the officer was stunned. He held his palm to his nose, and examined the blood pouring out in disbelief. It gave Claudia enough of a window to intercept Anders and run as far away as possible.

Claudia led Anders through the thickest part of the crowd, which spat them out into a mostly-empty side street. As soon as they breached the crowd, she was running, running as fast as her legs could carry her. Running far away from that officer who had threatened that woman, her children, and Anders. She didn't dare look over her shoulder, for fear of finding several officers in their cruisers honing in on her. But, she could hear Anders, the sound of his strained breathing and his shoes slamming against the pavement as he struggled to keep up. Claudia had a vague idea of where she wanted to go, near enough to the car, but far enough from the protest that the police officers wouldn't be around.

She stopped them at least half a mile away, but judging by the street signs, she would think it was closer to a mile. Claudia could have ran more, but Anders was fatigued. He doubled over, hands clutching his knees while he sucked in much needed gasps of air. She did a quick look around them as he did that, making sure that they weren't followed. It didn't appear so, but she wanted to be sure.

“You punched that officer.” Said Anders after catching his breath.

“Yeah.” She replied. Claudia was still running on the adrenaline of it all, so the realization hadn't truly hit yet. “I expect to see an artist's rendition of me on Kirkwall's Most Wanted next week.”

“This isn't a laughing matter, Claudia. You could have done jail time if they caught you.” He argued. Still, he looked oddly appreciative, if concerned.

She could see her jokes upset him, which was why she intercepted his wrists and started checking them for injuries. “That asshole didn't hurt you, did he?”

“I'm fine.” He dismissed her concerns. “I'm more worried about someone having proof that it was you who punched that officer and you getting arrested. Assaulting an officer can get you in a lot of trouble.”

“Maybe that _officer_ shouldn't have tried to arrest an innocent man.” Claudia pushed her her hair out of her face. “Besides, it's utter shit that we live in a world where we can't defend ourselves from corrupt police officers.”

“I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I—“

Anders didn't bother finishing. He closed the gap between him and Claudia with a long stride. The kiss that followed was so sweet, so tempting. Enough to where she needed several more during the drive back to his apartment.

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for This Chapter:  
> Mention of Alcohol Consumption//Anxiety Attack Mention//Nude Selfies

Aveline had been quiet that day. She was usually the strong, silent type. Only talking when necessary and never just to make idle chitchat—she was too busy for that. But, the silence Claudia was getting that day was different. When they worked out on the machines, or doing weightlifting, Aveline would correct her form to help prevent injury. _You have a dancer’s posture_ she would chide while Claudia was deep in a leg press. _That’s fine for dancing, but not for weightlifting_. Claudia knew about her posture. Isabela liked to point it out whenever she ran. And her clients; they always said there was this elegance about her that they couldn't quite place.

Maker’s balls, the silent treatment was driving her insane.

Claudia decided to work on her kickboxing, just to get away from Aveline. She swore the woman was giving her the sternest look she had. No matter what Claudia did, she often felt like a naughty child in Aveline’s company; the woman wielded guilt as potently as any gun.

She couldn’t help but feel this was about the protest the other day. Had Aveline heard about her punching that officer? Probably. He probably skulked back to the precinct and told his captain all about the fiery she-demon that gave him the bloody nose. More importantly, did she have irrefutable proof that it had been Claudia? Anders had asked around his message boards and forums if anyone had footage of Claudia punching the man. No one did. Some weren’t even aware it happened. Others had heard about it on the news, but the police hadn’t provided a concrete description of what the assailant looked like.

He was hoping— _they_ were hoping.

But, Aveline’s cold shoulder only made the worry come back to the other day.

It wasn’t even until the locker room, after both had showered and were getting dressed did Aveline choose to address her. She was lacing up her tennis shoes while Claudia wrestled with her undershirt, which was being uncooperative at that very moment.

“Hawke?” It was cold and pointed. Less of a question and more of a demand.

A shiver descended her spine.

“Yeah?”

“Were you at that protest the other day? The one in the Gallows?”

_There_ it was. Claudia knew it was coming. She _knew_ it was why Aveline was being weird. The police officer she punched must not have been wearing his camera, otherwise she didn’t doubt Aveline having one of them show up at her door to take her in. Sometimes, Aveline was a great friend to have. Other times, she questioned why she continued to spend time with someone who hung the unfair legal system over her head.

“Anders and I went,” Said Claudia coolly, “he gave a speech.”

Aveline stopped lacing up her other shoe, favoring a powerful stance that was no doubt meant to intimidate Claudia. “I see. Because I received a report from one of my officers that a red-haired woman around your age punched him in the face while he was attempting to cuff who he expected to be her lover. The lover was acting in a viole—“

“—Fuck you, Aveline!” Hollered Claudia, forgetting herself, and the fact that Aveline was the chief of police. She yanked her overshirt on and advanced a step forward; Claudia was not about to back down from this. “That _officer_ was threatening to shoot a mother and her children with rubber bullets while they were trying to get out of the crowd. Anders called him out on his behavior and the officer grabbed him roughly and was going to arrest him. No one read him his rights! They just…just _shoved_ him against the barricade!”

“That doesn’t excuse you taking the law into your own hands and assaulting an officer.” Aveline wasn’t yelling, but it didn’t make her tone no less threatening.

“Why does the officer who assaulted my _boyfriend_ get off without a warning, though? Anders still has the bruises on his wrists and chest where he was slammed against the barricade! I have pictures and everything.” Claudia grappled for her phone from her open locker.

Aveline crossed her arms in disbelief. She wore a look of contempt; Claudia was too riled up to be scared of it. “For all I know, you gave him those bruises during bondage.”

“For the love of—are you not going to take responsibility for this, even partially? Your _officer_ assaulted a nonviolent citizen and you’re going to sit here and tell me _I_ was the one who gave him the bruises? That's a shitty thing to do, Aveline.”

“You broke the law, Hawke.” Claudia knew she was using her last name as a threat.

“So did that officer.”

Claudia didn't wait for a further response. She grabbed her gym bag and slammed her locker shut. Aveline could have been following after her, but Claudia didn't stop to check. The idea that Aveline might prosecute scared her. More than scare. As she shut the car door and gripped the wheel tight, without even sinking the key in the ignition, Claudia felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness take her. Tears came to her eyes, tears that she would never shed in front of another. They were the product of her anger, of Aveline not even listening when she said that one of her officers hurt Anders and she had proof to back it up. _Fuck,_ she wanted a drink.

Her phone started to buzz from within her pants pocket. Claudia pulled it out with only a passing glance at who was calling.  _Anders_ . She answered it.

“Hey.”

“ _Good morn—Claudia? Is everything alright? You sound like you've been crying.”_

“I'm okay.” She lied, wiping off her tears with the side of her hand. “How was therapy?”

“ _It went fine. Are you sure everything is okay? Where are you at? I'll meet you there._ ”

Claudia didn't want to tell him about Aveline. She knew how Anders was, and she knew he would lose sleep over the possibility of Aveline bringing her in; he already had lost sleep over it. All she could do was divert his focus elsewhere. “Did you take your medication today?”

“ _This morning when I woke up, but that doesn't answer my question. Are you okay? Really?”_

“I'm fine, promise.”

“ _Okay._ ” Anders didn't sound like he believed her, but he also sounded done with pressuring her about it. There was a sound on the other line, like he was switching which hand he was holding his phone in. “ _I was just calling to ask if you would be coming over today_.”

“I'm going out to lunch with Isabela and Merrill, but I'll come by later if you want.”

“ _I would._ ”

“Then I'll come by in a couple hours.”

xXx

Claudia was seated across the table from Merrill and Isabela. Merrill was deep in a story about an interesting book she had found at work the other day, while finding constant diversions in side stories to talk about mostly unrelated things. Isabela was scrolling through social media on her phone and texting someone. She occasionally smiled in a wolfish sort of fashion and begin typing away madly. If Claudia had to wager a guess, she would say she was texting some cute young thing.

As for Claudia, she was already two milkshakes in by the time Merrill finished up her story and their food came out. She ordered a third. Isabela cast her a peculiar look, then glanced down at her phone.

“The milkshake thing,” she started, “Carver said it's because of the alcoholism?” Even though her wording suggested otherwise, Isabela's tone suggested she was asking a question.

“You've been talking to Carver?” Claudia pushed some of her food around with the back of her fork before finally eating some of it.

“Is that a problem?”

“No.” Claudia shouldn't have been surprised. And in a way, she wasn't. He was an adult, and free to make his own decisions. She only hoped that it didn't complicate things between her friend group and her family.

“You're on your third milkshake,” Observed Isabela while she returned back to her previous statement, “something happened today to make you want to drink.”

Ever since the last time they all hung out at the Hanged Man together, Isabela had been very conscientious of Claudia's history with alcoholism. They hung out in places where there was no pressure to drink, Isabela started keeping more non-alcoholic drinks in her apartment for when Claudia visited, and even stopped drinking so much around her. It made Claudia feel guilty for not thinking she would understand in the first place.

“I got into a fight with Aveline.”

“Over what, exactly?”

Claudia sighed heavily and put her fork down. “About how I punched that cop.”

“That asshole had it coming.” Argued Isabela, sounding nearly as angry as Claudia felt. She put her own fork down. “Is she going to do anything about it? Do you need to lawyer up? Varric's brother—“

“—I don't trust Bartrand as far as I can throw him.” Said Claudia with a snort.

“You probably couldn't throw him very far,” Said Merrill thoughtfully, “he's actually quite dense.”

“Have you tried to throw him, Kitten?”

Claudia tousled her hair as she considered her words. While she did, her phone pinged. She glanced down to see _New Message from Anders_ across the screen, with a preview of the heart and cat-with-hearts-for-eyes emojis he sent. Quickly, she picked up her phone and sent him two heart and a single kissing emoji in return.

“She just...she ignored me when I said Anders still had bruises from when the cop grabbed him and tried to blame me for them. I didn't even mention the fucking panic attack he went into when we got back to his place and he realized I could do jail time if the police decided to press charges to her. It took two days for him to recover from that.”

“ _Shit._ ”

“Yeah.”

“Is Anders okay now?” Asked Merrill.

“He is. But he spends most of his free time scouring the internet to see if the police intend to find me and press charges.”

Claudia picked up her fork again and stabbed at her food in a frustrated manner. Normally, working out helped with that tense feeling. But at that moment, she just needed to let off some steam. Perhaps she would go for a run before heading over to Anders' apartment.

Her phone pinged again, again from Anders. This time, it was a picture, but she couldn't see it on her lock screen. She picked it up, expecting a picture of Pounce doing something cute. He liked to send her pictures of Pounce.

It was a picture of Anders. Not with Pounce sleeping in his lap, or a selfie with Pounce. Or of anything she would have expected. He was shirtless. His hair was down and some of the fringe was curling around his cheeks and jawline. One of his thumbs was hooked into the front of his pants, pulling them down far enough to where she could see his exposed v lines and even a bit of his genitals.

Claudia had sent Anders a couple of risque selfies in the past. Pictures of her in her underwear when he was having a difficult day. She supposed he was doing the same.

The thought of that run before going over to his apartment was abandoned in favor of working off some of her tension with him.

For a moment, Claudia forgot she was with friends and began typing her response. _Send me more. Please._ She had her finger hovering over the send button. Before she had a chance to respond, Anders sent her another message.

_I hope this isn't too inappropriate_

She deleted what she had typed and replied with a _You're a naughty boy._

“Anders sending you nude selfies?” Joked Isabela, not realizing how close to the truth she really was.

“Something like that.” Her reply was nonchalant, like she was shrugging off the comment as a joke. Isabela didn't seem to reach the conclusion that her joke wasn't truly one after all.

Claudia shoveled a few bites of her food before her phone pinged one last time. Another from Anders.

_Maybe I need to be punished Mistress_ .

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for breaking what semblance of a posting schedule I have; I've been dealing with a cold and an ear infection these last couple weeks and have only started to feel well enough to get back to writing a few days ago.
> 
> Warnings:  
> Consensual sex//Wax Play//Chastity Devices//Nipple Play//Oral sex (vaginal and phallic)//Edging//General Femdom

Anders didn't know when to expect Claudia, figuring she wanted to spent time with her friends without him tagging along. It didn't bother him that he wasn't invited, and after sending her the picture, he busied himself with washing up the last night's dishes, putting away his clean linens and watching the news. He hadn't gotten very far in the news—though he did find some strange candles in a plastic shopping bag stuffed into his linen closet—when the door opened and she walked in, looking more ravenous than he had anticipated.

She tossed her gym bag on the floor beside his shoes and stalked over to him. Anders couldn't even manage a squeak in curiosity as she straddled both his legs and drew his face in to plant a kiss on his lips. Anders dropped the remote on the couch beside him and sank one hand in her wild, slightly damp hair, while the other slid into her shirt and up her back.

“You liked the picture, then?” He asked, voice only a touch above a whisper. He didn't really require an answer.

“Mm.” She hummed agreeably, kissing him again.

Anders broke that kiss off quicker than the previous. “Not so much.”

“Why?”

Both of Anders' hands found Claudia's hips, which he utilized in guiding her into a sitting position beside him. There was a box on the table he wanted to show her, and if she just barely above sitting in his lap, it would be difficult for him to grab. He scooped it up once she was seated and took out its contents.

The pink chastity device they had bought together rested in his palm as he presented it to her. Claudia's face lit up when she saw it. She snatched it up and begun turning it over in her hands, slipping one, then two fingers inside it. Holding it up to her face like it was her trunk and she was an elephant. That got a laugh out of him.

“I take it the picture was your way of saying you wanted to take this for a spin.” Claudia said, dropping the chastity device in her lap once she was done inspecting every bit of it.

He nodded. “That was why I didn't want too much kissing.”

“Afraid you'd get _excited_ and then we'd have to wait to test it out?”

Another nod.

“Okay, so we should talk about what you want from this scene, then.” Claudia stretched her arms above her head and arched her back before falling back into a resting position and continuing. “You obviously want to use the chastity device. We probably should start small at first. No more than half an hour with you wearing it.”

“Agreed, he said, “maybe some scratching too. Nothing too serious; no breaking the skin or anything. I'd also like to eat you out, if that's okay. Maybe you performing some oral on me and edging me once you let me out.”

“Ooh!” Claudia chirped excitedly. One of her hands rested on his upper thigh momentarily. “Should I wash more thoroughly before we get started, then? I was at the gym earlier and only did a quick wash.”

“It's fine,” Anders said dismissively, “I was also thinking—what are those candles you stuck in my linen closet for?”

“Those?” Asked Claudia, surprised. “One of my regulars wanted to try wax dripping, but he changed his mind the day before our scene. So I have a couple of those special candles for wax play, but didn't feel comfortable bringing them home.”

“Can we try them out?”

“If you want. I've never done it before, though, so please be very honest if the pain of it becomes too much.”

Anders hummed in understanding. “Is there anything I need to do to prepare?”

She was silent as she thought on it. Anders could only figure she already did some reading up on it, and potentially tested it on herself. She was always very thorough in educating herself.

“You should probably wash and shave the areas that you want me to drip the wax on. I heard it's tough to get off hair once it cools. I'll try to be diligent with wiping it off as we go to help prevent injuries, but I think it would be best to shave anyway as a precaution.

He gave her a kiss to the forehead before heading into the bathroom to do as she said. Anders had never shaved around his chest and stomach areas, and in theory, he thought it would be the same, but it really wasn't. The skin was different than that on his face. And the hair was more spaced out. He would think he got everything, only to wipe his chest clean to find he missed a patch. Anders wondered if this was the sort of thing women experienced when shaving their bodies; it gave him a new respect for them. While he was at it, he trimmed down his pubic hair. Having her drip wax down there didn't seem like a good idea for their first time, but with using the chastity device and having the wax dripped on him, he thought it a good idea.

By the time he finished, Claudia was waiting in the bedroom for him. She had stripped the bed of everything but some pillows and the fitted sheet. The blankets she removed were haphazardly folded and shoved off in a corner. Some towels were lain out in the center of the bed, likely for him to lay on while she dripped the wax on him. One of his old hand towels was wadded up next to the towels she had lain out. She had the candles sitting on the nightstand to the left, next to a lighter and what looked to be some healing ointment she probably found in one of the drawers. The other nightstand had a couple of reusable water bottles—filled—and a couple of granola bars.

Claudia was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at something on her phone while she waited. She was stripped to her underwear, which didn't quite match, yet he still found sexy. The pink chastity device was resting against her thigh. When he entered, she turned her head up towards him. “Once I put the chastity device on you, I'm going to set a thirty-minute timer on my phone. The device came with a spare key, which will be on the nightstand. So that way if you need to take the device off for whatever reason and you can't wait for the timer or me to take it off, you'll have access to a key.”

“Thank you.” He said.

“Same safe words as always,” Claudia reiterated just for the sake of knowledge, “green means I can increase the intensity, yellow means you want me to dial it down a bit, and red means you want to stop.”

Anders eased out of his pants and tossed them to the side with Claudia's discarded clothing. He could see how she drank in the sight of his naked body. How she studied every inch of him with both admiration and a lustful hunger. Anders never felt more sexy than when a lover looked at him like that. But, he had to keep any dirty thoughts from his mind, at least until she had the device on him.

He approached where Claudia sat, allowing himself to be placed into the chastity device. She handled him so gently as she secured the base of it—a metal ring that opened sort of like handcuffs—around his cock and balls. Another ring, outfitted with rods, attached to that. Next was the pink silicone sheath, he supposed he would call it. It fixed into pegs on the second ring, which were secured with the lock and key once the sheath was on. It wasn't uncomfortable, but he was acutely aware of the fact that he was wearing it. Claudia slipped the key around her neck while Anders climbed into bed and found a comfortable position on his back.

The timer was set and then they began.

Before Anders could even really register that they had begun, Claudia was straddling him, sitting on his imprisoned cock. He looked up at her while she grappled for one of her candles and the lighter. Unlike the previous times, her face was not etched in a mask of anger. She looked sweet, almost, if sultry.

“Are you going to be a good boy for me today?” She asked, toying with the candle by running the lighter up and down it. Even her voice was sweet, like velvet on the ears.

“Yes, Mistress.” Anders sucked in a sharp breath as he finished speaking. He didn't know whether he should focus on her eyes, the candle in her hand, or her breasts, so he alternated between the three.

“If you promise to be good, I'll take you out of your device and give you a reward.”

“I promise, Mistress.”

“Good.”

The lighter lit up in her right hand. Its little flicker of a flame had him transfixed. He watched it dance as she brought the wick of the candle to its tip. Within several seconds, the wick came to life with the same vibrant orange light. Claudia tossed the lighter back onto the nightstand and maneuvered the candle around in slow, fluid movements. Anders remained focused on the fire, watching as it licked at the wax. Once it started to melt, he noticed that Claudia held the candle up higher, tilted it more so the wax wouldn't dribble onto her fingers. She didn't have experience with wax play, but she was faking it well.

He saw as the first bead of wax spilled over, falling in near-slow motion onto his abdomen several inches above his navel. He hitched his breath, bracing himself. Anders didn't know what to expect, but it was far more mild than he had told himself it would have been. The faint burning where the first drop of wax was now cooling. Anders couldn't find the right words to describe the sensation at the moment, but it didn't matter. More wax was coming.

Claudia tested a few more spots on his bare chest with singular droplets of wax. Most of the pain was about the same: not that intense and quickly fading. Though, near the nipple, it was a bit more sharp and resulted in a gasp and a shudder from him. Anders enjoyed the feeling of it drying, yet Claudia was careful to not let the wax completely harden before she wiped it off with the towel. After every couple drips, she would wipe his chest clean, giving her a clean canvas to work with once again.

“How does that feel?” She asked, barely above a whisper.

“Uh...green.” He couldn't find his words, but he remembered their safe words. What he _did_ know was that he wanted more.

Claudia brought the candle down slightly and started dripping the wax onto him in thin rivulets. It burned more, and for longer, but the sensation of the pain fading brought him the sense of calm he craved. Anders soon lost his sense of time, and everything seemed to be cloaked in this soft, light haze that he knew from a rational standpoint was a product of the endorphins kicking in. Every drip of wax felt better than the last, and soon, the burns didn't register at all, except the warmth of it. Or, maybe he just didn't care. Anders certainly liked the warmth. Almost as much as he liked the pretty girl in her underwear holding the candle.

He wanted more, but Claudia blew the candle out and placed it back on the nightstand when it was cool enough. With both hands now free, she ran her fingers down his chest, scraping with her fingernails as she went. The pain of it was probably in-par with the wax. But, like the wax, he only felt the tingle left in the wake of her nails. She played with his nipples a bit too. Tweaking them, flicking, tugging, too. Claudia even hunched over to give his left one an affectionate lick and nibble upon it a bit. He moaned when her teeth gnashed on it. Anders couldn't differentiate if it was out of pleasure or pain. It could have been both.

None of that really mattered when she rolled off him and begun removing her panties.

Anders knew what was next to come, even if he wasn't going to act on it without her saying so. He wanted his mistress' approval. Her permission. He wanted to bury his face between her legs and please her. All he could do to convey this was a doleful look in her direction.

“You've been very good so far,” his mistress started, “but there's one more thing I need you to do before you can have your reward.”

She didn't bother to use words to tell him. Her fingers running over her pussy in anticipation was enough. His mistress beckoned him closer with a curl of one of her fingers not currently petting the slickness between her legs.

Anders was quick to oblige.

Her hands guided him down between her thighs and rested on the top of his head while he got to work lapping and suckling on her. Anders liked going down on her. So much that he would be satisfied in that alone. His cock began to stir as her breaths became ragged and bordering on moans of pleasure. Yet, with the chastity device on, it didn't reach a true erection. It didn't hurt, being locked in it, but with his arousal growing, he was much more aware of the pressure it was causing. In a way, it added to the eroticism of things, knowing that his orgasm was ultimately in her hands.

Claudia finished quickly, quicker than Anders would have liked. But, he supposed their play had excited her as well. As she lay there, labored breathing and all, he looked up at her. She smiled back at him and massaged his scalp with her fingertips.

“You were a _very_ good boy.”

Just then, her phone started to dance and sing across the nightstand. The alarm.

Claudia reached for it and shut it off before patting beside her on the bed as a silent instruction for him to take up that spot. Anders obeyed dutifully as she fumbled with the key around her neck in order to get it off. Once she did manage to get hold of it, Claudia unlocked the chastity device, but hesitated in completely removing it.

“Are you ready for your reward?” She asked.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“I want you to beg for it.”

“Please, Mistress. Please give me my reward.”

“Well,” Claudia flicked the lock off the chastity device, “since you asked so nicely.”

It was an agonizingly slow process. Or, Anders was desperate to receive his reward and was growing impatient. He had been such a good boy, after all.

Claudia made him watch the entire time. Removing the sheath, then the rings. She even made him watch as she put it all back together as to not lose any of the pieces.

He was already rock-hard by the time she finished. The head of his cock, and to about halfway down, were scarlet with blood flow. It throbbed angrily against his stomach.

Claudia dipped down in order to bring herself to eye height with it. At first, she didn't even touch it. She breathed on it, sucking in sharp breaths and huffing the air she just took in up and down the shaft. The feeling of it was indescribable; Anders felt like he would burst at any moment, and the breathing was enough to bring that on. He couldn't help but whimper at the feeling, though.

But Claudia was not content with finishing him that way. Her fingers took their turn, petting at his wanting flesh, driving him mad with each second. Every slight touch was enough to bring him to orgasm, but whenever he got close to that point, Claudia would draw away and allow him to cool down before proceeding. The worst was her mouth, though. Hot and wet as it always was, the feeling of it was tenfold after being locked in chastity and with the wax play. Maker, how he wanted to cum. And each time she worked her tongue and mouth on him, that desire only increased.

Claudia could have probably gone on for hours, driving him close to the edge and then backing away when he reached the brink, but she ended at just short of ten minutes. She finished him with her hand and tongue, resulting in several short bursts while Anders desperately bucked his hips and groaned in ecstasy. He had never an orgasm as powerful as when he was edged, and this was no exception. The mess on his chest and thigh was hardly even a concern as he basked in the afterglow of it.

“I'm going to wipe you clean with the towel, if that's alright.” Suggested Claudia, using her aftercare voice. Anders could only manage a nod in approval.

She wiped him clean, as promised, and got to work with the rest of her aftercare preparations. The comforter she had removed from the bed was placed back on it; Anders tugged it up and used it to cover him from neck to toes. She unwrapped the granola bar she had brought for him and put it beside him, along with his bottle of water. Close enough to where Anders could reach either if he wanted them. There was no pressure, though. With Claudia, there was never any pressure.

Once she finished setting everything up for aftercare, Claudia climbed into the bed beside him. Anders lifted up the blanket enough to allow her to use some as well.

“Is it alright if I hold you from behind?” She asked.

He nodded.

Claudia's arms wrapped around his waist. She cradled him in her soft embrace for a long time. Long enough to where he had finished three quarters of his water and the granola bar by the time the buzz of the scene began to wear off. Throughout, she talked sweetly to him, hummed songs he couldn't quite recognize, and laced her hands in his. With his permission, of course. It left him feeling warm and safe—Anders knew that Claudia was trustworthy, but the aftercare she gave only made his trust in her strengthen.

From the way the light played through his curtains, the sun had to be setting by the time he was out of his sub space. He wriggled free of Claudia's hold, which she was happy to release him from. Anders planted a firm, but sweet kiss on her lips.

“That was...intense.” He said, struggling to find the right words.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“ _Yes_. I really liked everything. The wax dripping and the...the chastity device...when I finally came, it was one of the strongest orgasms I ever had.”

Claudia took the chastity device in her hand and inspected it upon him mentioning it. “So, this is a good sort of toy to use in the bedroom, then?”

“I think I could handle wearing it for longer, actually—and yes. But we should probably only increase how long I wear it by small increments until we find my limit.”

“I agree. Now can we order a pizza or something? That granola bar didn't do it for me.”

 


	33. Chapter 33

Ser Biscuit was wound up that morning. Likely because the twins were back in Kirkwall on a visit. Carver had gotten up early to take him on a walk and to the dog park to burn some energy off, but it didn’t seem to help. He was running laps around the small apartment, or bringing Claudia and Bethany his favorite toys every few minutes. It was a normal occurrence, especially while they were studying. It was surprising that Gamlen hadn't risen yet to tell them to silence the dog.

Claudia felt bad. She spent so much time lately on coursework, or at Anders’. But, her exams were coming up, and she had several final projects to finish before then as well. If she passed all of her classes, she could graduate that year. But, it felt impossible. She had joked to Anders that she should just give up on school and domme full-time until her clients didn’t want or need her anymore. That usually resulted in him helping her study; she got too far to just give up when the end was in sight, he said.

Biscuit came trotting up once again, this time toting a stuffed nug with wings that their father had won one of them at a fair. None of them could remember who it belonged to, yet once they adopted Ser Biscuit, it quickly became _his_.

The sound of the front door opening was enough to draw Biscuit’s attention from the girls. He went running into the living room, barking happily at whomever just walked in. Claudia’s guesses were either her mother or brother. Her money would have been on their mother. When Biscuit came leading her to the table, chest puffed proudly and awaiting a treat for fetching mother, Claudia put down her pen and looked up from her work.

Mother glanced over at the table, and then trained her focus on Claudia.

“I would have thought you would be by Anders’.”

“He had Fenris over this morning to play video games. I couldn’t concentrate.”

Their mother nodded in understanding while she walked over to the table. It was then that Claudia noticed the envelope in her hands. Ripped open, but still intact. She placed it on Claudia’s open text book and gave her an expectant stare.

“What is this?” Claudia asked. It was a bit of a silly question; clearly it was an open envelope with something shoved inside it.

“Open it.”

Bethany put her pen down as well and leaned over to watch as Claudia pried out the piece of paper inside.

It was a check, Claudia saw, turning it over so she could look at the front. And the amount on it was enough for her to do a double take.

“This is so much money.” Gasped Bethany. It was an accurate description of what Claudia was thinking as well.

“We’ll be receiving checks monthly for a few years to completely compensate the inheritance.” Their mother sat down at the table. It was old, splintered here and there. When they moved in with Gamlen, it was filthy and stained, though they managed to work out most of the grime with a good cleaning. “I'm just so happy that I can give you three this. After your father passed, I felt so guilty because I couldn't provide for you alone.” Claudia hadn't noticed it before, but their mother's face was red and blotchy from tears. She had to have cried when she opened up the envelope and saw the check. She looked as though she may start crying again.

“We’re—you’re getting the house too, right?” Claudia slipped the check back into the envelope. Her phone buzzed, but she ignored it for the time being. “Even if you weren’t, we could probably afford to buy one now.”

The look of tears was more prominent now, but her mother was doing her best to keep them from spilling over. Claudia didn’t know why, only that she often did the same. “We won’t be getting the house back for several weeks, but I was hoping we could deposit the check and maybe go look at furniture for it if you weren’t too busy.” She whipped her head around. “Where is your brother? He may want to join us.”

“He went out with Merrill and Isabela after he came back from walking the dog.” Explained Bethany.

“Which is he dating, again?”

“Both, I think.” Said Claudia. She had begun packing up her things and shoving them back into her book bag. She didn’t really know the details, and it wasn’t her place to snoop in their lives. But, she knew they both texted him frequently. Merrill had even visited him at school a couple times.

“Both?”

“Both,” Bethany reiterated, “and they’re dating each other too. It’s a polyamorous relationship.”

Their mother made a strange look, but dropped the subject of Carver’s love life.

Claudia grabbed her phone and checked the message she received earlier. It was from Anders, mentioning that Fenris left for the day if she wanted to come over and study. He just wanted to see her again, even if they silently did their own separate things. The sentiment was mutual. But, she wanted to go pick out some new furniture as well. It had been too long since she spent time with her sister and her mother like that.

Hey,” she rubbed the back of her neck, “would it be okay if Anders came with?”

“Sure.” Leandra stood up. “I’ll go get my purse. We can deposit the check, and then we’ll go pick Anders up.”

xXx

They had been at it for what felt like hours. Claudia lost all sense of time in the furniture store. Her mother had questions about every piece they looked at, resulting in the same clerk coming over, hoping to make a big commission off the family trying to furnish an entire house. But, even he seemed to be growing increasingly agitated by her questions. The last time Leandra had flagged him over, he left her with a booklet that contained the various colors, wood, and fabric options the pieces came in.

She was too preoccupied with bringing her vision to life in the living areas; Claudia wasn’t entirely sure that was how she phrased it, but it was something along those lines. So, the three of them went off to look at bedroom sets. Bethany was going about it much smarter than Claudia had. She took pictures of each set she liked and compared it to a color swatch she had pulled up from a paint company’s website. The color was what she wanted to paint the walls of her room once they moved in. It was something she did mostly by herself, though she would occasionally return to Claudia and Anders to ask what they thought of a particular combination.

Claudia, in contrast, felt that the best way to pick out a bed was to _try_ the bed. This amounted to her throwing herself onto just about every bed she could find. Or pushing Anders onto it to get his opinion. Or, both.

She set her sights on one with slats in the headboard, perfect for hooking handcuffs to. Anders had the same idea, it seemed; he laid down on it voluntarily to get a good feel for it. Claudia soon joined him.

“You know,” he started, rolling onto his side to look at her, “you can always pick a different mattress. Just choose one you like the look of.”

“Fine.” She said simply. Claudia took that opportunity to rise to her knees. With a gentle hand, she coaxed Anders onto his back. She took one of his arms and guided it to one of the posts, where she left him to grip it. Claudia straddled him in order to do the same with the other arm.

“I _definitely_ think I like the look of this bed.” Claudia chimed happily. She climbed off the bed and took a look at the scene. Handcuffs—or anything to bind his hands, really—were needed, but she could imagine them present. “How do you like it? Imagine my stockings tied around your wrists and the posts.”

“How do _I_ like it?”

“Yes. You’ll be over a lot more once we move into the house.”

“I guess I li—“ Before Anders could finish, his phone started buzzing. He took one of his hands from the post and fished his phone out of his pocket. He glanced at the screen, face awash in confusion. “Shit, it's my landlord. I need to take this.”

Anders walked off, far enough to where Claudia couldn't hear his conversation. She took a seat on the bed while she waited for him. He wasn't gone long when Bethany joined her, their mother following after her. Bethany sat to her left, scrolling through her phone as she showed both of the other women the pictures of the sets she liked. When she was done, she looked back at the bed they were sitting on.

“Is this the one you like?” Bethany asked. “You and Anders were looking at this one a lot.”

Claudia shrugged, looking for a way to avoid the topic her and Anders have discussed. “I think so. It will be big enough for both of us if Anders spends the night.”

“Or for you and the dog if Anders isn't over.”

She snorted. “Or all three of us.” Claudia flopped back onto the bed.

It was a nice mattress, she thought, but only before glancing over at Anders. His face was awash in _something_. Something like fear, or anger, or...Claudia couldn't think of the right word, but her stomach tensed when he hung his phone up and forced it in his pocket. In a few short strides, he had joined them once more. Anders ran his hand over the crown of his head and stuffed it in his empty pocket.

“Claudia? Can I have a word with you privately?”

She rose from the bed and followed him over to where he had been speaking on the phone only moments ago. Anders kept his eyes downcast, his eyebrows knit together once they were alone. When they were with her mother and sister, he tried to keep it from his face, but now, he let his facade falter.

“I...my landlord...he _denied_ my lease extension.”

Claudia hadn't even known that his lease was about to run out, let alone that he was appealing for an extension. It really wasn't her place to demand those details; he paid the bills on it, even if she was over nearly every day. Even so, it made her feel like her stomach dropped to the floor. She grappled for his hand desperately, as much for her own comfort as it was for his.

“Maker's breath...I'm sorry...I...how long do you have until your lease runs up?”

“Just over a month,” he said solemnly, “I don't know where I'm going to go. I've lived there for as long as I've been in Kirkwall.”

She could see it on his face. As plain as day. He was worried about not finding another apartment in time. Of being homeless and with a cat to look after in addition. No words were needed to explain this. Even so, Claudia's heart broke for him. “We'll look online and go apartment hunting. It'll be okay.”

“But you need to study for your exams.”

“I can do both.” She insisted, taking a step closer to him. Her other hand cupped around his.

“When will you sleep?” Anders took a step closer as well.

“When I'm dead.” Claudia took both of her hands from his in favor of bringing him in for a hug. Anders accepted it instantly. He needed that, she knew. Just the reassurance that someone was on his side was enough to cause the tension to leave his body. “We'll figure this out together. Promise.”

“Thank you. I don't know what I do to deserve you.” Anders said, but in a manner obvious that he had more to say. He kissed the top of her head tenderly. Whatever it was he meant to say, Anders must have changed his mind. The hug was also broken when something caught his attention. His phone, perhaps. Which was evidenced by him reaching for it in his pocket. He glanced at the screen briefly. “That's Lyna. Her plane just landed and she wants to know if we want to meet her for dinner; she really wants to meet you in person.”

“Lyna?” The name was familiar. Claudia felt like she should know it.

“My commander. You were there the last time I video chatted with her. She's in Kirkwall for work reasons.”

“That's right! The one who's getting married! I'd love to, but—ah—what about my sister and mother?”

“I can ask her if it will be okay if they join us.” He typed something on his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. “I think she has some people with her anyway, so it wasn't like this was going to be a private meeting.”

“I don't want to impose.”

“Too late. She already said she'd love to have them.” Anders was looking down at his phone again. The corner of the left side of his mouth was upturned in a smirk.

Claudia smirked in return. “You're something else.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “We should probably ask them if they would like to join us.”

Neither had moved from the bed, it seemed. Bethany was scrolling through her phone while her mother compared the various pamphlets she had picked up with one another. She dropped them into her lap when she saw Claudia approach. “Is everything alright? You have been talking over there for some time.”

“Everything is fine, Mrs. Hawke, just a private conversation between lovers.” Claudia could tell that Anders was not comfortable divulging the details of their discussion. He placed a hand to the small of her back as a means to quell any questions further regarding that. “I was wondering, though, if you both would like to join us for dinner. My commander is in Kirkwall and has invited us join her.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I have other errands to run today.” Leandra glanced at the clock on the wall.

“We'll drop you off at home before we meet with Anders' friends, then. Beth?”

“Is it alright? I don't want to invite myself.”

“I already told them that you would be joining us.” Said Anders.

“Anders was rather insistent that we ask if it was alright before we ask you to join us.”

“Then I would love to join you. Thank you.”

 


	34. Chapter 34

Claudia was unfamiliar with the restaurant Lyna had asked them to meet her at. Or, at the least, the food they served. She lived in Kirkwall long enough to know most buildings, even if it was just with the name and façade of the place. Part of her hoped it wasn’t Orlesian food. After her first date with Anders, she associated Orlesian food with high price, but small quantities. Anders was worth it and she would pay it a thousand times over, but Claudia came to _eat_ today. She hoped Anders’ friends had similar intentions.

The restaurant was nice, a bit more upscale than the diners Claudia typically ate at, but she also didn’t feel like she was being judged. A waiter waltzed past with a tray piled high with plates that had generous servings on each of them. Claudia celebrated internally, but said nothing about it. Anders grabbed her hand and walked over to the host, who was busy with returning menus to their rightful spot. He was young, perhaps Bethany’s age, and with tattoos lining his right arm.

When he noticed them at the booth, he turned around quickly and flashed them the all too familiar ‘retail’ smile. “Welcome. Table for three?” He was already thumbing through his recently replenished menus to get them some.

“Actually, we’re meeting some friends. Lyna Mahariel, if she has a reservation.”

“Right. You’re with _that_ group, then. Right this way.”

The host led them through the restaurant, towards the kitchens.

There were two tables pushed together, with eight chairs around them. Claudia recognized Lyna; the Vallaslin was a dead giveaway. But, she didn’t recognize the dwarven woman or the raven-haired man at the table with her. The dwarven woman noticed them first. She shot to her feet as soon as she saw them and intercepted Anders in a hug. Her arms didn’t reach all the way around him, but it was still enthusiastic, and Claudia could tell he was happy to see the woman.

“It’s been so long,” she bellowed excitedly, “how are you doing?”

Anders managed to break free of her grip. Claudia had to figure she was stronger than she looked. “I’m doing good.” He smiled at her. “You look great—ah—I should probably introduce you.” Anders smoothed out his shirt from where it had become rumpled from the hug and gestured towards Claudia and Bethany. “Sigrun, this is Claudia and her sister Bethany. Claudia, Bethany, this is Sigrun, the grumpy-looking one over there is Nathaniel. Claudia’s already met Lyna—sort of—but there she is.”

“Watch out, I’m a hugger.” Announced Sigrun with a note of mischief before she scooped Claudia, and then Bethany into a hug. While she had Claudia around the waist, she gave her a grin. “You’re the girlfriend, yeah?”

“The girlf—“ It took Claudia a moment to register what Sigrun was inquiring after, but when she did, she felt stupid. Claudia lightly slapped her own forehead. “Yeah. I’m the girlfriend. Beth is my sister.”

By the time Sigrun released her, Lyna was on her feet and intercepting Anders for a hug. “You _never_ call!” She groused.

“Sorry.”

“Sorry? Making your poor mother worry like this? And you call yourself my son.”

Anders sighed. “You’re not my mother.”

“Not when you don’t call me, I’m not,” Lyna said, “now _sit_.”

They all took their seats around the tables and begun leafing through the menus in order to decide what to order. Lyna called for a couple bottles of wine off the bat and encouraged everyone to order something different if they didn’t want wine. Claudia stuck with the water that had just been poured into her glass.

“What is it you do, Claudia?” Asked Sigrun.

Claudia looked down at her menu as a distraction. Her mouth went dry, the sort of dry that couldn’t be quenched with water. Anders placed a reassuring hand on her knee, which helped bring her a sense of calm she needed. The topic of her profession was always a tricky one. “I’m a…uh…a professional dominatrix, actually. But I’m finishing up my degree in psychology right now. I’m hoping to become a therapist in the long-term.”

“I’ve never met a professional dominatrix before,” Sigrun admitted, “it must be kind of scary, to put yourself in a position with a stranger that could leave you both vulnerable.

“Most of my clientele consists of regulars.” Claudia flipped the page in her menu and took a drink of her water. “I haven’t been taking new clients, so those I do see, I’ve built a rapport of trust with.”

“That’s good. Gotta look out for yourself first.”

The table fell into a brief silence while everyone drank from their glasses or tried to decide what to order.

“And what is it that you do, Bethany?”

Nathaniel’s words appeared to have caught her off guard. Bethany had been drinking from her wine when he asked, causing her to spit some of it back into her glass and mutter something to herself. She managed to regain her composure quickly, however. “I’m a student right now, but I’m thinking of going into teaching. Maybe history or science.”

“Go with history,” started Nathaniel, “Anders would probably suggest science, so go with the opposite to piss him off.” He shot him a look that screamed _this was for earlier_. Anders smiled wryly and turned back to his menu.

"I was actually thinking Physics, if I go into science that is. I enjoy solving the formulas—that probably sounds silly."

"That doesn't sound silly at all."

"Carver would tell you he liked physics because of the one time we got to take a trip to the amusement park with school and ride the roller coasters. He's, uh, he's my twin brother, Carver is."

“Your brother sounds a bit like my brother.”

Bethany got out of her seat and moved to one closer to Nathaniel so that they could continue their discussion privately and without interrupting the others. Claudia's attention lingered on them a bit, watching as Bethany curled a lock of hair around her finger coyly. _She's flirting with him_ Claudia thought, or more accurately, assumed. It wasn't hard to see why Bethany would want to flirt with Nathaniel. He was handsome and appeared well-built. If anything, it would be a nice little distraction from studying for the evening. 

A waiter came by shortly after and took their orders. Lyna ordered a round of hors d'oeuvres for the table. This made Claudia happy; her stomach was beginning to growl angrily and was hoping no one noticed. If they had, they were being polite and pretending they didn't.

“So Anders, how long have you and Claudia been dating?” Lyna's question came shortly after a basket of bread and a plate of warm butter came to the table. Claudia had abandoned all manners and dove in. That was probably why Lyna had chosen to address Anders specifically; her own face was filled with bread presently.

“A few months.”

“You finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, then?”

“She...she asked me out, actually.”

Claudia set her half-eaten piece of bread down on her plate and did her best to remember to swallow her food before speaking. “We were both dancing around it for a while, I think. There were a few instances that I had intended to be a date, but I didn't communicate that to him.”

“Same, actually.” He agreed with a faint smile. “Didn't you have the same problem with Leliana?”

“My problem with Leliana was that I wasn't sure she liked women. So I tried being as obviously gay as possible to give her the hint that I like girls.”

“Didn't that backfire?” Asked Sigrun.

“You mean when Alistair let me down easy because he thought that I liked _him_?” She chuckled. “Creators, he's a sweet boy. I had to pull him aside and tell him very bluntly that I'm not interested in men.”

“It sounds like all of you had a lot of fun together.” Observed Claudia.

“Yeah, when we weren't on duty, it was pretty great, hanging around and stuff,” said Sigrun, “I don't miss Anders' little _scavenger hunts_ though.”

Claudia wasn't certain, but she had an idea where the conversation was turning. And, judging by the way Anders stiffened in his chair and his grip around the stem of his wine glass tightened, she figured it was a pretty accurate guess.

“You mean his socks? Creators, Anders, I don't know how you did it, hiding your socks all over the barracks.”

Anders' face was glowing bright red at the conversation. Claudia stifled a giggle behind her hand. “He still leaves his socks everywhere.” She admitted before tearing off another hunk of her piece of bread with her teeth. “I'll be over and offer to do his laundry if he's busy, so I'll go to sort through his dirty clothes hamper, and there will be three socks that don't match. The rest are hiding under the couch, strewn over the bathroom, tucked into the sheets of his bed...everywhere!”

The blushing grew a more violent shade of red, making Claudia's stomach lurch in guilt. “I'm sorry, babe.” She reached out and took his hand in hers. “It's actually kind of cute. You can tell one of my stories if you'd like.”

Anders cast his gaze on her momentarily; she smiled at him when their eyes met. His color was returning to normal, which was good. Claudia didn't like embarrassing him like she had and felt guilty for it.

“She...she steals my shirts.”

Claudia nodded. “It's true. I'm a shirt thief.”

“Sometimes we'll have sex before bed, and she'll just go to sleep naked after. And when I wake up in the morning, she'll be sitting on the couch or...something, wearing one of my shirts and eating a bowl of cereal. I'll ask her _is that my shirt_ and she'll look me dead in the eye and say _no_ even though it comes to about her knees.”

“I'm going for a new look.”Claudia joked.

“Imagine being with another woman.” Added Lyna. She took a sip of her wine. “One time, Leliana and I were just looking to have a quickie, so we just tore off our clothes and got to it. The thing is, a lot of our jeans look the same, she's just curvier than I am. So when we finished, she grabbed one of the two pairs of pants thrown on the floor and tried to put them on, but they wouldn't button.”

Everyone laughed, except Nathaniel and Bethany, who were still deeply engaged in their own conversation and didn't notice. The hors d'oeuvres came out, and the topic turned to that. Claudia limited herself, even though she still felt ravenously hungry. Anders took a taste of everything, but when he was done, he would pass what he didn't eat onto Claudia's plate. She was grateful for it, and showed her gratitude by nuzzling him tenderly before scarfing it all down. Their meals came out a bit later. Long enough for Lyna to open the second bottle of wine and top off everyone's glasses who was drinking it and get halfway through her refreshed one.

The food was very good. Anders kept stealing forkfuls from her plate. At first, she figured to try it. But as they continued eating, Claudia thought that he must have been just as hungry as she had been and didn't want to make a scene about it. After all the bread and hors d'oeuvres she ate, Claudia was uncertain if she would finish her entree, so she was happy to share.

Bethany and Nathaniel were still eating when everyone else was finished, but they were so engaged in each others' conversation that it didn't seem to matter. Bethany asked for a take out box when the waiter came by. Nathaniel resolved to finish what he had left. That idea was quickly abandoned when the both of them heard one of the waitstaff mention that there was a dessert case that customers could pick desserts from. Nathaniel stood first, and then pulled out Bethany's chair so that they would go pick something out for themselves.

“Pick me out a good-looking cake!” Hollered Lyna after them. She watched them walk off some ways. Once they were out of sight, she turned back to Anders. “I had an ulterior motive in inviting you here tonight, actually.”

“Ulterior motive?” Asked Anders.

“Yeah.” Lyna reached into the bag hanging off her chair and pulled out a crisp, cream-colored envelope. There was a willowy writing on the front in gold ink. Claudia couldn't quite make out what it said until she handed it over the table and to Anders. “Here is your invitation to the wedding. I'm paying for your plane ticket back to Ferelden, so I'll call you when I'm getting ready to wire you the money.” She thumbed the table anxiously. “Anders, I'd like it if you were one of my bride's men.”

“I'm honored, Lyna. I would love to be part of your wedding.”

“Good. I'm in Kirkwall for the rest of the week, so call me when you're free and we can get you a suit.” Nathaniel and Bethany were just returning with dessert, giving Lyna a moments' pause as a plate of cake was set down in front of her. She scrambled about, looking for some sort of eating utensil, eventually settling on the spoon that Sigrun didn't end up using. “You're invited too, Claudia. I...kind of figured Anders would invite you as his plus one, so I didn't bring you an invitation.”

“I didn't even consider that I would be invited on our first meeting, but I'm flattered nonetheless.”

Lyna waved a hand dismissively. “Anders is like family to me, and he cares a great deal for you. Of course you're invited.”

“Well, thank you. Again.”

Anders glanced down at his phone in order to check the time. Claudia had her own tucked into her pants pocket, but she figured it had to be getting late, given the sunset she could see through the window. When he looked at her, she could see that he was thinking the same thing: it was probably time to head back. 

 


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Warnings for this Chapter.
> 
> Author's Note:  
> I apologize for the hiatus. I was working on NaNoWriMo during November and needed a break from writing for a while. Thank you for your patience.

After drawn-out goodbyes, Anders was finally able to find a moment to break away from Lyna and get to the car. He was happy to see her, and thrilled that she asked him to be part of her wedding, but they all had so much to worry about at the moment that they couldn’t afford to waste time. He needed to be looking for an apartment, and Claudia needed to study for her exams. So, after a _third_ goodbye, and another promise to call more, he was grateful to slip off towards Claudia’s car.

Both women were waiting for him already. Bethany was in the back seat, typing something into her phone. Claudia was at the wheel, tuning the radio to find a station playing something she wanted to listen to. Anders knew she would likely turn to a top 40’s station or classic rock; what she wanted to listen to hardly ever played. Once his seat belt was buckled, Claudia took off for her apartment.

Anders waited in the car when she went upstairs to get her school stuff and a change of clothes to wear in the morning. He wondered why she needed the clothes; half of her closet was in his hamper. At that point, he was sure most of her possessions were scattered around his apartment.

They were mostly silent on the ride to his place. Except when one of _Claudia_ ’s songs came on. She was compelled to sing along, she lamented before breaking out into the verse.

It was after dark by the time they arrived at his apartment. Anders collected her book bag from the back seat and headed inside before her. When he got inside, he set her bag on the couch and went to grab his laptop from out of his bedroom. Pounce was curled up on his pillow when he walked in, and raised a sleepy head at Anders. “Hey, Pounce.” He said, unplugging the power cord and winding it around his hand.

The cat followed him into the living room once he had everything he needed. Pounce went to inspect Claudia’s bag. Once he got a whiff of her smell on it, he grew agitated and began searching the small apartment for her with several distressed meows. “She’ll be up in a minute.” Explained Anders, knowing that Pounce likely didn’t understand.

Claudia was in almost as soon as he had finished speaking, which resulted in Pounce trotting out of the bathroom to greet her. When he saw her, his trot turned into a frenzied run until he reached her. Pounce undulated between her legs happily.

Anders scoffed jokingly. “I see how it is. I buy your food and scoop your box, but you love your mother more.”

“I smell like a dog. He’s trying to fix that.”

“You’re Ferelden. It’s in the blood.”

“You’re Ferelden too.”

“I’m only half.”

“Uh…same. So if it’s in my blood, it’s in yours too.”

They both got a good laugh out of the exchange while Claudia pulled her own laptop from her bag and began piling her weighty textbooks on the coffee table. Anders went into the other room and retrieved his laptop from his bedroom. They sat side-by-side, silently going about their tasks. Claudia studied while Anders looked up apartments for lease. There were some good ones that he wanted to go see in the morning, so he copied their information into a word document to pick from later. Claudia had work in the morning, so Anders knew he would be going by himself. Still, it was better he start early than rushing.

xxx

Anders had just got home from apartment hunting when he received the text from Lyna. If he was free, she wanted to go suit shopping. The last time he went shopping for a suit was—Maker, he couldn’t quite remember _when_ it was—but the suit he had was ill fitting. Not the sort of thing you wore when asked to be part of someone’s wedding. But as it was, he had the day off, so it wasn’t a problem to go with her. Anders responded quickly, not even bothering to remove his shoes. Lyna’s response came less than a minute later. She would come pick him up, permitting he gave her his address so she could.

Within fifteen minutes, Lyna was outside in a bright red rental. Nathaniel was with her, but he was getting out of the front seat and into the back to give Anders the front. It was an unspoken courtesy, given Anders’ height.

“No Claudia today?” Lyna asked, puzzled.

“She had work,” he snorted, “we’re not joined at the hip, you know.”

“Not all the time, at least.” Nathaniel’s tone was dry, made even drier still by the fact that he was focused on the screen of his phone instead of the conversation.

Anders pursed his lips tight, trying to think of something in response. Nothing was coming to mind, especially after Lyna began to laugh. It didn’t last, however, and she drove off towards Hightown.

They followed her phone GPS all the way to a small boutique in Hightown, just as Anders had figured they would. There were likely no good shops in Lowtown, and definitely not in Darktown. She parked on the street, next to a meter. Anders stood outside and observed it as she fed some coins into the meter. There were some smartly-dressed mannequins on display in the window in neutral-colored suits. Though, one of the mannequins was wearing a salmon-pink shirt underneath the suit. Once Lyna was done, they headed inside.

Two clerks greeted them, one was a woman who appeared to be a few years older than Anders, and another was a man, probably a few years younger. Both had measuring tape looped around their shoulders.

“Welcome,” the woman said on her approach, “do you need any help, or are you just browsing?”

“Help” said Lyna, “definitely help.”

She pulled out her phone and began scrolling through it in order to find something. When she did, she pointed it towards the clerk. “I’m getting married in a month, and I’ve already gotten suits for my other bride’s men, but I bought them back in Ferelden. I need something similar to this suit here—“ she scrolled some more, “—for these two.”

“Do you want something exactly the same, or similar?”

“Similar,” Lyna said, “I’d be happy to get something with a similar cut, fit, and in the same colors. Other than that, they can be different.”

“I think we have something that will do nicely, then. Right this way.”

The woman led them to a nook off to one side of the boutique. There was a large ottoman, big enough to sit several full-grown adult humans comfortably, and a small, raised dais that was surrounded by mirrors most of the way.

“Please have a seat while I go see what we have in stock.”

The three of them sat down on the ottoman once the clerk walked off. Nathaniel pulled his phone back from his pocket and begun texting again. Lyna did the same, but only long enough for her to squeal in delight.

“Look at the picture Leli just sent me!” She turned her phone towards Anders, giving him a good look of her mabari and the pet nug her and Leliana adopted. Anders had never met either, but he heard a lot of stories and saw the pictures. A lot of them in matching outfits, or cuddling, or being held by one of them (though Anders was fairly certain than Lyna could ride her dog like a small horse).

“They’re very cute,” he said with a smile, “Claudia has a mabari too. His name is Ser Biscuit.”

Lyna chuckled. “Great minds think alike, I see.” Hers was named _Ser Bacon,_ Anders recalled. She turned her head to Nathaniel, who was still on his phone. Lyna rolled her eyes playfully, denoting that he had likely been on his phone all day.

“Who are you even texting?” Asked Anders.

He didn’t get a response.

Lyna, however, gasped. “It’s the sister, isn’t it?”

Anders assumed that Lyna had meant Delilah; she and Nathaniel were close, after all. But, the way he wrinkled his nose and Lyna’s following question disputed that.

“By the Dread Wolf! When did you even have time to get her number?” She punched him in the arm.

That was when Anders realized that she was referring to Claudia's sister. He smiled in Nathaniel's direction, the sort of smile that said he knew his little secret, but he didn't need to say anything to confirm it. Nathaniel chose to ignore it and continued to text Bethany until the clerk came back with a few suit pieces draped over both of her arms.

She hung them up on some metallic rods and turned back to them when she had finished. “Okay, time for measurements.”

Nathaniel went first. He stepped onto the dais as the woman circled around him, taking precise measurements of his shoulders, arms, chest, inseam, waist, hips, and legs. The whole thing seemed like a minor annoyance to Nathaniel, though Anders had to think it was uncomfortable to have the inseam measured, given it required the clerk to be so close to the crotch. Anders' turn was next, and it went by just about as quick as Nathaniel's. Once she finished, the clerk recorded his measurements on a piece of paper similar to the one she had recorded Nathaniel's on.

After, they were given suits to try on so that Lyna could pick out the jackets and slacks she liked. While they were trying on the jackets, Lyna picked out button up shirts for them. Anders could only figure that the decision that went into that was a lot easier; she just had to match up the materials and color.

Lyna paid for the suits in advance, and extra for a rush job on tailoring. Then, she offered to take them out to lunch.

Xxx

They were sitting in a booth in some small corner restaurant Lyna thought looked good, waiting for their lunch. Lyna and Nathaniel shared one side of the booth, with Anders on the other. Lyna was telling a story about something or another—Anders was only half paying attention—when Nathaniel's phone went off. He said he had to talk the call and headed off towards the restroom to answer his phone.

“It's his _girlfriend,_ ” teased Lyna once he was out of earshot, “but seriously, how are things between you and Claudia? Good? I didn't feel comfortable asking you in front of her.”

Anders shrugged. “I'm happy with her, if that's what you're asking. I...I really care about her.”

“Good. I really like her. You both seem so happy with each other.”

They ate their meal, and Lyna dropped Anders off back at his apartment after.

Claudia was there when he got in, on the laptop, probably apartment hunting. Or studying. Her textbooks were scattered across the couch and coffee table, along with a few notebooks, a handful of pens, and other things she could use for studying.

She was on the phone when he sat down beside her, though. And from the glance he took at her laptop, she was apartment hunting again. She was looking at a listing for a studio apartment in Lowtown, and from what he could tell from her conversation, she was speaking with the landlord. She finished her call and tossed her phone on the couch, then reached for a pen and scribbled something down on the notepad resting on her keyboard.

“How was work?” Asked Anders. He leaned over and planted a kiss on her temple.

“Work.” Claudia said dismissively. It never ceased to amaze him that she acted like dominating her clients was just as mundane as a desk job. But, he supposed for her, it was. Anders still sometimes hoped that when she dominated him, she didn't get bored like with her clients.

“I arranged a couple meetings with landlords for tomorrow.” Claudia passed over the notebook to Anders. He gave it a quick once-over. She wrote down the addresses, names of the landlords, and how many bedrooms and bathrooms.

“Have you studied for your exams?”

“A little.” Claudia said. She scrolled through the apartment listing some more.

Anders shook his head. “Mmhm. Sure.” He was not convinced. Claudia procrastinated more than she liked to let on.“Why don't we put the laptop away and I'll help you study?”

Claudia made a displeased noise. “Later.”

Anders shook his head. Passing her exams was important to her. So, it was important to him that she pass her exams. He scooped up a couple of her textbooks and one of her notebooks. “Not later. You need to pass your exams.”

She made another displeased noise. This time, it was drawn out, like she was using it as her argument against studying. Anders kept his face serious. “Can't we just cuddle on the couch and kiss until bedtime?”

“Tempting,” he said, “but you almost have your degree. Let's go over your notes, then we can cuddle and watch something.”

“Will you go to these apartments tomorrow?” Claudia tapped the notebook.

“Yes. Are you going to come with?”

Claudia nodded. “Yeah. Of course. Now are we going to study while I'm still willing to, or not?” She shut her laptop and slid it onto the coffee table.

Anders opened one of the textbooks he had in his lap and they began.

  


 


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Alcohol Use

Anders wasn't sure what time it was when he woke. But, judging by Pounce's persistence in swatting at his face, it was entirely not early enough. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust. While they did, the digital clock on the nightstand looked like little more than a red blur. He turned to his side to get a better look at it, causing Claudia's arm around his waist to cinch tighter and for her to mutter something that he couldn't quite make out. Anders yawned, and with the arm currently not pinned to the mattress, he rubbed the lingering sleep out of his eyes, making it easy for him to read the numbers.

7:37 AM.

He grumbled the sort of complaint that made it clear that he didn't want to get out of bed, but was going to regardless. Anders could have stayed in bed with Claudia all morning, but he had therapy, and then they were going to go apartment hunting.

It took him a moment, but when Anders finally pulled himself out of the bed, he headed straight for the bathroom in order to relieve himself. He also wagered he should take a shower as well. Wynne liked to remind him that doing self care things like showering didn't determine how successful his day was, but they _would_ make him feel a bit better when he was  done. So, he took a quick shower, put on some clean clothes, then headed into the kitchen. 

Claudia was already starting breakfast when he walked into the kitchen. She was wearing one of his shirts. This was more obvious by the fact that it came nearly to her knees than the cat on it. Anders skirted past her, stopping only to kiss the top of her head and wish her a good morning while on his way to the coffee maker to brew a pot.

By the time the coffee finished, Claudia had made them both matching plates of eggs, bacon, and buttered toast. Anders took his gratefully and headed for the dining table. Before he could sit, however, Claudia was behind him, calling after him.

“Don't forget your pills.” She reminded.

 _That_ was right. His medication. Missing a dose would be bad. Anders put his plate and mug of coffee down and headed back into the kitchen to grab the bottle.

They ate together, the silence occasionally broken for Anders to quiz Claudia on the reading material she had studied last night. He had so much confidence in her ability to ace her exams, but still, he wanted to make sure that she was going in prepared.

When they finished eating, Anders washed up the dishes while she went to go get dressed. She had enough of her own clothes mixed in with his that Claudia could probably put together a fresh outfit from it all. Still, she often wound up wearing his things around the apartment. Anders didn't mind. They looked better on her, anyway.

 

* * *

 

“How is everything, Anders?” Wynne asked from over her notepad.

Anders shrugged. The situation was a complicated one, which he knew he was probably better off confessing to her so that they could get to the root of the problem and work through plans on how Anders could confront it. But, in this case, he didn't think Wynne talking him through some self actualization techniques was going to help the fact that there was was possibility of him being homeless if he didn't find an apartment soon.

“My landlord terminated my lease.” Anders said hastily. It would help to talk about it with someone other than Claudia, he decided.

“What happened?”

“I filed for a lease extension and he rejected it. I suspect he wants to jack up the prices on the units, but can't because I signed a fixed rent agreement when I moved in. If I'm gone, he could charge more.”

“Have you been looking for a new place to live?”

Anders didn't enjoy Wynne's line of questioning. _Of course_ he was looking for a new place. They both were, even though Claudia technically still lived at home (even if she spent five nights a week at his apartment). But, as much as he wanted to respond with something close to anger, Anders reminded himself that anger towards Wynne would get him nowhere. She wasn't the one who was kicking him out. “Claudia and I have been looking between work and her studying for her final exams. We're actually going to go look at a few places after this.”

“How are things between you and Claudia?”

“Good.” It was a simple answer, one that he knew Wynne would request elaboration on. So, Anders took the opportunity to do that without the request. “We're very happy together. I...I think I love her. She probably doesn't feel the same way, though.”

Wynne scribbled something down. “Why do you think she wouldn't love you back?”

Anders shrugged. “I don't know. She's just so...so...I can't even put words to it, but I feel good when I'm with her, like everything is going to be okay. But I probably just make her sad.”

She put her pad of paper and pen down in her lap and looked directly at him. Anders shrank into the couch. “That isn't the way I see things, Anders. If Claudia had chosen to be in a relationship with you and is helping you in the ways you say she does, I would say she must care for you the same way you care for her.”

Anders nodded, and their session continued as normal.

 

* * *

 

 

By the third apartment they saw, Anders was ready to call it quits on apartment hunting. It was incredibly draining to have to deal with the tours, two of which were up several flights of stairs and with no elevator. Feeling exhausted after the walk up was only the start of it, however. One apartment didn't allow pets, so it was crossed off the list entirely (though Claudia had been kind enough to offer to look after Pounce if it became necessary). The other had some water damage that Anders was certain had begun to mold. He didn't want to risk it. The third, well, it was a nice apartment. A studio, which Anders was unused to, but he was sure he could make due. However, the rent was way out of his budget.

They had been sitting in the car for half an hour while Anders tried desperately to crunch the numbers in order to see if he could swing it. He couldn't, this much was obvious. Even so, he tried to fool himself into believing that if he squinted long enough, he could make it work.

Claudia had remained silent throughout the entire process. Anders was unsure of how he felt about that. It just made him feel worse whenever he would look up and see her brows knit together in soft concern. Occasionally, he would reach out and give her hand a squeeze, as if he was trying to reassure her that everything would turn out alright. Maker, it felt odd, being the one who had to do that.

Eventually, he tossed his phone in his lap and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, his way of signaling defeat.

“You don't think you could make it work?” Asked Claudia.

He shook his head.

Anders could hear the worn leather of her steering wheel creak under her grip; he didn't even have to look to know she was gripping the steering wheel as tight as she could.

“Anders?” The way Claudia said his name, it sounded hopeful, almost. Perhaps he was delusional. Yet, he still wanted her to say _I saw one last place online and the rent is within your budget, is pet friendly, and is close to the hospital._ He knew better than to hope for such things, though. Even so, he needed to ask.

“Yeah?”

“What if you moved in with me?”

Anders didn't know what to say to that. Which, he supposed was fine because she had more to say on the matter.

“I mean, we've practically been living together these last couple of months. And I'm sure Mother wouldn't mind it as long as you helped out around the house and maybe contributed to groceries. Pounce is welcome too, of course. Biscuit adores him, too.”

Words couldn't come to him at that moment. As much as Anders tried, his mouth fumbled about like a land-locked fish. Instead, he chose to reach over and scoop her up in a hug. It was the only way he knew to show his appreciation without saying it. Living with her and her family would take some adjusting, but Anders was so grateful just for her to even consider making this step with him.

He felt her arms cinch around him moments later, which chased away any lingering fears that this was some cruel joke on her part. “Are you sure?” He asked, just for added certainty.

“Yes,” said Claudia without a shred of hesitation, “I feel like moving in together will be the next step in our relationship.”

As much as Anders trusted her, he wanted confirmation from her mother that this arrangement would be okay. He broke the hug. “Could you...could you call your mother and make sure this is going to be okay? I don't want to put all of my eggs in this basket and not have it work out.” Anders rubbed his neck nervously.

“Yeah, sure.”

Claudia pulled her phone from her pocket and pressed a couple buttons. He could hear ringing; Anders had to figure she had it on speaker phone. By the second ring, there was an answer.

“ _Yes?_ ”

“Mother? Hey, you're on speaker and Anders is with me. I have a question.”

“ _What sort of question?”_

“The 'can Anders move in with us once we get everything with the house cleared up' sort of question.”

“ _Isn't this the sort of conversation we should be having in person?”_

“Probably, but I sort of need an answer sooner rather than later.” She looked to Anders uncomfortably.

“ _I don't think it should be a problem.”_

“Really?”

There was a disbelief in Claudia's voice that Anders could notice. But, with that disbelief was excitement. She grabbed his arm happily and gave it a soft squeeze. He smiled at her. When she was done with the call, he too would be joining in her enthusiasm. But for now, he thanked Leandra politely an in multitude in order to convey how grateful he felt.

Claudia hung up the phone, but before she was even given a chance to pocket it, Anders pulled her in for another hug. He brushed her hair off her neck and placed his mouth there in order to pepper the spot with brief kisses. “You have no idea how grateful I am that you did that for me.” Said Anders, not bothering to remove his mouth from her neck.

“I have an idea.” She kissed the side of his face. “There's something I need to ask you, though.”

Anders pulled himself out of her embrace. It wasn't that Claudia's entire demeanor changed, but he could tell by the way that she was chewing on the inside of her cheek that what she had to say was something that had been bothering her. Whatever it was, it caused Anders' stomach to go up in knots.

“What is it?”

Claudia fidgeted nervously. “Where do you see this—our relationship—being in five years? Do you think we'll be together, or—“

“—I hope we're together in 5 years' time.”Answered Anders honestly. With each day, it was becoming harder to imagine a life without her in it. He didn't like to think of that possibility. He only hoped she felt the same way. “I suppose in five years, permitting things are going as they are now, we'd be married, or engaged. Or neither if you don't like the idea of marriage. We're together, we're happy. We...we adopted cats. Maybe we have children or are planning for children if you want them. You made a career out of your degree, maybe I went back to medical school.”

“So, you see us getting married in the future?” Claudia asked.

“If you want to...uh, not right now, though.”

“I know. But marriage sounds like a good plan for the future. Would you want me to take your name, or—“

“—I think I would actually want to take yours. I always imagined I would take my spouse's name.”

Claudia nodded. “I would like to have a family with you too, once we're established.” Claudia sighed as if a massive weight had been lifted from her chest. Her entire expression lightened from it. “Well, that's comforting! I was afraid you were going to say that this isn't serious for you and you're just messing around until the next thing.”

“Honestly? I was worried you felt that way too.”

They kissed, and then Anders' phone started buzzing. While he was taking it out, Claudia began driving back to his apartment. They were going to need to start packing soon, she said when he noticed Fenris' name on the screen. Anders read the text quickly. It was an invite to hang out later. Anders would have loved to hang out and drink a couple of beers with Fenris, but Claudia was right. He needed to stay in and start packing. Then, he considered asking Fenris if he wanted to come over and help pack. The way Anders saw it, this would solve both his problems at once.

 

* * *

 

 

Before going back to the apartment, Anders and Claudia stopped by the store to pick up some beer and moving boxes. He had suggested to Claudia that he could get her something special and nonalcoholic to drink while they packed, but she insisted that she didn't need anything. There was stuff to drink at the house. Anders suspected that she didn't want him spending money on her.

They packed by themselves until Fenris got there. Mostly the non-necessities. They started on Anders' bookshelves to start. As much as he loved reading, he hardly did much of it as of recent, except outside reading articles and the news online. However far they thought they got, Pounce seemed determined to slow them down. He kept hopping into the boxes and lying on whatever they were trying to pack. That ultimately resulted in one of them slinging the cat over their shoulders for as long as he would allow it, before going back to being a handful.

They had finished about half the bookshelf when Fenris arrived. He brought drinks too, which he commented on when he walked into the kitchen to put them in the fridge. When he came back into the living room to help, Pounce murred excitedly and leaped from Anders' shoulders and onto the couch in order to persuade him to sit down and pet him.

"We're working on the bookshelf, then?" Fenris asked. He stepped behind Anders, arm outstretched so that Pounce could rub against his hand.

"I can probably finish this by myself if you two want to go pack something else." Suggested Claudia.

"You sure?" Anders didn't want to leave her by herself to pack if he wasn't certain she was okay with it.

"Yeah. I'm a big girl, Anders. I've got this covered."

Anders nodded in understanding and headed over to the other bookshelf in the room, where he kept his movie and video game collection. Fenris realized that was what they were going to be packing quickly, because he already started to unfold one of the boxes and tape the bottom.

They made conversation among the three of them while they packed. And by about half an hour in, he and Fenris were already drinking.

Anders was sorting through a pile of games to make sure they were all in their right boxes when he stumbled upon something he forgot he owned. He placed the other games to the side and inspected it more closely. Turning it over in his hands. Opening it up and admiring the disc inside.

"What is that?" Asked Fenris.

"Karaoke Revolution."

"What?"

"It's a...ah...it's a singing game. You plug in a microphone and make a little avatar, and then you sing songs. There are little bars and meters on screen that tell you how long to hold a note. Or how high to sing it. Karl got it for me when we first started dating again as adults. He said I was always in a musical mood when drunk. I could at least have some fun with it."

Fenris appeared thoughtful for a moment. Or maybe Anders was already starting to feel the effects of the alcohol on his system. Still, it caught him off guard when Fenris suggested that they take a break and play it for a bit.

Anders looked over to Claudia. The bookshelf she was packing up was bare and she was taping the box shut. "Do you want to play this karaoke game?"

"Not particularly." She grabbed a marker off the couch. "But I'll watch you two play. Carver says I sound like a cat on heat when I try to sing. Or, something to that effect."

It took a couple minutes of wrangling with the system and setting everything up before Anders and Fenris were ready to play.

Several hours passed of off-key singing, with the occasional break to get more beer or to pack a little. Anders found that, the more he drank, the better he sounded. Several times, he told this to Claudia, who assured him it was probably the liquid courage talking, but she was still proud of him for doing so well in the game.

While they played their game, she was texting. Anders didn't know to who, but several times, he noticed Fenris' phone buzzing and him giving her a sort of look that probably had some hidden message that he didn't quite grasp. They were a couple hours in when Claudia started to complain about being hungry, so she left to go pick them up some takeout.

She was gone no more than ten minutes when Fenris turned to Anders, wearing as serious an expression as he could muster while tipsy.

"What are your feelings for Claudia?" He asked suddenly.

"She's my girlfriend." Anders responded in a flippant tone, like it was so obvious that he was offended Fenris would even ask.

"No, do you like her, or is it more?"

"More." Anders felt the word in his mouth, sampling it on his tongue. "Why?"

Fenris groaned loudly and grappled for his phone. "Because she's been texting me all night to say that she loves you, you idiot!"

Anders was stunned. He folded his hands into one another, though the motion lacked the same dexterity it had when he was sober. "Lo--she loves me?"

"Yes!"

"Really?"

"Do I need to show you the texts? Be warned, she's been sending me pictures of your butt that she's been taking when it's your turn to sing."

Anders felt the heat rise to his cheeks in embarrassment. Not in the fact that Claudia was taking pictures of him and sending them to people; he had no shits to give because of the alcohol. It was because of the fact that he never realized she felt that way about him and needed a mutual friend to point it out before he realized it.

They got through four more songs and two beers each before Claudia returned. Anders and Fenris took a break from their game just long enough to eat. He and Fenris drank some more, which canceled out any sobering effects the food would have had on either of them. While they ate, however, Fenris kept clearing his throat loudly and gesturing obviously at Claudia. It to took Anders a shameful amount of time to realize what he was getting at. And even when drunk, Anders knew not to drop the _I love you_ bomb on her right then. It had to be special. 

When that special moment was, however, he didn't know.

After they ate and he and Fenris did what they could to help clear away the take out containers (which was mainly throwing away the foam containers their meals were packed in with little dexterity), they got back to playing their game. By that point, there was no use in trying to pack anymore. Claudia was already settled down on the couch, cheering them both on when it was their turn to sing. This went on for a couple of hours, to the point where they were almost out of beer and staying awake was a struggle.

“Okay, boys,” started Claudia, “I think it's time we called it a night. I don't feel comfortable having you drive yourself home, Fenris, so you can sleep it off on the couch.”

Fenris muttered something that Anders could only assume was meant to be agreement.

Claudia left the room and came back several minutes later with the spare blanket and pillow from the linen closet, a glass of water, and a bottle of pain medicine. She set the blanket and pillow on the couch and handed the water to Fenris.

“Take two of these,” she handed him the bottle, “and drink all of the water. You'll thank me in the morning.”

Fenris struggled with the lid to the pill bottle for a moment, but when he finally wrestled it free, he followed her instructions. Two pills, and the glass of water.

Anders should have known he was the next one to get taken care of. Still, he fought it a little when Claudia tried to lead him to the bedroom so he could undress and sleep it off. He wanted to stay up and hang out with Fenris some more. Or maybe just stay up with her in bed for a while. Claudia was always attractive to him, beautiful, even. But when he was just the right amount of drunk and his world had taken on that hazy fog it usually did when he _was_ drunk, nothing else in Thedas could ever compare.

In the short trip it took Claudia to get him into the bedroom, Anders had fallen into a particularly amorous mood. He wanted to sing to her from his heart. To show her what he felt for her in physical intimacy. Normally, he would have words, but the beer made him feel brave, not poetic, so when they were finally both inside, Anders made his attempt.

“Claudia,” he said, the syllables of her name slurring together, “I—I want to...to make love with you.”

He only half paid attention as she set the glass of water she brought for him down on the nightstand and began helping him out of his shirt.

“Not tonight, Anders. You're too drunk. Maybe tomorrow.”

Anders was disheartened, but only briefly. It was fine that she didn't want sex. Even so, Anders still felt the need to share his feelings with her.

Maybe if he had been sober, he would have picked a better time—a better place—to confess to her that he had fallen in love with her. But at that moment, nothing to him seemed more romantic than when she was helping him out of his pants and into the sweats he liked to sleep in.

“Claudia? I love...I love you so much. So much I just...I don't know what to do.”

Claudia froze. It didn't occur to Anders why she did that. Still, she smiled at him after whatever caused her to be stunned faded. “Tell me that again when you're sober.”

Anders made a dismissive gesture with his hand, which was a little too animated, given it caused him to stumble backwards into the bed. “Sober Anders is stupid.” He insisted, not even bothering to rise to his feet. He did, however, begin to hum one of the love songs from his game earlier at her.

While he lie there, Claudia handed him the same sort of pills she gave Fenris earlier. Then when he had them in his mouth, the glass of water. Anders did as she asked; he took the pills and drank the water. He spilled a little on his chest and chin, but didn't care enough to do anything but wipe it off with the back of his hand.

“Sober Anders is still part of Drunk Anders. I would like to hear it from him as well. Have him tell me again in the morning.”

“But it won't be as meaningful.” He argued.

“Of course it will.” Claudia stripped from her clothes and grabbed one of his shirts to wear as a night dress. “Tell me again tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Grumbled Anders.

“Good night.” Claudia climbed in bed with him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Anders tried to reciprocate, but he missed and ended up kissing her eyebrow.

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Oral sex//Fingering (vaginal)//Vaginal Penetration (All consensual)

Anders was asleep when Claudia woke, curled on his side with an arm stretched out as if his intention was to drape it around her. She rubbed her face sleepily and looked over him. Claudia couldn't resist the goofy smile that took her. Last night, he told her he loved her. She remembered that now. But, he had been drunk.

As much as Claudia believed that he cared about her, she felt he deserved the chance to say it sober. When the alcohol wasn't influencing him. She touched a hand to his face, which he must have felt even in his sleep, given he leaned into it. Claudia hoped he remembered her request when sober.

But, she had enough of mulling over what happened though. Claudia needed to relieve herself, and brushing her teeth was probably something she should do while she remembered. On her way to the bathroom, she checked on Fenris. He was still asleep, sprawled out on the couch with Pounce on his chest. 

Claudia finished relieving herself and begun brushing her teeth when Anders came lumbering in. Bits of his hair clung to to his scalp and cheek, but he looked to be okay, given how much he drank. He grumbled a 'good morning' at her and started on his business. When he finished on the toilet, he made his way to the sink and began brushing his teeth as well.

Claudia's gaze lingered over him studiously. She was trying to figure out if he forgot. Perhaps he had been so drunk that he didn't remember what had happened. Or that she asked him to say it again when sober. Maybe he didn't really mean it and it was just the alcohol speaking. Her stomach sank. 

So, she resigned to brushing her teeth silently.

It was mere seconds into Anders joining her that his eyes went wide and the toothbrush fell out of his mouth. "Shit!" He cursed, ignoring the dribble of spit and toothpaste running down his chin.

"What? Toothache? Hangover just kicked in?" Claudia asked.

Anders shook his head, spit what remained of the toothpaste out of his mouth, and took the hand towel off the holder to wipe his mouth and chin off. 

"Claudia?" Anders asked, requesting her full attention.

She turned to him, toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. "Mmm?"

"I love you. You...you asked me to say it again when I was sober, didn't you?"

Claudia took the toothbrush from her mouth and set it down on the sink. Had this been the first time he said it to her, she imagined it would have taken her longer to process it. But, she already lost sleep over it, hoping it wasn't just the liquor speaking. As such, she had plenty of time to think of a way to respond. 

She spit out the remains of her toothpaste and wiped off what lingered at the corners of her mouth with the back of her hand. 

"I love you too, Anders."

He grinned, a sort of crooked grin that he deserved for her, and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You were afraid I wasn't going to say it." Anders teased.

"No. No, I had every faith in you." She argued, attempting to hide her true feelings. 

"Is that so?" His tone turned to one that was clearly joking as he brought his face closer to hers. Close enough to where she could smell the minty toothpaste on his breath. "Maybe you need a little reassurance."

Anders kissed her. Once at the left corner of her mouth, then a peck directly to her lips. Claudia was desperate to reciprocate. She kissed him back when he pulled away, more needy and urgent than he had initially done. 

Their bodies crashed into each other, and before she knew it, Cluadia found herself pinned to the sink basin as she began slipping her tongue into his mouth. Her left hand searched for a place to grip, eventually getting a nice handful of his ass. He leaned into her touch, his own hands exploring her body in a similar fashion. Except his found her right breast. First over the shirt. Then, it slipped in and began playing with her nipple underneath it. 

"Is this okay?" Anders asked. His fingers in her shirt stopped briefly. 

Anders' touch was indescribable. Claudia had never wanted someone like she wanted him. And at that moment, there was an intensity to that desire that there was no denying. She hopped up onto the edge of the sink and started to take off the shirt. Claudia gave him a coy smile and dropped the shirt go the floor.

With a matching smirk, Anders closed the gap between them again. He spread her legs and maneuvered between them. One of his hands slipped into her underwear. 

When his middle finger found her clit, Claudia braced herself by pressing the back of her head into the mirror and gripping either side of the sink. Her breathing grew shallow with each course he made on it. Their lips met again. Peppered between each kiss was another proclamation of love. Or, Anders groaning into her mouth when Claudia removed one of her hands from the sink and slipped it into his sweat pants in order to stroke him.

It was Anders who broke contact first. His breathing was heavier than normal, but there was no mistaking the mischief in his eyes as he dipped down to his knees and removed her underwear.

Anders' tongue was on her clit in an instant. Claudia gasped softly at the sensation. One of her hands became tangled in his hair while he alternated between sucking, licking, and rubbing his nose against the sensitive spot. 

Before Anders, she hadn't been with a partner who enjoyed giving her oral so much. Usually, it was a means to an end. A way to get her to reciprocate. But with Anders, there was never any pressure. Sometimes, she thought he enjoyed going down on her more than he enjoyed having her go down on him. 

He certainly was driving that point home right then. Claudia looked down at him. The look on his face was one of pure satisfaction. He had his sweats pulled down around his knees and was jerking himself off to the rhythm of his tongue on her clit.

"A...ah." Claudia was trying her best to be as quiet as possible; Fenris was just in the other room and the walls were paper thin. Yet, the more Anders kept sucking on her clit, the more she saw him touch himself to her pleasure, it was increasingly hard to remain silent. She bit her lip, just as Anders reached up to knead one of her breasts.

She watched as he took his hand from his cock and slipped his middle finger into her to the second knuckle. Claudia made a little gasp. His tongue was still diligent on her, but now she had his finger pumping in and out of her, developing a rhythm. 

"Anders." Claudia moaned softly. Her grip on his hair tightened, causing him to groan pleasurably into her flesh.

"Do you want me to suck your cock?" Her tone was barely above a whisper, contentious of their friend sleeping on the couch.

"No." He kissed her inner thigh. "But I wouldn't mind making love with you."

“Then put this on.” Claudia arched her back, giving her access to the medicine cabinet behind her. She took out one of the condoms that lat loose on the bottom shelf and tossed it down to him.

“In here?” Anders asked, inspecting the bathroom.

“I figured we could get in the shower, turn the water on so that Fenris doesn't hear us. And after, we can just wash up.”

“I should probably go get the lube, then.”

Anders removed his finger from inside her, stood up, and pulled his pants back up. There was a noticeable bulge in the front, where his erection was, but Claudia didn't think it would be much of an issue. He was _just_ going to his bedroom to grab the lube. Before he left the bathroom, she called out to him.

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

Anders smiled. “I love you too.”

By the time Anders returned, Claudia had already started the shower. He was quick to undress and get the condom on, then to lube up his cock after. Claudia took a little for herself. She was already plenty wet, but she heard that lube was necessary for sex in water.

They both got into the shower. Claudia positioned herself away from Anders, her hands pressed into the tile wall and her back arched. She had spread her legs until her feet were touching the edges of the tub. Shower sex was a first for her, so she was just trying to trust her instinct and hopefully figure out the mechanics soon.

Anders had his left hand around her hip, gripping her tight as he tried to line his cock up and slide it in. He missed, prodding her lower back with it instead of meeting his mark. This happened three times more before Claudia couldn't resist laughing about it any longer.

“That's my back.” She giggled.

He grumbled something. “I know. You're just so short. I can't get it in properly.”

“Are we better off lying down on the floor of the tub? Or perhaps taking this to the bedroom?”

“I have an idea.”

Anders went over to the opposite side of the tub and opened the curtain. He reached down for something. A stool, purple and plastic, and handed it to Claudia. “Stand on this.”

“You keep a stool in your bathroom?”

“Yes. For when the depressive episodes are bad and I don't have the energy to stand up in the shower.”

“That makes sense, actually.”

Claudia placed the stool on the floor of the tub and stood on top of it. She was a little worried about falling, but there were rubber grips on the feet of it that prevented it from sliding. She was within a couple of inches of Anders' height, now, making the prospect of shower sex a lot more appealing.

“I want to be facing you.” She said, beckoning him closer with a curl of her finger.

When Anders was within reach, Claudia wrapped one of her legs around him at the waist. She kept the other braced firmly on the stool. For added support, Anders gripped her thigh tightly with the hand not currently lining his cock up with her pussy.

This time, he slid in easily. About a third of the way. Anders groaned with it.

His pacing was slow to start. Lightly grinding into her with a slight upwards thrust. Claudia wrapped her arms around his neck for stability. She started to build her own rhythm, pushing back against him and pulling away. It was difficult, given she was only standing on one leg, but Anders tightened his grip on her thigh and continued.

It wasn't long before they were both groaning into each others mouths, muttering words of love over labored breaths. Trying to keep pace with the heat of the moment. With each other. Trying not to fall behind.

But it was clear that they were losing themselves to this. It felt like it had been ages since they made love with this intensity. Claudia couldn't even remember another partner that she had ever felt this way for. She desired him in a sexual way that she had only felt for a few people before him. He was incredibly sexy, and she wanted him so badly, sometimes, that it ached.

Now was one of those times. It felt as thought he couldn't get close enough. That there would never be enough. And yet, with every thrust, which grew with strength and intensity, and every time he ground against her clit, Claudia found herself gasping desperately, moaning his name into his lips. Digging her fingernails into his scalp and crying out.

Nothing ever felt like Anders did, and Claudia didn't want to find out if anything else ever would.

Several more minutes passed. Anders was panting and groaning and growing erratic in his thrusting, and Claudia, likewise, was close. She could feel the buildup of her release coming. It was on her within seconds, her back arching, toes curling. A cry of pleasure wrapped around his name and repeated over and over. 

When she finally came down from it, Claudia realized that Anders hadn't finished. She disengaged from him. Anders gave her a strange look, a question, but Claudia responded with a smirk. She removed the condom and took his cock into her hand. Anders melted into her touch when she began to stroke him vigorously. While she did that, she dappled kisses down his neck and across his collarbone. Kissing him everywhere. As much as she could and without pause. 

Anders came in an instant. One spurt landed just beyond Claudia on the shower floor, and the other dribbled down her fingers. He was groaning, breathing in a labored manner, but unmistakably happy.

When he finished, Anders drew her in for a series of kisses. He couldn't get enough, it seemed. Claudia could relate. After several moments of kissing, he released her leg and pressed his forehead into hers. Hair was clinging go his face and the water obscured his features slightly. But, he was smiling. 

"I love you. I could say that every moment of every day for the rest of my life and it wouldn't be enough."

Claudia grinned back. It felt like her heart was bursting at the seams. "I feel the same way. I love you so much." They kissed once more, then washed up.

Anders tried to convince Claudia to stay, to spend the day with him. And she had wanted to more than anything. But she also promised her mother that they would go over the plans for moving into the house in a couple weeks. Anders was disappointed, but he understood. 

On her way out, Claudia ran into Fenris. He was up, flipping channels when she walked into the living area. He gave her a look. One eyebrow quirked and a smirk on his face that said had heard everything that happened in the bathroom. 

"You're lucky I didn't need to go as soon as I got up." He said with a note of mischief. 

"Would that be lucky for me, or you, actually? Because you'd be the one to have to hold it until we were finished."

Fenris snorted. "True. See you around, Claudia."

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter:  
> Mentions of police brutality//Argument (handled with love from both parties)//Alcohol mention.

Clothes were scattered all over the floor and her mother's bed in hers their shared room. It looked like a storm had rolled through the place, which was probably why Anders responded to Leandra's question about what happened in their room with 'hurricane Claudia'. 

The problem was, she had no idea what she wanted to bring. What were you supposed to bring to a wedding, except dress attire? Her mother urged her to bring a coat when she asked for suggestions, naturally. But, Claudia knew Ferelden. She knew the weather this time of year. A coat would just sit in her suitcase for the five days they would be there. 

She flopped onto the bed, giving up. At least until Anders goaded her again to pack. They had to be on their flight tomorrow; she was really out of time. 

He sat beside her, playing with her hair absently. "You know, if you hadn't waited until the day before, this wouldn't be an issue." He chided, though his fingers running through her hair made it clear he meant the statement with no real malice.

"I know," she groaned, "what did you pack?"

"Enough clothes for every day we'll be there, a jacket, the suit. Toiletries. Condoms."

At the sound of 'condoms', Claudia sat up in the bed. "Condoms? Someone is planning on getting lucky, I see." She pecked his lips.

Anders kissed her nose. "Not planning, exactly. Just...it's just better to be prepared. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"I'm only teasing." Claudia rocked to her feet. He was right. She really did need to get finished packing. They still needed to do other things. 

Claudia had about half of her suitcase packed when her mother came back into the bedroom. To scrutinize their progress, she figured.

"Everything going fine?" She asked, looking over at Claudia.

"Wonderful," Claudia said with false enthusiasm, "thanks again for agreeing to watch over Biscuit when I'm gone."

"And thank you for checking in on Ser Pounce as well." Anders piggybacked on her thanks. He had only thanked her mother four times since he initially asked her to watch over the cat. And each time, she said the same thing. _It's no trouble, Dear, honestly. I can't get over that you named your cat similarly to our dog, however_.

She was doing just that as Claudia crammed the last of her clothes into the suitcase and zipped it up. "Beth and Carver were invited as well." She said, shoving the bag off to the side before she got to tidying up her mess.

"They were?"

"Bethany was invited by one of the other bridesmen as his date," Anders explained, "I hadn't realized her and Nathaniel had gotten so...ah...familiar with each other in such a short amount of time, though. He extended his stay in Kirkwall and exchanged his first-class ticket for two coach tickets to get her there."

“Who would have thought Bethany was so smooth?” Joked Claudia.

Leandra ignored her.“And Carver?”

“He's Merrill's date. She grew up with one of the brides and invited him to come with.”Claudia explained.

Her mother nodded in understanding, though her face was etched in concern. Claudia was expecting a lecture of sorts.

“I'm just...I'm just _worried_ , with all three of you being on that flight together. If something were to happen—“

“—Travel by airplane is much safer than travel by boat these days, Leandra.” Anders assured.

Leandra wrung her hands together and said nothing more about it, but it was clear that she was uncomfortable with the idea. Still, she looked around their shared bedroom once more, before returning her attention to Claudia.

“When were you planning on packing? We move in a week and a half.”

“Shit!” She leaped to her feet and circled around the room in a frenzy. With everything going on, she forgot she needed to start packing up her things in Gamlen's apartment. And, with her exams coming up, she doubted if she would be able to make time to get it done.

“We'll figure it out,” said Anders, “and we'll study for your exams when we're in Ferelden.”

"Will you be staying for dinner, Anders?" Leandra asked, preventing Claudia from responding to what he had suggested. Even so, she broke away from the conversation to gather up her textbooks.

“Am I being invited? I wouldn't want to intrude.”

Claudia stuffed three of her textbooks, a notebook, and some writing utensils into the tote bag hanging from the closet door handle.

“I believe that was an invitation that I was offering, yes.”

“Then I accept.”

The rest of the evening went by much the same. After Claudia was finished packing for their trip, she and Anders helped prepare the night's meal. Which, was probably for the best. Her mother was a mediocre cook on her own and usually needed insight from someone to help make something palatable. Even so, Anders ate his entire helping, and a second, without complaint; he even told Leandra her food was delicious and he was grateful to have her hospitality. After dinner, Anders offered to wash the dishes while Claudia and her mother tried to squeeze in some packing for the move.

Claudia occupied herself with setting up a box while her mother sorted through some of the clothes in the closet.

“So, who is getting married, exactly?” She asked, throwing clothes onto her bed that she planned on folding and packing.

“His old commander.”

“Commander? I didn't know Anders was military.”

“He's not.” Explained Claudia as she taped up the bottom of the box for stability. “Not anymore, at least. He was discharged. He's still in good with most of his squad. Platoon? What's the word for it?”

“Squad's fine.”

“Yeah, well, they're like a family. His commander is paying to fly us both out to Ferelden and is setting a bunch of her guests up in this _huge_ mansion she rented specifically for the wedding. I heard the guest list is nothing to sneeze at too.”

Leandra and Claudia managed to fill two boxes during their conversation. By the time they finished taping the top of the boxes and labeling them appropriately, Anders was back in the room. He took a seat at the edge of Leandra's bed, practically ignoring them as he read something on his phone. Claudia paid him little mind until his face when from indistinct and neutral to something in the family of elation. Leandra took her leave in order to have a little TV time before Gamlen got back, leaving them alone again.

“What's got you grinning like that?” She asked, setting up a third box.

Anders pocketed his phone and studied her before he could no longer contain his joy. His face broke into a pure expression of happiness. He was glowing, beaming. Claudia couldn't help but smile as well, though she didn't know why.

“The Templar Group is being taken to court over their testing methods. I feel silly being happy about it, given they probably have a fantastic legal team that can settle this out of court. But, I just—“

“—You're allowed to be happy about this, Anders. Shit, _I'm_ happy too. You put in so much work to see this happen and you deserve to feel good about seeing it through.”

Anders crossed his legs. “It's more than that, though. I was reading some medical journals, and a competitor is developing a new anti-depressant that they're saying will be much more accessible for regular people. I'm thinking that I may ask to be switched over to it once it's on the market; at least until I see how I react to it.”

“That's amazing!”

Claudia sat on the bed next to him and scooped him up into a hug. He kissed her cheek and thanked her for being there. She assumed he meant for supporting him throughout everything. Claudia kissed his cheek too, though she knew she could have kissed him all over and then some if her mother wasn't in the other room. Maker, if the door had been shut just a little more, she may have.

They pulled away from each other just as Claudia's phone began to vibrate. Awkwardly, she pulled it out of her pocket and quickly checked to see who was calling.

_Aveline Vallen_ .

The blood running through Claudia's veins turned to ice. It had been about a month and a half since she had spoken to Aveline. Perhaps longer. She had put their argument out of mind up until that moment. But, it was hard to ignore it any more when her phone was vibrating madly in her hand. Claudia sucked in a harsh breath and answered it.

“Hello, Aveline.” Said Claudia coldly.

“Claudia? Maker's breath, I didn't think you would answer.”

“Is there something you wanted?”

“I...uh...I need to talk to you.”

She paused. “We're talking now.”

"I mean in person. Would you agree to meet me?"

By that point, Claudia's heart was beating a mile a minute. She could hardly hear, it was so loud. Her phone was slipping around in her hands; the sweat made it hard to keep a good grip on it. Aveline wanted to meet up. And of course, Claudia had about a dozen bad scenarios playing in her head about what could happen in meeting her. Yet at the same time, she was curious about what Aveline wanted.

Anders was watching her carefully.  _Like a hawk_ , she thought. And she probably would have laughed about it if she wasn't scared about this phone call with Aveline.

“Meet me at my apartment.”

“I'll be there in ten minutes.”

Claudia hung up the phone and raked a hand through her hair. Andraste's tits, she didn't need this! At that moment, she had momentarily forgotten Anders was in the room with her. Which was why it took her by surprise when he asked her what that phone call was about.

She pursed her lips, mulling over how much she wanted to tell him. After all, she kept the argument with Aveline a secret. Which, she felt at that very moment was a bad idea.

“I...ah...I got into a fight with Aveline a month and a half ago. She was saying things...some...some things like she was considering pressing charges against me for punching that officer.”

The one thing that didn't come as a surprise was Anders' response. “Why didn't you tell me this? Why...what if she  _did_ bring you in?” It was very clear that he was angry. He hadn't raised his voice, but his manner of speaking was harsh. Anders pinched the bridge of his nose and rose off the bed. He paced around the room, thinking over his next words carefully while Claudia felt the guilt rising. 

“I...we're a partnership, Claudia. That means you can come to me when there's something wrong. I _want_ you to come to me if something is wrong. You're supposed to be able to trust me with these things.”

She could feel the tears pricking her waterline. He was angry, sure. But more than that, she saw the hurt and betrayal on his face. He was right. She  _was_ supposed to be able to trust him. And she felt like absolute shit for not trusting him sooner.

In a fluid motion, Claudia fell into his arms and buried her face in his chest. She was crying, but she didn't want him to see her do it. Anders was wooden at the first contact, but he quickly melted into her touch and stroked her hair back across the crown of her head.

"I'm sorry; I should have gone to you." Claudia's words were muffled by the fabric of his shirt. "Are you mad at me?"

“I...yes, a little. More worried. I still love you and I forgive you though. Just promise me you'll trust me with these things in the future.”

“Promise.”

* * *

 

Claudia headed down the back exit of the apartment. She stuffed her hands in her pants pockets and attempted to square her shoulders. Aveline intimated her, though that was a poorly kept secret at best. Anders was several paces behind, though he lingered on the stairs while Claudia approached Aveline's car.

Another benefit of having her hands in her pockets was that no one could see how sweaty her palms had gotten. Or, how they were trembling.

It struck her as odd that Aveline chose to take her own car, as opposed to her cruiser to the meeting. This did nothing to help the thoughts that she was about to get cuffed and dragged in for punching a police officer. When Aveline saw her, she shut off the engine and stepped out. Her posture mimicked Claudia's; hands in pockets squared shoulders, downcast eyes.

Nothing was said, though Claudia nodded as a means of greeting. She didn't keep her eyes on Aveline long enough to see if it was reciprocated. Nor was Claudia about to be the first person to do the talking. 

"Did you hear," started Aveline, "The Templar Group is facing legal backlash for their testing methods? I figured you would have, given Anders keeps his finger to the pulse on that sort of thing."

"I have." Claudia kept her tone curt as she shifted her weight to her other leg. "And one of their competitors is formulating a new anti-depressant that supposed to be functionally the same, but for a fraction of the cost."

Claudia breathed in. She knew Aveline didn't come to shoot the shit about anti-depressants. She especially knew that Aveline wasn't the sort of woman to engage in such things if she didn't feel it necessary. "Why did you come here, Aveline?"

Aveline's expression steeled, but Claudia wouldn't have characterized it as cold. No, Aveline was the sort who turned to stone, even when she was uncertain or admitting defeat. She certainly wasn't the sort to engage in pleasantries before arresting someone.

"Do you still have those pictures you took of the bruises Anders received from one of my officers?"

"Why? Is this a silencing tactic? Gonna tell me to delete them or else you'll come back to arrest me?"

"No," Aveline said with a frightening amount of force, "I was going to ask you if you could submit those pictures into the precinct as evidence for police brutality. We're...I can't say much, but I can say that there's an investigation happening and evidence and testimony will be helpful."

"Investigation?" Claudia asked, folding her arms over her chest. 

Aveline shifted uncomfortably. She looked up at Anders on the stairs, then settled on Claudia. "Yes. An investigation. I...can't tell you any more. But the legal team may want those pictures you took. And they may want testimonies from you and Anders."

The silence fell over them again. Aveline was searching for words, Claudia could tell. Likewise, Claudia didn't want to say more than she needed to. She wasn't about to agree to testify on Anders' behalf, not when he was right there and could hear the entire discussion happening. He was an adult, and this was a decision he needed to make for himself. 

"I have the pictures still," Claudia relented finally, "but it isn't my place to decide whether or not I should turn them over as evidence. They're pictures of Anders. He needs to agree to it."

"Give them to Aveline," Anders interjected, "and I'll make a statement for the investigation, but it'll have to wait a week or two."

"There's your answer." She gestured towards Anders and pulled out her phone to text them to Aveline.

"Claudia?" There was uncertainty in Aveline's voice. Like she couldn't believe what she was about to say.

"Hm?"

"You were...you were right. When we argued at the gym. I'm sorry for putting you through this."

"You're trying to make it right, which is what matters."

"So, do you forgive me?"

"Yeah. We're cool."

Aveline left. As soon as her car was out of sight, Claudia doubled over with her hands braced against her knees. That confrontation left a desire to be numbed of emotion in her. So much so that going down to the Hanged Man seemed like a good idea.

Before the thought had such a grip on her that she was patting her jeans for her wallet and promising herself  _only one drink_ , she felt Anders' hand clap over her shoulder. He was looking at her with a gentle sort of smile. It was the one that he used to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. 

“Come on. I'll treat you to a milkshake.”

Claudia stood up straight at the offer. “Can I get two?”

He laughed. “Of course you can.”

 


End file.
